The Best Part of Waking Up Is These Hilarious Tweets

Rise and shine! It’s time to get your dose of funny tweets! The best part of the morning!

Or maybe it’s afternoon or night where you are. In which case ignore that very first part. But don’t ignore these tweets, because you’ll regret it!

15. Et tu?

The revolution WILL be televised, apparently.

14. Spell it out

He learned to speak just for this moment.

13. Copy that

It’s like they prayed for a child and God was like “you suuuuure about that?”

12. That’s amore

This is the definition of non-hostile architecture.

11. Clear the fog

I had to explain how the defroster works to a friend of mine who’d been driving her entire adulthood.
She was 37.

10. Pick a lane

Don’t mind me, I’ve never been on the road before.

9. Hit it

“I see it’s still in a warehouse four states over. Good. Everything is going according to plan.”

8. Wriggle in

You’re not gonna worm your way out of this one.

7. The waiting game

It’s that special look that gets the whole thing going.

6. Personal attention

Just wait till you see my bedside manner.

5. You’re so vague…

…you probably think this song is about stuff.

4. Carry that load

I’ve never thought about this before and now it’s all I can picture.

3. Two wolves

Things are about to get ugly.

2. Trigger happy

“Any problem that can’t be solved with a gun is not worth solving.” – America, probably

1. Morning rush hour

Not sure what good that does me but thanks anyway.

Don’t you feel refreshed? I certainly do. As refreshed as my browser is as I check for new tweets on my feed every ten seconds.

Who are your top people to follow on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.

The post The Best Part of Waking Up Is These Hilarious Tweets appeared first on UberFacts.

The New “Twilight” Book is Here and People Have Some Opinions

It’s been such a crazy year year that I wouldn’t blame you if you’d somehow missed the bombshell news that after over a decade, Stephanie Meyer finally released a new book in the Twilight series.

While it doesn’t cover any new ground story-wise, it does flesh out the core of the franchise by retelling certain events from Edward’s perspective. And it’s pretty wild.

So what do the people of Twitter think of Midnight Sun? Let’s find out.

15. The time has come

What’s old is new again.

14. The anticipation

We’re gonna rock this old school.

13. Bad apples

Book cover stars: where are they now?

12. Genius timing

Ride that wave right back into our hearts.

11. Ripple effects

We’ll always come home to you, Edward.

10. Bible study

Don’t be without it for too long.

9. A real thicc boi

Hot damn I’ve seen encyclopedias shorter than that.

8. Hard to read

I’m sorry, this is nonsense.

7. The perfect cast

Like so many geniuses he went unappreciated in his time.

 

6. Be still my heart

Nobody gave you permission to bring in all these feels.

 

5. A tail of revival

There’s nothing in this world or the next that can’t be fixed by a doggo.

 

4. Contain yourself

She’s like 1/100 your age, dude.

3. Phrasing

That’s alll gonna be a big ol’ nope from me.

 

2. Getting schooled

I keep getting older, they stay the saaaame age.

1. A matter of perspective

Just you wait – she might surprise us.

Honestly, love it or hate it, it’s fun to just have something like this to focus on again. Good ol’ vampire romance trash. It’ll always be there for us in the end.

Have you read Midnight Sun yet? What did you think?

Tell us in the comments.

The post The New “Twilight” Book is Here and People Have Some Opinions appeared first on UberFacts.

10 “Starter Pack” Memes That Pack in the Laughs

They say that if you spend 10,000 hours on something, you’ll become an expert at that thing. They also say that the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. They’re just full of little witticisms, they are.

My point is, if you want to be the best at something, you gotta start somewhere. You’re going to need the tools. You’re going to need to learn the ways of whatever you endeavour to do. You’re going to need a starter pack.

Let these starter pack memes guide the way for you, whatever your passion may be.

10. Cat got your tongue

You move them to the tile floor and they SPECIFICALLY GO BACK BECAUSE THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY’RE DOING.

"Where cats like to throw up" Starter Pack from starterpacks

9. Can’t see the forest for the trees

I get it, we’re all just surviving in late stage capitalism, but please at least recycle the boxes.

