People Share The Best NSFW History Facts They Don’t Teach You In School

Everyone who has gone through a history class in the United States likely learned about things like dictators, leaders and Presidents of the past. Teachers will tell you about World War I and II.

You might learn about people like Benjamin Franklin, Ivan the Terrible or Catherine the Great.

However, you might not know some of the not safe for work details omitted from the classroom about these famous historical figures.

Redditor boopsterdoopster asked:

“What are some NSFW history facts that don’t get taught in school?”

Now that we’re adults, there’s plenty of facts to still learn about outside the classroom.

The most epic party of the last three centuries.

“If you look up Edward Russell in history books or even Wikipedia, you learn about his military service, including Admiral of the Royal Fleet for some famous battles.”

“What they don’t teach is that he threw a party so epic it’s still being talked about 300 years later.”

“In 1694, he threw a party for officers, and with 6,000 guests coming, wanted to make it special. So, he made the world’s largest cocktail.”

“Drained the garden fountain and used that as a giant punch bowl with hundreds of gallons of liquor, over a half ton of sugar, thousands of lemons, etc.”

“He hired bartenders to paddle around in boats, scoop it up, and serve it to attendees.”

“At some point, it began to rain, so they put a tent up over the fountain to prevent it getting watered down.”

“About a week after they started, they had drank every last drop, the fountain was dry, and the party was over.” – MyNameIsRay

“Damn must have been one hell of a week.” – mattisdabezt

“Not a single person in attendance remembered any of it.” – Abbhorase

“If you remember it, you weren’t there.” – RabSimpson

The invention of powdered wigs.

“Powdered wigs were invented to cover up head sores caused by syphilis.” – buddywilson2828

“Syphilis also eventually destroys your nose, which is why old timey writing frequently refers to how prominent a person’s nose is while expounding on their moral character. Essentially, ‘this guy is super great, he doesn’t even have syphilis!’” – SteamboatMcGee

“And small pox scars too. and lice. and all kinds of nasty things because while population was booming, indoor plumbing and clean water were not things yet.” – Makabajones

The first semen ever examined.

“The ‘Father of Microbiology,’ Antonie Van Leeuwenhoek, was the first to examine semen under a microscope immediately after ejaculating in his wife.” – misein-anthropos

“The ‘Daddy of Microbiology.’” – ExplainLikeImAnOtter

“He actually made a point to emphasize that he got it the sanctioned way because, you know, normal guys don’t spank it.” – gertalives

“In his defense, he could have been trying for the most accurate environment next to still being inside her; he knows that he doesn’t know everything, and so keeping conditions of the test as close as possible to the conditions of the events he’d like to understand is sensible.” – Beard_of_Valor

“When he presented his discovery to his fellow scientists, they had to pronounce the obligatory ‘NO HOMO’ to preserve their hetero-ness.” – churros4burros

More than we needed to know about Alexander the Great.

“Alexander the Great had 361 concubines (official prostitutes), 4 more and he would have one for every day of the year.” – Redditor

“Yeah but that would be excessive.” – bigblueh

“Then we’d have to call him Alexander the Excessive.” – nakiron

The life of a sailor.

“During the age of sail, any time a large ship would come into port, the men often wouldn’t be allowed shore leave for a few days. So you would see small boats packed with prostitutes heading out to the ship at mooring.”

“Larger ships of the line would have over 500 men aboard so there could definitely be a couple hundred ladies brought aboard ‘behind the captain’s back.’ and with virtually no privacy aboard, you would have spaces in the ship with hundreds of couples going at it at once.”

“There were definitely a lot of captains that didn’t allow any women aboard, so the sailors on those ships would just have to wait until they could go ashore.” – strengthof10interns

“Also a reason why piracy was, in the long term, an unsustainable economy: because most of the crew would blow their entire take of a prize with women (and to a lesser extent booze) the next time they went ashore. Did wonders for the economy of Kingston though.”

