Some jobs, it would seem, lend themselves to one dumb joke or another. You’d figure that people would just assume that you’d heard them all.
You’d be wrong.
12. Laugh if you want that tip
“When you’re clearing someone’s empty plate and ask if they liked their meal. “Oh, no, I hated it!”
Can’t believe this hasn’t been mentioned yet. I used to hear it literally 10x a day when I was working in restaurants.”
11. You don’t want to know
“Some guy during his abdominal ultrasound: “so is it a boy or a girl??”
cue fake laugh and internal eye roll”
10. Or give them to my neighbor
“When I delivered mail: “you can keep the bills” or some other comment about not wanting the bills.”
9. Smooth
“When i worked Retail,
Me: “Can I get you anything else?” Customer: “Yea, a million dollars”
Now usually i just pulled the fake customer service laugh and let it go, but if it’s a cute girl, I once said this…
“We sell mirrors on Aisle 7, I’m sure you’ll find it there”
8. Ten times a day
“If something doesn’t scan at the register “that means it’s free, right?”
7. Justifiable homicide
“My boss’ name is Josh, everyday he says, “I’m just Joshing ya!” Every. Day.”
6. So funny
“I’m an operator in a power plant.
“Oh my God are you Homer Simpson lololololololololol! Do you want a donut hahahaha!”
5. That joke is dead
“Work in a morgue. “Oh people are just DYING to come see you!!” To which I respond “Obviously. I’m delightful.” I also was once asked how things were going in the morgue and I replied “Lively” as it was pretty busy that day. They thought it was so hilarious and now 2 years later they won’t let me forget that I referred to a morgue as “lively” one time.”
4. Everyone’s a musician
“Can you turn off the suck button”
Recording engineer. Haha, I get it, you’re not a very good musician, now let’s take it from the top because you’re ignoring the click.
And the joke that the engineers always make is, “Yeah, that was ok, but this time maybe sing it like it’s a record”.
3. Too much TV
“I’ve had an influx of people moving their insurance from other carriers and they always try to make some witty response about how the company they are with weren’t working out for them. For example, if they had Nationwide, I swear to god every single one of them says “Nationwide wasn’t on MY side!” Or if they had Progressive, they say something about how Flo didn’t use her price checker tool for them or with Allstate they would say they weren’t in good hands. (These are just examples)
In reality, though, your prices were increased because you’re a shitty driver and think you’re entitled to lower rates when you have 3 pages worth of MVR violations.”
2. Playtime
“Preschool teacher (in sweden).
“Must be nice to just play all day long, right? Hahaha!”
Let’s put it this way. You and your SO are sitting in an apartment with 2 bedrooms. Suddenly someone opens the door and 18 screaming three year olds comes running in. Two adults in a small area with 18 children.. How much playing do you think you have time for?”
1. Commercials ruin lives
“I’m a salesman who’s name happens to be Jake.
I hear on a daily basis
“Oh you quit your job at State Farm? Why?”
Or
“Why aren’t you wearing khakis?”
I laugh along most times because I want the sale. But I’m always internally screaming. Don’t get me started on my last name.”
h/t: Reddit
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