These Neighbors Took Petty to a Whole New Level

My parents moved a few years ago and while there were several reasons, one of them was that they lived next to an absolute lunatic who lived to antagonize my dad.

Among the things this man did for spite were erect giant floodlights that pointed right into their yard all night and buy a chicken which he had classified as a therapy animal to get around city ordinances so it could make a bunch of noise and bother everyone.

Neighbors can be nightmares.

What’s the most petty thing a neighbor has done to you? from AskReddit

Here are some other tales from Reddit.

1. The Carcass Killer

I had a neighbor, who I had never met, continue to throw dead animal carcasses in my yard. This went on for several months. Rabbit. Rabbit. Possum. Squirrel. Raccoon. You name it. One day, I witnessed him doing it and this was how I determined who was actually performing this strange act. He was probably in his 60’s. He opened his garage door, walked out with a pitchfork and something dead on it, then proceeded to yuck it in my front lawn.

I waited until that night, picked it up and hurled it onto his car’s windshield.

He never did it again. My other neighbor, who I eventually met, said he had some feud with the previous owner of my house. I guess he never realized I wasn’t the guy he feuded with.

– sump___erson

2. The Worst Woofer

A dorm neighbor was a huge d**k and didn’t care for anyone in the suite. So he did something like tip over his sub woofer, turn the music up and left for the weekend. The entire crew could feel it from our beds. I guess he didn’t know that RA’s have keys to the rooms. Maybe he also didn’t know that you could get ejected from dorms.

F**k you Bosco. You turd.

– GirlsPMYourSpreadAss

3. The Loser Litigator

Not me, but what the woman who did live in our house did to her neighbors.

We moved into a house up a long shared driveway. Our neighbors are an elderly couple and she has dementia. Sometimes she doesn’t know where she is or what she is doing.

The new neighbor came over one sunday night to ask if he could put his wheely bin in the end of the drive so the rubbish truck could back up the drive to empty it as it would save him trying to move it to the road. I said that was no issue. Turns out the old resident had her lawyers send the elderly couple a cease and desist letter over putting the rubbish bin in the driveway the first week after she moved in. No knock on the door and ask to stop or talking to them. Straight to get the lawyer involved.

We also found out she got upset about the neighbor with dementia wandering onto her driveway. Remembering she had dementia and didn’t know what she was doing. So she put a chain across the driveway to stop her wandering into her property. The chain was fitted and hung at about 8 inches off the ground and the first time the elderly lady wandered over she tripped on it and fell face first onto the drive, knocking several teeth out and breaking her hip. She spent some time in hospital and before she even got out of hospital, the elderly neighbor had a knock on the door from the police with a trespass notice…………

All the neighbors were ecstatic when she left and we moved in. I met the woman once and she seemed Ok. But what sort of piece of s**t acts like that towards neighbors?

– Amockeryofthecistern

4. The Salty Surveyor

He’s salty about a land survey that was done decades before I moved in. We have a decent neighborly relationship in general, but when I moved in he tried to convince me that a whole section of my yard was his. Fortunately, the previous owner had warned me he might try this.

Now we rent the house out. Every time a new tenant moves in, he walks the property with them and tries to move the property line again. Very petty, and so consistent!

– pachatacha

5. The Trashy Treasure Hunter

I was at this neighbourhood treasure hunt when I was around 11. It was in a big park with lot of trees and rocks, parking lot and a community centre next to it.

Me and my neighbours kid both figured out final clue and sprinted towards the finish, only for me to ‘accidentally’ bumped by his dad and fall.

Still salty about it till this day

– f__h

6. The Queen of the Streets

I had a neighbor who literally thought she owned the actual street and had some big beef with my landlord (she’d sued him several times for things that never made any sense).

My landlord installed cameras because she took him to court so often and he needed proof that she was making stuff up.

She would mark down the time that I or any friends of mine arrived at or left my house and would sit in her driveway watching us.

Once, my landlord was going out of town and told me I was welcome to use his grill and have friends over (he lived next door to me). I did so, inviting maybe 5 friends, max, and we had a nice, mellow cook out. No loud music, no drunken debauchery or anything like that. True to form, the nosy neighbor called my landlord and told him that she was calling her lawyer and threatening legal action over our small party. Thankfully my landlord had footage of our gathering and deemed it all totally fine and completely within the bounds of what he’d invited me to do.

She sucked. F**k you, Sandra.

– Violinist-Rich

7. The Counselor

Lived in a neighborhood for about a year that was also home to one of the city council members. This bitch would send notices to everyone for anything she didn’t like and she’d try and sway the council to crack down on those she deemed the “worst” offenders. We earned a spot at the top of her sh**list because we put our garbage cans at the curb in the afternoon rather than the evening. None of us were going out after dark and dealing with rats springing out of the cans like tiny, flea-ridden missiles.

We didn’t stop because legally, we weren’t doing anything wrong. She was a stickler for making the neighborhood look fabulous even though most of the houses were in sh**ty condition and as mentioned earlier, the entire city had (probably still has) a really bad rat problem. So every week, we’d get a new notice from her, though she always tried to say it was from the council as a collective. Yes, she hand delivered that s**t.

– rarestereocats

8. The Fruitful Foot

We were sort of that neighbor a few years ago. We were in the process of building our new house and had everything staked out before any of the groundwork started. I guess our neighbor thought we were too close to their property and had some city official come out to measure and in the process delayed our contractor.