“I love pirates but goddamn they had no long term plan.” – wakattawakaranai

“I doubt most guys in that line of work back then didn’t expect to make it to old age anyways. Might as well live it up while you’re hearts still beating.” – strengthof10interns

“Look at Blackbeard. The most famous pirate of all time – was only a pirate for 2 years and was dead by 38.” – RudolphClancy88

Expedition to Sicily ruined by some drunk guys.

“There was a Greek general who was supposed to lead a major expedition to Sicily. The night before he left he got wasted and walked around Athens with his other drunk friends and knocked all of the penises off of the statues in Athens.”

“This caused him to be arrested, he missed the expedition and they lost almost all of the men they sent to Sicily because only he knew the plan well enough to pull it off.” – izlanda_

“My classics teacher in college LOVED to talk about Alcibiades. He called him the ‘Sterling Archer of Ancient Greece.’” – ParaplegicFish

“Alcibiades. Probably a false accusation. Which got him to defect to Sparta. Where he showed them how to defeat the Athenians and had an affair with one of the king’s (Sparta had two) wives.”

“So he ran to Persia, learned Persian, had an affair with the king’s female relative, showed Persia how to defeat Athens and Sparta. Went back to Athens and got his rank back, then quit.”

“Years later he owned a vast estate where he hosted the Athenian fleet warning them they had their ships positioned where they could be attacked. The fleet officers dismissed his concerns and the enemy burned their ships.” – Oknight

Ben Franklin liked older women.

“Ben Franklin was a super sex freak and loved to tell younger dudes to have sex with older (old) women.” – ericb67

“Ben Franklin was a playboy. He was the US Ambassador to France and slept with the daughters of many French nobles. And when he arrived his clothing would influence French fashion.” – BourbonBinge

“Dude also enjoyed taking ‘air baths.’”

“Which meant that, while he was in France, he would just sit naked in front of an open window in his living room while he did his morning paperwork.” – Gemmabeta

Catherine the Great had erotic furniture.

“Catherine The Great had a parlor room filled with explicit, erotic furniture she commissioned personally. We’re talking blow jobs carved into chairs, an end table where giant dicks’ torrential cumshots were holding up a marble countertop, a woman getting eaten out by a demon on a throne… homegirl had taste.” – OnWarmLeatherette

“It’s all been destroyed but holy sh*t look at this lol.” – fullofpaint

Going out with a bang, so to speak.

“French President Félix Faure went out via death by blowjob from a mistress.” – Ascribed_innovation

“He had a stroke or massive bleeding of some sort, it’s a bit unclear what exactly. Presumably the increased strain was too much for his circulatory system.”

“That’s what happens when you’re banging chicks in their twenties while you’re almost sixty.” – AntiChr1st

“If you die while nutting you are both cumming and going.” – Watamote_lover

Edited out of Anne Frank’s diary.

“Anne Frank’s diary talked a lot about masturbation, but most of it was edited out.” – waxmygwbush

“And about her lesbian crush on one of her friends.” – xandrenia

“‘Once when I was spending the night at Jacque’s, I could no longer restrain my curiosity about her body, which she’d always hidden from me and which I’d never seen. I asked her whether, as proof of our friendship, we could touch each other’s breasts. Jacque refused. I also had a terrible desire to kiss her, which I did. Every time I see a female nude, such as the Venus in my art history book, I go into ecstasy. Sometimes I find them so exquisite I have to struggle to hold back my tears. If only I had a girlfriend!’”

“Writing about her crushes on her female friend and the experiments she had with her.” – Ybuzz

We definitely won’t find any of this information in a text book, but thank goodness we have the internet!

There’s so much we don’t know that we don’t even know.

People Break Out The Best Facts To Impress A Little Kid

Little kids are incredibly impressionable. Their minds are still learning and growing, which is a prime opportunity to tell them facts that will absolutely blow their little minds.

Whether you’re a parent, an aunt or uncle, a cool older sibling, or another adult in their life, there are a few facts you can tell them that will make you seem like you know everything about the world.

If you want to impress a young person in your life, this list will give you facts of all sorts that may even blow your own mind.

