Month: January 2022

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Therapists Divulge The Most Common Secrets That Patients Are Scared To Tell Them

*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.

Those who seek professional counseling are there because they want to improve their mental health and need guidance.

However, getting some patients to open up on their first meeting seems to be a challenge because they are struggling with their self-imposed shame.

Curious to hear about the things patients finally opened up about in a therapy session, Redditor Music-and-wine asked:

“Therapists, what is something people are afraid to tell you because they think it’s weird, but that you’ve actually heard a lot of times before?”

Redditors who are in the field provided their insights.

Resisting Impulses

“Intrusive thoughts. Nearly everyone has thoughts about pushing the old lady onto the subway train, swerving into opposing traffic, or stabbing their loved one in the stomach while cooking dinner with them.”

“Some folks, however, take these thoughts very serious that believe that they might act them out. It’s called thought-action-fusion. Most of us are able to brush them off, though.” – vedderer

Normalizing A Common Tendency

“Unwanted intrusive thoughts are normal and do not mean you are a bad person (yes, even intrusions of sexual/religious/moral themes).”

“By definition, these are thoughts that are unwanted bc they go against your own values and highlight what you don’t want to do (eg, a religious person having unwanted blasphemous images pop into their mind, or a new parent having unwanted sexual thoughts about their new baby).”

“However normal these thoughts are (over 90% of the population), the moral nature of these thoughts mean that often people experience a lot of shame and take many years before they first tell someone about them.”

“Edit. Because this is getting more visibility that I realised : The occurrence of these thoughts/images/urges are normal.”

“The best way to ‘manage’ them is to accept that they are a normal (albeit unpleasant) brain process, and a sign of the opposite of who you are and are therefore v.v.unlikely to ever do.”

“Let the thought run its course in the background while you bring your attention back to (insert something you can see/feel/hear/taste/touch). I usually say something like ‘ok mind!”

“Thanks for that mind! I’m going to get back to washing the dishes and the sound/sensation of the water while you ponder all the nasties.”

“Carry on!’ I literally say it to myself with a slightly amused tone bc I am always genuinely amused at all the wild stuff my brain can produce!!” – cbearg

The Thing About Grief

“The amount of people I see who feel like they should be grieving a ‘certain way’ and are afraid that they ‘must not have loved someone,’ or, ‘must not have cared.’ People grieve in all sorts of ways. The ‘5 stages of grief’ are bullsh*t.”

“I was consulting with another clinician who was seeing a couple whose daughter had died. The wife was convinced that the husband must not have cared about her because he ‘wasn’t grieving out loud’.”

“In reality, while she had been going to support groups and outwardly expressing, he had been continuing to work in a garden that him and his daughter had kept when she was alive, using that time to process and grieve as he did.”

“Both were perfectly fine ways of grieving, however it is expected that ones grief is more than the other. They both ended up working it out however, he driving her and others to their weekly support group, her attempting to work in the garden with him on the condition that they didn’t talk. Really sweet.”

“To that same extent, the amount of people who are unaware of their own emotions and emotional process is astounding. So many people feel only ‘angry’ or ‘happy’ and worry something must be wrong with them otherwise.”

“Normalizing feeling the whole gamut is just as important. Recognizing what we’re feeling as well as what it feels like in our body when we’re feeling is incredibly helpful for understanding how we process and feel.”

“As a whole, how we treat emotions as a society is kinda f’ked. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.” – sredac

Feeling Out Of Place

“I’d say a common one is believing that there’s something innately, irreparably wrong with them that makes them unable to ever truly ‘fit in’. For a lot of people it’s such a deeply ingrained belief that it can be extremely painful to acknowledge or express, regardless of the level of personal success in their lives.” – GuidedBySteven

Common Topics

“Two topics come up with regularity: when someone discloses to me that they were sexually abused as a kid, and/or when some is experiencing suicidal ideation. Both are something I hear from clients every single day, and so I don’t find it weird at all.”

