Month: March 2021

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People Admit Skills That They Just Can’t Master

Things are hard sometimes…

I’m talking about all kinds of things that other people seem to pick up easily that you just can’t get the hang of.

You have some of these things in your life, right?

AskReddit users went on the record and shared the common skills they can’t seem to master.

1. Small talk.

“Talking to people. Small talk.

I’m fine with people I already know, or have lots in common with, can talk for 10 hours a day about nothing. But when it comes to strangers…

What the hell is going on? Why are you talking to me, what do you want? Please just be direct.

I don’t want to play mind games. i don’t want to guess what your intentions are. Just tell me. How can I help you?

Drives me insane.”

2. Maddening.

“Winning an argument with my husband.

The more worked up I get, the calmer he gets, it’s pretty maddening.”

3. What did you say?

“Listening.

I can look someone in the eyes, while they’re arm’s length from me, and not hear what they’re saying because there’s a loud noise 100 feet away that my brain latches onto.

I frequently have to ask people to repeat themselves at work, where there’s a few continuous background noises, and while I can distinguish those noises from each other, I can’t f*cking hear people.

I know it’s not a physical issue, because I’ve been cleaning my ears out several times a week just to make sure.”

4. This is me.

“Estimating people’s ages:

Me:”So I think our sons are the same age…is he also 12?”

Them:” No, he is almost 25.”

Me: “Maybe I was thinking of your other son. ”

Them: “My other child is a daughter. ”

Me: ” Is she 12?”

Them: ” Huh? ”

Me: ” Nevermind, you must have just been standing next to another kid or something. ”

Them: ” I’m in a wheelchair. ”

Me: ” How old is it?””

5. The simple things.

“Knowing my left from my right.

Or simple math. I can visualize big things, but the simple things elude me.”

6. Look into my eyes.

“Eye contact.

I’m not shy, not anxious or anything like that but my parents never told me that eyecontact is normal and only in my teenage years did I discover that eye contact is normal.

I always thought that since i didn’t like being stared at, others wouldn’t like it either.”

7. A hot mess.

“Makeup and doing hair.

Basically anything girly.

I always look a mess no matter how hard I try compared to literally every other girl I know.”

8. That’s odd.

“I can’t use scissors.

The majority of the time I can’t get scissors to cut bags and paper smoothly. I have to call my wife in so that she can cut it for me while making endless mockeries of me.

She says it has something to do with the part of the blade I’m using to make contact with the surface of what I’m trying to cut. Been trying to improve the last 3 years we’ve been married and I’m not better.”

9. Please stay off the road.

“Driving… ?

I wanted to believe I could learn, and everyone tried to tell me it was so easy but I’m really losing hope. I just don’t think I’m capable. Even my driving instructor is sick of me. She was so nice before, now she just yells at me and thinks I’m not trying when I am.

I can’t focus, my mind constantly wanders and I have little slips in attention all the time no matter how much I try to just focus on driving, sometimes only being snapped out of it when someone yells at me or something dangerous is about to happen (like almost drifting into a semi in the other lane…..) I constantly miss things.

I can’t remember road rules or recall them the moment I need them, my reaction time is slow and by the time someone else would already be reacting I’m noticing the thing to react to and haven’t acted yet… I’ve been compared to a drunk driver. Honestly the drunk driver probably drives better than me.

There’s so much input at once and you’re supposed to just take it all in and act accordingly but I can’t even begin to process any of it, and certainly not as quickly as I need to in a driving environment so I just shut down, and then panic because I have no idea what to do. This is especially common at intersections.

I need time to analyze the situation and think through things carefully before deciding on a course of action but quite frankly when driving that time is not there, I can’t just sit there and think it through before every action.

So I get to an intersection and while I’m trying to figure out what to do I get yelled at because of course I haven’t figured it out fast enough and I’m expected to do something NOW NOW NOW.

There’s way too much to focus on and it’s overwhelming… There also is no consistency in driving, the driving environment is always changing which stresses me and confuses me immensely. You’re constantly having to adapt to something new.

