People Who Escaped A Serious Accident Unscathed Share Their Experiences

When faced with mortality, how can you ever look at things the same?

Life and death experiences are teaching tools—pay attention.

Redditor CrownedBird wanted to hear from everyone who was lucky enough to be able to tell us their close call story.

They asked:

“What moment made you say ‘Yep, I’m definitely dead,’ but survived with no major injuries?”

Shattered

“Not me, but my mom before I was born.”

“She was riding in a convertible with a friend of hers.”

“They came to an intersection and the friend wasn’t paying attention and lost control of the vehicle.”

“There was a big rig going through the intersection and they went right under the trailer.”

“My mom ducked, the driver didn’t not.”

“Driver was decapitated, my mom was lucky and only ended up with a scalp full of glass and some serious psychological trauma.”

“She had to get over 200 stitches in her scalp, but nothing else significant.”

“I think about it all the time and think how close I came to never being born at all.”  ~ Laszerus

Taking the Bend

“I was at the end of a 2 hour journey about 10 mins from home, pretty rural and I was probably complacent because I took that road everyday.”

“I took a bend at 40MPH (legal limit was 60MPH so wasn’t breaking any speeding rules) which I’ve done many times before, probably faster which looking back was really reckless.”

“Didn’t see until it was too late that a car had spun out on the other side of the corner and another car had pulled up to help.”

“I slammed on but I wasn’t going to stop in time before hitting the cars pulled up/crashed.”

“I was hurtling straight towards the other cars and people who where stood in the road from the other crash.”

“It was like time slowed down and I was at a cross roads; in my mind I had three choices.”

“Continue on my path and hit the other cars and people, veer to the right and go into a field but there was oncoming traffic and there was a chance I’d hit them or veer to the left and fly into a wooded area.”

“I chose the last option, and in that moment I knew the chances of me surviving or not being seriously injured after a 40MPH head on collision to a tree in a 10 year old Ford KA was pretty slim.”

“I just felt a complete peace come over me, turned the wheel and woke up slumped over the steering wheel to some poor man shouting ‘OMG I THINK SHES DEAD!!’”

“Turned out I passed out from shock or something before the impact so when I hit the tree I was completely floppy and this contributed to me having no serious injuries.”

“The front of my car was completely disintegrated, after coming to I tried to put my clutch down to take the car out of gear out of habit and my foot hit the tree trunk.”

‘The tree was absolutely fine. I drove past that tree everyday for years after and you could see the chunk my car took out of it.”  ~ Comfortable-Pie8349

Falling to Doom

“I had an idiot friend and we were hiking.”

“We got to this waterfall and he goes ‘dude let’s climb it!’”

“I said no f**king way.”

“He says ‘well I’m gonna do it and if I fall and die it’s on you for not coming.’”

“So I climbed it with him.”

“Got stuck halfway up on a slick a** rock.”

“Pinched a nerve in my shoulder, so my right arm was useless.”

“I thought I was certain to slip off the rock to my doom, but we managed to get me unstuck.”

“That was the beginning of the end for that friendship.”  ~ blindfire40

Rolling in the Deep

I survived a car crash that wrecked my car.”

“Rolled twice, landed upside down, learned the hard way that I didn’t have airbags (or at least they didn’t deploy).”

“Did have my seatbelt on though, that probably saved me.”

“Paramedic said he hadn’t seen a wreckage like that and have it end well.”

“Not even a hairline fracture.”  ~ Chempenguin

Well this is it…

“I went out for a surf on a stormy day and thought to myself, ‘no one else is out, those idiots.’”

“Before being held down by 2 waves after eating it on the first wave of the set.”

“First wave of the session.”

“Was thrown down and held under and while being tossed around my leg rope wrapped around both my legs and one of my arms so I was probably being held at around 5ft under with only one arm free while my board tombstoned.”

“Board tip is barely visible at the surface but floats vertical like… a tombstone.”

“Finally managed to catch a breath between sets before taking another 3 or 4 on the head and for sure just thought… well this is it.”

“No ones out, fishermen will find my body or my board.”

“Managed to get my other arm free and got to shore very quickly and then avoided the ocean for a few days even though the waves were absolutely perfect.”

“There’s a reason no one was out, everyone else was 10 minutes down the road at another beach where the waves were smaller and cleaner.”  ~ Gigiskapoo

In Air Issues

“Parachute deployed but failed to open.”

“That was one of those moments, than training kicked in.”

“Cut away failed chute, deploy secondary.”

“But for a brief moment life was about to be over in my mind.”  ~ GREYDRAGON1

Hanging in the Balance

“Tire popped going over a two lane road with steep drops on both sides.”

“My car jerked to the side hard, and my car went sideways.”

“Half my car hung over the side and luckily it’s low so it bottomed out.”

“I climbed into the back seat and jumped out the back door.”

“Some dude in a truck pulled me out and I drove on a flat to the other side and swapped my tire out.”  ~ pineappledaddy

How Am I Alive?

“I was driving in the left lane of a highway going 80.”

“A car didn’t check their bond spot and merged into me.”

“I was run off the road and lost control of the car.”

“It flipped and dragged along the highway for 200 feet.”

“I remember the sparks flying up at me in slow motion.”

“The only damage to be was cuts on my arm from done glass.”

“My girlfriend just had a few cuts on her leg.”

“When I look at the photos of the car it doesn’t look like anything could have survived that.”  ~ ImpressivelyLost

From the Rear

“I was driving down a highway, doing 65 MPH, and suddenly my car started to shake.”

“I tapped the brakes in reflex and my entire car flipped 180 degrees.”

“I’m now facing oncoming traffic, including a semi truck.”

“I was so close I couldn’t see the driver compartment.”

“I screamed and jerked the wheel, bringing me in front of a sedan with two people screaming as they watched me appear out of nowhere.”

“I kept screaming and floored the gas pedal.”

“Made it to the side of the road and cried for a long time.”

“I had blown a rear tire. Hitting the brakes was a terrible terrible choice.”  ~ AhFFSImTooOldForThis

Bad Highways

“I was driving home from college on one of those highways with only one lane in either direction and no shoulder.”

“A guy in the oncoming lane didn’t see me as I was in a small car.”

“He thought he could pass 4 18 wheelers in one go and pulled into my lane going at least 90.”

“There was no where for me to go.”

“He flew off into the ditch to avoid hitting me head on, likely did severe damage to his car, but I lived!”  ~ pilatesse

That is a lot to process.

I never want to get in a car again and skydiving is definitely out.

People Describe The Exact Moment They Instantly Regretted Showing Up For A Date

Sometimes we’re just better off being alone.

That is a life fact many of us need to come to grips with.

So Redditor Zuzpo wanted to hear from everybody who has been disappointed on the search for a mate—sometimes that free dinner just ain’t worth it.

They asked:

“What was the moment you realized that you shouldn’t have showed up to a date?”

I’m Pooped Out!!

“An alleged friend told me her coworker and I would be great together and wanted to do a double date at a festival with her and her husband.”

“Date suggested he and I meet up the night before to get to know each other and I suggested a gaming bar I’d wanted to try.”

“Date time arrives and he’s not there.”

“He finally shows up and tells me he had to stop home to let the dogs out so they don’t s**t all over the floor.”

“He then proceeds to show me a picture of a floor covered in dog s**t and says guess it didn’t work.”

“He is still wearing his work clothes.”

“It has been three hours since work ended and he went home to deal with the dogs but didn’t change.”

“He proceeds to eat the rest of the charcuterie plate I ordered by himself and then orders wings for himself.”

“We decide to check out a game since I have now paid for more game time.”