“But, when I have someone in front of me who’s talking about it for the first time, I know it’s important to validate the fact that even though I might be talking about this for like the fifth time that day, they have never talked about this EVER, and are in need of gentle care to feel safe.” – HighKeyHotMess

What Makes People Happy

“That they do not know what they enjoy doing. Often they have people in they’re life, including therapists, say ‘try to do something fun today’ or ask ‘what do you like to do when you have free time?’”

“Many people I work with do not know what those are. Once I explain that I dislike these statements /questions because they assume people should know the answer, and that many people don’t, I can watch as they relax, take a deep breath, and say something to the effect of ‘oh my, that’s so good to hear. I have no idea what I like to do. That’s part of the problem’.”

“More often than not they feel like they should know and that everyone else their age has it figured out. They are embarrassed to say that they don’t know when in fact not knowing is very common. I couldn’t even try to count how many clients I’ve had this conversation with.” – ljrand

Not Knowing Where To Start

“A common one in the time I was a therapist was simply ‘I don’t know.’”

“You’d be surprised how reluctant people are to admit that they don’t know why they’re feeling how they are. But that’s exactly why you’re (or were, I’m not a therapist any more) sat there with me; so we can figure out why together.”

“It always put me in mind of a line from America by Simon and Garfunkel:”

“Kathy, ‘I’m lost’ I said, though I knew she was sleeping. ‘I’m empty and aching and I don’t know why’.” – kutuup1989

The Stigmatization Of Sex

“Psychologist here. Basically, anything having to do with sex. There’s so much shame. Sexual abuse. Sexual fantasies and fetishes. Erectile dysfunction. Infidelity. Becoming sexually assertive.”

“I’ve been told that I have a good ‘psychologist’s face.’ I try not to have a strong reaction to normalize the discussion. With adolescents, they are extremely anxious to tell me if they’ve relapsed or aren’t doing well.”

“They cut one night or they were suicidal. They’re having a lot of negative self-talk or panic attacks.”

“They’ll come in, pretending everything is okay. It’s usually in the last 10-15 minutes that they’ll say something. They’ll reveal that they worried they’d let me down.”

“That I’d be disappointed in them. It usually turns into a discussion about policing other people’s feelings and tolerating emotions.”

“I explain that I care about their well-being and it’s my job to monitor my emotions and reactions, not their role.” – MyDogCanSploot

The takeaway from this thread is that psychologists and other therapists have heard it all and they are there to help patients, not judge them.

While it’s easy to say patients should shed their guilt when opening up about their issues, they should be proud for taking that first step by showing up.

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

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People Break Down Which Modern Day Bad Guys Will Get A Future Image Reboot The Way Pirates Did

Nostalgia is a wonderful thing.

We look back at the past through rose-colored glasses and decide the difficult thing we went through wasn’t really that difficult, or it taught us a valuable lesson, or it was the best moment of our lives.

Nostalgia doesn’t just work on events though, it can do a wonderful job at making yesterday’s villains the heroes of modern stories.

We see this all the time with Revisionist histories that take cruel and monstrous figures and morph them into benevolent and wise leaders.

With this in mind, Redditor YanTyanTeth asked Reddit:

“300-400 years ago, pirates were a terrifying force to be reckoned with.”

“Now they’re family friendly figures of fun.”

“What will be their modern day equivalent a few centuries from now?”

Society has a short memory.

“Bloods and Crips type gangbangers, motor bike gangs, hell in 500 years the memory of people like the nazis, bolsheviks, and Al Qaeda will be such distant memories people might like them.”

“People dress up as Vikings for Halloween.”

“Atilla Th Hun was a good guy in Night At The Museum.” ~ devilthedankdawg

The Irony is not lost on us…

“ISIS … Just imagine the irony of western kids playing with ISIS figurines”

“Edit: Wow thank you all for the upvotes and the award. I really enjoyed reading all your comments” ~watergate_boi

Revisionist history isn’t just for madmen!

“In 400 years cancer will be so cured that ever being seriously ill with it will be forgotten too. Then it’ll be inaccurately represented in historical stories whenever an illness is needed…”

“A: are you coming out tonight?”