My spacial awareness is atrocious and I have no idea where the car is in relation to other objects or if I’m centered in my lane. The view out the mirrors doesn’t really help me fully “get” what’s actually going on behind me. Even though I can see where a car is behind me in the mirror, I can’t actually conceptualize where the car is on the road unless I turn my head and look back.

Speaking of which, shoulder checks are scary, I hate taking my eyes off of what’s in front of the vehicle. Apparently when I shoulder check I turn my whole body, but sure how to stop doing that. When I try to park on the side of the road I end up several feet from the curb.

It messes me up even more that you’re not centered in a vehicle—if the drivers seat + steering was centered in the vehicle like a bicycle or an atv it would be so much easier and less confusing, but no, we get this far left side bullsh*t that screws everything up. Who the f*ck designed vehicles that way? Whyyyyyyyyyy????

The concept of “scanning” is too vague. Where do I put my eyes? How long do you look in each spot? Do you just keep looking randomly around and hope you’re watching the right things? Is there a specific method for where you move your eyes and is it the same each time or does it change depending on environment? How long do you keep your gaze on one spot?

How are you supposed to remember to constantly check your mirrors every 5 seconds? If “the car goes where you look” then how are you supposed to constantly shift your gaze to different parts of the driving scene and pick a specific point in the distance to focus on at the same time?

Are you really supposed to trust your peripherals that much? Half the time I don’t even notice if something is at the edge of my vision, the focus stays on what’s in front of me. How does anyone keep sustained attention for an entire drive without zoning out anyway? How does every drive not exhaust people to the point where you feel burnt out the rest of the day for the effort?

How do you just ignore the fact that one little mistake could kill you, or someone else? And how could you not be expected to make mistakes when learning something new? People when I ask are just like “don’t crash” yeah, thanks, you think anyone ever does it on purpose?

It’s bizzare that we just people who are just learning in the middle of traffic and expect them to “just learn” and that nobody will ever make deadly mistakes. Driving accidents are among the top causes of death in the Western world, driving is extremely dangerous no matter how you look at it. People will say “oh but you can’t worry about the inevitable.” It’s not unpreventable or unpredictable.

If I don’t drive I won’t get in a car crash. But you say: “well if you’re in someone else’s car you could still be in an accident as a passenger.” Yes. But considering the above, it’s much more likely to happen if I drive.

And yet, some part of me still longs to learn because getting rides all the time f*cking sucks and I just want the normal ability to drive like everyone else… ? FML.”

10. That’s not good.

“Making Kraft Mac and Cheese.

I’m a reasonably skilled cook. I know my way around a kitchen and I cook almost all of the meals for my house.

But for some reason I am incapable of making simple boxed Mac & Cheese that’s anything remotely palatable. I follow the instructions on the box and it comes out runny and soupy. I eyeball the ingredients and it’s just a mushy paste.

I’ve narrowed the point of failure down to the mixing of the Butter/Milk/Cheese Powder so at this point if that’s what I’m making then I just boil the noodles and call my S/O in to do the final steps by working whatever Alchemical affront to the natural order she uses to make it work.

Then I add pepper…”

Are there some common skills that you can’t seem to figure out?

If so, please share with us in the comments.

We’d love to hear from you!

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Professor Asks if It’s Wrong to Tell a Student That They Just Don’t Care

I used to think that being a college professor would be one of the best jobs ever.

You get a flexible schedule, you get to read about, publish, and teach about something you’re super into (you would have to be to get a Masters or PhD), and your students are old enough to be considered adults, so you wouldn’t have to deal with parents the way high school teachers do.

Then I learned about all of the politics that are involved with University teaching, and I’m kind of glad I petered out 80% of the way through my MA.

This professor is having an attack of a guilty conscience after following a school’s policy to not give deadline extensions on certain assignments without an excuse (and proof).

Happened a month ago but I still feel guilty over it. I’m a professor & my students had an assignment due on the week I was on bereavement leave. I informed my students of this, and let them know that I would be answering emails/ requests late, so it was better to inform the other professor in charge of the unit.

This assignment was given at the beginning of the semester & they were informed that no deadline extension would be provided unless there was an emergency (with proof) or requested in advance cause it was the school’s policy.

He had one student who emailed him timely, said her grandmother had passed, and was given the extension (pending proof).