Ordering from Amazon starter pack from starterpacks

8. The cliche machine

“We’re through the looking glass now people.” – a thing everyone in movies says and no one has said in real life ever.

Totally original and witty movie dialogue starter pack from starterpacks

7. Femme fatales

I don’t’ know anything about the military, this is all correct as far as I know.

The Military Woman in Movies Starter Pack from starterpacks

6. Wistful looks

Not to brag or anything but I had a very high score on the imaginary car window platformer game.

Staring out the car window starter pack from starterpacks

5. Superiority complex

You ain’t special.

Things people like to feel weirdly superior about starter pack from starterpacks

4. A dangerous game

Seriously, just don’t. If you absolutely must keep your text conversations going on the road, there are plenty of apps and settings out there that will let you do it hands free.

“Sure, I can text and drive at the same time” starterpack from starterpacks

3. The bootstrap bandits

“I started with a small loan of a million dollars that was actually more like sixty million, anyway I’m a self-made man.”

The "poor people are just lazy" starter pack from starterpacks

2. Crew cuts

I think I know which one of you is gonna die first.

The crew of a spaceship in a movie starter pack. from starterpacks

1. On the fence

Pretty sure I still have a folder of my identical shots to these.

High School Photographer Starter Pack from starterpacks

And now you’re well on your way to being an expert in…all that stuff.

What could you create a starter pack for?

Tell us in the comments.

The post 10 “Starter Pack” Memes That Pack in the Laughs appeared first on UberFacts.

Former Flat-Earthers Discuss What Made Them Realize They Were Wrong

I’ve been fascinated by conspiracy theory subcultures since back when they were…not electing our government officials.

And it’s troubling, watching people hold firmly to beliefs that don’t stand up to even the barest scrutiny, and stand in defiance of literally every scrap of available evidence.

So, what do we do? Is there a way out? That’s what Reddit user jbarms wanted to know.

Former Flat Earthers. What made you come round? from AskReddit

As many pointed out, jbarms should probably have used the “serious” tag, as the thread was overrun by hundreds of terrible jokes.

But sprinkled in among them were a few real stories of people who’d changed their minds, or worked to change the minds of others.

Let’s have a look.

1. “That’s how big the earth is.”

I convinced a flat earther, temporarily, by asking him if it was possible for a sphere to be so large that you could not tell it was a sphere my simply being on the surface of it.

It took him a while, I used an analogy of a extremely long line that was so slightly curved you could not tell so by looking at a small section of it.

Eventually he said yes to the sphere and I told him that was how big the earth is.

A few days later he reverted, most of these people aren’t mentally stable, they believe in a lot of conspiracies.

– McClain3000

2. “None of this would work at all.”

I talked to a flat-earther about my job working for a company that tracks ship locations, routes, and speeds by satellite. We also had ways of monitoring carbon emissions based on fuel consumption and known weather conditions. None of this would work at all if the earth was flat. Not a jot of it.

I could only explain the most basic concepts, but it was enough for him to understand and realize that I was right and that he’d been convinced by someone who had no practical experience of the spherical nature of the Earth. I think that’s what really did it – my experience was really tangible. This happens then this happens then we measure this etc etc… no theory, just practice. A bit like showing a child a rock dropping to the ground in order to explain gravity, rather than giving them the whole theoretical shebang. Y’know?

– Administrative-Task9

3. “Why?”

A serious answer here

The thing that made me stop was just the question “why would nasa lie to you”

– The_Holy_Fork

4. “They mostly make me sad.”

I spent about a year infiltrating the flat Earth community on Instagram. I garnered a decent following with an account dedicated to flat earth travel photos (an intentionally absurd premise).

In that time I learned a quite a bit about the community including how to discern the trolls from the real deal. The majority of legit flat earthers are extremely distrustful of anything the government says or does. These same people are 9/11 truthers, Holocaust deniers, and anti-vaxxers and they connect these conspiracies together. Many of them have also attached flat Earth theory to religion, magic, or mysticism.

Before my infiltration I’d always considered conspiracies fun. Like they were the fan fiction of real life. Now they mostly make me sad. For all the phony accounts like mine, there are still plenty of people out there willing to drop a couple of hundred dollars on a flat Earth convention.

