Women Admit What They Would Do if They Were Men for a Day

As the influential philosophers at Good Burger once told us, “I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, we’re all dudes, hey.”

That’s what was playing on repeat in my head when I was reading through this thread on Ask Reddit:

If you were the opposite sex for a day, what would you do? from AskReddit

There were a lot of posts from my fellow men which predictably fell into the category of “I’D TOUCH ALL MY LADY PARTS A LOT AND DO THE FAPPING!”

Which, yanno, ok. Let’s leave that behind for a moment and look at the responses that women gave about what they’d do if they were men. I’m sure it will be a lot more thoughtful and enlightening.

1. …oh.

Helicopter!

Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate.

Retract foreskin.

Replace foreskin.

Helicopter.

Pee on a tree.

Sex.

– Mtoastyo

2. Guess we’re not so different.

Jack off ngl i wanna know what it’s like to orgasm that easily

– f*ckmeup-scotty

3. Oof, this one hurts.

Go for a walk at night

– Calingaladha

4. Wow, really?

Sing.

I’ve always admired the vocal range and the sound of a male’s voice.

It’s just… Wow.

– CryptikAngel

5. Don’t bother – childbirth is definitely worse.

Get myself kicked in the b*lls so we could settle the debate of whether it hurts more than childbirth.

– saelcaha

6. WHY?

I would whip out my d*ck and pee everywhere possible.

– cuntiee

7. See this is darkly fascinating.

Am female, so would be male.

I would get all the jobs done that I need doing eg car serviced, guttering fixed, house insurance updated and so on. My husband generally does these because he gets better deals. We tried it last year where I made a call, then he did. And he consistently got a better deal. Not exactly an empirically proven experiment but it was enough for us to decide he’s in charge of negotiating anything financial!

– SmolEmmywem

8. Freud was right?

I think about this all the time, I have a bad case of penis envy.

I would definitely get a blow job, I need to know how that feels. I would also masterbaute.

I would write my name with pee! I would put stuff on my erect penis and try to fling it in my mouth. I want a penis so bad!! They’re so cool!!

– biscuit272

9. Um…

Try and save as much of sperm as possible so I can get myself pregnant.

– ta_janae

10. This answer came up a LOT.

I would spend the day swinging my penis around like a pinwheel

– topsinator

11. It is pretty nice.

Walk around shirtless

– StuckInDreams

12. Username checks out.

Be euphoric for a day

– transpersonmaybe

13. Sigh. Yeah.

Let’s be real here.

Everyone would masturbate.

– SmallDixxsRBeautiful

14. Are they that bad?

Celebrate.

No more boobs.

– imjustlivinghere

15. The range of motion is really pretty limited, ya’ll.

get a blowjob and make my d*ck move on command

– sailorigor

Well, now we’ve gotten to the bottom of that question, I guess.

What would you do if you could switch sexes for a day?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Women Admit What They Would Do if They Were Men for a Day appeared first on UberFacts.

June 14, 2021

How Do You Think You’d Get Rich if You Got $100 Every Time You Were Rejected? People Share Their Hilarious Responses.

The job market is really TOUGH right now. You hardly know where to turn.

But what if there were a different, unconventional way to make money, like this hypothetical from r/AskReddit:

You get 100$ every time you’re rejected for anything ( favors, dating, money ). What do you do to make money? from AskReddit

So, how best to turn rejection into cash? Let’s hear out some innovative ideas.

1. The trifecta.

Do you have a minute to hear about our lord and savior?

Would you like to take a survey?

Can I offer you an extended warranty?

– em21701

2. Love me tinder.

Does someone swiping left on my tinder profile count as a rejection?

If so, I’ll be a millionaire in a week.

– LukewarmCola

3. Just ask.

Ask people for $100

– Pimp_Butters

4. The swap.

Create two bank accounts, one to take the $100 another that’s just empty.

I use the debit card linked to the empty account and just repeatedly swipe it in some gas station or grocery store, getting declined every time.

Then I just use the other account for everything else

– Gastric_Wave

5. You game?

Ask people to play Axis and Allies the board game.

It’s my favorite, and no one ever wants to play it.

