People Recall Funny Things They Weren’t Allowed to Laugh At

I’m not sure there if there are many things more difficult for a human being than trying not to laugh when something strikes you as funny – I know that as a parent of toddlers, I am faced with this particular conundrum pretty regularly these days.

No matter the reason you’re not supposed to laugh – the time, the place, the joke, what have you – trying to hold it in only makes you want to laugh, more right?

You’re gonna be so glad that you’re allowed to laugh, at least, when you read through these 13 responses.

13. I could not have kept it together.

A guy was acting as his own attorney. He was questioning himself in court by standing up, asking a question, then sitting down to answer it.

The judge finally looked at him and said, “Sit down, Mr. X.”

I almost lost it, but managed to hold my court demeanor.

12. I think he would like that.

Great Uncle’s funeral.

The vicar was doing his thing, but when he said “our soul”, in his posh-ish accent it sounds just like “arsehole” and it got me. I managed to keep it together the first time, but after the second one I could barely hold it back….

It was something like, “our soul is something we should cherish, it defines who we are…

I was stifling laughter to the point of tears, my mum said after she thought I was crying.

There’s an Oasis song called Acquiesce where the same things happens and me and my cousin, who was sitting away from me inside the church, used to make each other laugh by singing that (we were about 13 or 14 at the time). After the service had finished we met outside and were rolling about it fits of laughter – he had had the exact same reaction.

It’s something we still laugh about 20 years later.

11. That is not what he wanted to say.

Our teacher was scolding the class but in his rage induced lecture he accidentally knocked over a stack of graded papers onto the floor ruining the perfect by name order he had them in. That’s not what was funny.

What was funny was he immediately said out loud aw shucks since he wouldn’t swear. This came out of a man who’s face was red as a lobster. I almost choked trying not to laugh

10. This is amazingly terrible.

I was giving a hitting lesson to a 9 year old kid before the pandemic.

After the lesson his dad mentioned that when you get older you can get whatever name or nickname printed on your wood bat.

The kid asked if he could get “c*ck sucker” printed on his bat. I had to put my glove over my mouth so he wouldn’t see me laughing!

9. Insult to injury.

My normally pretty chill, easily distracted science teacher at secondary school went off at a kid for slamming his books on the desk.

“HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID?!”

Punctuating “stupid” by slamming his fist down on the paperwork in front of him.

However, as he slammed his fist down, I heard a slight tinkle that struck me as odd.

Ten or so minutes later I notice the teacher’s face went bright red as he moves the paperwork that was in front of him to discover the freshly broken glass plate from overhead projector…

8. Well this is awkward.

So the Dean of our college had recently passed away due to cancer, and he was a nice/popular guy so he was well liked by students and faculty.

During an event to commemorate him, all the students and faculty gathered and some people went on stage to share their memories of him.

This one guy (a new student who barely knew him) goes up on stage and starts giving this really emotional speech. The only problem was that he was talking about another faculty member, who was very much alive and had just gone abroad for a few months for training. The dude went into all the details about his life and even called him by name to make it evident what was happening. Turns out he thought the wrong guy was dead, and his attempt at an overly emotional speech made it worse.

Looking at all the confused people on stage, the situation was very funny; but just before him, other students and teachers had given heartfelt eulogies for the Dean so it felt wrong to laugh at the time…

7. The important stuff.

Paramedic here, watched a drunk falling down a bunch of stairs.

He had several broken bones and looked like a pretzel.

He then just screamed at his friend to get him a new beer because he dropped his.

Nearly pissed myself.

6. Kids are always bringing the fun.

You’re not allowed to laugh at a funeral, right?

Well we all did, so I guess this counts: at my grandmother’s funeral, when the priest asked us all for a moment of silence to remember my grandmother, my 5 year old brother, amidst all the silence and hushed crying and tears saw the priest lighting candles and started singing at the top of his lungs, “happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!”

He turned one of the saddest moments of my life into the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

5. Was this an episode of South Park?

While having dinner with my friend who has a 5 year old and a 3 year old:

5yo: “you know what Wyatt said in class today? He said ‘f*ck you!’”

3yo: “f*ck me…..”

4. An excellent question.

There is always hilarity when you have young kids at funerals.

I can still feel the dirty looks from my relatives when I burst out laughing at my grandfather’s funeral and it was damn near 25 years ago!

We were all milling around at the funeral home for the after service wake when my young cousin came up and had this confused look on his face. I asked what was up, expecting him to ask why people were sad or something. Nope. He pointed to the security bars on the windows and asked “are those to keep people in or keep people out?” I laughed so hard that I damn near wet myself.