One of student’s grandmother passed the day the assignment was due, so she emailed me & CCed the other lecturer. I happened to see the email in time, & I made a note in the system of her case & the deadline was extended with subsequent action pending the submission of proof.

Then another student emailed, citing “personal reasons,” but the professor did NOT see the email in time to stop him from getting an automatic fail because he was on bereavement leave (the students were informed ahead of time).

The student became upset and elevated the matter to both the professor’s superior and the dean, and he was forced into an online meeting while he was supposed to be grieving his brother’s death.

A day after the deadline, another student emailed me (only) saying that he couldn’t submit his assignment due to personal reasons & asked for a backdated extension. I didn’t see the email until a couple of days later. Because of the delay, he received an automatic fail. I emailed him back explaining what had happened but if he could provide proof of the emergency I may be able to find a solution where he won’t be failed (but won’t be given high marks).

He sent a really nasty reply & CCed the dean & my superior (the other lecturer in charge of the unit). I was dragged into an online meeting to sort this issue (while on my bereavement leave).

The conversation got a bit heated, with both parties saying things they probably shouldn’t have.

He called me a sh%tty professor because I was on leave the week the assignment was due & I was playing favourites cause I gave an extension to his classmate but not him & didn’t answer his email on time. He also said that I had no right to ask for proof because it was personal. I interrupted him to tell him off, saying that I honestly don’t give a shit about what excuses he has because I have proof that he acknowledged my emails.

I also said that I’m sorry that my brother’s death inconvenienced him but that it was his responsibility to keep track of dates & understand that certain things were out of my control because it’s the school’s policy, not mine. I also reminded him that I did say that I would try to not fail him but I couldn’t do that if I didn’t have proof.

I admit I was not as polite as I normally would be, & I was visibly upset by the time the Dean cut in.

The Dean excused the professor from the conversation, since he was on bereavement leave, saying the others would settle the matter. The prof found out later that the student came from a rough background and was already on academic probation, and now he’s feeling badly about the entire thing.

The Dean apologised to me first because he had no clue I was on bereavement leave (apparently my superior didn’t tell him for whatever reason). He then said I could excuse myself from the meeting cause he would settle this matter with my superior. I left the meeting & I found out later that the student was already on academic probation & would possibly be expelled cause he failed my unit (assignment was 60% of overall grade). He also came from a troubled background, which explained the personal reasons.

I really do care for my students, & knowing I may have contributed to him being expelled from the university does not sit well with me.

He did do his best to advocate on the student’s behalf, he said in an edit, but isn’t sure what will come of the whole thing.

I did write my superior a recommendation that he still be able to submit the assignment at a later date. My superior told me that because he was on academic probation, there would be another meeting to decide but they would take my suggestion into account.

The internet was ready to give their verdict on this one, though I honestly think everyone involved was a little bit right – and also a little bit wrong.

This fellow prof said the original poster wasn’t wrong, but that in the future he should work harder to be the bigger person as far as how he treats his students.

Image Credit: Reddit

Several people pointed out that his superior should have been more involved, and that he never should have been expected to handle things like this while grieving his brother in the first place.

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Everyone should have taken a few deep breaths before getting together.

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A few people thought the professor’s tough love might have been just what this kid needed to keep things together in the future.

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In the end, the professor is human and doing his best – and he’s done his best to correct things, too.

Image Credit: Reddit

I think the very first response on this one was the best – the professor wasn’t wrong, but he could have handled it better.

Let’s hope everyone involved has learned a little something for the next time, eh?

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If Your Roommate Asked For Some of Your Hair for a Spell, Would You Give It to Them?

Different strokes for different folks. That’s what I say.

At least, that’s what I say most of the time, but when it comes to evil spirits and pieces of my body, I don’t know…maybe that seems like it’s a bit more of my business.

This woman is young and lives with roommates, one of whom never hid her interest in the occult. Which wasn’t an issue for anyone until an evil ghost popped up and demanded an audience.

I (22f) live with three girls. One of them (Susan) firmly believes in the existence of ghosts and paranormal events. This wasn’t an issue at the start. However over the last few months Susan became convinced that an “evil spirit” lives with us.