Turns out we were 1 foot further away from their property than necessary and so, without even bothering to ask, our annoyed contractor picked up all the stakes and moved them 1 foot closer to the neighbor

– RxHumdinger

9. The Poo Pointer

People in the building were complaining that he didn’t pick up after his dog. All of the apartments except mine were accessible behind a security door. Mine opened right onto the porch.

One day I came home from work and saw he wrote this HUGE note in thick Sharpie that said, “Clean up after your dog!”

He must have told the neighbors it was me, and left that note so that they could all see it really was me. To prove his point.

Except it wasn’t me. It was him.

– waterbottlejesus

10. The Shady Shader

He had a tree in his yard that threw a lot of shade on my side, which eventually killed everything that was growing there.

So I spent a lot of time and money to plant a beautiful shade garden. He watched me the entire time, asking questions about the plants and how much they cost.

The following spring, he cut the f**king tree down.

– darkpixie1

11. The Buttpicker

Water people were out checking meters. Water guy asked me where our meter was – showed him where it was at.

Buttpicker neighbor comes out of his house hollaring to the world that was HIS METER and I was not to touch it. We shared the in-ground meter thingie, two separate meters. Water guy had a good laugh and instructed the neighbor that it was indeed where my meter was, neighbor was embarrassed at his own behavior and went back into his house but watched us for a bit.

They were sort of weird. Always remember that they smelled like dirty bedsheets. #andersonisland

– frenchkids

12. The Poor Pluggers

Mine was a downstairs neighbor and they would constantly switch the drier plug to our outlet to charge our unit for drying their clothes.

– Notsodarknight

13. The Trash Bandits

Stolen my green trash can. What the f**k am I going to do? Go up to them and accuse them of doing it? They only had one, but I knew they f**king did it, but what if I was wrong?

Would have been mortifying. Just unbelievably petty and shady

– 10Cinephiltopia9

14. The Big Dog on the Block

My upstairs neighbor (in an apartment) was peeved that I contacted the office about him and his loud wife. I had no contact with them directly.

So this grown man waited until I took my 15 year old, blind, dying of cancer dog outside to relieve himself, and he came out to loudly bark and growl at my dog to scare him since he couldn’t see.

Luckily, my dog didn’t care, but what a petty thing to do.

– Ok_Eye_3511

15. The Misguided Guardian

Called CPS on my family because we took a family vacation with our two older kids and let our youngest with special behavioral needs and violent outbursts spend the week with my mom.

They did movies, swimming pools, children’s museums, a food truck festival, and a fireworks show together in that time.

He had a blast, and the rest of us got some badly needed respite.

Neighbor thought it was blatant favoritism and reported us.

– bubblegum1286

Kinda makes ya want to just move out to the wilderness, doesn’t it?

What’s your worst neighbor story?

Tell us in the comments.

The post These Neighbors Took Petty to a Whole New Level appeared first on UberFacts.

Fellas…We Need to Talk About These Tweets

Guys, we need to talk about some things.

We’re gettin’ called out on Twitter and rightfully so. Don’t take this as a time to get all defensive and rev up for a fight, just listen for a minute, maybe laugh along a bit, and let’s all just try to make the world slightly better, starting with us, eh?

Here are a few things that have been brought to our attention.

13. Decisions, decisions

Don’t get mad at the symptoms before you’ve taken a second to understand the disease.

12. Reverse!

Not everybody needs you to save them. Get that bread.

11. Across state lines

Ok but for serious tho.

10. It’s fine, period

Honestly guys, grow up. Yeah human bodies are weird as heck but we all got ’em.

9. “Boys will be boys”

This is a cause I firmly believe in.

8. Oh come on

Learn to find solutions for both of ya’ll.

7. Braided together

Don’t pull this on people who work for you, leave them be.

6. Mansplain

It’s all fun and games until you devastate yourself like this.

5. Passing the bar

Are we just belittling for fun?

4. The shame game

Just don’t.

3. The double standard

All jokes aside it’s really sickening.

2. Just talking

I dunno man, what were you saying before?

1. Very mature

I never heard either but I get it.

There we go. That wasn’t so bad, huh? Now let’s try to be decent people…. if that’s even possible.

What might you add to this list of observations?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Fellas…We Need to Talk About These Tweets appeared first on UberFacts.

Tweets That Will Make Your Day A Lot Better

It’s that time of day again. That time when we all look at Twitter for a while and laugh.

Sounds good? Do I need to sell you on it any more than that? Didn’t think so. Let’s get to the tweets.

14. The Shining (1980)

Come feed us forever and ever.

13. A broken record

My how the turntables have turned.

12. Community organization

I mean for non-laundry related political causes.

11. Let them eat cake

Is that even edible?

10. Just a little hit

Hey, that’ll do it.

9. Down by the ranch

Ok for real, if you’re the person processing this order, how do you not call and double check?

8. Feeling IL

As a person who lives in Chicago and almost never has reason to be in any other IL city or town, I concur.

7. Moving swiftly

Nobody needs to know about all that.

6. Looking back

We’ll all be listening to the music of our youth forever.

5. Bowl me over

If it’s stupid and it works…

4. The power

The chaos.

3. High class glass

For only the most extravagant occasions.

2. Book it

Did they say anything about buying new video games before I’d played through the ones I’ve got?

1. What a croc

But why would anyone want these.

Adding all of those to my favorites so I can never forget this beautiful moment we’ve shared together. Thank you for being a part of it.

Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Tweets That Will Make Your Day A Lot Better appeared first on UberFacts.

Tweets That Should Serve as Serious Wake Up Calls for Guys

I remember times in my life where I have been beyond obnoxious because somewhere along the line it got planted in my head that if I liked a girl and she wasn’t interested, I just had to keep going until she was, somehow.

I cringe when I think back on those younger days now. It’s downright bizarre how little most guys in our society have been brought up to recognize the true thoughts and feelings of the women around them.

And little moments like these, while they certainly don’t fix it all, can serve as vital wake up calls if we’re willing to pay attention.

12. The kid question

Just stop doing this, across the board. There’s literally nothing good that can come of it.

11. The eye’s have it

“If your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away from you.” – Matthew 5:29, World English Translation

10. Genuine question

Do you seriously mean to tell me I’m not the center of everyone’s universe?

9. Really digging in

Hey, fair enough.

8. Key insights

I remember the first time a female friend told me about this and I was horrified.

7. Basic empathy

Learn the difference between incidents and epidemics.

6. How rude

I think if I were graded on the scale of expected female friendliness I’d be thought of as the meanest a** who ever lived.

5. Pure logic

When I was a kid I got thirsty and screamed like I was being murdered for half an hour in a crowded mall.

4. Chairman of the bored

Look at that flex tho.

3. You shot your shot

This is exactly what I’m talking about.

2. Shifting the blame

Way to dad, dudes.

1. Down with the ship

Children first, sure, but why the rest of it?

Time to wake up and have a stretch, fellas.

What other observations would you add?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Tweets That Should Serve as Serious Wake Up Calls for Guys appeared first on UberFacts.

Tricks That Might Actually Deserve the Title of Life Hack

I don’t when the term “life hack” first occurred.

I remember it starting to pop up around, I don’t know, 2013 maybe? It was a term that started getting applied to every asinine half-baked craft involving hot glue and old soda bottles that anyone could come up with.

But if you ask me, those are not the true hacks of life. The ideas in these posts? They’re the real deal. Let me show you how you can improve the following situations:

15. Being chased by an animal

Which animal doesn’t really matter, they all know the rules of the jungle.

14. Chip consumption

Don’t lie to yourself, you’re gonna eat them all.

13. Drinking efficiency

Now that’s what I call a well-balanced diet.

12. Job hunting

Just hope your friends are good actors.

11. Internships

You’d be surprised what you can get away with.

10. Shopping

Way to go?

9. Healthy cooking

Who on God’s earth decided we needed to start eating kale?

8. Socializing

They’re called universal for a reason, baby.

My dad apparently sneaks his remote into a local bar so he can change the channel when he doesn’t like what’s on. I’m equally embarrassed and impressed. from funny

7. Valentine’s day

You’re never alone if you’re forever haunted by your thoughts.

Life hack 100 from PewdiepieSubmissions

6. Accidental spills

Go from trashy to cultured in no time!

If you stain a shirt, you can simply outline the stain with a sharpie and give it a name. This will make it seam like you visit islands. from ShittyLifeProTips

5. Furniture assembly

A stand is a stand, man.

I figured out you don’t actually have to assemble these things. from funny

4. Landscaping and measurement

This is actually pretty clever. Take a thing of known height and compare.

My brother wanted to measure the trees in his yard. This is how did he did it. from funny

3. Disaster preparation

You don’t wanna be caught unawares.

Well if it works it works from memes

2. Kitchen decorating

It’s a hit at all the parties.

SLPT: If you’re broke and can’t afford coasters grab some flooring samples from Home Depot. They are free and come in a variety of colors and finishes! from ShittyLifeProTips

1. Dating

Good luck.

SLPT (Please Remove If Repost) from ShittyLifeProTips

With those kinds of tips, you should be out hacking away at your life in no time!

What other lifehacks do you suggest?

Share them with us in the comments.

The post Tricks That Might Actually Deserve the Title of Life Hack appeared first on UberFacts.

15 of the Greatest Responses on the Internet

The entire internet is basically an insanely complicated network of wires and servers allowing people to ping responses back and forth to each other at the speed of light.

And every once in a while, you can fish out a few of those responses and hang them on the wall like trophies because they’re amazing.

Like these ones here.

15. Swing and a miss

What a weird way to try to hit things off.

14. Shout it out loud

This is technically correct, the best kind of correct.

13. Don’t be a sheep

I’m sure a virus will find you very intimidating and just stay away.

12. Planting evidence

This is, famously, kind of a big deal for God.

11. Boy oh boy

What’s in a name anyway?

10. Wearing me out

It’s a bold move advertising to everyone around you that you don’t take plagues seriously.

9. Meat cute

The restaurant is literally named after the dish they sell, Karen.

8. The who and the Y

Believe it or not, genetics are slightly more complicated than that grid you looked at once in high school.

7. Absolutely sunk

Gotta hand it to this one.

6. World-renown

This is why I laugh every time someone talks about America being “respected again.”

5. Ah yes, the two genders

I’ll bet you all the money I have that the next response included the word “trigger.”

4. Turn, turn, turn

Just think of all the savings!

3. Go for the gold

More than I’ve ever done, that’s for sure.

2. Spot the faker

It’s not generally hard.

1. Virtue signalling

Look man, I don’t know why this is news either, but let’s just be happy for each other.

Fire through and through.

What’s the best response you’ve heard to something recently?

Tell us in the comments.

The post 15 of the Greatest Responses on the Internet appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share Good Questions to Ask Strangers

Let’s get to know each other!