“He wants a mall madness game that is not designed for two people.”

“We settle on a playable game. It’s not great.”

“As we are wrapping up he tells me the last date he took here fucked him in the parking lot he stares at me expertly.”

“I tell him that’s not going to happen.”

“I tell my friend I’m skipping the festival.”

“He’s shocked and thought we had a spark.”  ~ Polyf**kery

Wouldn’t it be better to just be gay?

“My mom met a nice girl during the day, unknown to me.”

“My mom and I were supposed to go out for dinner that night.”

“She invites the girl, unknown to me, then ditches the dinner once she knows she has set me up on a date.”

“My mom was very worried I was gay at the time.”

“The girl and I get to chatting over drinks, she’s fun, flirty, cute – and a meth-addicted prostitute who thought it was some weird kink game that she was being hired to get into the middle of.”

“So…YEA. She was understanding when we realized the mix-up, but I gave my mom shit for that one for years.”   ~ Yvaelle

Maybe I’ll Drive

“He was picking me up and texted me ‘here’ a little early so he had plenty of time to do this before I got down to his car.”

“But he waited until I opened the door and there was about a dozen magazines (like rifle mags) on the passenger’s seat and he said ‘hope you’re not some crazy liberal! don’t mind these mags.’”

“And then brushed them onto the floor. It was super awkward/cringy.”

“Also it was my first date since I rough breakup and the rest of it was just as bad if not worse, I ended up crying in the bathroom half way through.”  ~ lebrunjemz

From Hinge to “Unhinged!”

“Matched with a girl on Plenty Of Fish, we were talking for a while and she worked out she knew someone I had worked with in the past.”

“I asked him what she was like, he said she’s ok and not ‘mental or anything’, little did I know he really didn’t like me because I was better at the job then he was and he was straight up lying his a** off.”

“So I arrange a coffee date between our houses, she only lived like 5-10 minutes away and the nearest shopping centre cafe was 10 minutes away.”

“I arrive and wait a few minutes and in walks this girl 10-15kg heavier then her display picture with a baby in a pram, she recognised me and sat down like this was normal.”

“The entire time we had been talking she’d told me she had a daughter who was 2, I told her I had a 2 year old son as well.”

“Turns out her daughter was 2 months not 2 years and she never corrected the fact.”

“Also this is the first time we had met and she asked me 5 minutes into the date if I could buy her baby formula.”

“One look at her and I could tell she actually needed the formula and was in a desperate situation so I bought it for her because I’m a sucker and didn’t want her baby to starve.”

“I politely told her it was never going to work because she straight up lied, she said yeah fair enough and left.”

“About 2 months later I was talking to another girl on POF who happened to be friends with her, she seemed normal and not like the complete psychopath I’m sure she was.”

“The crazy one from the first part of the story rang me (she stalked me through my friends) and told me how the 2nd one was bats**t mental, I said I didn’t believe her and she hung up on me.”

“Ten minutes later my messenger starts going off, it’s girl #1 sending film clips and news articles of girl #2 having a complete psychotic break and torching her ex boyfriends car.”

“On camera in a shopping centre.”

“So it all worked out well and I dodged the bigger bullet because girl #1 thought I was too nice a guy to deserve girl #2.”  ~ Aussiegamer1987

Stalker

“I went on a date a few months after me and my college gf had broken up.”

“I had matched with this girl off of tinder and we messaged a bit, but she was relentless about wanting to know more about my ex and how I felt after the break up.”

“I looked past this and met her for dinner a couple nights later.”

“I walked in the restaurant and my ex is sitting at the table under that girl’s name.”

“I turned around to walk out and got a tinder notification from the girl I had agreed to meet ‘you’ll never be able to get away from me.’”

“Should have stayed home that night, and steer clear of blind dates.”  ~ Automatic_Doctor4934

Good Luck

“When at the party I met her at and her boyfriend said ‘Go ahead, take her. I’m sick of her s**t.’”  ~ cleric3648

Use an Uber

“When he said ‘wow you even walk like a guy!’”

“As soon as he got out of my car. Whatever that means.”

“He then proceeded to be racist, sexist, and homophobic during this ‘date’, which was more of a monologue from his part, and even implied I’m fat and that he had no interest in me before trying to kiss me.”

“Please don’t take people you don’t know on dates using your car.”

“You’ll be stranded with them.”   ~ redvaporeon-sk

And you are?

“When he said he was actually from an entirely different state.”

“He looked completely different from his photos and then asked if he could borrow $400 for Methadone before we even ordered.”

“I left immediately. Been stalking me for over ten years. Fun times.” ~ AlienFemTech

Suspicious Behavior

“She was a kleptomaniac.”

“Thought she was exaggerating or maybe just went through a tough time.”

“Then she showed me the pile of legal paperwork.”

“She was on 1st name terms with the judge she had been to court so many times.”

“Then she asked me to touch her back.”

“Said she felt super sweaty from the MCAT she’d taken and then showed me how she disposed of her used needles because she was a heroin addict.”

“Should have noped out sooner but she was sweet but yeah, she needed a therapist not a boyfriend.”  ~ DeadlyChaffinch

Gross…

“When he didn’t let me look at a menu, ordered for me (a water and a kids chicken tender meal- I’m 24), ate half my meal, and was talking so much about himself he spit pieces of chicken at/on me.”  ~ EstetheAinur

Yeah, I’m just going to plan for a Golden Girls scenario.

This is nonsense—wildly entertaining to read about… but nonsense none the less.

People Break Down The Most Overrated Films Of All Time

We love movies and it’s that time of year again—the time when movies are extra special.

It’s awards season!

The one thing that’s always examined in awards season, is seasons past.

Everyone loves to discuss the movies that failed to live up to the hype.

Redditor hootyowlscissors wanted to discuss all movies where the hype just didn’t add up.

They asked:

“What is the most massively overrated film of all time and why?”

Reddit was quick to respond…

Reese couldn’t make it work…

“Water for elephants. The book was really good but the movie barely told the story.”  ~ Icy_Gap6980

“I LOVE Reese Witherspoon but I find she often doesn’t have chemistry with men in her movies.”

“She plays characters where it works anyways, but I can’t think of anything where she really amazing chemistry with a costar.” ~ ingenfara

“I loved the movie, but heard that people who read the book (which I still haven’t) wouldn’t have liked it.”

“The same thing was true about ‘The Firm.’”

“I had read the book and saw it in the theater with a friend who hadn’t.”

“She thought it was one of the best movies she’d ever seen, and I said ‘That’s not in the book!’”

“So many times, the man in front of me turned around and told me to shut up.”  ~ notthesedays

The Oscar Upset!!

“Shakespeare in Love. And it beat Saving Private Ryan for best picture FFS…”  ~ Millerzeit

“I used to think the same but the real winner should have been life is beautiful.”

“Saving Private Ryan is a masterpiece but life is beautiful is cinema perfection.”

The character is amazing and the things he did for his son.”

“Ugh i cry every time i see it because through all that nonsense his son never got to see the brutality of it and he got his tank.” ~ crazymo121

“Yes Shakespeare in love was operated.”

“But for comedy I think it good.”

“Geoffrey Rush’s role he played was just great.”

“I think if some one besides Gweneth was cast, it might have been much better.”

“Could not stand Saving Private Ryan, but one of my husband’s favorites.”  ~ happyhappy2986

press stop…

“Crash. Pure pandering, shi**y script, one-dimensional characters, the whole shebang that should not have even been nominated for crap.”  ~freebird12g

The Blue People…

“HOLY S**T NO ONE STILL LIKES AVATAR STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!!”