“B: no sorry I’ve got cancer”

“A: ok! Well catch you tomorrow!”

“B: lol ok!” ~ Sell200AprilAt142

Two sides of the same coin?

“ICE and Immigrants.”

“Instead of cowboys and Indians.” ~ spderweb

Some took a broader view of the question.

“Possible.”

“The irony, though, is that we remember pirates fondly because at least some pirate ships were more egalitarian than their legal counterparts.”

“You were treated better by your peers on a pirate ship than on a privateer’s crew… at least, that’s what is commonly believed.”

“That isn’t true these days. Drug syndicates and gangs are just as ruthless as legal business corporations.”

“The sole good thing that can be said about illegal organizations, that can’t be said about some legal ones, is, I suppose, that they offer employment to people who would otherwise be complete outcasts.”

“But that’s not an artifact of them being good— it’s a consequence of our society being so sh*tty.”

“I think movies and books have an influence here.”

“Fiction requires balanced characters, even among your antagonists.”

“A bad guy with no redeeming qualities is lazy writing. But in the real world, people with no redeeming qualities exist— they’re not even uncommon.” ~ michaelochurch

The siren call of the Highway.

“Bikers in general.”

“They’re already being ‘diluted’ from predominantly (or almost exclusively) outlaw types into a subculture.”

“People who ride the traditional Harley and Harley-like cruisers already often dress the part, and try to give off an air of rebellion and counterculture, while doing things like charitable events.”

“We’ve had around 100 years of biker counterculture, and gone from the progenitors to the subculture I speak of. In another 200-300 years, I could easily see a ‘Jack Sparrow’ type biker character.” ~ Euchre

Some tried to give context to our fascination.

“Instead of looking forward, we should look back.”

“A lot of pirates of the past actually had political motivations/capabilities and commanded small navies.”

“Others acted as toll stations on popular sea routes.”

“Our views of them have been severely slanted by Hollywood. There were also several african/black pirates who became commanders.”

“We tend to think of most pirates as white, which was not entirely the case.”

“There also was an entire history of pirates inside the Mediterranean (Ottomans and Arabs) that has been completely ignored by history.”

“We tend to look on pirates as dirty criminals who were ugly and disabled, when in fact many were competent and rich.”

“My feeling is modern elites don’t like to expose stories of successful rebels in the mass media.”

“Anyone who rebels in a movie or story has to eventually be suppressed, with the message being that you can’t win against authority ultimately.”

“You can go out in a blaze of glory, but you’re going to lose.”

“The movie ‘Outland’ is a bit of a sci-fi space pirate movie, or at least one where a security guard (Sean Connery) sets up a defense against a hit squad.”

“Other than that, there’s Han Solo, and maybe a bit of Captain Kirk.”

“Other than the, the future pirate story is pretty underdeveloped, but there are past pirate stories that would make great ‘yarrrrns’ as well!” ~ soundtrackband

Some fell back on the innocence of youth.

“In 6th grade I DID know they had something to do with hookers and I did a pimp voice/persona and all the girls at my lunch table called themselves my hoes and it was a big f*cked up joke that we all thought was hilarious.”

“Kids are messed up.” ~ Schnitzelgruben

We don’t even have to go that far back.

“Narcos, we don’t even need a century to know that, just how people idealizes the figure of Pablo Escobar and others infamous narcos in Latin America” ~ Molokon92

And…

“Yeah, the way they are presented is problematic.”

“At least movies like Sicario show the brutality of the narcos/cartels.”

“If anything, movies covering narcos/cartels should at most do what Godfather 1 and 2 did, where it was more matter of fact than glorification.”

“That being said, I wont fault a movie for glorifying the wealth and excess just like I didn’t fault Wolf of Wall Street.” ~ karsh36

Historical revision is a dangerous game.

We take the parts of our past we don’t like and paint over them so they’re a little easier to deal with.

The danger, of course, is we forget the past was filled with monsters to be learned from and avoided.