A Redditor went to Ask Reddit to ask:

“What are some cool facts to tell a 5 year old?”

Take notes!

Watch them try to do the impossible.

“You can’t lick your elbow.”

“Then you get a good 5min watching them try.” ~ CriticallyNormal

“Nah you wanna tell them that you can. Then they’ll try for the whole day and get increasingly p*ssed off.” ~ harkat82

“Actually a lot of kids can lick their elbow. Since they’re younger and more flexible they can bend their arms in weird directions in order to lick their elbow.” ~ chickenugget814

“You’re absolutely right. I just tried it on my 6 y/o nephew and promised him that he could have my phone (he always wants to play games with it) if he could do it. So yeah, bye Reddit!” ~ ninjatoes36

If you’re happy and you know it.

“Astronomer here! Clap your hands once, and then clap them again a second later. The two claps were actually done about 30,000 miles apart thanks to the Earth’s motion in space!”

“I did the calculation once and interestingly most of the stuff you think of, like the rotating Earth or out orbit around the sun, is a negligible part of it. The real contributions are from our star orbiting the galaxy, and the galaxy’s motion itself in space.” ~ Andromeda321

“Is that the earth moving around the sun or the sun moving around the center of the galaxy? Hey, are we aware if galaxies are rotating around a central universal point?” ~ whohw

“The earth moving around the sun is much, much less distance at any moment than the distance we get from the sun orbiting the galaxy.”

“Galaxies do not orbit around a central point, but galaxies around us are heading in the direction of the ‘Great Attractor’ which is outside our visible universe. It’s probably just an even bigger group of galaxies.” ~ Andromeda321

A free, new pet.

“The ducks at the park are free, you can take them home.” ~ NotDaWaed

“I tried this last week. Park police were not too impressed.” ~ mavinochi

“I caught one when I was a kid! And that’s how I got bitten by an angry mama duck.” ~ ZarquonsFlatTire

“Gotta be careful with them ducks. Some belong in gangs n sh*t.” ~ mavinochi

The Pacific Ocean.

“Every ‘c’ in ‘Pacific Ocean’ is pronounced differently.” ~ UWYO-Agent-7

“I just repeated Pacific Ocean several times in a really exaggerated manner just to be sure.” ~ AnRudIsAnamh

“Just told my wife ‘every c in Pacific ocean is spelled differently’… Whoops.” ~ Curran919

Numbers are weird.

“There are numbers below zero.” ~ Sergeant_Dimitri

“And other numbers orthogonal to the real number line entirely.”

“You might have to explain exponents/squaring things but some kids are precocious.” ~ 7788445511220011

“Are those imaginary numbers?” ~ rushingkar

“Yes. There might even be more examples that I’m not aware of tbh, but that was what I was thinking about.” ~ 7788445511220011

“Yep, we can get weirder. Real number exist in a line, complex numbers exist in a plane, and quaternions exists within a volume.”

“So, there exists a range of numbers orthogonal to both the simply real numbers and the simply imaginary numbers. Numbers above zero, numbers below zero, numbers to either side zero, and … hmm, before and after? back and forth from?”

“I dunno, I’m already disoriented.” ~ Haven_Stranger

Advice for dealing with bullies.

“If your being chased by a bully, run until there right behind you then drop into a ball and they’ll trip over you.”

“Then kick ’em in the d*ck.” ~ Lucidpotato666

“Did this as a kid. It worked SO well like it was a movie or something. I can still see him in the air.” ~ Mission_Huckleberry

“Will he ever land?” ~ PurpleVein

“That must have been one hell of a kick in the d*ck.” ~ striped_frog

Our top teeth may or may not be immobile.

“You can’t move your upper teeth.” ~ SNOUMANN

“Some other person on here said my upper teeth are moving at 30,000 miles per second.”

“Get your stories straight reddit. ComeOn!” ~ vitium

“My 7 year old can move one of her upper teeth- it’s loose and we’re waiting for it to fall out.” ~ linuxgeekmama

“Canadian dentistry simply consists of taking part in a hockey match where the offending teeth can be smashed out of your face by a large stick.” ~ imagine_amusing_name

“You can if you have dentures :D” ~ sodapopzero

Put ’em all together and what do you got?