– Zelph_Onandagus

5. “Time away to detox.”

Not a flat earther. But I was a 9-11 “truther” I guess you could say–insofar as I thought it was an inside job. I was heavily influenced and believed in multiple conspiracies in the Zeitgeist film as well. There was a never ending source of dark, shadowy “they’s and them’s” controlling everything behind the scenes.

I think there were a few factors that helped me escape that:

• Losing my father. It was such a life changing event at that age that it made me reconsider everything in my life.

• Some light training in evaluating information. I learned about how to vet sources, primary, whether something was actually news or just an opinion/editorial, etc.. Ironically, this education came before I was duped. After my dad died, suddenly this started to kick in more.

• Lack of time/means to dig myself a deeper hole. I started college shortly after my father passed and that + a full time job took up all my time. I had none to buy further into the newest crazy bullsh*t. I had no Facebook/Twitter/IG/etc.. No smart phone or texting. My primary use of Reddit once I discovered it was for r/Naruto, r/Bleach, rage comics, and advice animals.

So all in all, I think the time away gave me time to detox. If I had been on social media as I discovered those things, I can only imagine I very well may have become a Q believer as well.

Looking back I see how gullible I was in that moment, fooled by the onslaught of half truths and clever “logic” of the various theories. I know better now (and I should have known better then), but I’ve been humbled to the fact that everyone is vulnerable to this sort of stuff. To think otherwise is deluding yourself.

– redyellowblue5031

6.  “He required no proof.”

Not me, but got a flat Earther to question his beliefs (and hopefully critically analyze them) by giving him the proof he asked for, to which he responded “mainstream science and media are lies”.

I asked why he asked for proof if he could just disregard it as lies either way, then told him that since he required no proof (or evidence against) to believe something, it made him the easiest person to deceive and that it seemed pretty sheep-like to me.

He deleted all of his flat earth comments and hasn’t posted about it since.

​ – thelife0fZ

7. “Facts and logic.”

Surprisingly enough. Facts and logic. More specifically star patterns. What we observe can not happen on a flat earth.

– Safinkodyr

8. “Five years.”

It took about five years.

It was alot of willfull ignorance on my part, I just refused to question the logic of it. In fact I spent most of my time coming up with crazy fantasies about alot of things I didn’t understand.

But you have to understand that there is just so much we don’t know about that sometimes our priority on what is real and what can be believed can get confused.

I was learning so much so fast that I really didn’t question something so inane as the world being flat. Of course it was, why wouldn’t it be.

The day that changed it forever though was when I asked my father what happens when you get to the edge of the world, he of course said the world is round like a ball.

Being about five years old I thought that made alot of sense.

– Orbitaldropbear

9. “The Bible declared the earth was flat.”

Okay I get the question is funny and all but I actually did believe, for a time, that the earth was flat.

I was raised in a very religious family, and basically came to the conclusion that the Bible declared the earth was flat, because since I believed the earth was created in seven days, the idea that God set the stars in the sky in one day made much more sense if the stars were simply points of light in a sort of snow globe formation extrapolated onto a bigger scale. Otherwise, he took one day out of the seven to make a septillion or so balls of flaming gas, all with their own planets, and set each one into galaxies before breaking for lunch. It just didn’t make sense to me that he would spend five days on one planet, and make the creation of the trillions of other stuff in the universe a little footnote.

I was confronted about this belief a couple times, only one of which wasn’t laughed off. That single person who engaged started a serious discussion, presenting much more evidence for the globe earth, and eventually told me to watch Carl Sagan. The Cosmos series was on YouTube, and once I watched it, I had to know more.

Finally, a video from the channel MinutePhysics convinced me, in no uncertain terms, that the earth was round.

– maleorderbride

10. “A rabbit hole of conspiracies.”

I feel into a rabbit hole of conspiracies.

Thankfully, physics is a mandatory subject in Switzerland, made much more sense that any « top 10 facts that prove that the earth is flat

– Lykorice

11. “Winter in Brazil and summer in the USA.”