Hmm. How to start. Maybe Reddit has some ideas!

What is a seemingly mundane question you can ask somebody that will tell you a lot about their personality? from AskReddit

These questions are brilliant. I’ll provide my answers one by one, then you do the same in the comments.

Ready, go!

1. “You mean what you say.”

Favorite compliment they’ve ever received.

It tells you a lot about what people think of themselves, and what they tend to value.

– howdidthishappen2850

2. I agree with your friend.

How would you describe the internet to a caveman?

It will show you how they look at what the internet is used for. For example, some might say it’s a source of information, or it’s a way to connect people who are far away.

I know one person who said they wouldn’t explain it to a caveman because they wouldn’t go back in time without AC.

– not_a_library

3. Night, generally.

Do you prefer night or day?

– featoutsider

4. Pay off debt, go from there.

What would you do if you won the lottery?

For me, it’s a non invasive way of listening to people’s attitudes on finance in general, and also how they feel about the rich.

– Johnny_Vinyl

5. Honestly? Leftover pizza.

What are you having for dinner tonight?

It’s really cool to hear about what people like, what their culture is like (because food is a huge part of that), and generally just how they live.

Expensive or cheap? Quick or elaborate? Adventurous or safe?

– ShiraCheshire

6. A place without scarcity.

I had a TA ask me in a get to know you activity “What my vision was for a perfect world?” And I said round lol

– American-Dragon88

7. Being a child.

What was the last thing you did that gave you child-like joy?

– mntucker10

8. Flying, hands down.

What super power they want. – _-_bort_-_

9. Always return the cart.

My husband used to work for bed bath and blah blah.

He told me part of his job was to put carts away. He said that was his favorite part about the job, wasting time walking around the parking lot finding carts and putting them away. He got to be outside, chill by himself, not have to deal with other worse tasks etc. Of course this story only came up after I gave him some s**t for not putting the cart back one time.

This story was his elaborate rationale for not putting a cart back and to prove he was in fact a nice normal compassionate human. Normally, a fastidious cart returner, I started to leave my cart. Thinking I was actually being nice and even more compassionate than ever before! I probably only did it 2-5x until I realized, he’s just an a**hole. Who has now made me into an even bigger a**hole. I now get to think about how much we are both assholes in our own ways every time I return a cart.

– tigglewigglekiggle

10. Pterodactyl.

What’s your favorite dinosaur?

In my last year of college, I took a prehistoric history class and was loving it. I (a history major) commuted by light rail to school and would end up spending the hour or so on the train congregating with other history majors.

One day, I asked this group, “what’s your favorite dinosaur?”

Most of the people gave answers like velociraptors or that they hadn’t really been interested in dinosaurs since they were kids, which was fair enough.

But one guy said, “I don’t believe in dinosaurs” and that the earth was 6000 years old. This was a guy that was studying history, for the sake of teaching children history, and he was denying that most of the earth’s history didn’t exist, despite learning otherwise in the classes he was specializing in.

I lost a lot of respect for him that day, and now, having a favorite dinosaur is a barometer test of mine.

– Jibabear

11. Probably less likely they’ll get stuck.

My girlfriend’s dad always uses one interview question that makes or breaks a possible hire. “Why are man hole covers round?”

The goal isn’t to know the answer it’s to show that you are willing to critically think about a problem before you say you need help.

– SoftwareCycle

12. Sure it is, that’s why we make so many stories about it.

One I saw on a dating-site of all places (I forgot the name of it) was:

“Do you think the concept/consequences of a post-apocalyptic world is, in some ways, interesting?”

And it really resonated with me. It shows whether a person is interested in abstract thinking and imagining. Most people on the site voted no. I even had a conversation with someone who was like “no? Why would you want the world to end?!” – I don’t, but the idea of how it would be like, how the world ended, what society looks like afterwards, is interesting.

I probably don’t match up well with anyone who would vote no to that question.

– SuiTobi

13. Falcon, probably.

“if you could be an animal, what animal and why?”

Young and old, it’s a fun question that tells something about a person. – Eschew_Verbiage

14. Grilled cheese. Tacos fall apart too easy.

Grilled cheese sandwich, or a taco..who wins in a fight?

– shartnado3

15. !!

Did I just see you digging through the trash?

– TillikumWasFramed

Apologies if you haven’t played Stardew Valley and have no idea what that last one was about.

Now you answer!

Pick your favorite(s) and share your responses in the comments, please!

The post People Share Good Questions to Ask Strangers appeared first on UberFacts.

Strange Questions That Will Help You Learn a Lot About Someone

First dates are intimidating. You want to get to know someone but you don’t want to go about it wrong, right?

Luckily, there are some great conversation starters you can try, courtesy of Reddit. Even more luckily, we can practice right now.

What is a seemingly mundane question you can ask somebody that will tell you a lot about their personality? from AskReddit

I’ll give some sample answers based on my own opinions, and you do yours in the comments.

Let’s test how just how insightful these queries really are.

1. Cults, probably.

Wow, coincidently just had this conversation earlier today and my friend proposed:

“What topic could you give a 30 minute presentation on with no preparation?”

I thought it was genius.

– theGrodon

2. Muppet Treasure Island

“What do you know Tim Curry from?”

– WhichSpirit

3. A falcon?

My father-in-law went on a job interview about 10 years ago and absolutely nailed the interview, as he was being shown around the office a high level person in that company who normally wasn’t there just happened to be there that day.