“A group of zebras is called a dazzle and a group of giraffes is called a journey.” ~ Magicbean96

“Don’t Stop Believin’ this.” ~ termiAurthur

“I thought a group of giraffes was called a Tower…” ~ MyCatsAreDumb

“Eiffel for that every time…” ~ PawnedPawn

Today’s yesterday is yesterday’s tomorrow.

“We will never experience tomorrow as by the time it’s ‘tomorrow,’ it will be today.” ~Redditor

“You can say this about right now. There is never a right now bc once you even say it or think about it, it’s gone.” ~ thedopestantelope

“I keep trying to explain to my almost five year old that no, it’s not tomorrow now.” ~ linuxgeekmama

“Easy: promise you’ll take him to the zoo (or Disneyland or whatever) tomorrow. Then, every day: ‘Are we going to the zoo today?’ ‘No, it’s today. I said we’d go tomorrow.’”

“Eventually, they’ll catch on: My parents don’t love me. Also, the concepts of today and tomorrow. The important things.” ~ theAlpacaLives

It’s all in what you eat.

“Flamingos get their pink colour from shrimp they eat.” ~ cthullu-and-the-maid

“But how many shrimps do you have to eat, to make your skin turn pink?” ~ greccojunior

“I have never eaten a shrimp and my skin is pink.” ~ diablorious

We tend to think we know it all.

But sometimes we are learning just as much as the little ones in our lives.

Truly, we do learn something new every day.

Tweets for People Who’d Like to Stop Aging NOW

Were you aware that the longer you live, the older you get? I know. It’s weird.

And unwelcome. I didn’t sign up for aging, or having responsibilities, or being a sentient life form of any kind, really. If I had my druthers, I’d probably have chosen to be a nice tree. Something chill and low maintenance. But noooo. I had to become a being of inexplicable consciousness formed within the miracle that is the human brain. Plus I have to pay bills and stuff. Lame.

Here are fifteen tweets about getting older to help soothe the joint pain.

15. We all scream

That’s a cold, hard fact.

14. Loosen up

The only thing I’m chugging now is Metamucil.

13. Poetry in Motrin

You can never be too careful.

12. Take a hit

You’re officially an adult when you stop being surprised by the presence of a dinner table.

11. Taking inventory

This is why digital assistants need to step up their game.

10. Pride of ownership

See it’s funny because the economy that enriched our parents was stolen out from under us by greed.

9. Real cool

Sitcoms are people in their 30’s playing people in their 20’s with no jobs and a $3,000/month apartment.

8. Wine about it

The date stamp on this tweet is ironic. Little did they know this would be the legal limit for all of us pretty soon after.

7. Bring the noise

It’s called the old man creak and I’ve made peace with it.

6. Plot holes

What are friends for?

5. Cut to the chase

Let it grow, let it grooooow, can’t hold it back anymore…

4. Consequences

Thanks a lot, biology.

3. Diminishing returns

For most of us $1,000 just means “you’re allowed to keep living in your home for another few weeks.”

2. Key phrases

Should probably keep it in a drawer for the rest of my life just in case.

1. High standards

Smokin’ hot takes over here.

That’s it, I refuse to age. Somebody get me Benjamin Button on the line, I need to learn his weird secrets.

What’s the weirdest thing about getting older to you?

Tell us in the comments.

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Humorous and Accurate Tweets About “Adulting”

Rmember that scene in Billy Madison where Adam Sandler kind of loses it on the kid who says he can’t wait to grow up and go to high school?

Yeah, that’s kind of what being an adult feel like most of the time.

You miss being a kid and you miss when life was simpler and everything was a bit slower.

Adulting? Pssssshhhhhttttt.

It’s totally overrated.

Here are some funny tweets about what it means to be an adult…enjoy…if you can…

1. Over and over and over.

And then it’s ALL OVER.