3. Stop it.

At my friend’s grandfather’s funeral. The first sentence of the pastor’s speech was “We are all here because we love Dick so much.” His name was Richard.

This holy man gave a 15 minute speech about his love of Dick and how Dick changed his life. My wife and I did not make eye contact through the entire thing for fear of busting out laughing in a quiet, crowded church.

It took me about a year to ask my friend his thoughts about it and apparently he was close to losing it too.

2. He got the last laugh.

I was in a cadaver lab for an anatomy class, and that week we were learning hip and upper leg muscles.

My group were at the table and one of the guys proceeded to roll the cadaver leg over, from looking at the hamstring to study the quads.

We didn’t realize that the leg belonged to a male until its d*ck slapped him straight on the back of his hand.

Entire group was breathing super hard trying not to laugh and appear disrespectful in the eyes of the tutors, but I honestly reckon the guy would’ve been laughing with us.

1. I think I would have lost it.

Helping a Grade 2 class (~8 year olds) and one of the kids was just so loud.

He was running around the class when one of the girls held out her arm and clotheslined him.

I was able to keep a straight face for that but she kneeled down and yelled, “Boom!” at him.

He started crying, they both got a detention, and I almost bit through my tongue.

I don’t know whether I love or hate this feeling, to be honest.

What’s your story along these lines? Share it with us in the comments!

The post People Recall Funny Things They Weren’t Allowed to Laugh At appeared first on UberFacts.

Women Talk About When They Knew They Wanted to Marry Their Husbands

Hey, there!

Today I met the boy I’m gonna marry…

Remember that song? It’s a good one! A golden oldie, if I do say so myself…

And we love it because it reminds folks about when they first knew that The One was really gonna be THE ONE.

Women on Buzzfeed talked about when they knew they were gonna marry their husbands.

Let’s take a look!

1. Comforting.

“A week after our first date, I got knocked over in a bike accident and ended up at the hospital with a broken neck and a fractured spine.

While visiting me in the hospital, he wasn’t allowed anywhere near my head, so since he couldn’t reach my hand, he held my foot the whole time instead.”

2. That’s nice.

“We were at brunch when a disabled vet came over and started a conversation with him about his motorcycle jacket.

My man had just gotten laid off, but he looked at his budget and bank app right there at the table to figure out where he could cut a corner to pay for that vet and his wife’s meals.

I almost cried.”

3. No walk of shame.

“I thought I was going to have to do the ‘walk of shame’ from his place at 6 a.m. one morning after we’d been out.

I was putting my dress back on when he got out of bed and put on jeans and a dress shirt to walk me home instead.”

4. First date.

“My (now) husband and I were on our first date, and we wandered into a café with a live band that was so loud we couldn’t hear each other at all.

Well, the music was really good, so rather than ignore me or suggest that we leave, he started texting me questions about my dreams, fears, and hopes for the future.”

5. The One.

“I found out I had cancer on our third date, and I found out a few months later that I probably couldn’t have kids.

I was crying during our car ride home when he took my hand and said, ‘We can always adopt.’”

6. A stand-up guy.

“We were supposed to have a fourth date when I called to tell him I couldn’t make it because my dad had just gone to the ER with metastatic colon cancer.

Well, he could tell in my voice how stressed I was about it, so he drove two hours to be with me at the hospital. And we had that fourth date in the hospital’s cafeteria.

We’ve been married for six years and have been through hell and back together. But we find new ways to love each other all the time.”

7. Animal lover.

“When I saw him chasing a random stray cat because he wanted to pet it.”

8. That came later.

“When we were chatting about amusement parks and he said, ‘I love…Universal Studios,’ and I realized that I thought he was going to say, ‘I love you,’ and that I wished he did.”

9. All about the soup.

“Neither of us likes soup. But we attend a lot of events that have soup courses.

So without a word, he’ll eat all his soup and quietly switch his finished bowl with my full bowl then eat mine, too.

Then he’ll whisper sweetly, ‘Good job eating your soup, hun!’”

10. Huey for the win!

“We had just moved in together, and I wanted to blast some Huey Lewis while washing my car, but my ex always made me feel silly for liking ’80s music, so I was embarrassed…

Well, I finally decided to just do it — and he looked at me and said, ‘Oh my god, I LOVE Huey! Are you playing ‘Hip to Be Square’?!’ I knew then that we were meant to be together.”

11. No problem.

“We were visiting his parents in the Bay Area, and just as we were leaving, his mom — who was very ill — asked him to cut her toenails.

Most men wouldn’t do that in front of a new girlfriend, but he just went into her bathroom, got the clippers, and cut her nails.

I knew that if he took care of her like that, he’d take great care of me. And he did.”

