For most people, there’s probably that one night of a few too many drinks that stands out in their minds. I’m guessing most of us can recall it, but no matter who you are, I bet these 15 stories are going to make you feel just a bit better about your own choices.
#15. Put a stop to it.
“Was at a bar with a ton of friends. Had a lot and was moving to the music. Threw up my chicken parm that I ate for lunch in the sink because the only stall was occupied. I then spent the next minute sifting the puke from the sink to the garbage can by hand until a buddy came in to go to the bathroom and saw me and put a stop to it.
Later, I went in and I was waiting to use the only other sink. The guy washing his hands looked disgusted and talked to me about the puke, not knowing it was me.
I replied: “Who pukes in a sink. What a fucking asshole.”
Self-aware asshole that is.”
#14. A sh*tty ending.
“During high school at best friends party. Girl I liked was drinking and kissing other dude. So young me decides to drink and get fucked up. I’m playing basketball with a dude when 3 cop cars pull into driveway in front of me. I turn around and slowly walking into woods across road and into swampy woods. I walk for 15 min then sit next to tree and wait it out for 3 or 4 hrs. Well young me was taking this medication for my acne. Alcohol didn’t mix well with it. I had to fart a lot out there. Finally I decide to go back around 2 in morning to friends house. I arrive at back of house and enter through back door, as I open it I see my 2 best friends sitting at table with 3 cops staring at me. I slowly close door and try to walk back into woods. Failed. Cops call my parents and I hear them telling them to bring towels. My friends are crying and laughing. I find out that the fart was not a fart at all, but a steaming running pile of acne alcohol fueled shit all over my pants. Oh and my legs, hands, and face were all cut up front walking through woods.
What a shitty ending.”
#13. My neighbor’s toilet.
“Stole my neighbors toilet. I returned it a few days later.”
#12. The cat bomb.
“I once picked up a stray cat and brought it into the bar with me. It then ran and hid in the most inaccessible corner. Took two hours for the bartender to get it back outside… at least that’s what they told me. I am highly allergic to cats, so my eyes swelled shut and I had to go home within minutes of dropping the cat bomb.”
#11. The only reply I had for him.
“This is the story everyone who saw tells me, i dont remember a single bit of it. In high school I drank a fifth of Ciroc in 2ish hours, of course I ended up blacking out. While I was blacked out I thought it would be a great idea to pee on the host’s living room flat screen. Supposedly the host of the party walked in to see me peeing on his tv and started yelling at me, but the only reply I had for him was “can you fuck off dickhead, I’m trying to take a piss over here”
#10. God knows what reason.
“Once I toddled my merry way up to bed, puke bucket in hand, feeling sensible and proud of myself for preparing for the vomiting I was inevitably about to do. Then for God knows what reason I proceeded to take off ALL of my clothes and put them in the bucket for safekeeping. Had a pretty disgusting load to put in the washer the next day :(“
#9. Only a rash?
“I let my ex put wasabi in her mouth and give me head in front of 10 people. I got a rash from it.”
#8. I thought she was gorgeous.
“Drunkenly call the liquor store and ask for the cashier’s number because I thought she was gorgeous
…I no longer go to that liquor store.”
#7. Tree fights.
“Had a fight with a tree. I won and took what I could of it home with me.”
#6. Hug it out.
“Tie between falling through a glass window hugging my friend (we won 10 rounds of beer pong) and taking Molly before passing out so I woke up hungover and rolling. It was terrible.”
#5. Pee Mounds
“I got drunk and passed out on the beach. Someone put a blanket on me. I kept waking up having to pee really bad, but not wanting to get up and out from under the blanket, I would just dig a hole, unzip, pee, and bury it. I woke up surrounded by my pee mounds, fairly certain I wasn’t being as clean as I thought at the time.”
#4. Broke into a construction site.
“Broke into a construction site and tried to start the cranes and dozers. Spent the night in the drunk tank for that one.”
#3. Three times in a night.
“On my way home after the party late one night I decided it’s a good idea to instead go to a 24h gym since I felt unstoppable. Tried to bench x2 times my normal weight. Pulled my shoulder, got stuck under the bar and had to wiggle out.
Or that one time when I called my GF by my exes name. Three times in a night.”
#2. It was baking.
“Puked in my mom’s car while she was driving us home from a wedding. Had to clean it up the next day after it was baking in 95 degree heat too.”
#1. A stranger’s couch.
“Woke up in a stranger’s apartment one morning with a throbbing headache and no recollection of how I got there.
Early in the evening I left my apartment and walked down the street to hang out with a friend at his place. He was encouraging me to drink heavily and I indulged but I kept thinking to myself, “after this one I need to go home.”
When I did wake up, I was very confused about the situation but quickly exited the strange apartment. I went outside, strategically covering my junk with my hands and realized that I was on the right street, just in the wrong building. It was probably about 3:30 or 4:00 AM and I should consider myself lucky that I didn’t live on a busy street.
I ran down the street to my building and entered my code to get inside, but my apartment door was locked. I tried knocking on my neighbor’s door to borrow a towel but there was no answer. I decided I had no choice but to scale the building up to my balcony and let myself in. When I got inside, I found my clothes, keys, phone, and wallet in my bedroom next to an unmade bed.
I believe that after drinking heavily I made my way home, derobed, and passed out in bed. Then at some point I drunk-sleep-walked “home” to the wrong building as my subconscious must’ve still been fixated on “I need to go home after this”. I lived in apartment X, I woke up in apartment X in another building. Some months later I checked to see if my door code worked on the other building and it did.
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