I once had a conversation with a professional UFC fighter and outspoken Flat Earther. I tried to explain how Archimedes was able to prove the Earth was round just by using his shadow. I mentioned air travel and how Hawaii and Japan are not 20+ hours of flying apart.

But what I think got through to him the most was seasons. This particular guy was Brazilian. I explained that because the Earth is round, it’s possible to be winter in Brazil and summer in the USA and vice versa.

He nodded and stared off into the distance silently and the conversation was over.

I don’t think I “converted” him but it gave him significant pause at the very least.

– PlaneShenaniganz

12. “Sunsets.”

Sunsets man. Sunsets.

I watched all these videos read a book on it talked to people about it. I was one of them.

Everyone else was crazy for not seeing the truth.(still i have a lot of questions about how the heck this thing could possibly be a globe but thats besides the point) but i had an answer for everything.

People would ask why dont we fall off the edge? There is no edge the earths an infinite space. Why do balloons pop when they go high enough? Because theres only so much air and it sinks to the earths surface but eventually you can fly above it and then theres no pressure of the air pushing against the ballon so it pops. Hows gravity work? Gravity is made up i believe in buoyancy.

But one day somebody asked me if the sun is a spotlight in the sky then how does a sunset work. I was like uh.. and i looked into it.

Couldn’t find anything that makes sense. Sunsets turned me back

– NamelessSithNPC

13. “It appears to be.”

While having coffee with my sister one day, she revealed that she was a flat earther.

I said I wasn’t going to try and convince her otherwise because if literally millions of pieces of evidence doesn’t convince you, then nothing I can say will, but I will ask you a couple of question so that I can understand a bit more. This was the brief conversation:

Q. Do you think the sun is round? Her answer – It appears to be

Q. Do you think the moon is round? Her answer – it appears to be

Q do you think all the other planets are round? Her answer – they appear to be

​So to clarify, you’re saying that the sun, the moon and all the planets are round but we’re floating on a flat disk in the same space. Ok.

I think it made a difference from the look on her face but we’ve never spoken of it again.

– ThelastReject

14. “The heartbreak seemed genuine.”

I entertained it for a while.

What convinced me the earth was a sphere was a video I came across of a group of flat earthers doing a laser test over water. They found a stretch of level water around 2 miles long, then used level lasers to measure the distance from the water.

The test came back quite accurately indicating the earth was a sphere and not flat. They all got super upset and were crying about it.

Seems like a doable and effective test and their reaction, confusion and heartbreak seemed genuine.

– w1lliamsss

15. “Keep a secret.”

Our government couldn’t even keep Bill Clinton’s Oval Office bl*wjob a secret.

You really think they can keep something that big a secret?

– HippoShogun

I’ve heard it said that you can’t reason a person out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into. I’m not sure I agree with that. I think the important thing to remember is that it almost never happens in just one conversation. It takes time. People change their minds in little bits.

What’s the craziest thing you used to believe?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Former Flat-Earthers Discuss What Made Them Realize They Were Wrong appeared first on UberFacts.

Amusing Memes That Will Make You Breathe Harder Through Your Nose

We use a lot of superlatives. But let’s be real, not everything can really be “the best” or “hilarious” or “giving me life right now.”

Most things are just, yanno, fine. And that’s a wonderful comfort. These memes, for instance. They won’t change your life. They won’t make you die laughing. They will cause you to forcibly exhale through your nose.

And that’s enough. Memes are enough.

14. Quiet riot

I gotta say, wearing a mask has done wonders for me in this department.

13. On my way

This is the most compelling short story I’ve read in years.

12. Language barriers

You know that place is delicious.

11. Cradle robbers

Ugh, so tired of getting hit on like this.

10. The nose knows

Up, up, and away.

9. Coming apart

I’m losing my shirt over this.

8. Oh, rapture!

See ya kid, you’re Jesus’ problem now.

7. My philosophy

The expression on his face is like he knew all along he’d be a meme.

6. So fancy

This is the height of sophistication.

5. The great trip

Stop number one is actually number two.

4. Twist endings

This is a religion I can get behind.

