Month: February 2021

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Tweets We Think Will Make You LOL

Look, the internet loves cats. We know this. It’s practically a law of nature. It’s practically in the Bible.

But just because we love them doesn’t mean we have to surrender everything to them. We have to put our human paws down every once in a while and say NO. THESE TWEETS ARE FOR HUMANS. NOT FOR KITTIES.

If it wasn’t apparent, my cat and I are in the fight right now and I’m not sharing any of the cool tweets I find with him. But I’ll share ’em with you:

10. Nobody’s hero

And then you hear those little creaky guitar sounds and it’s just all over for you.

9. Bag check

They best not have forgot my fries or we’re gonna have words.

8. The mantra

It’s solid policy like this that should have landed him the nomination.

7. That’s a wrap

It’s a tough jobs but somebody’s gotta do it.

6. Growing pains

Things get more confusing.

5. What a vibe

I’m at the KFC
I’m at the Sephora
I’m at the combination KFC / Sephora

4. Gotta bounce

Come to think of it, there are few “fun” activities that are more embarrassing.

3. Gran-berry

Click the image if you can’t see the punchline yet.

2. Oh, baby

Somebody on Twitter said he was about to drop the hottest album of 2002.

1. Sweet release

Don’t do it. Seriously, it’s gonna hurt.

My cat and I have now reconciled and I’ve lifted him to the screen to show him the tweets. He didn’t laugh though, so we’re fighting again.

Who are the best people on Twitter today?

Tell us in the comments.

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Tweets Designed to Make You Laugh

Hello, kids. It is I, a young person. I’m here to enjoy with you the things that we like, specifically Tweets.

No old or out of touch folks here, no sirree. Certainly nobody around who would unironically use the phrase “no sirree.” Just us youths. Youths as far as the eye can see.

Here are eleven Tweets that your dad won’t like.

11. It’s time to stop

Surely if I get it down to the second I can explain myself.

10. Blue sea blues

Everyone be quiet, I want to hear his music.

9. Holy crop

I would like “The shade, the skill” to be what goes on my headstone, please.

8. Missing persons

It’s the thought that counts.

7. The sh*t is bananas

“It’s one banana Michael, how much could it cost? Ten dollars?”

6. I scream

As someone who has had to run around in these costumes before, thank you for your service.

5. Game night in

Don’t truck with this guy.

4. Out of this world

You might wanna just kinda stay up there for a while.

3. Big accomplishments

How is he still literally smokin’ hot?

2. This and that

You gotta stay original and stay on brand.

1. Save it up

I hope it’s enough to make the sun stop setting at like 3:00 pm in Chicago because this is bogus.

Totally radical, am I correct my young peers? And now I am off to do the TikTok magnesium challenge or whatever it is we do.

Who are your favorite people on the Tweeters?

Tell us in the comments.

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Tweets So Good You Might Want to Kiss Them

Have you ever seen a Tweet so good you wish you could be friends with it? Or maybe even MORE than friends?

I mean, think about it. They could have made anything the icon for expressing your approval of a tweet, but they went with a romantic red heart.

So, do you like the tweet or do you LIKE like the tweet? See how each of these tickles your fancy.

11. Share a coke

Don’t forget that they gave out heroin as medicine.

10. A hand out

Um…do you mean like…handing someone money? That’s not new.

9. Edgy comedy

That is just flat out wrong.

8. We are not smiles times

Hey how about you drink an entire glass of chill and get back to me.

7. The final countdown

Ironically, you should probably see a therapist about this.

6. Bird brains

“Nobody even drops good food anymore, this is bogus.”

5. Somethin’ nice

See, you’re joking, but the reality is you could use Bezos’ money to buy a mansion and if nobody told him he’d literally never know.

4. Sunk in

Oh hey there toilet, it’s me, ya boy.

3. The artistry

Every once in a while I’ll still see these in the wild and just marvel at ’em.