“Now it’s overHATED.”  ~ devilthedankdawg

“Seriously, it’s an ok movie.”

“It has good but not crazy good reviews, and that’s totally fair.”

“But Saying it’s ferngully/Pocahontas/Dances with Wolves doesn’t make you smart, you are just repeating the same thing said by every person ever.”

“It just got an insane amount of money because of the spectacle of it and how much word of mouth it had to.”

“And, yeah, to give credit to Avatar, it looks FANTASTIC. It still looks a lot better than a lot of CGI today!”  ~ Lucienofthelight

But it has Sandra…

“Bird box.”  ~ Loooooooooppp

“The book was very good in my opinion.”

“I watched the movie and it made me so mad. Horrible movie.” ~ FrenchMushr00m

“This movie always annoyed me, the ending was so convenient and there was no catharsis or lessons learned, as well the monsters ability was never shown.”

“I thought the movie would have been much better it had ended with her after accepting responsibility and love for the adopted child and taking the boat down the rapids.”

“She would elect not to wear a mask to protect the children.”

“She would inadvertently see a monster and then ‘witness’ her child and adopted child die in the rapids, and she is so ridden with grief she kills herself.”

“The children would not actually have died and they would find the sanctuary.”

“I feel like that would have given the movie a meaning and an edge that was missing.” ~ OHFUGGYEAHBUDS

Poor Arnold…

“I digress, the most underrated film of all time is Conan the Barbarian circa 1981.”  ~ FinancialArtichoke75

“I liked that film but got mocked by my classmates for having it on DVD, so I lied, and I said it was a porno and the label read Conan as a diversion.”

“And then I didn’t get mocked.”

“Anyway, what I really came to say was that the question was about overrated films, and you replied about underrated films.”  ~ Kriskao

Nonsense…

“I have two:”

“The Purge movies.”

“Not only is the premise mind numbingly illogical with so so many ramifications, but I find it really hard to believe that the entire country would go on killing sprees instead of stealing s**t and doing drugs.”

“Paranormal Activity. Oh no, the chair suddenly moved after a half hour of nothing else happening!”  ~ Yuiopy78

“It was a way to ‘stir up the hornets nest’ if that makes sense.”

“They wanted to justify the first purge so they could repeat it annually.”

“They wouldn’t have been able to do so if crime was low on that specific night so they used mercs instigate some violence.”

“The ‘concept’ of the purge is that overall it would decrease crime and homelessness since everyone would be releasing their anger on purge night and ultimately targeting homeless people.”

“Great movie concept, illogical as f**k though.”

“Later in the series we find out the purge does nothing towards crime and poverty and I just an excuse for rich people to go bats**t crazy.”  ~ inframeWS

“Let it Go… Let it Go…”

“Frozen. I liked the idea of two female leads for a Disney Princess movie, but I feel the execution was off the mark.”

“The Hans twist was predictable and the way Elsa freezes Anna’s heart to trigger an ‘impending death’ was just stupid.”

“Olaf was also annoying and I did not find his love of Summer endearing.” ~ TelemachusTheYoung

Not THAT movie!

“The English Patient. I almost got thrown out of the theater at one point for screaming ‘just f**king die already!’”  ~ 12altoids34

“I used to ask people what movie they hated that everyone else seems to love.”

“It was one of my favorite questions to get to know someone.”

“I eventually had to modify it to say ‘what movie do you hate that everyone you know loves, but it can’t be The English Patient’ because literally everyone hated it.”  ~ crankyweasels

Lost in Space…

“Gravity. Everyone raved on it and how amazing it was.”

“I once described the entire film to someone in 10 seconds.”  ~ sfkf8486

“If you watched it in theatres, it was amazing.”

“If you watched it at home it sucked.”

“Everything amazing about it was atmosphere and immersion.”  ~ Ardentpause

In the end art is subjective.

There are a few movies on this list I really liked.

Except for The English Patient.

When I think about the six hours I wasted… sorry three hours, it just felt like six.

Anybody feel the need to add to the list?

Teachers Disclose The Absolute Worst Thing A Student Has Ever Done To Them

Being a teacher is one of the most noble professions there is, but it’s not a walk in the park.

Teachers are underpaid and underappreciated.

Besides teaching, the amount of drama they have to deal with is unimaginable.

So Redditor TheRealZFinch wanted to hear from all the educators who have had to endure while teaching other people’s children.

They asked:

“Teachers of Reddit, what’s the worst thing a student did to you?”

Evil Parents

“I had a parent push me, spit on me and slap me when she came to my classroom unannounced, because I had given her daughter a detention for spitting in my face.”

“Parent denied it, school did nothing. Don’t teach anymore! I’m in Australia FYI.” ~ Apprehensive-Ad4244

“My girlfriend also wants to quit teaching because of shitty kid’s parents.”  ~ NeokratosRed

“I feel for you, you do years worth of difficult training because you want to work with and help children, change the world for the better, and you wind up being crap on every day instead by parents.”

“Luckily, teaching skills are very transferrable, I’m now in the disability services industry.”  ~Apprehensive-Ad4244

Bad Kids…

“A friend of mine is a teacher is a rough neighborhood.”

“One day immediately after school she got a call from the principal telling her to stay in her classroom with the door locked instead of leaving like she normally did.”

“The police arrested one of her students, who had bragged to another student about kidnapping the teacher.”

“He was arrested waiting by her car with a knife and zip ties.”  ~ SoullessDad

Private School Drama…

“I was slammed against a wall by a 17 year old kid who then wiped his hands all over my face and kissed me.”

“One other student saw and she laughed. I left the position immediately. It was a private drama school.”  ~ Ieatclowns

Birmingham UK…

“I’ve been mostly lucky, but I’ve had 2 bad ones, both while training.”

“Both these were in Birmingham UK.”

“A student aged 7 brought a Stanley knife into school and was taking it out of his pocket and messing with it while looking straight at me.”

“It was pretty scary knowing he knew exactly what he was doing.”

“A very aggressive child attacked me, digging his nails into my arm and drawing blood. He then twisted my arm backwards.”

“That was a fun report.”

“I’ve also had a chair thrown at me. Fun times.”  ~ Winchesters_TARDIS

“Hey, also Birmingham, UK here!”

“But I am still a student, in Sixth Form right now.”

“The following stories are all from secondary, though.”

“One of my friends almost started a physical confrontation with a teacher, to the point that they were physically yelling at each other and squaring up.”

“Another time a group of boys yelled sexual expletives at a female member of staff (the boys that few people liked, the number of their friends decreased YoY).”

“Teachers started searching students bags because so many people were bringing in weapons. “

“In a school near mine, a teacher got stabbed, chairs were being thrown around, a teachers arm got broken, it was bad – but that wasn’t my school.”

KABOOM!

“Mine still had its fair share of incidents not pertaining to teachers, but we were not that bad thankfully.”  ~ mxlevolent

“I’ll never forget the day I had a student light off a firework in my classroom.”

“It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever had a student do in my classroom, but it’s definitely the most unexpected thing that I’ve had happen.”

“I’ve been called things by students, and I even got pushed by a student once.”

“But looking back on all of those situations I feel as if they could have been avoided had I built up better relationships with those students or handled the situations that lead up to them differently.”

“With the firework in class, it was completely out of the blue and not at all something I feel like I could have prevented.”

“It just happened randomly one day, and I will never understand why the student decided to set it off during class.”  ~ DerekIsAGooner

Feeling the Bounce!!

“I had a student run into me and bounce off of me.”

“She then accused me of shoving her and hurting her back.”