According to her, this ghost would visit her room at night and just stand in the corner and tell her things.

The roommate was freaked out (understandably so) and freaked out OP by crawling into bed with her in the middle of the night like a frightened child.

Because she was so scared she would constantly leave her room at night and climb into my bed. The first time this happened I freaked out when I woke up. I got mad at her but she started crying and said she felt scared.

OP offered to switch rooms, which is when the roommate dropped the bombshell that the evil spirit was actually attached to OP, not to her at all.

To solve this problem I told her we should swap rooms. She insisted that the spirit was actually attached to me so it would be a waste of time to swap rooms. I (jokingly) asked her if this entity was low key racist (the other girls are white, I’m mixed). She was angry and said that my negativity is inviting more bad spirits.

Things came to a head when the roommate asked for some of OP’s hair in order to try to get the spirit to go away, and OP blew up and suggested her roommate get help for her “delusions.”

Anyway a few days ago she claimed she found my hair in her room (which doesn’t make sense as I have curly brown hair, she found straight blonde hair. She has straight blonde hair.). Apparently this was a sign that she should use my hair to communicate with the spirit. So she literally asked me if I’d be willing to help her out.

I got pissed and told her that she needs to seek professional help instead involving me in her delusions. I also said that she has serious problems she needs to address.

Now the roommate is even more upset and complaining online about what a horrible bully OP is, and our poster, who doesn’t want to be bald or be involved with any sort of spirit, is wondering whether or not she should have just played along.

She had a complete meltdown and cried HARD. She thinks that I’m not taking her seriously, that I think she’s a bad person (racist etc) and that I “hate” her. She told everyone that I’m a bully and even talked about it on her YouTube channel.

Also, if you think it’s relevant, apparently the ghost-seeing roommate has an unrequited crush on OP.

I think that she should seek help. However my other roommates thinks that she just has a crush on me and I need to address that first. They said that I broke Susan’s heart and should be more mature about this situation.

First of all, I think that’s pretty ridiculous and unrealistic and not relevant to the actual problem. It’s frustrating because they keep bringing that up. Secondly, I don’t think any of this is my fault. Somehow I’m the asshole and Susan is the victim.

The commenters are ready to weigh in, y’all – let’s go!

First, a reminder about what we can control and what we cannot.

Image Credit: Reddit

Plenty of folks backed up the idea that the roommate should probably seek professional help.

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It’s worth a shot, I guess.

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It might even be worse than OP imagines…

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There’s no good option.

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I thought this was going to be a bit of a lark at first, but the more I read through the comments, the more I think OP should probably take this seriously.

What do you think? Should she run? Stand her ground? Drop your opinion in the comments!

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These Stories From People Prove That Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

One of the most horrible feelings in the world is watching something crazy happen, or having something unbelievable happen to you, and no one being around to witness it – because you know for a fact anyone you tell is going to call you a liar.

That’s exactly the experience these 14 people in these situations, so take a read and decide whether or not you think they’re telling the truth.

14. What could have been happening?

When I was a kid, I got a shoebox and filled it with some sand, a pile of sugar, and a few ants, like three or four. I brought that box into the house and put it in my cabinet. I forgot about the box for like two days.

When I went to check the box, because I thought the ants couldn’t get out, I saw something that still seemed insane to me. But I know what I saw.

A military style formation of ants, in a large rectangle, sorted by sizes with the smallest ones in front.

Like two (might have been four) big ones in front of the others facing the formation. The large ones were facing away from the cabinet doors. The ants remained still for like two or three seconds then scattered in every direction.

13. When you can’t quite believe your eyes.

I watched a kid on his bike get hit by a car somehow he got up like it was nothing.

Shock and adrenaline are a helluva drug.

12. Quick thinking.

I legit found a $100 bill on the ground.

I couldn’t believe it myself but I took it straight to the ATM and it was accepted.

11. Nope. Don’t like that.

My grandad raised a crocodile in my mums backyard pool on an island, while she was growing up.

Every so often they would take him out to sea and try to release him, but a few days later he would come crawling up the local boat ramp, going home.