2. I sure do love that one…

We have a special relationship.

3. Time is running out…

Live it up…while it lasts.

4. You got that right.

Lots and lots of water.

5. Can’t handle this anymore.

It’s too much pressure!

6. That’s a big kick in the gut.

Doesn’t go very far, does it?

7. I’m sorry, Mom…

For the chicken and everything else.

8. That’s called being responsible.

Growing up in front of our eyes.

9. Turn that thing off!

You think money grows on trees?

10. Wait, what year was I born…?

I think I’m between 38 and 52…

11. Home sweet home.

Nothing like it!

12. Adulting is VERY lame.

But, it’s the little things…

13. That easy chair is my life partner.

Don’t you dare sit there!

14. It’s so much fun!

Which game is your favorite???

Okay, you’ve had your fun. Now it’s time to get back to WORK because that’s what you do when you’re an adult. You WORK…and then you die.

But, before you go, please tell us how YOU feel about adulting.

Let us know in the comments!

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Adulting Is Hard, That’s Why You Need Merit Badges for Adults

Remember when you were in Boy Scouts and you got your merit badges for completing all kinds of tasks? It meant you were well on your way to becoming a productive member of society.

And then we all grew up and look what happened to us. Not good!

That’s why these adult merit badges from Winks For Days are so crucial. Adulting is hard work, and we need to be told we’re doing a job at least every once in a while.

Here are some that you should think about bestowing upon yourself.

1. Way to go!

Photo Credit: Winks For Days

2. Once in a while is A-OK.

Photo Credit: Winks For Days

3. Sobering up.

Photo Credit: Winks For Days

4. You should probably do this more often.

Photo Credit: Winks For Days

5. Sunshine is good for you.

Photo Credit: Winks For Days

6. Hello, Mother.

Photo Credit: Winks For Days

7. Keep that thing alive.

Photo Credit: Winks For Days

8. Improve that credit score.

Photo Credit: Winks For Days

9. Gotta do it sometimes.

Photo Credit: Winks For Days

10. Building healthy bones.

Photo Credit: Winks For Days

11. All the way down to zero.

Photo Credit: Winks For Days

12. That’ll show the boss.

Photo Credit: Winks For Days

Hey, you! Yeah, you! You’re doing a great job!

Just keep your head up and keep moving forward.

Oh, and print out these adult merit badges and pin them on your clothes so that people know you’re winning at life!

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Tweets From People Who Are Struggling with Adulting

Being an adult is kind of a drag. When you’re a kid, you dream every day about being able to drive a car, get out of the house, have your own money, etc. Then one day it happens and you realize it’s not that much fun, and also why your parents hate you and your siblings so much.

So on that positive note, let’s take a look at some tweets from people who are starting to realize that being an adult ain’t all that it’s cracked up to be.

1.

Photo Credit: Twitter,CurvyLadyProbs

2.

Photo Credit: Twitter,GeorgeResch

3.

Photo Credit: Twitter,abbycohenwl

4.

Photo Credit: Twitter,Stellacopter

5.

Photo Credit: Twitter,marycreatesart

6.

Photo Credit: Twitter,CollegeStudent

7.

Photo Credit: Twitter,TechnicallyRon

8.

Photo Credit: Twitter,JasMoneyRecords

9.

Photo Credit: Twitter,AKransberger

10.

Photo Credit: Twitter,DanOzzi

11.

Photo Credit: Twitter,ktgonkt

12.

Photo Credit: Twitter,mrsjohngoodman

13.

Photo Credit: Twitter,mikefossey

14.

Photo Credit: Twitter,danielhowell

15.

Photo Credit: Twitter,ColIegeStudent

16.

Photo Credit: Twitter,Daddyissues__

17.

Photo Credit: Twitter,rohmontgomery

Just gonna go cry into my wine…

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A School’s “Adulting” Class Teaches Students Skills Like Paying Bills and Cooking

I wish my school had offered classes like this when I was younger. Not that I wasn’t taught essential life skills by my parents and siblings, but I just feel like it would have been worthwhile to spend more time on things like how to open a bank account in high school than certain other topics I could mention (trigonometry, anyone?).