Be wary of false histories, but don’t forget to have a little fun along the way.

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Contented Gen Xers In Their 40s Share Their Best Advice For Millennials And Gen Z

Happiness is one of those vague, nebulous, concepts we struggle do define but we all just sort of “get.”

In theory, at least, we understand that happy looks different for everyone. In practice, humans have this really nasty habit of completely and totally forgetting that fact applies to them, too.

Reddit user peeledraspberry asked: 

“People who are 40+ and happy with their life, what is your advice to people in their 20s?” 

Yeah it’s okay for everyone ELSE to struggle, but not you. YOU must be perfect.

Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean, I know we’re all out here sobbing along to “Surface Pressure” for a reason. It’s okay. You’re among friends.

All of us need little reminders every now and then or we end up getting in the way of our own happiness. Let’s take a look at what advice actual happy human beings of Reddit had for the rest of us mere mortals.

Get ON My Lawn

“I hesitate to give advice, being unqualified to do so.”

“Instead, here are some points that may or may not be worthy of consideration:”

“Time is very short, and as you get older it speeds up more and more.”

“Time is more important than money. In theory, you could end up a billionaire. But nobody is ever a ‘time billionaire.’ Rich or poor, you’re gonna get maybe 100 years at the absolute max, and probably not that much.”

“There will be several versions of You as you walk your path, but one version that kind of colors all the other versions. This version you could call ‘the real you’ It pays to spend time figuring out who that real you is.”

“You will have to deal with people. Learn how to leave them happy to have been in your presence, and you will not lack for friends and loved ones.”

“Speaking of loved ones: just because someone is a blood relative, it doesn’t mean they’re worth a shit. If your parent, sibling, or child is a complete a-hole unworthy of your attention, don’t waste further time on them.”

“Find something you love to do, and do that. Do it every day. It doesn’t matter if you make money at it, or get recognition because of it.”

“Do it like Henry Darger did his writing and drawing, and like Vivian Maier did her photography. Do good work. It is its own reward.”

“I am a geezer, 64 years old. It does not have to suck being old. I think it’s f*cking great, for many reasons.”

“If you’re ever in my town, drop by and get ON my lawn.”

– clit-eastwould

Three Things

“I am 40 years old and I have three pieces of advice for anyone in their 20’s”

“One: Accept that perfection doesn’t exist. Your relationships will have problems, your car will break down, someone else will anyways have a better phone, a newer car, or a bigger house than you, no matter where on the social ladder you stand.”

“Constantly chasing perfection will keep you permanently stressed. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to better your life, just know that if you expect perfection you will never be statisfied.”

“Two: Pay attention to your diet and health. I have been working out at least 4 times per week since my mid 20’s. I am fitter, healthier and look younger than almost everyone else my age.”

“Three: Don’t stop doing the things you love. Even though I have a wife, kids, job etc. I still make time to play video games, draw, write stories, read comics, play basketball, listen to music, etc.”

“There is no reason to become a miserable old bastard!”

“People ask how I find time to fit in all these hobbies. Honestly, I have to make the time.”

“Apart from working out (which I do at 6am before everyone else wakes up) I’m not doing these things every day.”

“I only game on the weekend if I get the chance, I read ebooks on my phone when I’m killing time in the day, I may buy a comic 2-3 times a year and I can usually find a few hours in the week to draw.”

“I still make time to chill out with my wife in the evenings and do things with kids. I just fit my hobbies in between them. I also don’t watch much TV or go out, but that’s just me.”

“The point is to make sure you keep doing stuff you actually LIKE.” 

– Denaris21

Turn Around And Change It

“I was a raging alcoholic in my twenties and thought I would never recover from it.”

“I never found a real job using my first degree or my masters. Part of it was because I was always drunk, part of it was the job market at the time.”

“I went back to school in my thirties and found something I like a whole lot more. Now, I’m married, nearly ten years sober, and have a great job.”

“My point is, if you end up on the wrong path or don’t like where you are, there’s always time to turn around and change it. Too many people just assume they’re stuck where they are and stuck with the issues they have.”