He killed the neighbours chickens a few times. They didn’t like him so much.

When he was taken into care at a crocodile park, they flew him on a plane to the mainland. He is one of the top 5 biggest crocs at his wildlife park.

10. I’m about to fall down a rabbit hole.

My wife has an artifact (reflective metallic nose ring looking object) embedded in her lower left rib cage between the bone and fatty tissue. It was discovered after an MRI for unrelated issue.

9. You can’t be selfish with a gift from the universe.

i once left my house in nothing but a tshirt and sweatpants in a suicidal manic-depressive state, bought a pack of cigarettes, and told the universe that if it couldn’t give me a good reason not to kill myself by the time i finished the pack, i’d do it.

i ended up seeing Daniel Radcliffe smoking a rollie outside of a starbucks. i offered him a “real cigarette” pretending to have no idea who he was. “oh, no thank you,” he said. “i much prefer the ritual of rolling my own.” what i COULD have said was well ya that makes sense seeing as how yr a wizard. what i DID say was hi i’m [PhDVa], what’s your name?

given my pact, and with nothing to lose, i unloaded all my emotional baggage on him right there. we ended up talking on the curb for half an hour. he asked me about my tattoos and listened to me recite Shakespeare. eventually he touched my shoulder, looked me in the eyes, and said “i know there’s no good way to say this, but please don’t kill yourself.” he asked me some reasons why i don’t. “well, my cat, my mom, my brother—” “right, well, i’m glad the cat came first.” totally charming. finally he announced that he was going to “wander off that way.”

i’d left my house without my phone due to the nature of my pact with the universe (having nothing but the cigarettes on me to distract me from my angst was part of it) and so made no attempt to follow him or to get his number. (i went back to that starbucks several times over the coming weeks to no avail. i still don’t regret not trying to give him my number, though, as it would have violated the spirit of the pact. you can’t get selfish with a gift from the universe like that. bipolar people may understand what i mean. in any case, acknowledging his fame or getting all stalky would have broken the spell.)

8. Yeah don’t bring that up.

My old boss has a NXIVM brand. I saw it when she reached up to get something and panicked because it just seems rude to POINT OUT THE BRANDED SKIN on another person. I immediately recognized the symbol and it was surreal. I was immersed in podcasts and stuff about that at the time.

NXIVM was (is?) a cult that started as a mlm company and somehow progressed into young women starving themselves, being branded with an old guy and a random b list actresses initials and LARPing slavery. It’s a lot more but there’s the gist.

7. How charming.

One day I noticed my dog standing at the glass door with something in his mouth. It was a $5 bill. We went to BK and grabbed him a cheese burger for a reward.

The next day he was at the door with a $1 so we got him another burger. Figured it was only fair as he paid for it.

6. I mean…

Got a hole in 1 playing golf by myself with no one else around me on the course.

Most of my friends take my word it but still give me a hard time saying it never happened.

5. I hope they kept the stick.

I held a stick straight up in the air while pretending to be a magical creature and then it immediately started raining heavily.

4. Beginner’s luck?

I found and caught a shiny Ho-oh first time playing Pokemon Gold. All my friends thought I cheated.

My cousin and I each got Diamond and Pearl back when they came out and I saw that the very first Pokémon he ran into (before he had access to pokéballs) was a shiny Shinx. He even wanted a Luxray on his team and he’s still pissed about it to this day.

3. Sounds major.

I snuck into the Canadian Parliament building at around 1:30 AM on June 27th 1998.

I just walked around for about 15 minutes and tried to open a bunch of doors (which were all locked).

There was major construction happening on the west side of the building at the time. They were digging large holes around the foundation and surrounding areas and they had built a small temporary enclosure around one of the doors.

My three buddies and I had just graduated highschool and decided to wander around downtown, under the false hope that only 18 years olds can muster that doing so would somehow get us laid.

We climbed up a dark stairway on the hill at the back of parliament and reached the rod iron fence with a locked gate at the top. We could see two security guards (or, upon reflection, they were probably RMCP) who were doing rounds of the entire construction area, since it basically left the side of the Parliament building open.