After they were introduced he asked my FIL what kind of animal he would be. My FIL said he panicked and picked bear (he’s a bigger guy) and the other guy said something along the lines of “that’s a little to aggressive maybe this isn’t the job for you”.

So he didn’t get the job but I guess it worked out because he’s got a pretty good job now and if I was him I wouldn’t want to work for someone who hires people based on what animal they think they would be.

– Darth_dubj

4. He stares into your soul.

Does Mike Wizowski blink or wink?

– legeume

5. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

What book would you like to live in?

– jealousofhiscat

6. With my teeth.

Got this one in an interview once:

How do you go about eating a muffin?

Learned a lot about muffin anatomy that day. It was a bakery after all.

– b_o_p_g_u_n

7. Call an emergency biologist!

Fav question I heard in an interview; what would you do if you came home and found a penguin in your freezer?

It ends up not only being an ice breaker, but a good personality tell.

– strongerone

8. For me it would be beer and failure.

It’s not a single question but by the second or third date with a guy I would ask him to go bowling.

As it turns out there’s many ways to play the game. Do they take it too seriously and get competitive or angry if they don’t do well? Does he act disinterested or bored of the game? Do they try to teach me how to play or do they just try to be goofy have fun with it? Do they order two pitchers of beer and get totally smashed?

In my opinion you can learn a lot about a person by the way they approach bowling.

– Billlliejean

9. Usually nothing.

Ask them what they like to cook for breakfast.

– BrainstormingNetwork

10. I freelance mostly, so, I call in sick to myself all the time.

In a job interview, ask your prospective supervisor how much vacation time and sick days they took last year. This is great because both extremes take pride in their answer and so will answer honestly. The no/low vacation boss is proud of how hard she or he works, but really it’s bad if they don’t take time off. They’re coming in when they’re sick, they’re not recharging by taking vacation, and the expectation — even if unstated — is that their staff should follow that example. You’ll feel guilty every time you call in sick or take vacation time.

You want the boss who says “I always take my vacation time and encourage my staff to as well. I called in a couple times last year when I came down with a cold.” Good boss.

– regular_gonzalez

11. Hosting live shows.

One of my standard job interview questions is “Tell me about something you like doing that you’re good at”.

I don’t really care what the answer is. I just want to see passion, effort, and creativity.

– ThadisJones

12. Yes, I’m not a monster.

Do you put the cart back when you’re done shopping?

– Dunsparces

13. Sold something on eBay.

What’s the last thing you did for the first time?

– Tmadred

14. WHERE?!

“Ooh squirrel!” – then check to see if they get excited at the prospect of a squirrel.

– moshritespecial

15. I plead the fifth.

where were you the night of the murder?

– Gretchiemations

Alright, now it’s your turn!

Pick your favorite(s) and give us an answer!

Leave it in the comments, please.

The post Strange Questions That Will Help You Learn a Lot About Someone appeared first on UberFacts.

Important Life Tricks That Might Even Be Useful

It’s tough to get through life…

Just kinda, all of it? Like it’s a big mess all the time and nobody left an instruction booklet?

Lucky for you, you live in internet times, and this information superhighway is full to the brim with tips and tricks to help you cut corners in all the best ways.

For instance, this crap.

15. Everything but the kitchen sink

Let the waters flow together, let two become one.

if it’s stupid and it works it ain’t stupid from redneckengineering

14. Pet protection

No doggo. Am shep. Very bah. Much wool.

SLPT/LPT: When your landlord says "NO DOGS!" from ShittyLifeProTips

13. Roll along now

They see me strollin’ / they hatin’

SLPT: how to have fun as a parent from ShittyLifeProTips

12. Do not disturb

Everybody starts paying attention when money gets involved.

Finally a useful “life hack” from funny

11. The immune system

This is why it’s important to recognize the limitations of metaphorical terminology.

SLPT: Vaccinate your computer from ShittyLifeProTips

10. Made in the shade

This is why on outdoor film sets you’ll see little tent thingys draped over monitors.

Because it’s sunny I want to work outside but it’s so bright I can’t really see the screen. Putting your laptop in a box blocks out the light, so your laptop screen is bright. It also keeps laptop cooler. Big up Alicia Clarke for the idea! Ben from MobKitchen

9. Just passing through

“I don’t care if there’s a flood, we still have to go to school.”

A flood can be a great opportunity to turn your home into an aquarium from pics

8. Bucket all

Looks like a night to never remember.

hmmm from hmmm

7. Living in luxury

This kid is gonna grow up to create a scam app, I just know it.

My 12 year old son modified his bike with carpet for barefoot riding from DiWHY

6. Oh, stuff it

Lottery tickets are the worst possible gift.
Either you lose (almost certain) in which case you’ve gifted nothing,
or you win (extremely unlikely) in which case you’ve just created a family rift.

SLPT: afraid those lottery tickets you got for stocking stuffers might actually be winners? from ShittyLifeProTips

5. Twix tricks

Yeah, I’ve been that tired before.

The man sitting in front of me on the train is using a twix as a pillow from CasualUK

4. Feel the power

I didn’t need to know this.

LPT: You have the power from ShittyLifeProTips

3. Start it up

Sometimes ya just gotta think quick.

SLPT: If your key breaks in half, just stick it into a potato like my friend did this morning. from ShittyLifeProTips

2. Spacing out

Hey thanks for the tip!