– yeahwellokay

Not A Race

“It’s not a race!”

“Stop comparing yourself to others. Just because they did things sooner than you, doesn’t mean they’re happier or better.”

“Try to start good habits. It is a little rough at first, but in a few years it will be second nature. Do this with things like cooking, cleaning, saving money and self-care.”

“It is okay to not like someone. It is also okay to have someone not like you.”

“People are going to not like you for no reason. That is okay. It’s a “them” issue and not a “you” issue.”

“Don’t be an ass to everyone and give them reason to dislike you, but also know that you are under no obligation to put up with someone else’s bad friendship.”

“There is no shame in seeing a mental health professional.”

– MayUrBladesNVRdull

“It’s been really hard to remember that things aren’t a race.”

“I am 29, graduating college this year, and so many of my classmates are 18-22 with family support, great connections and networks, no weird backstory to explain, no major disabilities (thanks military).”

“I know once I get somewhere I can thrive, I will; but it’s definitely hard to not feel like I’m behind.”

– redwingpanda

“I’ve been feeling bad about this.”

“Entering sixth year of college (graduating in the fall, though) and I just feel bad and like a failure. I feel like I’m not going to get a job when I get out, and I feel pressured to live up to the success my older brother has despite my parents say that’s not important.”

“There’s a lot of other things that hit home in this thread. Struggling from substance abuse, being physically unhealthy and having body image issues are a few others.”

“I want to be a better and successful person, but I’m afraid I’m never going to find the motivation. I’m afraid I’m going to allow myself to be mediocre for the rest of my life.”

“I really should get a therapist like you’ve said.”

– Shrumples1997

Out Of The Hole

“Don’t put yourself in ridiculous amounts of debt trying to portray a certain image. You’ll spend your entire life trying to get out of the hole you dug or you’ll have to declare bankruptcy.”

“Set aside enough money to cover 3-6 months of expenses for emergencies just like now. Moreover, save now for your retirement years. It doesn’t require much and if you have it taken directly from your paycheck you won’t be inclined to not pay yourself first.”

“Take care of your body. Exercise to maintain a healthy weight and good cardiovascular health. As you get older, it’s much harder to maintain these.”

“Enjoy the days of your youth without going overboard.”

“There is nothing wrong with having a good time, yet if you are always waking up wondering what happened last night, why you can’t remember how you spent so much money or you always have a hangover; you should tone it down a bit.”

“Don’t take advice or criticism as a personal attack.”

“Most times the people who care about you have observed behavior in you which is off putting, doesn’t reflect who you really are or could be or would make you a more rounded person.”

– RmeMSG

Anyone else feeling a little attacked?

No?

Just me?

What’s your best advice for happiness? Are there mistakes you want us all to learn from? Wins you recommend people aim for?

We’ll see you in the comments.

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Waiters Share The Worst Valentine’s Day Disasters They’ve Ever Seen

Though many justifiably call Valentine’s Day nothing more than a holiday called into existence by jewelry and greeting card companies, chocolate and flower vendors and the service industry, most couples can’t help but celebrate it anyway.

And there’s no shame in that.

Why not spend a night with complete focus on a partner and all things love and romance?

But for a variety of reasons, the holiday can still end in pure chaos.

Redditor Hamsternoir banked on that unfortunate reality when they asked:

“Waiters what Valentine day disasters have you witnessed?”

Of course, marriage proposals are frequently a piece of these stories.

“I was eating in a fine dining establishment (Chili’s) several years ago. In the next booth was a really young guy who had a big bunch of roses on the seat next to him.”

“He kept looking at his watch, looking at the roses, and popping open a ring box for a peek at the ring.”

“He did this for a half hour or so, then began calling and texting someone (presumably his girlfriend) over and over.”

“As we were waiting for our check, he hands my wife the roses, mumbled something, and walked out.”

“Poor guy.” — AZScienceTeacher

It’s even worse when there’s a secret audience. 