My one buddy dared someone to try and sneak in. I was easily the most timid of the group, I couldn’t even bring myself to speak to girls on most days. But for some reason that night I gave zero fucks and just hopped over the fence while my buddies loudly whisper-hissed for me to come back.

I ran between the various CAT construction equipment, trying to stay in the dark patches, pausing to watch and memorize the route the two security guys were taking. The temporary door to the small enclosure was unlocked, I had seen one of the guards open it from our hiding spot behind the fence.

I sprinted the last 15 yards or so which were illuminated by construction flood lights and in the open, certain I’d be caught, but I made it into the door without making a sound. The actual door to parliament on the inside was open, so I just went inside.

The harder part was sneaking back out, I had to retrace my route and because I had been inside in the light for so long, my eyes had adjusted so I couldn’t see shit once I made it back to the darkness of the construction equipment. I nearly tripped a half dozen times on my way back to the gate.

My buddies had bailed on me within five minutes, assuming I’d been caught and wanting to put as much distance between me and them. I eventually found them at the base of the hill near the river, where I was met with a mixture of high fives and questions about my intelligence.

None of us got laid.

2. This gave me chills!

The owls.

When my grandpa passed away in November of 2008, I was at my dad’s house. The front yard is almost enclosed by pine trees. I kept hearing weird noises, so I decided to go outside and see what it was. We shown a light on the trees and was greeted by many many pairs of eyes.

There had to be at least 20 owls just hanging out in the trees. My grandpa had an interesting way with birds and we had a very close bond. That was the only time the owls had ever been to our house.

Until my Mastiff passed away last year. I was home alone, brushing my teeth when I heard the familiar sound. I thought I was going crazy, but no. There they were, owls in the trees. A completely different time of year, twelve years later. The owls keep watch.

1. A handy helper.

My husband and son were watching ants filing into their hole with their loot. One ant was carrying a piece of wood, but couldn’t get through the hole with it. It kept trying, holding up the line of other ants. Upon closer inspection, my husband see it’s actually been impaled with a sliver of wood. He picks up the ant and carefully removes the wood, and the ant fits down the hole.

As someone visually impaired, this a much different world than the one I live in.

I’m dying. I would have freaked out at some of these!

What’s your “no one will believe it” story? Share it with us in the comments!

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A New Dad Wondered Whether He Was Wrong Not to Let Anyone Else Hold His Newborn Before His Wife Could

Being a mom for the first time is one of the most emotional, wild rides a woman will ever take in her life. The hormones, the fears, the joy, and yes, the changes – it’s a ton to handle all at once, and if there’s one thing I think is true across the board, it’s that most of us are doing our best to manage it all.

This woman had a complicated pregnancy and delivery, and when she realized that she might not be able to hold her son immediately, asked that no one else (other than her husband, I assume) get to meet and hold him before she did.

My wife gave birth to our son November 2019. She had a very complicated pregnancy and ended up needing an emergency c-section which we were aware could happen. We had talked about it for a while and she admitted hating the thought she would be the last to hold our son.

So when he was born and she was still unconscious I did not allow anyone in our families to hold him, or even meet him really. They saw me but that was about it. She was unconscious for four days but thankfully recovered and was able to meet and hold our son. It was about a day after everyone else got to meet and hold him for the first time.

Our families were upset but nothing really kicked off except for my mom and sister who were kinda pushy about it.

The husband complied, which meant the baby went four days before meeting his mother, and then the rest of their family.

Now that family is spouting off online, calling them terrible for “robbing” them of the opportunity to meet their grandson/nephew for several days and that the parents were being selfish, putting the mother’s feelings before the baby’s well-being.

Then around January we had an incident. My wife put up some photos of her holding our son for the first time and talked about how traumatic the birth had been and wanted to raise awareness of how dangerous pregnancy and birth can be and basically just saying how grateful she was to have them both be okay.

My mom and sister then really started acting like kids. Saying it wasn’t fair and we robbed them of those first few days with their grandson/nephew. I told them plenty of people meet grandkids and nieces/nephews days or even weeks or months after birth and had this been Covid times it would not have happened for a lot longer.

But they said I was selfish and should not have done that just because my wife couldn’t meet or hold our baby.