Cutting your tennis balls in half allows you to store two more balls in each can, saving space. from ShittyLifeProTips

1. Cool butt

I aspire to be as genuine as this dog.

Life Hack: Cool your butthole off on a hot day by pressing it against the cold door from AnimalsBeingDerps

There ya go. Now get out there and start living your best life.

What other tips and tricks would you add?

Let us know in the comments.

The post Important Life Tricks That Might Even Be Useful appeared first on UberFacts.

Times When the Customer Was Definitely NOT Right

The saying “the customer is always right” has to be one of the most frustratingly misconstrued idioms in history.

Originally, it meant simply that if the customer said they wanted thing A, you shouldn’t try to convince them they want thing B. Just sell them the thing they want, make them happy, and get your money.

Simple enough. It definitely should NOT mean that whatever a customer happens to spout is correct.

Because. I mean. Just look at this:

What is the dumbest question a customer has ever asked you? from AskReddit

You’re not gonna believe some of these. Or maybe you will.

Either way, get ready to roll your eyes and laugh out loud.

1. What’s the problem?

-Can you photoshop some pictures for me?

-Sir, this is a bookstore.

-Yeah, but I see you have a computer right here.

– Baldulf

2. You prevented something unbearable.

I worked at REI a few years back (large outdoor sporting goods co-op, just in case you haven’t heard of it), and we sold bear spray (pepper spray for bears).

A woman came in with her two kids one day and bought a canister because they were going camping.

She gets to the front door, then comes back to the register as an afterthought, and asks if she’s supposed to just spray her kids from head to toe with it.

– jra312

3. Size does matter.

I very briefly worked at a Wendy’s some years back and I was working the drive through.

A woman ordered two meals, one with a small drink and one with a large.

As I handed her the drinks she asked, “which one is the large?”

– Citizenerased1989

4. That’s what I want too.

Worked at a fried chicken place. Lady calls and says that her daughter is going to order. His daughter sounds about 5 years old and orders 500 pieces of chicken.

I say ok laughing. The mom gets on and asks how long. I tell her that her daughter just ordered $1000 dollars in food. Does she really want that. The lady goes nuts screaming at me asking if I think her daughter is dumb.

Me “so you want 500 pieces of chicken?”

Her “My girl wants what she wants, make it and stop making fun of her”

Me” It is going to be at least an hour and 1000 dollars”

[…]

She shows up 10 mins after looking for her chicken. I explained to the manager about the call. She freaked out when the cashier told her it was over $1000.

The lady refused to tell us how much chicken she really wanted while the little girl stood there screaming she wanted 500 chickens.

5. Can’t fix what you can’t see.

This was few years back, customer (very chill guy) called in saying he recently bought a new MacBook Pro and it’s not working.

I asked him  “What happens, when you press the power button”

he said ” I don’t know where that is”.

– Velcrous

6. Something’s fishy about this.

About a decade ago, I used to work doing customer service for a power company in Texas. As you can imagine, a great number of my calls involved late bills and disconnections. And it’s not like the company was ruthless – due to Texas regulations and the general PITA of disconnecting/reconnecting someone, it generally required being 3+ months overdue to actually get shut off. So it was hard for me to work up much sympathy for anyone who was disconnected for delinquency.

But the absolute best was the guy who called up screaming at me about his power being off, because he’d just bought a whole load of rare exotic saltwater fish who have to be kept temperature-controlled. And (of course) he was totally unwilling to pay anything towards his bill either, because he’d spent his money on the fish.

So yes, I DID say exactly what any reasonable person would be thinking at that point.

I feel bad for the fishes tho.

– APeacefulWarrior

7. Bills come due.

Ughhhh there was a girl at work who drove me nuts about this.

Her: OMG I’m soooo scared! I don’t know how to use my credit card!

Male Co-worker: What do you mean you just swipe it.

Her: I didn’t know I had to pay the bank! How do I read this statement? I’ve never used a credit card before.

Co-worker: It says payment due.

Her: Nooooo but how do I pay? Omg I’m so scared can I just give them 10k? Is that enough?

Repeat for half an hour.

Keep in mind our office is a pretty big well known organization and her job involves verifying important information.

Because she was also flirting with the guy I wasn’t sure if she was legitimately stupid or faking it because she thought it was “endearing”

– Anvirel

8. I’m sorry, are you five?

“Can you aerate that for me?”

He wanted me to stir his apple juice. Technically his word choice was applicable, I guess, but wtf, dude? He had a straw ready in his hand and he could damn well have aerated that juice himself. I admit it took me 2 seconds of staring at his serious face before I reached for a straw, unwrapped it, and stirred his drink. I did it all without breaking eye contact with him, and he was satisfied.

Also I think about him now every time I stir or shake my chocolate milk to make it frothy.

– becauseusoft

9. Right is right.

I used to work in IT and one of my jobs was to support some of the security software we offered to customers. We had a package for secure data transfers and people often had to call up to be taught how to use it.

I was helping a woman use the software over the phone and I had a Remote Assistance connection to her PC so I could see her screen.

Me: “Okay, so find your name in the list of users”

Her: “I’ve found it! What do I do now?”

Me: “Right click your name, and then choose log in from the menu”

Her: “Is it my right, or yours?”

– Hoonterr

10. The embodiment of entitlement.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store and one time I had a lady ask me of I could “tell everyone else to let her go first.”

Like, she expected me to force everyone who had been patiently waiting in line to let her cut them. It wasn’t like she only had 1 or 2 items either; her cart was packed.