– i_am_the_pirate

6. Failed.

Try to login with the wrong password.

– trogdor1234

7. Dude, what?

Ask random strangers if you can sniff their farts

– Fl3xion

8. A clean break.

Ask my kids to clean up their toys. $$$

– Dorkjello

9. A strange plan.

1. Buy a magic 8 ball
2. ask a question and roll till a “no”
3. buy more magic 8 balls from the $100 and put them in a tray
4. ask away and shake the tray every time you need money.
5. Stack modular trays containing more magic 8 balls to expand your earnings per sec.

– Calmeister

10. Mouthing off.

Ask if I can stick my hand into people’s mouths, noone wants a stranger’s hand there

– Iwantmyteslanow

11. Oof.

Suggest really solid ideas to my work team of all-male technicians.

– jewbetterstopthat

12. That’s quite an estimate.

Travel around world, trying to kiss everyone.

Imma make over $700,000,000,000.

– ThanatosTheSaviour

13. The best laid plans.

Just try and make plans with a big group of ppl.

Nothing works out.

Probably market cap in and around 1 bil

– Count55

14. That Mormon beat.

I’d go back and be a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints again!

– rexregisanimi

15. NEVER.

Do you want to try YouTube Premium?

– Bjar5614

*Sigh* if only any of those would really work.

What would you add to this list?

Tell us in the comments.

The post How Do You Think You’d Get Rich if You Got $100 Every Time You Were Rejected? People Share Their Hilarious Responses. appeared first on UberFacts.

June 14, 2021

People Talk About the Worst Advice You Can Give to a Virgin

You’ll always remember your first time. Though not always fondly.

Maybe that’s because you got some bad advice? But surely not as bad as the advice found on this thread…

What is the WORST advice you can give a virgin for their first time? from AskReddit

The people of Reddit, as usual, did not disappoint.

It should be fairly obvious, but the rest of the page is going to be very weird and very NSFW.

1. Poking holes

Poking holes in condom will give you some breathing room.

– Harsh_Asnani

2. Fast and the Furious

Two key words gentlemen: Fast, and Hard.

Ladies love pure speed, so as soon as those panties come off you want to get in there as quickly as possible. Once you’re in you need to keep going, maintain that energy until you’re finished. Y’all know what a jackhammer is right? That’s basically the only way to make them feel good.

Girls say that they can c*m but they really cant, its all imaginary so don’t worry about it.

If she’s upset afterwards then that means you aren’t fast enough.

Work up those core muscles.

Also! Condoms are a scam. They advertise like they help avoid pregnancies but really it just makes those lil guys swim faster. So make sure not to use them. Ever

– Cl0udSurfer

3. That bites

Make sure to bite the b*lls

– _humanpieceoftoast

4. Twist it!

Bop It is a sex education toy

– whatchagonnado0707

5. That’s the button

Women love it when you vigorously finger their belly button.

– iPeeLavaLampGoo

6. Screamingly good

Scream I’m sorry the whole time

– Weddituser22

7. Like the real thing!

Sex looks and sounds exactly like p*rn so try to do it the same way

– the_monkey_of_lies

8. Going in

Start with some light fingering, one or two fingers.

Once she’s wet enough start slipping in more until your whole hand is in then slowly inch your way up to the elbow. You should feel a bit of a tug or pull on your arm by now and that means it’s safe to start the other hand in.

Once you get to biceps take a deep breath and ease your head in. The pull should feel pretty strong by now. Torso usually goes pretty smooth but you’ve gotta be gentle getting the hips in. Then the legs will go easily. Once you’re inside you can start to stretch out and now you’ve got a skinsuit

– Suspiciously_high

9. Learn from my mistakes

When getting a bj, tell her just right before you c*m that you’re about to c*m.

So she takes it out of her mouth but doesn’t have time to get out of the way and gets it all over her face and In the hair.

Absolutely didn’t happen to me at any point of my life, I promise.

– Mueller96

10. The summoning spell

The hole only appears if you sing the entire lyrics to ‘The Ketchup song’ three times beforehand.

That’s what the term ‘foreplay’ is.