“I was relieved of my position and I resigned.”

‘”Fortunately the footage shows that I was hit by her, but I still lost my job.”

“After an inquiry with the Texas Education Agency they found i did nothing wrong and I got to keep my license.”

“Fortunately I was offered a position with a government contractor making more money with a lot less stress.”

“I never want to step foot in a classroom as a teacher ever again.”  ~ Damnpenguins4269

Let Go!!

“I had a student grab my arm, then later claim I grabbed him back.”

“His parents wanted to press charges, have me arrested, but the SRO refused, as he’d already taken a dozen witness statements corroborating my version.”

“I got very lucky. Another teacher had to sit for months at central office while CPS investigated baseless claims.”  ~ lazy_days_of_summer

“Out loud to the whole class, I had a student wish cancer on my unborn son.”

“Had another student say he would shoot my wife.”

“This one wasn’t so bad, but could’ve been—one female student started a rumor that she was my favorite and that I thought she was cute.”

“I had to proactively reach out to leadership to put that one down before it got bad.”

“In general, tons of swearing and disrespect.”

“Most of it is due to childhood trauma and home life, but yeah, teaching is great but being a teacher can suck.”  ~ mywifemademegetthis

Feel the Warm

“I taught toddlers, and they consistently wanted to sit in my lap.”

“I had a few girls climb up in my lap, smile sweetly, and pee all over me. It’s amazing how a 5-gallon bladder fits in a pint sized body.”  ~ schnozzberryflop

Terrifying…

“I taught elementary kids in Korea and they were honestly angels.”

“But when I subbed for a friend’s high school class for a week I had a student and his friends try to lock me in the classroom alone with them while they acted really overbearing and sexual.”

“It was terrifying, but thankfully didn’t last long at all as the VP came to have lunch with me 2 minutes in.”  ~ punctuationist

Crazy

“A colleague was stalked by a kid.”

‘”Found out where she lived, where she shopped, what her routine was.”

“Used to get her friends to stand outside her house and harass her outside Tesco.”

“She would make comments in class, such as ‘aren’t green curtains nice?’”

“Knowing the teacher had green curtains, for example.”

“It got so bad she got the police involved and ended up moving house.” ~ Evening_Rose_619

We need our educators.

They don’t deserve abuse.

Be better kids and parents.

People Share The Wedding Moments That Made Them Think The Marriage Would Never Last

Weddings are meant to be a time of great joy and profound happiness.

Two souls converging and becoming one for all of eternity.

Love is abound like a free wheeling pixie. It’s a glorious sight to behold.

Until it’s not.

Sadly too many people jump into marriage for all the wrong reasons.

They try to fool the world, and themselves, that this is the right thing to do.

But more often than not, the world can see right through you.

Redditor Olya_roo wanted to hear about the red flags and flat out obvious signs they witnessed at a wedding that didn’t give them hope for the couple’s happily ever after…

They asked:

“What wedding moment made you think: ‘They are not going to last long?’”

Let’s talk about love, while it lasts…

Next time skip the Speeches?

“Not the couple getting married but the Best Man and Maid of Honor who were married to each other.”

“Best Man’s speech was all about how hard it was to be married.”

“‘I’ve been married for a year and it feels like 100 years.’”

“Maid of Honor stands up to give a speech and just says ‘Ditto.’”

“It was so awkward and really brought the whole room down.”

“Brother of the bride stood up and gave a nice impromptu speech about teamwork and having a partner to go through life with.”

“How happy the family was to have the groom join their family.”

“Best Man and Maid of Honor were divorced within a year.”

“Couple who got married are still married 30+ years later.”

“I sometimes wonder if the speeches actually were helpful in how not to act as a couple.”

“For me the complex backstory.”

“Bride’s brother is gay and has been in a longterm relationship for 40+ years.”

“At the time he gave his speech about marriage he couldn’t marry the man he loved and I think his passioned defense of marriage was born from that.”

“When people would say they were against gay marriage because it makes a mockery of marriage I’d think of that night.”

“The married couple who had no respect for marriage could easily marry (and did over and over again) and the man who stood up and defended marriage could not.”

“He’s married now and lovingly takes care of his husband as he battles health issues.”  ~ designgoddess

Financials…

“When they were doing the vows and the priest got to the ‘for richer or poorer’ part and she said ‘for richer or richer and maybe for poorer.’”

“The officiant was not pleased. I think they made it a year.” ~ crm115

How much is this costing?

“I’M WITNESSING ONE FROM THE SIDELINES NOW!!!”

“My wife’s brother just got married this past May.”

“Bride’s mother is a big DO IT YOURSELF person and went a little nuts with extra flowers, table pieces, decorations, etc…”

“Note I said extra, it was already decorated by the venue, she just took it upon herself to buy and add way more stuff.”

“Anyway, a few weeks ago she sends my MIL (groom’s mom) and email with receipts of all the extra stuff she bought ($7,000 worth!!!).”

“And asked that she pay half since it was technically set up in time for the rehearsal dinner for guests to enjoy.”

“It’s causing a huge rift between the newlyweds since the bride is taking her moms side.”  ~ WanderingRaindog

Clothes Speak

“The groom showed up to his own reception wearing a t-shirt with restroom-sign style stick figures depicting a bride and groom captioned ‘Game Over.’” ~ Reddit

Best Ensemble Performance! 

“My wife got invited to a client’s daughter’s wedding.”

“The couple were both drama students. Many of the bridal party were drama students.”

“The maid-of-honour’s toast consisted of tearful declarations of unrequited love to the groom, along the lines of ‘if it couldn’t be me, I’m glad it’s my best friend that’s marrying you.’”

“The best-man’s speech was a lusty declaration of ‘if it doesn’t work out, call me, babe… like the previous time you called me.’”

“Other toasts were similarly weird.”

“A guy at the table I was seated at was a friend of the bride and said to me that he was ‘this close’ to standing up during the ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’ thing.”

“I’m still not sure if the whole thing was a bunch of emotionally f**ked-up 20-year-olds, or one big piece of performance art.”  ~ sharplescorner

Be Sure to Eat Out

“I was maid of honor.”

“Me, best man and the couple went into a separate little room to do the signing stuff.”

“Bride excused herself to go the bathroom and the groom started making pretty mean remarks about her cooking (something she’s passionate about) to the officiant.”

“She came back, heard they were talking about cooking family meals together and gave him the warmest smile, thinking he had praised her.”

“He scoffed awkwardly and changed the topic.”

“That always stuck with me. He wasn’t laughing WITH her but AT her, behind her back.”

“They lasted 7 months.” ~ Kraken_of_BeverlyRd

BE SURE!!! 

“When my sister married her first husband she mouthed to my father walking her down the aisle ‘I can make this work, right?’”

“They were divorced 6 months later.”

“My whole family knew it wasn’t a good idea since the original engagement a year prior.”  ~ IMgonnaDIE

Bodily Harm

“He ended up at the emergency room between the ceremony and the reception.”

“He went out out the night night before with his sister and friends and got plastered.”

“They had to hold a cold pack to the back of his neck to keep him vertical during the wedding photos.”

“Marriage lasted 30 days until they had a fight, she left the house and he filled the U-Haul truck with everything but her clothes.”  ~ blackhart452

The Family Brawl…

“Well here it goes…”

“My cousin got married probably a decade ago and during the wedding it came out that groom was not the best to my cousin while dating.”

“The bride’s brother did not take this well and during the after party a shouting match became a brawl between the two families.”

“Next thing you know the police show up and literally pepper spray everyone.”

“Including my grandma, kids and anyone near the area.”