It’s the last part that has him thinking, since we all know early touch and interaction is important for baby’s bonding, and so he asked the internet what they thought about his decision to honor his wife’s wishes.

I am only conflicted on this because someone else suggested I robbed my son of having more interaction early on and I should have thought of him over my wife’s feelings on the whole thing and while most of me is screaming hell no, I wanted to see what a bunch of internet strangers would think.

AITA?

Here’s what the internet strangers had to say.

This seems like such an easy response that the family are the ones looking like the a$sholes.

Image Credit: Reddit

The bottom line is that THEY are his parents and other people had better learn to accept that means what they say goes right from the start.

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No new mom needs to deal with extra drama.

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This dad did everything right.

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It’s high time we start treating these mothers like autonomous people with rights and not just bodies who delivered babies for the rest of the family.

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The more I thought about this one, the madder I got – and the prouder I got of these new parents sticking to their guns.

What are your thoughts? Drop them in the comments!

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This is Why You Should Always Ask Someone if They Need Help Before Just Giving It

People sure like to be helpful. We like to imagine that we’re the knight in shining armor, that we see someone in need and swoop in without needing to be asked, but the truth is that consent isn’t just for sexual or romantic situations (or at least, it shouldn’t be).

This woman’s post about the unsolicited “assistance” she and her disabled fiancee get when they’re out and about perfectly illustrates why you should always ask before helping a stranger.

A little background; I am engaged to (I’ll call him Frank) a full time wheelchair user. We have been together for 2 years, he is mostly independent but obviously does struggle with things, especially when we’re out.

This is something that has happened more than once, and every time we get the same reaction when we ask people to stop; very annoyed strangers.

She describes how, when they’re out and people perceive that her fiance is struggling, they help without asking – and when her fiance asks them to stop, they get offended.

When we’re out shopping or walking or on holiday sometimes things like curbs, getting in and out of the car if we’re on a slope or getting up and down small steps gets tricky. Now Frank knows what he’s about, he’s pretty nifty in his wheelchair and doesn’t often need help with these things. BUT people go up to him, grab his chair and pull him / push him without asking, because they think they’re helping.

He always says something along the lines of “please let go, I don’t need help” if they had asked he would just say “no I don’t need help”, and that would be the end of it. Sometimes he does get a bit cross (I say a bit, he doesn’t shout or swear, it just annoys him), and asks them to leave him alone they normally get super defensive and get cross back.

A recent incident, where a stranger actually grabbed her fiance and wouldn’t let go, despite him asking her to repeatedly, had her in tears.

What prompted me to write this here is what happened a few days ago. He was getting in the car in a car park and a stranger literally walked up behind him, grabbed his back and pushed him into the car. I was loading the boot and hadn’t noticed her walk over to us, but she definitely didn’t ask permission because the first I knew anything was happening was Frank saying “get off me, I don’t know you and don’t want you touching me.”

I looked up and she was still holding him round his waist. I said something along the lines of “what are you doing, could you let go please”, she didn’t let go, continued to “help” him in and replied “well if you were helping I wouldn’t have needed to. His chair was tipping onto the floor” (when he gets in the car without help, his chair does a bit of a wobble, but it won’t fall)

This made me feel pretty angry and Frank wasn’t happy either, as you can probably guess being in a relationship with someone in a wheelchair can be tough, and having strangers judge me is not fair at all. We didn’t say anything back to her, I put his chair in the car, got in the car myself and cried.

She’s wondering whether or not the right thing to do is to just remember that people are well-meaning, grit her teeth, and bear it.

Now I understand that these people might think they’re helping, but I also think that because he’s seen as “disabled” somehow that takes away his right to refuse help. And I do think that if we say no this isn’t ok they might rethink their actions if they are in the same situation again.

Are we the assholes for being annoyed? Should we just accept they mean no harm? Sometimes I do think to myself they don’t mean to be harmful, and it happens so often I do wonder whether we’re in the wrong to be cross about it.

The people of Reddit have some thoughts, and they’re nearly as indignant as my own.

I had no idea this was a thing but it for sure needs to stop.

Image Credit: Reddit

Apparently humans in general need this training.