– ArmedChimpanzee

11. All the way

Your b*lls go in the condom

– K666busa

12. The flop

Remember that it’s absolutely not about being gentle and caring.

Just flop around on top of them like you’re a cod that’s been dragged out of the depths of the oceans.

– Daviemoo

13. Stay still

Girls you don’t need to move or do any of the work.

Just lay there and think of the flowers.

– [user deleted]

14. Ahhh!

Sex is an emotional experience.

If you’re not sobbing uncontrollably and/or laughing hysterically throughout the entire process, you’re doing it wrong.

– BigBrownBeaver44

15. A real one

Story time!

Disclaimer circa 1995, internet p*rn is not ubiquitous yet, 16/17 years old.

My best friend and I in high school were in relationships with a pair of best friends. We go over his girls house, the 4 of us, and are hanging out. They decide to go to her room for “sexy-time”. A few minutes later I hear my friend hysterically laughing… I’m like wtf… he busts out of the room in his boxers still laughing hysterically. His girl wanted to give him a “blow job”… apparently in her mind that meant something very different than what everyone on here knows it as… she was literally blowing up and down on it, like she was trying to blow out birthday candles. He gently tried to correct her and she vehemently stated that this was how it was done! Needless to say, he got no action and their relationship ended abruptly thereafter.

So, worst advice? Her sister told her a blowjob was like blowing out birthday candles…

– Wgmack

I think it’s safe to say no one should follow any of that advice ever under any circumstances.

What bad advice would you add?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Talk About the Worst Advice You Can Give to a Virgin appeared first on UberFacts.

June 14, 2021

You Can Buy Jeans with Stains to Look Like You Peed Yourself

Just when I think I’ve seen everything, the internet throws something totally new at me.

I’m not sure I’ve been up on the latest trends since the 90s, and maybe not even then.

Did all kids wear ginormous t-shirts, or was it just me?

Anyway, buckle in, because apparently (supposedly?) there’s a new fashion trend in town: peeing your pants.

It seems like it started out as people just goofing around on TikTok using audio from the Adam Sandler movie Billy Madison where he tells some kids that it’s cool to pee your pants.

Then it turned into last year’s dumb new social media challenge with the hashtag #peeyourpantschallenge.

Bored in the house? the #peeyourpantschallenge is going viral https://t.co/ESu1SzBeJX

— Bebe Baby (@bebewackypup) May 2, 2020

But people were bored. And stuck inside. So I think we can forgive them.

Whether it was moms working out:

@mrsbritnicole

mom’s know what’s up #momsoftiktok #momlife #goingpro #over30 #billymadison #funnymom #momhumor #momswhoworkout

♬ Peeing your pants is the cooliest – TikToksSoundGuy

Making a teasing video about their diapered babies:

@thevintageparents

Thanks to my sissy for my #billymadison shirt. #thevintagemom #fyp

♬ Peeing your pants is the cooliest – TikToksSoundGuy

Bored people everywhere wanted to get in on the acting action:

@scottyr76

A Tribute to Billy Madison! #billymadison #youaintcoolifudontpeeyopants #lmfao #gay #gayboy #funny #comedy #lgbtqplus # # #

♬ Peeing your pants is the cooliest – TikToksSoundGuy

That’s how social media challenges go.

It was something to do for the set of people not interested in baking lockdown cakes or sourdough bread.

But when the movement went viral and started getting picked up by news outlets, it seems like some people took the TikTok goofiness a little too far.

A company called Wet Pants Denim launched a new clothing line with the tagline “Wet look, dry feel” selling–you guessed it–pre peed-on pants…

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Wet Pants Denim (@wetpantsdenim)

For blue jeans, the darkened pants could be stained with any substance, but for lighter pants they use an egg yolk yellow that would make me worry about your vitamin intake.

Not only that, but for customers in the U.S. who are eco-minded and don’t want to purchase new denim, for the low, low cost of $30, you can send them your current pants, and the company will stain those for you.

I mean I guess they could come in handy for people who routinely splash water on their lap.

Like I said, I’m not sure I understand high fashion, but this one seems like a swing and miss. What do you think? Beyond ridiculous, or are you ready to buy your own pair? Tell us in the comments.