3. Water type

I’m killing the environment because thorsty.

2. Undercover

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice.

1. Top that

You gotta be the silliest goose in the lake.

And with that, we all breathe easier. Having had our burdens lightened, by these perfectly adequate memes.

What’s your favorite place to find new memes?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Amusing Memes That Will Make You Breathe Harder Through Your Nose appeared first on UberFacts.

Memes for Folks Who Are Just Trying Their Best

I can’t count the number of times that I’ve thrown my arms up, totally frustrated, and said “Look, I’m trying my best!”

I’ve tried my best to count how many times that’s happened, but I failed. Because it turns out, my best isn’t really all that good.

My best is a normal person’s average. My 10 is general 5. But it’s all I’ve got, darn it, so I’m just gonna keep trying. And I’m gonna keep looking at memes about other people who are similarly struggling to do life.

11. Risk assessment

Bombs away, I guess.

10. Doesn’t add up

So even with a machine whose entire function is doing math perfectly, I’m still wrong.

9. Mixed signals

Am I really this stupid or are you just confusing?

8. Down the drain

Oh crap, oh man, there’s gotta be an undo button around here somewhere, right?

7. Give me a break

This is how close I am to snapping right now.

6. Pull the trigger

It breaks my heart to break their imaginary hearts.

5. Feel the fizz

Man, that’s the best part of the drink.

4. Lean in

Somebody give me a sign!

3. Can’t handle it

Can’t believe I pulled it off again.

2. Self-sabotage

It’s no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy.

1. Stand in formation

I’m still not gonna be able to do it.

I did my best to come up with an outro for this, but I failed yet again.

What have YOU failed at recently?

Commiserate with us in the comments.

The post Memes for Folks Who Are Just Trying Their Best appeared first on UberFacts.

Men Share Their Worst First Date Stories…and It Was All Their Fault

I’m not sure whether humans engage in dating in order to find partners or just so they have wild stories to tell, like this one on Reddit:

Whats the worst thing you have done/said on a first date? from AskReddit

Of course, he’s not alone.

Many, MANY other dudes chimed in with their own tales of woe:

1. Welcome to the slammer.

First real date ever: I am extremely nervous, dry mouth, sweaty palms, the whole 9 yards.

I washed and cleaned my car. I took a shower with fancy soaps, trimmed my nest of pubes, powdered my b*lls and shaved my face. I was ready!

I drove up to her house, shook hands with her mother, met the family, made jokes and broke the ice. I was still nervous, but it was subsiding, and I was on my way to victory.

I remembered to open the car door for her and proceeded to slam the door on her leg as she was getting situated.

Date over. ?

– usedbooks

2. Gettin’ smoked.

My neighbor used to be my pot dealer so he’d constantly front me stuff when either he didn’t have change or i didn’t feel like walking to an A.T.M. etc.

We hung out all the time, this was never a problem, i always paid and i’d thrown him a bunch of clients so sometimes he just didn’t care about a g. I also didn’t smoke enough for this to be a problematic arrangement.

One day he moves out, only a few blocks away, but I owed him 40 dollars.

We’re both really busy, he’s a musician i’m a photographer, so i’d try to get ahold of him to get him the money and it would never match up, and when we’d hang out we’d usually forget. Again, we’re friends, not an issue.

So i’m on a first date about a block from my house at a bar and i see him sitting with his girlfriend a few booths away, i text him saying i’m watching him and i have his money if he wants it/to come join our table. no response.

thirty minutes later we’re outside having a cigarette and he comes outside, grabs me by the throat and demands his money because “no one f*cks with him and his drugs”. immediately i knew he was kidding…my date didn’t. she freaked out and maced both of us.

we’re all still friends and i still got laid.

– [user deleted]

3. Ya boring.

Taken her as a newcomer to a screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, with a live shadow cast and virgin tribulation and everything.

First and only date; I worried about it for a long time, but then realized, f*ck it, she’s boring.

– TheAustinKnight

4. Do the math.

“I failed grade nine applied math twice. But I’m not really a thinker, I’m a doer. Sometimes I actually need a calculator to count to ten.”