2. Party time!

To be fair to her, it’s a ridiculous custom we’ve created.

1. Leaked footage

Your son is absolutely going places and I would like to follow.

I’m gonna take all those tweets out to make out point and just smooch ’em. You can’t stop me.

Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.

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Tweets For You to Read on the Toilet

Sorry if this is too personal a question but are you like, in the bathroom right now?

It’s cool if you are, I’m not here to judge. In fact, I do it all the time, and what I like to have alongside me for a nice long potty sit are some good tweets to read.

So in the spirit of all that, I hope you like these tweets?

And I hope your um…session goes well.

10. Oy, mate

I was gonna say I’m pretty sure that’s Adam Driver but to each their own.

9. Special effects

Well, if you can’t celebrate the little things…

8. An explosion of flavor

He appears to be surprised, but not in the least bit sorry.

7. Wall to wall

Cool cool cool cool, you’re gonna need to go ahead and move out immediately.

6. Inception

How come nobody in Star Wars has ever said those words together?

5. Screening process

Oh cool now I’m sad about everything, thanks.

4. Highway hypnosis

How are any of us even alive at this point?

3. Lawless times

I mean, Google exists so just better hope they don’t check anything.

2. A great personality

I had to learn how to cope with it all somehow.

1. Nun of your business

Dude I would have so many questions, that is a thoroughly trippy episode.

Don’t forget to wash your hands when you’re done. Also, other people need to use the room, you should probably get up now.

What’s your favorite thing to scroll through in the bathroom?

Tell us in the comments.

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15 Memes We Think You’ll Love

You ready for some memes? I assume that’s why you clicked on this. If you were looking for like, deals on silverware or whatever, we can’t help you.

But memes? Oh yeah, we got those.

15. The best of friends

I feel like I’m being set up for a Fox & The Hound situation and I’m already crying.

Via: Someecards

14. Get in

All aboard the carb car. Toot toot.

Via: Someecards

13. The betrayal

“Well played, human. You win this round.”

Via: Someecards

12. Mourning person

Every side of the bed is the wrong side when you actually have to get up.

Via: Someecards

11. Poor thing

Yeah I dunno if you’ve heard of this sick new trend called food and shelter? I wanna get in on that.

Via: Someecards

10. Saving grace

It’s impulse buying but from literally anywhere, we’re doomed.

Via: Someecards

9. In the cards

Time to get down to serious business.

Via: Someecards

8. Real life

From a perfect ten to a weird nightmare.

Via: Someecards

7. Special delivery

Think outside the box all you want, my thoughts reside with what’s IN them.

Via: Someecards

6. Sleep on it

Now somebody bring me some food.

Via: Someecards

5. Knock knock

That’s why I got into this job. It’s my passion.

Via: Someecards

4. The best part of waking up

…is you all shutting uuuup!

Via: Someecards

3. It’s showtime!

Did somebody say my name three times?

Via: Someecards

2. It’s lit

Man, this is way too much work just for a melty mallow.

Via: Someecards

1. The one true response

Dreams can be pretty bad, yanno.

Via: Someecards

Mmm, so fresh. So filling. Nothing like a good meme.

What’s your favorite place to find ’em?

Tell us in the comments.

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People Share What They’d Like to Delete From Their Brains

Our brains are such complicated things that there’s been a tendency throughout history to compare them to just whatever the most complex or cutting edge technology was at the time.

We used to talk about our brains in terms of steam engines, now we talk about them like computers. For instance:

The Average human brain is comparable to about 2.5 million gigabites. Your brain has reached near capacity. What do you delete to free up space? from AskReddit

Assuming the computer comparison holds true, what WOULD you delete, if you had the choice? Let’s see what the folks on Reddit had to say.

1.  Maybe get back that excitement?

Write down a list of my favorite video games/movies/albums and delete all memory of them so I can experience them for the first time again.