“Not a waiter but I was a pastry chef at this big resort in cape cod. We got a special order from this guy who was coming in for his anniversary ( Valentine’s day). He wanted his desert to have ‘Will you marry me?’ written on it so he could pop the question when it came out.”

“He called ahead to the front and back kitchen, even came in himself that morning to make sure it was good to go. The whole crew was behind him. We had cooks all night coming in the ask if it had happened yet.”

“I wrote the inscription on the plate and dressed it to the nines with gold leaf and expensive chocolate. I’m taking a picture of the plate just before it’s set to go out and notice our head waiter come in with a weird look on his face.”

“He says plainly ‘They don’t need it’ “

“She broke up with him before the entrees hit the table.” — jeanlukepikard

In one case, the waitstaff became directly involved.

“There was a note in our reservations that it was an engagement, they wanted champagne, a specific seat, bunch of other stuff. The server comes up to the table with something like ‘so I read we’re celebrating an engagement, congratulations.’ ”

“Confusion from the woman; glaring from the guy. He hadn’t proposed yet. She ruined it.” — ChefHannibal

For one Redditor, the proposal remains a mystery. 

“Old man proposed to old woman. He tried to get off the chair to kneel, tripped and fell and I assume broke something since he couldnt get back up and we had to call an ambulance.”

“My manager had to drive her teeth to the hospital separately because she had taken them out to eat her soup (lord knows why) and left them on the table in the confusion.” — rancid_cu**_bucket

There are, however, other versions of love lost.

“They came in at lunch the day after, so it was pretty empty but it was still for a Valentine’s Day date. They were both pretty nice at the beginning, the guy asked for a picture and whatnot.”

“As the meal went on, the dude got progressively drunker and by the time I brought the check out, the woman was gone.”

“When the dude gave me his card, he said ‘I’ll give you a bit of advice. If you’re taking a girl out to break up with her, do it at a McDonald’s and not an expensive restaurant’.” — _StanleyYelnats

Breakups aren’t always such a spectacle, though.

“These two were on a date and the guy went to go use the bathroom, The girl just up and leaves after he went to the restroom. When the guy came back he sat around for awhile until asking his waitress where she went.”

“She replied with saying that she left. The guy then asked the waitress if she would go on a date with him. The waitress said no.” — OffensiveGender

For this waiter, the relationship in question was hers.

“I was working as a waitress in a Sushi restaurant and Valentine’s Day was an all-hands-on-deck shift.”

“This guy I had just started seeing wanted to go out, but I told him that working in food service, you never get Valentine’s Day off and we’d just have to celebrate the day after or the weekend after.”

“Nope. He got so upset that he went and asked a different girl out, came to the restaurant I worked at on V-Day and sat in MY SECTION.”

“He then proceeded to spend the entire evening making a fool out of himself and making his date uncomfortable as he tried to make me jealous.”

“Needless to say we didn’t go out again. Ever.” — venustas

And there were those juicy stories of infidelity.

“In college I waited tables and Valentine’s Day was always a good one in terms of tips.”

“I once saw a couple come in to eat, halfway through the dinner the mans wife shows up to surprise the couple. The wife took the wine bottle and poured the remnants on the husbands head, took off her ring and told the girlfriend she could have him.”

“He tipped me a $100” — kobra_kyle

This one doesn’t involve a waiter, but it’s just too wild to leave out.

“I was a delivery driver for a fruit bouquet company and I had two arrangements from the same guy.”

“Routes were made for me and the truck was loaded so there was no way I could mess this up. Delivered both arrangements to the appropriate address.”

“I headed back to the store to find the store owner and the guy who sent these in an argument. This idiot put the wrong name to the houses. And it was on the card with the arrangement. Along with the phone numbers.”

“So both women called each other and then called the guy. He tried to say it was my fault. Then the person who took the order. He ordered it ONLINE. All we did was import the order.”

“I hate valentine’s day because of that place but man was that great.” — misfits90

And finally, one waiter saw them all. 

“I had a section one V-day that had a marriage proposal, a 40th anniversary, and a break up all at the same time.”