“I don’t remember if anyone got arrested but the story got on CBS the early show for the international news.”

“Lol they did not last long to say the least.” ~ mendoza327

Kisses…

“When the bride drank vodka out of a pint glass and spent a significant amount of time making out with another guy on the dance floor.”  ~ csdirty

Some of us are just going to die alone, or with a parrot.

And that is ok.

It is better to be alone than unhappy.

Besides if you wait just a little longer, the right one may not be far off.

Don’t say “I DO” until you’re 100% sure!!

People Share Their Favorite Movie Quotes Of All-Time

We all have our favorite lines of dialogue memorized.

Great dialogue is the heart of film, tv and theatre.

How many films can you quote?

Do you have a film quote for your tombstone?

Mine is from the movie ‘Clue.’ I’m gonna make you guess…

So Redditor No_Housing_4819 wanted to hear what lines no one has forgotten from their favorite films…

They asked:

“What’s your favorite movie quote?”

Let’s talk cinema…

Unforgiven

“Sir, you are a cowardly son of a *itch! You just shot an unarmed man!”

“He should’ve armed himself if he’s gonna decorate his saloon with my friend!”  ~ Axenroth187

“You’d be William Munny, outta Missouri. Killer of women and children.”

“That’s right. I’ve killed women and children. Killed just about everything that walks or crawled at one time or another.”

“And I’m here to kill you li’l Bill. For what you did to Ned.” ~ jrf_1973

“I like:”

“ t’s a hell of a thing, killin’ a man. You take all he’s got… and all he’s ever gonna have.”

“Well, I guess they had it comin’”

“We all have it comin’, Kid.”  ~ bolerobell

Doctor Strangelove

“Gentlemen you can’t fight in here, this is the war room!” ~ AlternativeRip4728

“When I did speech and debate in college those of us who qualified for the national championship took a retreat to a cabin in the mountains for a weekend to work on our craft.”

“My head coach brought this movie along and oh man, what a great film. I highly encourage people to watch this film. Peter Sellers is brilliant.”  ~ Pawn_captures_Queen

“I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.”  ~ _stuntnuts_

LEGO FOREVER

“I think I got it. But just in case… tell me the whole thing again I wasn’t listening.”  ~ WTFrickFrackCadillac

“And Octan, they make great stuff! […] Surveillance systems, all history books, voting machines… wait a second.”  ~ StarKnight697

“The fact that I’m seeing so many memorized quotes from the lego movie is making me so happy right now.”

“I was 12 when it was released and I’m gonna be 20 in two months. I miss those days. I’m getting so nostalgic now.” ~ WTFrickFrackCadillac

INCREDIBLE!!

“He starts monologuing! He starts this prepared speech about how feeble I am to him, how my defeat is inevitable, and the world will soon be his, yada yada yada, he’s yammering!”

“I mean the guy has me on a platter, and he won’t shut up!”  ~ Dazzling_Realties

“You sly dog! You got me monologuing!!”  ~ burningfirelily

Villains 

“A hero would sacrifice you for the world but a villain would sacrifice the world for you.” ~ I_Love_Small_Breasts

“If I remember correctly, Weathering with You.”  ~ protein_bars

“His selfish desire to be with an ACTUAL GODDESS.”

“I love how complex and big but also intimate and sad the romance in this movie was.”

“He was a villain for sure, but also my heart was breaking for them the whole movie.”

“I wouldn’t have been any happier if he was a hero; everyone would have lost.”  ~ WinsomeWombat

“They say the villain is selfish, but have anyone thought about this?”

“And what about the hero? What if they sacrifice you just for glory? What if they were the true villain to begin with?”  ~ BasicallyBlu123

Arnold Speaks

“I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle.” ~ 11B-1P-CIB

“Me and my brothers watched T2 almost every night for a month (we couldn’t sleep without tv on and each month was a new movie).”

“We’ve always said ‘ need your clothes, your boots, and your underwear.’”

“And you reminded me of what he actually says lol.” ~ stoicambience

“My friend quotes this all the time, but he remembers it wrong and just says ‘GIMME YA CLOTHES’ in a terrible Arnold accent lol!!” ~ NutSockMushroom

NETWORK

“I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”  ~ UpperUnderstanding77

“One of the criticisms of Chayefsky’s screenplay was that it was too cynical and unrealistic. In hindsight it almost seems quaint.”  ~ DaBake

“YOU HAVE MEDDLED WITH THE PRIMAL FORCES OF NATURE MR. BEALE, AND I WON’T HAVE IT!!!!”  ~ Wagglebagga

When Comedy Mattered

“Who are you? And how’d you get in here?” “I’m the locksmith, and I’m a locksmith.”  ~ parallel_jay

“We’re so sorry about your loss, Wilma. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn’t dead then. -Police Squad”

“Also in the same vein…”

“Trust me, whatever scum did this to your husband, no man on the force will rest until he’s behind bars! Now let’s grab a bite to eat.”

“I wish they could make parodies like they did back then.”

“There seemed to be a legitimate love for the source material they were spoofing, maybe that’s the key ingredient to make them work?”  ~ redfoot62

“My all-time favourite joke. I love it so much.”

“The wording, the delivery, the very existence of this joke are just utterly delicious to me.”

“It’s so clever in its language. I had to think twice when I first heard it, cracked up laughing, and still laugh at it.”

“I read a quote somewhere, I don’t remember where, that ‘the essence of humour is the unexpected’.”

“This joke just hits so perfectly.”  ~ cmdrqfortescue

No Country for Old Men

“All the time you spend tryin’ to get back what’s been took from you there’s more goin’ out the door. After a while you just try and get a tourniquet on it.”  ~ Cells_Interlinked_77

Blade Runner

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe.”

“Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate.”

“All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.”  ~f**kitillbeanunicorn

Guardians

“When you’re ugly and someone loves you, you know they love you for who you are. Beautiful people never know who to trust.” ~ Future_Rooster_3909

“I guess it might seem weird for a comic book movie to dole out some big life lessons, but GotG 2 is chock full of that stuff.”

“Hell, the whole storyline with Peter, Yondu, and Ego is genuinely one of the most touching things I can remember seeing in a movie in a pretty long time.”

“‘He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn’t your daddy.’”

“As someone who grew up without a father, that line bored a hole straight through my soul.”  ~ DextrosKnight

Movies are an essential part of life.

We often get lost in the political Hollywood nonsense of it all, but when we look deeper, we realize, film saves us.

Because when film is at its best, it reflects us.

Keep speaking those lines.

People Share Their Predictions For 2022

We are about to finally put 2021 to bed—and that was after surviving 2020!

It’s been a long, hard road these past few years. So it can be a bit triggering to think about what lies before us.

Can 2022 be the best? Can it make up for the past? Or are we in for the worst?

2022… thoughts?

Redditor july222020 wanted to hear about what everyone thinks the new year has in store.

So they asked:

“What’s Your One Prediction For 2022?”

it’s almost New Year’s so let’s get to some details.

Dwayne works so hard! 

“The Rock is going to make at least 2 more movies using the same clothes.” ~ Hydrated_Guy

“He is currently competing against himself for fan faves movies on different streaming products.”

“Red notice on Netflix and jungle cruise on whichever it’s playing on. Lol.”  ~ galaxyeyes47

“And he will be in the jungle.” ~ Mumblellama

All the Money is Gone

“Things will get more expensive.” ~ Embarrassed_Hotel655

“The rich will get richer, the poor will get poorer, and the middle class will continue to erode.”  ~ FSMFan_2pt0

“It’s not the rich, but the middle class and even the poor.”