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The bottom line is that it’s harmful behavior.

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He should just scream bloody murder.

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My mouth is just hanging open right now.

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Do we need some kind of PSAs about this stuff? I would have thought “don’t touch strangers without asking” was like, understood, but apparently not.

If you’ve got a bright idea for how to mitigate this for folks, tell me about it in the comments.

The post This is Why You Should Always Ask Someone if They Need Help Before Just Giving It appeared first on UberFacts.

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Is This Working Mom Wrong for Thinking Her Unemployed Husband Should Be Doing Chores?

It’s not a secret that there’s an imbalance in how household chores and childcare are shared in American households. When both parents work, women are shouldering way more than their share across income levels and cultures.

That said, what happens when the husband isn’t working and the kids are away in school or daycare during the day? Should he be doing all of the housework himself, and prepping meals besides?

This working mom says why not, because if the roles were reversed, she would have plenty of time to get it all done every day – her husband has other ideas, which leaves her wondering whether or not she’s expecting too much from him.

I can’t believe I was able to type that the way my eyes were rolling, y’all.

Since we got married in Feb 2020 he has not worked due to work permit issues. He got a permit and job in November and was let go after two months. Now the laundry piles up and I have to ask him to do the vacuuming, etc.

He says the housework should not be his responsibility because he would rather work in the garden. But imo the housework is more important and I’d rather not have to do it after work or on weekends when I want us to hang out and have fun.

Here’s what the commenters have to say (though I’m quite sure you could guess).

I mean, we all have things we’d rather be doing than laundry, sir. Does he think it’s some people’s idea of a fun hobby?

Image Credit: Reddit

He should probably start counting his blessings instead of the number of times he has to vacuum every week.

Image Credit: Reddit

I was waiting for someone to point out that they could be saving big money keeping the child home from daycare.

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Just like you would explain to your child who wants to play before doing their homework.

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He should really consider the housework his “job”for the time being.

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No way this woman is in the wrong and I hate that our society has even made her consider that she might be.

Chip in your two cents down in the comments!

The post Is This Working Mom Wrong for Thinking Her Unemployed Husband Should Be Doing Chores? appeared first on UberFacts.

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Person Asks if Their Joke About Only Eating Apples Went Too Far

Apples are my favorite fruit and I really like the idea of making a joke about it, but I would never pull the kind of prank I’m about to tell you about.

Judging by the comments, a lot of other people are also not fans of what this person did to their friends, but a lot of people also found it really funny.

This person wrote about the incident in the the “Ask the ***hole” Reddit page and asked people if this prank crossed a line.

AITA for pretending to be an “Appletarian” (eating only apple derived foods/drinks) for 3 weeks as a prank, causing my friends to have an intervention for me?

I got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an “Appletarian”, meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider.

I told them them all that I had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. When I first told them they thought I was joking, but they underestimated how committed I would be to a joke. So, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) I was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider.

Apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc.

Finally after about a week they bought that I had become an Appletarian. They started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples, and growing increasingly exasperated by it. Some of them even got angry.

But I wanted to stick with the joke. Finally, after the end of 3 weeks, I walked into what I was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me.

They were all super concerned about my well being and had all sorts of information or whatever. Finally I started laughing hysterically. They were confused as hell so I told them I had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. I even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it.

I thought they’d appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed. My girlfriend even broke up with me over this because a few days ago I had ruined our date night when I told the waiter I only wanted apples because I was an Appletarian and had “embarrassed her for a dumb joke”.

In my opinion the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank.

But, did I go too far?

This person didn’t feel he went too far at all.

Image Credit: Reddit

This Reddit user understands the value of pranks, but is not happy with the pain the OP caused.

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Read your audience — that’s this user’s message.

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This person tells the OP to think about how worried his loved ones must have been for his mental health.

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However, at least one more person didn’t think this guy was an a-hole.

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It was nice to see so many people in the comments advocating sympathy for friends instead of disregard for their feelings. I would have liked to see ideas in the comments for harmless alternative pranks.

Share a time with us when you pulled a prank and it failed.

The post Person Asks if Their Joke About Only Eating Apples Went Too Far appeared first on UberFacts.