After this I was like ‘Omg time to go water my cat’ and drove her home, skipping every stop sign on the way.

Twenty five minute date, my fastest yet!

– JupiterDeusMaximus

5. Hit and run.

Took a girl out to dinner

During dinner, I notice a scar on her arm

I ask about it

“I got hit by a car while I was crossing the street a few years ago”

Go for a walk after dinner to get some coffee across the street

By now, completely forgot about the got-hit-by-a-car story

Crosswalk light is about to turn red

I say “We can make it” and we start rushing across the street

We almost get hit by a car.

Yeah, no second date.

– Piratiko

6. Punch drunk love.

ended up in bed with her, when we turned off the lights and i lifted my t-shirt i accidentally punched her on her nose-piercing with my elbow.

that was not the night i got laid

– mousestar

7. Sweet dreams!

I took a girl to see requiem for a dream.

Yeah that was uncomfortable.

– stringrbelloftheball

8. Cool it.

Not me, but my best friend. He was on a date with some dumb girl once and they were having a good time, sitting in his room listening to music and talking.

She picked up a heating pad and said, “This would be so nice on me right now,” and he jokingly said, “Yeah. I wonder if it will work on my cold, lonely heart.” She promptly left.

I thought it was funny.

– ilestledisko

9. Yikes.

I am 25 and went on a date with an 18 year old.

Over the course of coffee she told me her entire sexual history, including abortions and the baby she gave up for adoption.

Her friend happened to walk by and they chatted for a moment.

She (the friend) was worried she might be pregnant and my date suggested she keep the baby just to anger the man’s wife.

We did not have a second date.

– WallyIsHiding

10. Curb your enthusiasm.

Left a girl at the curb because she refused to open the car door for herself, and resorted to insults to express her indignation that I had not automatically done so for her.

This was at her house so its not like I abandoned her, but she did have to walk back and explain to her parents why she was back early after I had just met them.

– ItGotRidiculous

11. Nerding out.

I went to pick her up and her brother answered the door.

He was holding a DS playing Pokemon. As I waited for her to come down, I proceeded to talk to him about it in depth.

She heard everything…

– RingAnswerHello

12. Warming up.

The conversation was getting a bit sexy, things were definitely warming up. Our hands were exploring some.

She asked me about past conquests, girls I’d been with, things we’d done, etc.

So since she prompted me, I told her this story about this girl I’d had sex with a few times, just as a hook-up, no dating.

Turns out, even though I didn’t mention names, there were enough details for her to figure it out, because she knew the girl…her cousin.

Also, as it happens, the cousin not only thought that were dating, but had thought we were dating exclusively until I dumped her for no reason.

That realization and the conversation that came from it was a bit awkward…

– ronearc

13. Take a bow.

Not me but my friend, took a girl to see the play I was in on a first date so I got to witness it.

While getting ready to leave, he puts on his coat and BAM punches her straight in the nose. Broke it nicely.

I have never had to stop from laughing so much while taking a bow.

– AdmanUK

14. Just a poke.

I was fresh out of a horrific mentally abusive relationship when I started to date again, so needless to say, I was a bit of a SAP around girls this time around.

I was on a date with this girl, we were hanging out at my house, watching a movie, having dinner, very casual.

At the end of the night, I walk her outside and to her car in the driveway and we’re just standing there. She says she had a good time and she’ll come to have a drink with me on the weekend blah blah blah, that old song and dance. She was getting ready to hug me goodbye, and my mind went BLANK and I just kind of poked her. Yes, poked her, with my finger… on her side, like “heh, thanks for coming over…” Her face was priceless. Then she said, “Ok… welp, see ya.”

Dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

– Bad_assness

15. It’s a sign!

I’m really not a fan of astrology, but I don’t really care if someone likes it.

Anyway, this girl said she was good at guessing signs.

I must admit, i was impressed when she got it right in only 10 guesses.

– Fearlessleader85

I can feel that last one pretty hard. You can watch my smile die in real time as anyone anywhere tells me about “my sign.” *shudders*

What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Men Share Their Worst First Date Stories…and It Was All Their Fault appeared first on UberFacts.