“The break up was the worst. The guy brought his high class date a gift; a mini ceramic bear holding balloons. He presented it when I was at the table and she looked at it like it was a hot turd.”

“I just knew this was not going to end well. She left at the end of the meal and must have said something because he stayed at the table for another 40 minutes, head down and crying. I felt bad, he saw the celebrations going on at the other tables.” — Odd-Examination

So for those of you celebrating V-Day this year, consider a few lessons: propose in private, don’t use the day to save a relationship, and if you’re cheating, beware!

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Doctors Confess How They Behave When They Are The Patient

Something funny that I’ve always wondered… who’s the doctor for my doctor? Does that doctor have a doctor? And what about THAT doctor?

Wouldn’t there be an imbalance of some kind eventually? Does every doctor have a doctor in some never-ending loop? This has to be one of life’s greatest mysteries, right?

Here’s another question: What do doctors talk about when they go for their own medical checkups and yearly physical exams? Do they correct each other? Argue over results?

Oh, to be a fly on the wall…

As humorous as this is, remember: Doctors are people, too! They have to go to the doctor just like the rest of us (even if they refuse to answer my question about this seemingly never-ending loop of doctors).

But there might, in fact, be an answer!

Doctors were candid about their own experiences at the well, doctor after Redditor Still-Tangerine2782 asked the online community:

“Doctors of Reddit, what’s it like when you go in for a doctor’s appointment?”

“Do you and your doctor discuss what’s wrong with you like it’s a group project? Do you not go at all because you’re your own doctor?”

“It depends on what I’m going in for.”

“It depends on what I’m going in for. As a background, I’m an oncologist so I’ve trained in internal medicine before. For most internal medicine-type stuff, I don’t bother going in unless I need something that I can’t easily get for myself (e.g. labs or images).

“For specialty stuff I wasn’t trained in, I go in and try to give them the best history I can, but let them do their own thing.” ~ alkahdia

“Fastest consultations ever.”

I don’t get involved in the management. I let the doctor seeing me lead that unless they missed something huge and I would just double-check.”

“The main difference is I can present the whole history and relevant info in about 30 seconds flat and the doctor with that info can just give me the management plan in about the same time.”

“Fastest consultations ever. Very methodical.” ~ triple_threatt

“I don’t go often but when I do…”

“Doctor here (neurologist) I’m not good at going to the doctor. I don’t go often but when I do I usually just STFU, especially if it’s a field of medicine I have no idea about (like say…derm).”

“That being said, the doctor usually knows I’m a physician as well, and so the language tends to be more technical.”

“I also find that we practice less defensively with each other since we can be more open (“We could do ABC tests but honestly what you probably have is X so take this and if it doesn’t get better then we can do ABC”).” ~ Telamir

“Academically minded people tend to ask lots of questions…”

“The pace and density of the conversations is different, I’m sure.”

“I’m an emergency physician who has, over time, treated various physicians in my community including internists, surgeons, radiation oncologists, some from my hospital and some not. Keep in mind that each specialty is quite different from the others.”

“The Rad Onc, for example, thinks and speaks differently than the Ortho Surgeon, and I felt like my treatment of each of them was really quite similar to treating a professor of engineering.”

“Academically minded people tend to ask lots of questions and research stuff while you’re out of the room, as compared to populations that request a more paternalistic bent and just want you to tell them what to do so they can get on with their day.”

“I’m careful to credit that the number of hours that went into my family physician’s training is the same as mine; simply a different topic.”

“She knows tons of stuff about management and screening for chronic disease that I don’t, and I … well I know how to intubate people, manage a bad LSD trip, or use a jar of bubbles to distinguish between kids that are scared and kids that are head injured.” ~ procast1natrix

“For the most part…”

“I’m an ER doctor, and sometimes I have other doctors as patients. For the most part, they’re pretty good patients because they can give a good description of their symptoms in a way that’s useful to me.”

“They usually ask good questions and are well equipped to have an informed discussion about their diagnosis and treatment.