Absolutely wouldn’t free up space in the long run but exactly what I would do with the opportunity.

Realistically I’d probably delete memories of grade school since it was terrible

– Servinah

2. I don’t wanna talk about it…

All of my most embarrassing moments

– cacao_2_cacao

3. This is lodged in our minds forever.

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, bananaphone!

– c0y0t3_sly

4. Do they live in Texas?

All about my exes

– chichinfu

5. Up up down down.

Cheat codes from the 90’s.

just kidding, those f*ckers are there forever whether I like it or not.

– rawker86

6. It’s just a rehearsal.

Saved scripts to win replays of arguments from twenty years ago

– VastDerp

7. Poor puppers!

The nintendo 3DS dogs I left in my device

– Infinite_Tissue_For

8. There’s a story here.

Poop in pant. Yes, poop in pant

– CherasPoyo

9. Talk about disappointment.

Game of thrones lore… Actually no scratch that just season 8 of the show as a whole.

– Azarken

10. Why do I even know this?

All knowledge that Kim Kardashian and everything associated with her even exists.

– fingers621

11. Stuck in the middle.

Can I delete my whole middle school experience? I wasn’t paying attention anyways.

– AnEpicHibiscus

12. Once you get into it…

All the kinky stuff that I wished I never found.

– TemplarSensei7

13. An ad campaign for our nightmares.

The godd*mn Quiznos rats

– DickaliciousRex

14. The one fact we remember from biology class.

Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

– tne_fan

15. And of course…

System32

– dothisnowww

Personally, I don’t really have this problem. My long-term memory is crap and it always has been.

Or at least I think it always has been. How would I know?

What would YOU delete given the chance?

Tell us in the comments.

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“We Met at a McDonald’s Drive Thru” — People Share the Weird Places They Found Their Partners

Love sure is crazy. And that means the way that some people meet their partners is equally nuts..

These 11 couples actually got REALLy lucky and found their soul mates in very weird, very interesting, completely unexpected places.

And now they’re going to be together forever! Or something like that…

1. Now THAT is game. Damn son!

I’ll have what he’s having!

Photo Credit: Whisper

2. What were Pringles’ tubes doing at the movies?!?

I have so many questions about the Pringles.

Photo Credit: Whisper

3. Oh damn!

Now THAT is a way to meet somebody!

Photo Credit: Whisper

4. Well, you weren’t THAT far off…

But… where do you find a pr0n themed bar?!

Photo Credit: Whisper

5. Holy sh^t! That’s some real real.

I mean… how do you even exchange info in that situation?!?

Photo Credit: Whisper

6. At least you know he can save you…

That’s has to be pretty s*xy, right?

Photo Credit: Whisper

7. Awwww, that’s so sweet!

Some of the best relationships started off with some trauma!

Photo Credit: Whisper

8. Tragedy sometimes helps love…

And meeting at a funeral counts as slightly tragic.

Photo Credit: Whisper

9. Good start, kids!

Hopefully you both cooled it on the booze.

Photo Credit: Whisper

10. Huzzah, my dudes!

Those are some anachronistic kids!

Photo Credit: Whisper

11. There are still Red Boxes?!

Why do we even have physical media anymore?!

Photo Credit: Whisper

Got a “cute meet” in your love life? Ever meet your significant other in a really strange situation or place or time?

Let us know in the comments!

Please and thank you, fam!

The post “We Met at a McDonald’s Drive Thru” — People Share the Weird Places They Found Their Partners appeared first on UberFacts.

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What’s the Weirdest Thing You’ve Done For A Significant Other That Didn’t Care?

In case you missed it, here’s a quick little story about love’s labor lost.

Martin Shkreli became infamous when he jacked up the price of insulin for no reason but to make him and his Wallstreet bros a bunch of money. Disgusting and unconscionable, but because this is America, not illegal.