12. Authentic.

“My husband won my heart when he jokingly called me an *sshole on our first date.

I had been internet dating for a while, and first dates were usually stiff and felt like job interviews. So it was refreshing for someone to be authentic.

I felt like I knew him well as soon as I met him.”

13. That’s the good stuff!

“The first day I met him I noticed that the way he talked about the things he was passionate about was so moving.

His eyes lit up, and he smiled the whole time in a way that made my heart melt.”

14. Part of the family.

“My dad died a month ago at a routine hospital visit, and we had just signed the DNR when my husband walked into the waiting room and immediately took my mom into his arms.

That’s when I realized it isn’t just me he loves and cares for.”

Alright, folks, now we want to hear from you.

In the comments, tell us about when you knew that your partner was THE ONE.

Let’s get all lovey dovey!

The post Women Talk About When They Knew They Wanted to Marry Their Husbands appeared first on UberFacts.

How to Fight Your Migraine Without Medications

Being the 3rd most prevalent illness in the world, a migraine mostly affects women and children. This does not mean that migraines do not happen to men, but it’s less common. All because the nerve cells that cause pain during migraines become more active in the presence of the female sex hormone estrogen. A migraine often occurs as a consequence of birth trauma in a child. What Does a Migraine Feel Like? Migraine is a disorder that causes prolonged, intense, sometimes completely intolerable headache that usually occurs in one side of the head. Most patients suffering from migraines also complain

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Funny Celebrity Tweets You Might Have Missed

Celebrity social media can definitely be a minefield, but being pithy and funny and timely is part of their jobs, so now and again, their content really hits it out of the park.

If you missed these 15 recent tweets, it’s time to rectify that – so enjoy!

15. Why is this so wholesome?

Stow that thing carefully!

14. I do not like this one bit.

Someone make it stop.

13. Was that movie serious just a year ago?

Have we entered some kind of vortex?

12. Was there a Ouija board involved?

I’m just asking.

11. I read this in his voice.

Made it 100% better.

10. She had no idea what was coming for her.

Who did? Who COULD have?

9. That’s quite a resume.

I’m impressed.

8. And she doesn’t even play a state official on television.

Yet. Meredith Grey can do whatever she wants.

7. This picture makes me smile.

Anyone can fangirl!

6. We can all get behind that.

Music is helping to get us through (thank you Taylor).

5. Everyone loves Billie.

And Billie loves green.

4. What else is there to do?

Navel-gazing has turned into a national pastime.

3. Confidence is key, my good man.

May we all have as much as he does.

2. I wish she was my mom, too.

Her kiddo is so lucky.

1. When it’s a good tweet, it’s a good tweet.

Even Shania can’t resist.

I needed these laughs today, so much. You don’t even know. But I guess now you do. Congrats!

What’s your favorite celebrity Twitter account? Tell us in the comments!

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If You Live in Philadelphia and You Love to Knit, You Can Grab Your Yarn From a Vending Machine

Knitting seems very popular among all kinds of folks right now.

We’ve all got plenty of time to pass, for all of these super fun reasons, and there’s something calming about our hands being kept busy while our minds are free to roam.

Sure, you can get your yarn online or at a local store or one of those bigger stores like Hobby Lobby or Michael’s, but if you’re a knitting fanatic living in Philadelphia, you have a much hipper option – a vending machine.

24-year-old Emani Outterbridge makes designer yarn and sells it to DIYers around Philadelphia, and while stuck at home with a broken foot, came up with the idea of a yarn vending machine.

Her social media followers thought it was brilliant and responded with a whirlwind fundraising effort that allowed Outterbridge to order three machines.

She told Mental_Floss,

“I was thinking…if I had something that’s accessible to me 24 hours, mid-project, if I need to stop and go get some yarn, a vending machine would be ideal.”

She stocked them with rows of her colorful offerings and put the first one at Elements of Grooming, a barber shop owned by one of her friends.

 

It was a smash hit, so she started thinking about where to place the other two. She’s hoping to open her own shop that could remain open 24/7.

“With the salons and the shops–they close. But if I had my own store, I can have it open 24/7, so that’s what I’m pushing for.”

Emani also crochets custom items for her followers and fans – she’s been crocheting since she was 12 – and started her first business when she was just 15.

For her, the best part of owning her own business is being “completely committed to my own success.”

Until Emani opens that dream store, you can buy her garments, pieces, and yarn through her website.

The post If You Live in Philadelphia and You Love to Knit, You Can Grab Your Yarn From a Vending Machine appeared first on UberFacts.

Celebrity Tweets That Are Totally Worth Your Time

Celebrity Twitter accounts can be hit or miss, and if you really really love someone, you’re taking a chance following them on social media.