One high school in Kentucky makes a point of teaching students basic life skills so they’ll be better prepared when they go out into the real world. At Bullitt Central High School in Shepherdsville, students were offered the chance to attend a one-day conference at the school that taught them how to do things like change a tire, pay taxes, and how to cook.

Today the YSC held an “Adulting Conference” for our Seniors. The Seniors were able to choose 3 of 11 workshops to…

Posted by Bullitt Central High School on Wednesday, December 12, 2018

The conference offered 11 different workshops throughout the day, of which students were allowed to choose 3 “to gain more knowledge and skills pertaining to their lives once they leave…BCHS.” The workshops were set up after students realized that they weren’t always leaving high school with a firm grasp on important skills that would benefit them later in life.

The woman who organized the event, Christy Hardin , said:

“I think that the idea occurred to me originally, I saw a Facebook post that parents passed around saying they needed a class in high school on taxes, and cooking. Our kids can get that, but they have to choose it. And (Adulting Day) was a day they could pick and choose pieces they didn’t feel like they had gotten so far.”

I think this is a great idea, although I would also like to point out that a lot of high school used to offer Home Economics courses that have since been cut for various reasons, and that those classes filled this sort of niche. So we’re kind of fixing a problem that used to have a solution until we got rid of the solution…

Let us know what you think in the comments.

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These Amusing and Depressing Tweets Pretty Much Sum up Adulthood

Think back to when you were a kid and you thought to yourself: “When I get older, I’m gonna do what I want, when I want. I’m gonna eat the best food, drive a nice car, and live in a really cool house”?

Annnnnnd then, you turn 30, you live in an apartment with some random guy named Dwayne, you’re pretty broke, you take the bus, and you just had Spaghetti-Os for the fifth night in a row.

Hey, it is what it is.

But there’s always room for improvement, so keep moving forward!

And laugh at these funny tweets about the trials and tribulations of adulting.

1. Where is this pain coming from?

2. It’s kind of scary, isn’t it?

3. Now I get it…

4. Now I’m in a good mood.

5. Put that off as long as possible.

6. I’m sorry, Mother.

7. You might need a life coach.

8. Funny how things change.

9. That’s what we do for fun now.

10. Sleeping is a lot of fun.

11. What is going on here?!?!

12. You can cancel this time.

13. Or all of the above!

14. We need to start the movie by 4 p.m.

15. Turn it down!

Buck up, little camper!

Embrace the good things about adulthood and stop dwelling on the hard stuff. We’re all gonna be juuuuuust fine.

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15 Adults Who Might Be Considered Children Based on Their Actions

You’ve seen this story a million times. “Adults” who are failing at “adulting” and might be better off regarded as still being children.

Hey, not everyone can be a full-blown adult. And if that’s you, don’t beat yourself up about it too much, okay?

Do any of these look familiar?

1. That’s one way to do it

2. Work injury

3. Adulting IS hard

4. You did it!

5. Nice work!

6. Hahahaha

7. They’re called onesies

8. We’re all really losing our way

9. Please stop

10. Not unique to you

11. FAIL

12. Could’ve been worse…maybe

13. Winning!

14. A smorgasbord

15. Wow. You didn’t notice?

Adulting FAILS!

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15 Adults Who Might Be Considered Children Based on Their Actions

You’ve seen this story a million times. “Adults” who are failing at “adulting” and might be better off regarded as still being children.

Hey, not everyone can be a full-blown adult. And if that’s you, don’t beat yourself up about it too much, okay?

Do any of these look familiar?

1. That’s one way to do it

2. Work injury

3. Adulting IS hard

4. You did it!

5. Nice work!

6. Hahahaha

7. They’re called onesies

8. We’re all really losing our way

9. Please stop

10. Not unique to you

11. FAIL

12. Could’ve been worse…maybe

13. Winning!

14. A smorgasbord

15. Wow. You didn’t notice?

Adulting FAILS!

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