“Sometimes it’s hard for me to dial back my ‘patient talk’ where I simplify medical terms for laypeople. Sometimes it’s challenging if their area of expertise is totally unrelated to the issue at hand and they don’t recognize their limited understanding.”

“The worst patients are those who have just a little medical knowledge and think they know everything. Some version of: ‘My aunt is a nurse, and she said a need a whole-body MRI for this runny nose…’”

“As far as self-diagnosing, I usually deal with my own minor medical issues. If I noticed signs of something more serious, I would go to someone else.” ~ Yeti_MD

“It’s actually a strategy I’ve adopted…”

“Doctor here (family medicine).”

“I self diagnose most things, but for my 1-year-old daughter I decided a while ago that I don’t want to do that for her. So her pediatrician doesn’t know I’m a doctor – I never told her. I want her to treat me like any other parent, and explain everything to me like I’m 5 years old.”

“I’m afraid of being too nonchalant with my daughter’s health that I’ll miss something (or the doctor assuming I know more than I really do).”

“It’s actually a strategy I’ve adopted since on myself; if I go to a doctor (say a gynecologist for a routine check-up) I sometimes just don’t say what I do so I can legitimacy ask dumb questions about things that I should really know – or so that the other doctor won’t leave out important info that they assume I know for fear of insulting me.”

“On the other hand, my regular doctors do know, such as the gynecologist who saw me through my pregnancies, and that enables more complex and nuanced discussions about health decisions, as in debating questions and giving me options that he wouldn’t necessarily do with it he patients, because he can be sure I understand the medical pros and cons well once I’m given a basic explanation.” ~ HermioneGranger8888

“It is a bit dependent…”

“Doctor here – it is a bit dependent on the field of medicine involved.”

“For example, I don’t know much about neurological issues so if I went to see a neurologist I certainly wouldn’t be chipping in.”

“For more generic conditions I have previously offered my thoughts to my doctor about what it could be. Ultimately I still go to the doctor as they can prescribe drugs/order tests for me that would be difficult/questionable for me to do myself.” ~ drbigmac69

“When we do go in…”

“Doctor here. In general, we are not good about going to the doctor. For me, it’s physicals about half as often as recommended and that time I had strep a year and a half ago that didn’t resolve with whatever antibiotics I had in my medicine cabinet.”

“When we do go in, it is like a group project. We usually hash things out together but ultimately I am going to defer to someone with more expertise than me in that area who can make an objective decision.” ~ nellyann

“I always go to someone who doesn’t know me…”

“I always go to someone who doesn’t know me, and I wouldn’t say that I’m a doctor as well. On the other hand, my significant other is a doctor too, and whenever we feel something we do discuss it like a group project in which he always refuses any treatment until his symptoms get to the very worst.” ~ eatfart420

“It can be weirdly stressful…”

“I try to act like any other patient. Medical people can very much sabotage their own care by taking shortcuts or perhaps declining to approach their own problems the way other patients do.”

“It’s a mistake. I have seen harm done that way. I don’t come in for trivial things like self-limiting infections or things that are harmless because I know that they are. But I do go see my regular doctor for problems that really bother me or for routine exams like anyone else.”

“It can be weirdly stressful to be the doctor or the patient in this kind of interaction. I’ve learned to not let it bother me when I am the doctor seeing other doctors. It can be harmful to the doctor as a patient if you let that kind of interaction get to you.”

“I try not to generate stress for other doctors who see me and know what I am. That could be detrimental to me.” ~ Zapranotho777

“I keep my mouth shut…”

“Forensic pathologist here: I keep my mouth shut and let my doctor be a doctor. I have a pulse, so I am not the expert here. Doctors that self-doctor are scary and arrogant, in my honest opinion.” ~ TheresNoIinAutopsy

Well, it’s safe to say I learned a lot.

These answers are remarkably insightful. Next time you go to the doctor, you’ll have a newfound appreciation for them and what they do.

Doctors are people just like you, with concerns about their own health. Given their experience and knowledge, it also takes a lot of humility to just let other professionals do their jobs.