The post You Can Buy Jeans with Stains to Look Like You Peed Yourself appeared first on UberFacts.

June 14, 2021

Funny Passive Aggressive Notes From Concerned Parents

The art of the passive-aggressive note is truly something to be treasured and fostered among us.

If we don’t set a good example for our kids by leaving notes with an impact, how will they know to do the same with their own children/pets/houseplants one day?

Truly it’s a noble cause to point out good ones when we see the, which is exactly what his collection is all about. Enjoy.

10. A cut up

The important thing is to really underline the violence with a nice heart in the signature.

View post on imgur.com

9. Straight from the heart

Anybody who has to clean kitchens often enough knows what’s up.

Love, Mom

8. Valuable life lessons

Let’s get the hashtag #DadFacts trending right away, please.

I’m going to use this note and fake bugs

7. Copy paste

Yeah you’re gonna wanna read those labels pretty carefully.

View post on imgur.com

6. Return of the machete

Uh, ok then, thanks mom.

View post on imgur.com

5. The real diesel

You don’t wanna get out there and find out your were wrong about this.

Nice one Mum

4. Plugged in

Seems like buying a $10 powerstrip might just save a lot of angst and anger in this situation.

View post on imgur.com

3. Thoughts and prayers

One does not simply walk in.

View post on imgur.com

2. Mike the apple

Well now that you’ve named him nobody’s gonna be able to eat him. Nice going, dummy.

View post on imgur.com

1. Tube up bum

Written so casually, like this is a common occurrence in this household.

View post on imgur.com

Now those are some notable notes. I think I’ll make a note of them. So that they’re duly noted.

What’s the best note you’ve either written or received?

Tell us about it in the comments.

The post Funny Passive Aggressive Notes From Concerned Parents appeared first on UberFacts.

June 14, 2021

Dog Memes to Make a Real Difference in Your Day

Dogs are pretty amazing, I’m sure you know that.

If you’re a human with some red blood in ya, you know that dogs can improve any day. Even if it’s just some memes of dogs, the effects can be quite remarkable.

So with that in mind, let’s consider our health, and look at some memes of dogs.

15. The rabbit hole

It’s cool, those are just birds chirping outside my window.

1. …oh.

2. Guess we’re not so different.

3. Oof, this one hurts.

4. Wow, really?

5. Don’t bother – childbirth is definitely worse.

6. WHY?

7. See this is darkly fascinating.

8. Freud was right?

9. Um…

10. This answer came up a LOT.

11. It is pretty nice.

12. Username checks out.

13. *Sigh.* Yeah.

14. Are they that bad?

15. The range of motion is really pretty limited, ya’ll.

1. The trifecta.

2. Love me tinder.

3. Just ask.

4. The swap.

5. You game?

6. Failed.

7. Dude, what?

8. A clean break.

9. A strange plan.

10. Mouthing off.

11. Oof.

12. That’s quite an estimate.

13. The best laid plans.

14. That Mormon beat.

15. NEVER.

1. Poking holes

2. Fast and the Furious

3. That bites

4. Twist it!

5. That’s the button

6. Screamingly good

7. Like the real thing!

8. Going in

9. Learn from my mistakes

10. The summoning spell

11. All the way

12. The flop

13. Stay still

14. Ahhh!

15. A real one

10. A cut up

9. Straight from the heart

8. Valuable life lessons

7. Copy paste

6. Return of the machete

5. The real diesel

4. Plugged in

3. Thoughts and prayers

2. Mike the apple

1. Tube up bum

15. The rabbit hole

14. They think the world of you

13. Change my mind

12. Shower power

11. Drink it in

10. Bone alone

9. Don’t look desperate

8. That look

7. Spot the spot

6. The betrayal

5. Pay attention

4. The bork

3. The cutting edge

2. I thee wed.

1. Your cheatin’ heart

AITA for letting my dog push over a toddler?

13. The sacred arts

12. The rat

11. The situation room

10. Decisions, decisions

9. Latchkey kids

8. Now that’s sharp

7. The sick day

6. Choose your fighter

5. Caught on tape

13. Sigh. Yeah.