“They are comfortable with our system believe it or not. The rich will just move to their vacation homes out of country anyways.”

“And who will be hurt? The middle and lower class.” ~ Alpha_pro2019

Long Live Her Majesty! 

“Queen Elizabeth WON’T die.” ~ toomanyparadoxes

“She is certainly looking very frail and unwell these days, having lost a lot of weight.”

“There was a recent photo of her doing a rare (these days) in person audience with a foreign official and you could see her clothes were too big and ill fitting.”

“My belief is that she is fundamentally unwell in some way, but private medical matters are not really for the public to be privy to.” ~ _spookyvision_

“She’s in her 90s, she’s allowed to finally have her age catch up to her.”

“As is the case with a lot of older people, she hasn’t been very busy in the last two years due to Covid which could have contributed to ageing very quickly.” ~ Isgortio

What’s in a Name?

“WHO will run out of greek alphabets and label one of the major COVID variant as ‘Omega variant.’”

“There will be doomsday conspiracists preaching it’s the end-time all over the world then.”

“And hopefully, after all that mess, countries across the globe officially declare pandemic is over.” ~ Redpo0l

“My money is on an overlapping pandemic like ebola, but we’ve created such a hostile environment to the protocols that stop it that it mutates and wipes out like 60% of humanity.”  ~ TheIowan

What Will Be Will Be…

“I’d like to put out into the void that I predict 2022 to be absolutely nothing that we expected.”

“I predict growth past barriers unimaginable, clarity, compromise and understanding. We could use a lot more of that now more than ever.” ~ superkooper3000

About to burst…

“The NFT bubble will burst.” ~ Pretend-Spread-1462

“It’s still not mainstream enough. When my aunt starts asking me about them or I see my FB friends talking about their NFT portfolio I’ll know it’s about to burst.”  ~ evil_con_carne

“Every new things that’s supposedly overhyped (or bubble) brings something good.”

“I wait for the day when every house is an NFT and you can buy sell houses on blockchain.”

“Time to get out of the clutches of closing players swindling buyers and sellers in the name of closing costs with line items no one can question.”  ~ dwightsrus

Goals, Goals, Goals…

“Losing weight, being happy and beating my mental illness.” ~ FxH69420

“Not sure I’ll ever beat mine entirely but this year I learned how to identify when things where spiralling and I started being honest about it, to myself and to other people.”

“I learned how to reach out and get support.”

“And, for me, being on top of it and being able to function better has made me content and contentedness (is that a word?!) is happiness.”

“I hope you find your version of happy.  :-)” ~ naturallyeyesblind

The Darkness Continues…

“New variant of Covid, more mandates, more jobless people, more suffering, more issues with governments, tax hikes, inflation, and death.” 

“And a new flavour of slush… got to keep it positive.”  ~ Empty-Refrigerator

“Babies will be born, some people will beat cancer and get a new lease on life.”

“Lots of fun movies, video games and sports will happen.”

“You really need to turn off the news and smell the fresh air and enjoy the beauty of the world once in a while.”  ~ HypnoToadBQ

Anything Can Happen

“I predict Aliens at this point.” ~ Overwhelmed-Insanity

“You just reminded me of the monoliths that were popping up all over in 2020, God so much happened that year, I’m pretty sure I forgot most of it.”

“Like every freaking month there was something new and terrifying.”  ~ miuaiga_infinite

Mother Nature Calls

“Probably lots of environmental disasters will surface.”  ~ ExtremeGagging

“Honestly, at the rate we’re going, I can bet you there will be a lot more hurricanes and that sort of the weather song the coastal areas.”

“While in the mainland, we will see more droughts/low rainfall and higher rates of forest fires.”  ~ MT128

It’s Going to Happen!

“I’m going to get my first speaking role in a movie. I’m going to get my first guest star role in a show.”

“I’m going to get work as a voice over artist. I’m going to sign with the agency I want.”

“I’m going to make a film and find a producer and financing. I’m going to be able to leave my job and have an income from my dreams.”  ~ NickyPathington

‘Next year should be better’

“That it will suck more than 2021.”

“The last few years I’ve said ‘Hopefully next year will be better …it can’t get much worse’. And each year has proven me wrong.”

“I’ve dealt with the death of parents, children’s mental health issues, partner issues, the loss of friends… and they’ve been the highlights.”

“And I live in a place that has been largely unaffected by Covid.”

“So I’ve decided that when I say ‘Next year should be better’ it gets worse. So now I’m going to say ‘Next year will be worse.’”

“At least I won’t be disappointed.”  ~ cheerupyoullthinkof1

Raise your glass and plaster on a smile.

2022 is upon us!

All we can do is hope for the best—but prepare for the worst.

It’s going to be what is.

Hopefully it will be better than the last. Have a laugh and a dance.

There’s a prediction that sounds like fun.

2022 for the life win!!

Mall Santas Confess The Creepiest Thing A Child Has Ever Asked For

It’s Christmas and that means time to have a chat with Santa.

Have we been naughty or nice? What is on your list?

My mother used to take me to see mall Santa every year. And every year I’d ask for the common superficial gifts.

I always assumed the rest of my peers were asking for the same things. As I grew older I came to find out that was not the case.

People have been asking these mall Santas for things that could get all of us on a Dateline NBC episode.

It seems some kids think Santa is a hitman. That is a request that can keep you up at night.

Redditor SantasCousin wanted to get into some scandalous Christmas tales from all the mall Santas out there.

So they asked:

“People who have been Santa at the mall, what’s the creepiest thing a kid has asked you for Christmas?”

I have a feeling it won’t just be the children indulging in questionable requests and behavior.

Let’s get to some details.

Can I have the Leftover?

“Had a kid ask ‘Santa, what happens to all the dead kid’s toys?’.”  ~ marxroxx

“I feel like he just sees a business opportunity.”  ~ ReverseTuringTest

Boyfriend Santa Says…

My boyfriend is a Santa for private events, and has been doing it for over 20 years, so he has a BUNCH of stories.” 

“He was doing a private adults-only party, so all of the ladies were being a bit flirty, but nothing crazy. ‘Santa Baby’ started playing and the ladies dragged him onto the dance floor.”

“He shimmies a bit and goes to sit back down when a woman grabs him and starts grinding on him.”

“He tries to get away from her in character (‘What will Mama Claus think?’), but she keeps on grinding and starts to moan.”

“Finally, the hostess notices and gets her away from him, but she kept trying to get to him the rest of the night.”

“The saddest story was definitely when a little kid (4 or 5) crawled into his lap and, with a big, sweet smile, asked Santa.”

“’Can you make my mommy love me?’”

‘My BF has to hug the kid so he wouldn’t see him tearing up and told him that that was a request for a higher power and that he and Mama Claus would pray about it.”

“Kid seemed happy with that response.”  ~ nursejacqueline

Bad Elves

“I wasn’t a mall Santa, but one of the elves who took the pictures.”

“We had two Santas: one was narcoleptic and we had to keep waking him up, and the other would bring his own homemade bags of coal to give to the kids who would cry.”

“And we’d have to try to seize all the bags before he started his shift. That was a fun job.”  ~ craychel

‘get better and not die’

“Not a Santa, but I remember being in hospitals a lot as a kid with serious stomach issues.”

“I remember asking a mall Santa if I could ‘get better and not die’ once when I was about eight or nine years old.”

“When the mall Santa looked at me sadly and said he couldn’t do that, almost in tears, I asked if my old dog that died as a puppy could be brought back as a zombie so ‘we could both be dead together’.”

“‘And if I could come back as a zombie too so I could stay with my parents so they wouldn’t be sad’.”