– Arii797ros

11. Maybe he’s not a strong reader.

I work at a small outdoor restaurant that sells wings and fries. Nothing else, just those two things (as far as food goes).

About a week ago, a man walked up to my counter, took a menu, proceeded to read the entire thing in front of me, and then put down his menu to ask, “Can I get a cheeseburger combo?” After taking a minute to wipe he ‘wtf’ expression off of my face and telling him no, we only sold wings and fries, he says, “What about a hot dog? Let me get a hot dog!”

My mind was blown after that conversation.

– ThePirateYar

12. You’re too sweet.

Customer: Where’s the sugar?

Me: What?

Customer: I ordered sweet corn, this is just corn.

– literalmirmaid

13. Case closed.

Back when I did tech support, I received a call from a customer with a peculiar keyboard problem. It seems that he was having trouble with the shift key.

When he typed a letter with the shift key pressed it gave him the upper case letter, but when he typed a number, it didn’t do that.

Didn’t do what?

Type the upper case number.

I had to break it to him gently.

– donut2099

14. Very poor judgement.

Working at callcenter, asking people to pay their old bills. Naturally some responded angrily.

‘So this is what you do all day? You just call people who haven’t paid their bills?’

‘Yes.’

‘So if I paid my bills you’d be out of the job?’

‘If everybody paid their bills, then yes.’

‘Ha ha! Good. You just f*cked up by telling me this. I’m going to pay my bills right away. When you’re unemployed then see how you like getting calls about your bills!’

The futility of eradicating a job that relies on the existence of poor people by making me poor escaped them.

– Lon-Abel-Kelly

15. Knock on wood.

Worked on a Christmas tree farm over winter break in college.

One time I had a lady ask me, “so, what are these trees made out of?”

– PM_ME_CRAFT_BEER

16. Just plane wrong.

I fly private jets. Once we were flying east early in the morning so the sun was directly in our eyes.

A passenger was sitting directly behind us on the jump seat. He leaned forward and asked “is there any way we can just climb and get above the sun?”

No.

– StrykerATL

17. This is VERY alternative medicine.

Once, while working at an eye doctors office, a woman was upset because we were charging her to make new lenses with an updated prescription and asked “why do you have to make new lenses, just inject some more medicine in the ones I already got?”

– Danwhodonit

18. This guy’s running on low.

I was working at a car battery store, when a customer came in with a receipt for a battery he had bought a couple weeks ago, asking for a refund. I asked him if he had the battery with him, so that we could take the battery back and refund him the money, when he said, “No I don’t have it anymore, I put it in a car I just sold.” Confused, I replied, “You want us to refund you for a battery that you don’t have anymore?” He responds, just as confused, “Yeah well I don’t have the battery anymore, so why should I have to pay for it? You need to refund me.”

He did not leave the store happy that day.

– GrantRusticus

19. Gotta love modern conveniences.

I work for a major wireless cell carrier in the US.[…]

“How do I make a phone call?”

Me: “Just press the application labeled phone.”

“Where?”

Me: “On the phone.”

“Right here? The one that looks like a phone?”

Me: “Yes.”

“Nothing is happening!”

Me: “Normally when you want to make a phone call and you don’t have any contacts programmed into the phone, dialing a phone number is required.”

“If I wanted to waste time dialing numbers, I would have stuck with my land line!”

– quartpint

20. How does it know?

Gas station.

“Hey, the bathroom door is locked. Can I get a key?”

“There’s no key, if it’s locked there’s someone in there”

“How does it know?”

“How does… what… know… what?”

“How does the bathroom know someone is in there?”

“People…. people go in and then they lock the door while they’re using it.”

[5 second pause]

“Ohhhh”

– SenorBeef

21. It’s time they were party trained.

“What do you mean I can’t bring my 6 month old baby into the nightclub?

[Click.]”

22. The cycle continues.

“Yes, I understand I haven’t paid my credit card bill in 3 months. But why can’t I use my card?”

“Because you haven’t paid your bill in 3 months.” repeat

– nolooselips

23. You don’t have to apologize. We know we’re dumb.

I worked in a heritage park in Ireland and we had a group of Viking re-enactors in one weekend, putting on a really good show of crafts, games and a trial.

This American (sorry) tourist came up and asked us “Do you guys have reservations for your Vikings like we do for our Indians?”

24. Well, there’s your problem.

Customer screaming: “MY NEW CAR’S BACK WIPER DOESN’T WORK!!!”

we walk outside, look at back window

Me: you don’t have a back wiper blade.

– Proxy12345

25. A prehistoric appetite.

Working at a museum where the main attraction is the dinosaur exhibit, we sell a lot of cheap products aimed at children. And we sell a lot of them.

Especially “Dino Eggs.”

A grandfather (I presume) and his grand-daughter (once again, I presume. And hope.) came into the shop, always busy, always cramped. And he picks up a Dino Egg for her.

Hands it over. Pays quickly. “No bag, no need.” Lovely, simple transaction.

But just as the till drawer has closed and I am pulling out his receipt to hand him, I’ve seen him in the corner of my eye tear open the packaging of this “egg”, smash open the lovely plastic shell and taken a big shard to his mouth.

He begins to chew, turns slowly to me and only then does he think to ask, “Is this edible?”

“No…!” I gasped. “No, sir. That… that’s not edible. You really shouldn’t eat that.”

The little grand-daughter’s face sinks further watching her grandpa spit out bits of plastic into her broken dinosaur egg. A fake dino-egg designed to be immersed in water so that the rubbery-dino toy on the inside can “grow and hatch.”