THEN we found out that he did a bunch of other stuff that WAS in fact very illegal. A woman with a prestigious journalism career started reporting on the ongoing stories. She found herself on his side. Then BY his side. And pretty soon, she’d given up both her job and her marriage to be with him.

Fast forward a bit, he goes to jail, publically says “Bye, felicia,” and she’s left holding the bag with absolutely nothing. So. In light of that…

Let’s be honest. A lot of us have stories like this. Probably not so extreme, and certainly not as publicized, but still. Here’s what it reminded the people of Twitter about.

1. Something about this doesn’t add up.

2. Oof, what a trip.

3. But it looks so romantic in the movies?

4. Talk about a leap of faith.

5. That’s insane.

6. But why would you regift the booze?

7. Praise be.

8. Cool guy!

9. I remember that age.

10. A professional job.

Before you judge any of these folks just remember, love makes us all a little crazy sometimes.

Do you have a story like this?

Share it with us in the comment.

The post What’s the Weirdest Thing You’ve Done For A Significant Other That Didn’t Care? appeared first on UberFacts.

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Memes People Over 30 Will Definitely Understand

If you’re seriously thinking about turning 30, I really wouldn’t recommend it. It’s not that it’s terrible, it’s just that it’s meh.

It’s not like 20, which feels like an exciting milestone. It’s not like 80, where people start to admire you just for sticking around so long. It’s just…30. It’s just a middle number.

But if I had to try to describe it with a little more flavor than that, I might use these memes.

10. “Boom boxes”

These days you plug a bluetooth speaker into a little charger for twenty minutes and you’re good to rock all day.
Back in the 90’s though…

Via: Someecards

9. Responsible eating

Cut to me just eating a jar of peanut butter before it expires because I have nothing to go with it but I don’t wanna waste it.

Via: Someecards

8. The tired game

Just thinking about playing is making me sleepy.

Via: Someecards

7. A breadtangle of pizza

I’d still be pretty psyched to eat this, not gonna lie.

Via: Someecards

6. Dashed expectations

It’s a really, really good spatula though.

Via: Someecards

5. Lotsa pain

All the back rubs in the world can’t save you now.

Via: Someecards

4. Early to bed

What do you think I am, some kind of bat?

Via: Someecards

3. You’re a classic now

Oops, they did it again.

Via: Someecards

2. Very different paths

Whatever, I’m living my true life.

Via: Someecards

1. Flip phones

The one thing I miss about these bad boys is that T9 allowed me to text without even looking.

Via: Someecards

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go take one of my nine daily pain naps.

What’s the strangest thing about being your age?

Tell us in the comments.

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People Share the Worst Things They’ve Done to Stay in Relationships with Deadbeats

People like to say that love is blind. Maybe that’s why it makes us fall over and hurt ourselves all the time.

Twitter user @literElly wanted to get to the bottom of this:

For those of you who, like me, were fortunate enough to have avoided this story up until now, let’s briefly recap “the shkreli story” mentioned in the tweet.

Basically, widely despised pharma bro and current inmate Martin Shkreli was in a relationship with a woman who had started reporting on him, until she became so taken that she gave up both her prestigious job as a journalist and her marriage to be with him.

Then he went to jail and basically said “lol bye, good luck out there.”

But what of the common folk? What are our experiences with this sort of nonsense? Let’s find out.

1. Some people really pay the price.

2. How much literal crap do you put up with?

3. No person can be worth this.

4. There’s…there’s a lot to unpack here.

5. Same song, second verse.

6. When you can’t even be the real you.

7. You gotta respect yourself.

8. It’s the most important meal of the day.

9. Hanging and crawling.

10. Woof.

You may find yourself quick to judge these people, but remember: loneliness is a heck of a drug, and it can make us all act pretty dumb.

Have you had an experience like this?

Tell us about it in the comments.

The post People Share the Worst Things They’ve Done to Stay in Relationships with Deadbeats appeared first on UberFacts.