“Looking back, that was really creepy and I think I broke the poor guy’s heart.”  ~ Emmax1997

For the Menu…

“I wasn’t a mall Santa, but I played one of his elves.”

“I think the worst thing a kid ever asked for was some reindeer sausage. He figured Santa could slaughter one of his reindeer for the venison.”  ~ Dubioushonesty

“Ikea in the UK sells, or at least used to sell, reindeer meat its delicious maybe he had some and wanted Santa to bring him more.” ~ homingstar

One Big Kick!

“Not a mall Santa but I was the ‘Best Buy Box’ for a number of Holliday seasons in the early 2000’s.”

“One year we set up a chair where you could take a picture with me. Soon it turned into people just telling me what they wanted for Christmas.”

“Sometimes I’d have a stack of $5 gift cards and I’d give them out randomly.”

“One kid sits down and says he wants to kick me in the crotch.”

“The suit was heavily padded and there was a good 10 inches or so from the bottom of the box to my love spuds.”

“Being 19 and wanting to put on a good show, I said sure.”

“Kid winds up and musters the best kick he had. I played it up even though he actually hit my thigh. I remember everyone thinking it was so funny.”

“I loved the early Holliday seasons working there. Some of my best memories came from those times.”

We had a fantastic management team who were like family.”

“Then it all changed and everything went sour. Such is life, I guess.”  ~ mcfuddlebutt

Security for Santa Please! 

“Former mall Santa, even bought a professional suit because I hated the one they provided. I got a few creepy stories that involves, college students and adults.”

“Kids: A little girl no more than 5 was screaming bloody murder when it was her turn.”

“Kids get scared of Santa, not that uncommon. Her dolled up mom was having none of her child’s tantrum and the Elves were pleading with her to not put the girl on my lap.”

“She did and at her kid instantly stopped screaming.”

“Just had this look of pure hatred at her mom for the remainder of the photo session.”

“I swear, I thought I was on Candid Camera (before YouTube y’all) it looked so acted out.”

“Attempting to talk to the little terror, I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she looked at me and softly said just above a whisper, ‘for my Mommy to die’.”

“NOPED myself to a break after that one. It was the inside joke for the rest of the mall Santa season, (whispering to each other between kids) ‘I want you to die!!!!’”

“College Students: One rather lonely overweight gal kept getting in line several times a week to get pictures with Santa.”

“I was in college myself back then and I’m pretty sure she was working herself up to asking me out.”

“Extremely shy, awkward and had some hygiene issues.”

“She only paid for one of the photos but the elves remember seeing her throughout the week when I wasn’t on shift.”

“Apparently only got pictures with me.”

“Adults: I was in my 20’s and the perverted things the MILF’s whispered into my ear while sitting on Santa’s Lap were definitely something for the naughty list to be sure.”

“It became so frequent for the younger Santas to get groped, teased, etc…, that the Elves were told to stay close when adults got their pictures taken. Elf security to be sure.”  ~ Draidr

Bad Sister

“Not a Santa but was a kid that asked for my sister’s tears in a bottle.” ~ LMNOPede

“Today her tears, tomorrow her soul muahahahaha.” ~ WreakingHavoc640

Not a fan of babies…

“Not a mall Santa, but my fire department does a Santa visit to all the houses in my town.”

“We have a few guys dress up as Santa and we drive around going house to house in the fire engines.”

“One year when I was Santa we go to a house with a married couple and two kids.”

“The woman is clearly pregnant. The daughter, about 10-12, creeped the hell out of me.”

“I asked her what she wanted for Christmas and she looks at her I assume step mom and says dead pan. ‘I want the baby to die’.” 

“Jesus Christ, kid.” ~ pokemon-gang

A Kid’s POV

“I remember when I was a little kid, my sister asked Santa for a pony.”

“I was next, so I asked for rat poison… for the pony. 10-year-old me was an edgy little as**hole.”  ~ Redpeng11

For a stew or a spell?

“My grandmother was a Mrs. Claus, one year a kid asked for a dead chicken.” ~ memelordsupremelawd

People can be weird—all people, including kids.

And clearly kids are the weirdest.

I couldn’t do this Santa gig.

Or the elves or Mrs. Claus. I’d be turning kids and adults in to the authorities left and right.

I would also certainly have a stun gun on hand.

Geesh… whatever happened to asking for toys? Games? A puppy? Peace on Earth!!

This is more Halloween than Christmas.

Happy Holidays?

History Buffs Share The R-Rated Facts That Don’t Get Taught In School

I love history.

It’s a lifelong soap opera because history is actually riddled with drama and crazy.

But most of it is hidden from us.

Why is that? Don’t educators realize that the more salacious it is the more everyone will pay attention?

I’ve learned things about the past out of school that would’ve gotten me an “A” in class, because my attention would’ve been peaked.

An unknown Redditor wanted to get into some scandalous information we missed out on when we were younger.

They asked:

“Knowledgable Redditors, what are some R-rated facts about history that usually get left out of the average middle/high school classroom?”

Let’s get to learning.

Snip, snip, snip…

“JFK was the first US President to be circumcised. He was 22 at the time.”  ~ otis_the_drunk

The Most Powerful Symbol

“Ancient Romans drew penises on everything.”  ~ CorporalThornberry

“They also wore necklaces with winged cocks on them.”

“It was replicated recently by a jewelry company and turned out to look like a cock-cross so the Catholics all said nay nay and they cancelled it.”

“Source: https://www.google.com/amp/amp.kansascity.com/entertainment/ent-columns-blogs/stargazing/article4447208.html“.  ~ rezlang

Hiding the truth…

“Powdered wigs became popular because they hid the baldness caused by syphilis, which was rampant in Europe during the 17th century.”  ~ Reddit

“Another crazy fact about these wigs, right before the French revolution.”

“The wigs the French aristocracy wore at the time were massive. To keep them from losing shape, they starched them.”

“Meaning they used edible grain to create wig starching powder. While the population couldn’t afford to eat because a loaf of bread became more expensive than a week’s wage.”

“It’s no wonder the revolution started and ended the way it did. French aristocracy was literally using foodstuffs to make their giant wigs stay up.”  ~ Mister_Dink

How Very Fifty Shades of It All

“History is really, really kinky.”

“Some ancient temples and holy places, especially in India, depict acts that range from orgies to bestiality.”

“Temple prostitute is one of the oldest professions and were widely accepted in early history, showing up as early as the Epic of Gilgamesh, which coincidentally also featured bestiality.”  ~ xenomorphs_at_disney

“Considering the number of ancient cultures that had ‘God have sex with animal’ as a prominent story it amazes me that people don’t realize how prevalent it has been throughout history.”

“I mean, there’s a whole story about Loki turning into a horse and doing it and birthing a superhorse, not to mention all the Roman/Greek deities gettin’ crazy.”  ~ losian

Oh My Anne…

“The diary of Anne Frank also included detailed accounts of her exploring her sexuality/ masturbation which was quickly edited out before it was published.”  ~ bttrflyr

“That was brave when she was living in a small space with several other people. I mean the masturbation is one thing, but writing about it in front of people with little to do? Damn.”  ~ Merle8888

Sacrifice the Children

“Infanticide happened through ‘almost’ every culture, on every continent, throughout history, to a significant degree.”

“Sometimes gender was a factor, sometimes it wasn’t. Ancient Egypt was the exception, but unwanted kids usually became slaves instead.”  ~ TimelyKaleidoscope

“The biggest reason in Christian Europe was birth defects.”

“A daughter could still pull her weight on the farm but a child with spina bifida or Downs or missing limbs couldn’t.”