I gave him another. Well, I gave it to his grand-daughter. Best to keep it away from him, he was clearly ravenous.

– ParrotChild

26. Everything the light touches is yours.

I work in a liquor store whose inventory is 80% wine. You literally have to walk past aisles of wine to get to the hard liquor near the back.

I was in the scotch aisle in the back of the store when a customer approaches me, looks me me dead in the eyes and asks “Hey, where do you keep the wine at?”

I took a few seconds to react, not sure at first if the guy was f*cking with me or not, but upon inspecting his sincerely frustrated gaze I arrived at the conclusion that the man was indeed serious.

I responded by simply pointing behind the gentleman and then sweeping my arm from one side to the other like I was showing my lion cub all of the land that would one day be his to rule.

– theoutlet

27. Harry who?

Today a customer asked me if I was the same Harry as the Harry she spoke with yesterday.

My name is not Harry and I wear a name badge at work..

– El_Capitano_MC

28. Freaky fast and just plain freaky.

I work at jimmy johns. All jimmy johns have a sign that says free smells. Had a lady come through the drive thru one day while me and my manager are running it. She asks about the free smells after her order and my manager tells her okay you can pull up. She gets to the window, gets her food then proceeds to look through the bag. She eventually looks up all confused and asks where her free smells are? My manager jokingly says “oh yeah come inside and you can smell all you want for free!” She then says “ok *sshole!” And then speeds off.

To this day i have no f*cking clue what she though would be in that bag.

– blowin_Os

29. Again, American tourists making us all look bad.

My dad used to work at Windsor Castle, built in the 11th century, home to the Queen and nearly 1,000 years old.

An American tourist saw a plane flying nearby, and walked over to him.

“Why’d they build it so close to the airport?”

– robinthebum

30. Time zones are fascinating.

Spoke to the tour guide at the lodge I stay at (wild game lodge) and he said he had been asked:

Do giraffes hunt in packs?

If it’s October back in the USA, what month is it here? (South Africa)

– Ze_k_best

31. The life of a bike messenger.

“I worked as a bike messenger for a legal service for years. I made so many ‘super special hot rush’ deliveries to locked or completely empty offices.

The worst was being told to ‘stay dry out there.’ Too late, bruh, I’ve been wet since 8:30 and its unlikely I’ll dry off until 7.”

32. Please return the magazines.

“When someone brings a magazine they took from the waiting room into their appointment room, then leaves it there after the appointment is done.

Even though they’re headed directly back to the waiting room to pay.”

33. Time to do some detective work.

“When someone doesn’t write their name on a test or paper, leaving me to try and figure it out based on handwriting.”

34. Fix it!

“When someone says, ‘I was sick of my hair, so I did it myself. Now fix it.

And if you can’t fix it the way I want it due to the massacre I performed, it’s all your fault.’”

35. A major no-no.

“At a piano bar:

Setting a drink on the grand piano and inadvertently knocking it over inside the case so that it ruins the soundboard.”

36. That’s really rude.

“Deciding not to buy something and just leaving it on any random shelf.

Extra demerits if it’s left in the wrong temperature zone and has to be thrown away (like that ice cream someone left on the pasta shelf).”

37. The delivery blues.

“When someone lives in a gated community and doesn’t leave an access code in the delivery notes.

Then, when they don’t answer their phone.”

38. Clean it up, people.

“When people expect their grass to be cut/mowed but have hundreds of stuff all over it and expect me to spend my time tidying up too.

I’m not there to tidy up after you! Oh and dog sh^t too. I don’t wanna go blind. Pick your dogs sh^t up!”

39. The bait and switch.

“Baiting and switching.

I work in fashion and I sell for a lace company. When we get orders , people give us a standard to follow. When the bulk order is done you present it to the customer and they compare it to the standard . If it matches , you ship it . If it’s way off you have to re-handle it.

Some people present bulk yardage that is really from the original sample dye-lot so it matches the standard but the bulk may actually be off. Once it’s shipped people generally don’t question it unless it’s drastically off.

It’s a cr*ppy thing to do.”

40. A useless mess.

“People shredding coasters, peeling labels off of bottles, or breaking tabs off of cans and throwing them all over the floors and tables.

If you’re old enough to drink, you should be old enough to manage your own hands and not make a useless mess that someone else will have to clean up.”

41. Gimme that number.

“Someone telling me they need a specific part for their vehicle without giving me the VIN number to look it up.

The customer gets angry and proclaims, “They’re all the same! Don’t matter what vehicle it is!””

42. Sorry, it’s closed.

“Driving around the road closed sign and being pissed at me that they have to turn around, because yes, the road is actually closed.”

43. Don’t waste their time.

“Calling and ambulance only to refuse to transport once paramedics arrive.

It’s a waste of time and resources. Sometimes multiple times a day.”

44. That’s mine!

“I’m a barista.

Plenty of people will take drinks that were meant for someone else, even if they’re very clearly marked.

Gets on my nerves every time.”

45. That’s really gross.

“Eating immediately before your dental cleaning.

Come on people! You’re going to a dentist. Brush your teeth for us!”

If you’ve had a day that’s made you feel like not the sharpest tool in the shed, I hope these stories have boosted your esteem just a bit.

Have you had an experience like this?

Tell us about it in the comments.

The post Times When the Customer Was Definitely NOT Right appeared first on UberFacts.