Teachers work long hours that they often don’t get sufficiently compensated for, deal with our kids for more hours a day than we do (while they’re conscious at least), and have to navigate through endless red tape. If that sounds like a big headache, that’s because it is.
But they do have some little joys, one of which is that kids say some of the funniest things when they’re lying. These 15 tardiness excuses are proof of that beyond a shadow of a doubt.
And of course, on rare occasion, some of those outlandish-sounding excuses turn out to be true…
#15. Lol, gross
“I remember this from 11th grade. Our history class was right after lunch. The class started with a quiz, so everyone was quiet. This big guy comes in like 15 minutes late. He goes over to our male teacher and whispers something in his ear. The teacher repeats it, but a little bit louder so that it was audible.
And the teacher says, ” The cafeteria lady sold you an all-bread Stromboli ??? ”
Yes, the cafeteria lady had indeed sold him an all-bread stromboli, with no meat and cheese in it. So he had to go back and ask for another one, sit down and eat it, which was why he was late for class.”
#14. For a week or so
“Student walked in and looked a bit shaken. She told the class she had been hit by a car in a calm voice. English was her second language. Some people were confused and didn’t think she had been a pedestrian struck by a vehicle. Not five minutes later, a police officer, paramedics, and the school nurse come in and usher her away. Apparently she got hit, got up off the ground and sprinted into school.
She had a minor concussion and we didn’t see her for a week or so.”
#13. Barefoot and crying
“Not sure if this applies, but a teacher was telling us about how important it was to hand in our essays until the end of the week (we had to hand two essays per week). While she was talking about how she wouldn’t accept tardiness, there was this only one exception when she accepted it on the following week.
Turns out a student was mugged on his way to school. He ended up losing his backpack with everything inside (including the essays), phone, wallet, socks and shoes. The student ended up going to talk to the teacher barefoot and crying, telling her how he tried even to persuade the assailant to let him get the essays out of his backpack, but to no avail.”
#12. To be fair
“Locked in their own house was a good one. To be fair, some really old locks could only be unlocked if you had the key. So if your parents were the only ones with the key and locked the door on their way out, you’re fucked.”
#11. A local euphemism
“I work in South Korea and had a fifth grader say he was late because he “caught a whale”, which is a local euphemism for getting circumcised.”
#10. We were the accident
“I teach at a university, but this was from my high school years.
My sister had just gotten her learner’s permit that week, and was driving to school for the first time, with me riding shotgun (required licensed 18yo family member etc.) We came up to a very sharp intersection — something like a 135-degree hairpin turn, and the light turned yellow.
My sister asked me what to do, and I said to stop for it (not liking the odds of a complete noob driver trying to do that turn at speed with me on the outside).
She stopped, quickly. The Mercedes behind us didn’t. Everyone except the Mercedes was okay, but it snarled traffic up pretty badly for a while.
I drove the rest of the way to school (the crash totaled the Mercedes, but just dented the back cargo door in the Blazer we were in), and waited in line as student after student checked in late at the office with “There was an accident on the way to school.”
Our excuse was “We were the accident on the way to school.”
#9. I teach preschool
“I teach preschool, so most of our excuses are detailed explanations of their bowel movements.”
#8. The parent before me
“I once signed my daughter in late to elementary school, and the parent before me had put “UFO Sighting” in the “reason for tardiness” box.”
#7. Didn’t even have a truck
“Call ins, but still…“forgot to turn off my f***in heater,” “somebody stole my tires and put my truck on blocks,” and “gotta find my damn dentures, those things are expensive” are my favorites.
Edit: the second guy didn’t even have a truck.”
#6. Her dog really did eat her homework
“Not a teacher, but in the third grade I had to give a presentation in social studies class. We got to read our presentations off of a piece of paper. My dog ate half of that paper the morning I was supposed to deliver said presentation. I was hysterical because I didn’t think my teacher would believe the “my dog ate my homework” excuse. My dad wrote a note for my teacher “Please excuse gxminifxxd as her dog really did eat her homework.”
#5. Scans of his head and everything
“Years ago I had a student come in who had missed the test the previous week. He said a while back he had been shot in the head and they were unable to remove the bullet and the previous week it had started shifting and he was in the hospital. Showed me the scans of his head and everything.
Also, right now another student’s friend let me know that he is in jail for a few weeks and asked me if I could please not drop him as he wants to stay in the class.”
#4. Misfit Disney princesses
“I’m a TA and last semester a student emailed me saying he would be late to class because he got bit by a squirrel.
There was also a different student who came to class with a baby turtle he found one day (on time though). It’s possible I was teaching a class full of misfit Disney princesses.”
#3. You have to respect bathroom problems
“Just heard this one last week:
“I’m sorry I was late, I have diarrhea”.
Truth or lie, you have to respect bathroom problems.”
#2. Cool/stupid
“Primary teacher here – teaching 11 year olds, kid comes in 30 mins late because he was waiting for his LED shoes to finish charging.
Turns out he was not lying and proceed to moonwalk over to his chair with his shoes flashing. Couldn’t even be mad it was too cool/stupid at the same time.”
#1. Toronto shooting death
“I was a TA, running twice weekly lab sessions in the evening. Being more than 10 minutes late to a lab usually earned a 0 grade for the day, so you usually needed a medical note or police report to get out of it.
At the end of class, one student who was 20 minutes late came up to me and apologized profusely. He was a quiet, unassuming Chinese guy with glasses and a below average grasp on the English language.
He told me that while he was walking to class, a guy in front of him was shot multiple times by a man in a nearby parked car, which then sped off. He claimed that he rushed over to the man, and attempted to attend to his wounds along with another bystander, but that he died before the ambulances arrived.
My first thought was, that’s ridiculous. But then I noticed his shirt, jeans, and forearms covered in blood. Before I had a chance to really say anything, he beelines it to the exit and leaves. A couple hours later, out of curiosity, I Google’Toronto shooting death’ and sure enough, there’s a 14-minute old article describing a fatal shooting that occurred earlier in the day, not terribly far from campus.
The next day, I get an email from the course instructor, informing me that the student had submitted a police report to confirm his involvement in the incident. Motherfucker held a man in his arms as he died and still made the effort to come to class. I can’t even imagine what that guy was going through, as he quietly sat in the back of that room.
Shoutout /r/UofT, that’s why he made CS POST and you didn’t.”
I told you! Gold!
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