“This was even worse than it seems because the rural poor, who made up over 90% of the population, were so inbred that up to one in eight children were born with an identifiable defect.”  ~ Reddit

“Pretty much. And there were myths that grew around these things to justify them, such as human beings being switched with troll babies, identifiable because the switched baby seemed sick and wasn’t thriving.”

“They were supposed to basically torture it until their ‘real’ child was returned.”  ~ TimelyKaleidoscope

A Scandalous Expedition 

“The were able to follow the trail of Lewis and Clark by finding mercury. Which they were taking to combat syphilis.” ~ Klaxon722

“York, Clark’s slave who accompanied the Corps, had a lot of sex because of his curiosity as a Black man.”

“Few Whites were ever in the area at all and no Black person ever made it that far up. It was mostly French trappers and Russian or Spanish explorers.”  ~ AudibleNod

2 is Too Many

“Twins were a scourge and were left in the wilderness. What a burden to a family.”

“I think we don’t appreciate how besieged by death and illness everyone was. A family could have 20 children and see 5 raised to adulthood.”

They weren’t inured to it or callus, they loved and grieved their children the same as we do.”

“They had God, family, friends, and untreated depression, alcohol, and suicide to get through it. And a lot of hard work.”

“So killing an infant they can’t care for was a mercy for the children they already had.”

“If you have 5 mouths and money barely to feed the 7 of you, it is cruel to all of you to bring in another 1 or 2 and make the lot of you starve.”

“Even more so if that child is born with a mark on them that shows it won’t make it past a few months or a few years.”

“Why starve 2 children when you can kill only 1? They didn’t do this cheerfully.”

“They did it to survive.”  ~NotMyHersheyBar

The Stench of It All

“Not R rated on its own, but have you ever considered how smelly history would be?”

“Imagine the signing of the declaration of independence.”

“A reportedly hot day, during a time when people didn’t bath often, people wore a bunch of layers, and you have a bunch of dudes packed into a room for hours.”

“The R rated part, all of these people had sex. And it would smell so bad.”  ~ jpterodactyl

Rituals

“The Aztecs would wear someone’s skin for days until it peeled off as a ritual sacrifice to the maize goddess during the new harvest season, the skin was supposed to represent the husk of corn and how it would dry up and peel off the cob, also around this time they would have priests wear penis hats to represent fertility.”  ~ lizardlord217

“Let’s be honest, it’s the Aztecs we’re taking about.”

“A literal society based around human sacrifice, whose founding myth involves the revelation that the gods wanted human sacrifices “‘ike tortillas fresh off the griddle.’ (I.e., early and often).”

“What do you think the answer is?”  ~ DowncastAcorn

Now that is fun.

We really should scatter the fun with the just OK parts of history.

Scandal is the bedrock of every nation.

Just let the freak flag fly!

People Divulge Which Questions No One Should Ever Ask On A First Date

When on a first date…. keep it light.

I mean, you do want to know if you’re compatible and all of that, but don’t get crazy.

Life is not being decided over your first plate of calamari.

Maybe find out someone’s favorite color before we get into baby names.

Wondering for their own reasons, Redditor koyanggi6563 wanted to discuss what chatter is and is not best for the beginning of romance.

They asked:

“What’s something that should never be asked on a first date?”

What are your thoughts?

That is Private

“Ask me about my job… we’re fine. Specific questions about my salary or savings… I nope out.”  ~ ghost882

“I do think talking about if a savings account has a balance and if you have an emergency fund is important, but specific numbers are too much.”  ~ Global_Criticism_911

The Body Count Percentage

“On a first date, my date asked me what percent of women I had sex with on first dates.”  ~ nyle2

“I beg your pardon kind sir, if I may, could you possibly bestow upon me some rather interesting knowledge in regards to how many souls you make romance to, upon your first date?”

“Much obliged, kind sir, my everlasting gratitude is upon you in infinite magnitudes for your most generous understanding.” ~ -Z-3-R-0-

Are the accounts full? 

“How much money I have.”

“Before I was married, I went on a date with a woman who asked me on the first date, how financially comfortable I was.”

“We had known each other for a few weeks (mutual friend). I think she asked because she deducted that I lived alone in a house I owned, at age 25, and it probably appeared that I didn’t work (was self employed).”

“As soon as she asked, it was obvious why she pushed us to try dating because. She saw money.”

“She ended up marrying for money, but not mine. It’s obvious there’s a prenup, because she’s miserable, and not leaving him.”  ~ FinestTreesInDa7Seas

When in a Diner…

“I had a girl once talk about how her period was so bad this month it caused her chest to break out in hives.”

“She then wanted to show me… in a diner… full of families and shit. I did not ask.”  ~ bybeardandthrone

Deep Breaths…

“Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”  ~ Tzardine

“Insufficient.”

“Chloroform takes 15 – 20 minutes of steady deep breathing in to successfully knock someone completely out and that’s if you are strong enough to keep steady pressure over their mouth and nose while being able to hold them still in your arms to limit their movements.”

“So a quick sniff won’t do anything but have them tell you yes it does or I don’t know what chloroform smells like so no?”  ~ The_Book-JDP

History Out

“I had a first date ask me my favorite genocide, and then went on to talk about various historical genocides for the rest of the date. I was really creeped out.”  ~ gallopingwalloper

Astrology Issues

“What is your zodiac sign?”  ~ SquareUnderwear69

“Please ask me this on put first date. Then I know you’re a superstitious person who determines their life via ‘magic,’ and I won’t bother with a second date.”  ~ AtheneSchmidt

Matters of the Heart

“So, how many men’s hearts have you broken before?”

“I don’t know if this is a common thing to ask but I got asked this by 2-3 people and I found it a very weird thing to ask.”

“And to clarify the question wasn’t phrased like they were asking about my past relationships, instead it seemed like they were asking how many I turned down.”

“I found it very weird, who remembers that like it’s a conquest or something?”  ~ firefly158

All the Shots!!

“I know what you’re thinking. ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’”

“Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kind of lost track myself.”

“But being that this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well do ya, punk?’” ~ JunkieM0nkey

All in the Family

“How many kids do you want?”  ~ 1nqv

“Maybe not so good for the first date but definitely something to talk about quite early in the relationship.”

“Asking ‘do you like kids?’ or something like that can totally do in the first date depending on the timing, context and both of your personalities.”

“Way too many people leave this type of question for very late in the relationship only to break up because one wants kids and the other hates them.”  ~ Digitijs

Who takes the check?

“To have one of the dates pay for both meals.”  ~ Homerlikesdonuts

“Disagree with that for the first date. It’s totally fine to do afterwards, but I think whoever asked the other out on the date, should pay for the first date.”

“After that you can split it or take turns or whatever.”  ~ Testastic

Percentages…

“Had a girl tell me she was a feminist which I’m ok with 100% so when the bill came I paid for what I had with 20% tip and her reaction wasn’t great.”  ~ ghanksta57

“This is obviously a made up story but…”

“If you ask someone out on a date, you should pay. At least the first time.”

“If I invite a girl on a date and she insists on paying for herself, that’s a giant sign that she’s not into me.”

“And if I was invited on a date and then they expected me to pay, it would be the first and last date.”  ~ LightningRodofH8

Say “I Do!”

“Future marriage plans.”

“Actually happened to me on a blind date setup by a close friend who was trying to help out a colleague of his from work.”

“She was just a little bit desperate to find her love connection.”

“There was no second date.”  ~ udetme

What have we learned?

Be cool. Be calm. And just get to know someone before the third degree.

It’s a first date not a marriage proposal.