Most of us take the chance, crossing our fingers and holding our breath every time one of their tweets comes across our streams, hoping today won’t be the day they let us down.

That said, we’ve gone through the muck and emerged on the other side with these 13 gems that will only make you love your favorite famous peeps even more.

13. Ooooh gauntlet thrown.

Anyone have popcorn?

12. Some of us laid around a lot.

One of us was Taylor Swift.

11. Like the rest of us.

I wonder if he’s also hot for Chuck Bass.

10. I guess that answers that.

He gave it a shot.

9. This one makes my heart happy.

No one deserves it more!

8. How cute it’s a hobby.

Also she’s a queen.

7. Only one of them is smiling.

So am I, though.

6. You have to know your limits.

No matter how famous you are.

5. Why is this so hilarious?

Ahhh right because he’s so funny.

4. This is the kind of content everyone is on the internet for.

Cat pics never miss.

3. Preach, Missy.

Each and every word.

2. This talk reduces everyone to an embarrassed teenager.

I don’t care who you are.

1. Even House knows what’s up.

Listen to the man!

 

I think I need to find some more celebrity accounts to follow, because it turns out, some of them might be worth it.

Tell me which ones are your favorites down in the comments!

The post Celebrity Tweets That Are Totally Worth Your Time appeared first on UberFacts.

Bizarre Things People Have Said in Their Sleep

I don’t talk in my sleep, but my best friend is, and let me tell you, there’s nothing quite so disconcerting as waking up in the middle of the night to someone in the middle of a completely weird conversation with you.

I always think these stories are so hilarious – and sometimes freaky – and these 17 tales are no exception.

17. She could write a book.

A really funny and equally disturbing book.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

16. It’s a question that always needs answers.

It’s how we make decisions, people.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

15. How many trousers does a man wear?

A man has no trousers.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

14. That last one though.

Nothing in the more popular blue and black, I suppose.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

13. Yes, very odd.

But no one likes to miss out on crumpets.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

12. Good for them.

You’ve got to stand up for yourself, you know?

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

11. He’ll never live it down.

Nor should he.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

10. That did not go how I imagined at the start.

It seems like a viable option, though.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

9. I cannot stop giggling.

That poor man. A rude awakening to be sure!

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

8. So considerate.

No one wants to miss the film.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

7. It’s best to just go along.

There’s no point in arguing.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

6. Do you run? Hold still?

Scream? There is no manual for this!

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

5. Yes we all know perfectly well.

You cannot taunt the tigers.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

4. That is hilarious.

But it will definitely wake you up.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

3. Now I kind of want to try it.

I mean. You never know.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

2. He had no trouble sleeping, though.

Of course.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

1. Maybe he knows something she doesn’t.

Just trying to be helpful, that one.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

I could read through these forever, couldn’t you?

Do you live with a sleep-talker? Share with us the funniest or strangest thing they’ve ever said in the middle of the night!

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Celebrities Who Are Really Killing It on Twitter

Celebrities fall into the same Twitter pitfalls as all people – as in, sometimes we say things we shouldn’t, or we crack jokes that just aren’t funny – because they’re obviously just human.

That said, these 12 celebrities don’t have anything to worry about (when it comes to these tweets, anyway), because they’re in turns funny, sweet, kind, smart, and timely – which are all of the reasons we look for content on Twitter.

Bonus that it’s coming from the computers of people we really want to believe are those things in the first place.

12. Listen to Nick from the future.

I think it actually is the year 3000 now.

11. See, they’re just like the rest of us.

Who are being responsible, I mean.

10. Maybe one day.

They’re both still alive, so there’s hope.

9. Everything about this is my favorite.

Girlfriend was working it.

8. The face in that second picture.

I have made that face.

7. Those insults don’t hit like you think.

Makin’ that money.

6. Welp I’m gonna stop taking selfies now.

No need.

5. JGL with the signoff.

You know it’s good.

4. Someone with time on their hands.

Thank goodness for those people.

3. It was early on, but it definitely helped.

If only that feeling had lasted.

2. Well, that’s amazing and perfect.

Thank you for tweeting it, beautiful people.

1. Asking the real questions, folks.

We need to know!

I’m off to follow some new accounts, and hopefully they won’t turn around and do something next that makes me sorry I did.

Which ones are your favorites? Share with the group in the comments!

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These Folks All Talk in Their Sleep, and Their Partners Have Heard Some Pretty Funny Stuff

People who talk in their sleep are a rare breed.

They’re deep sleepers, and when they start jabbering on while unconscious, they have no idea they’ve said anything at all, never mind remembering exactly what came out of their mouths.

Their partners have some pretty funny stories to tell…even if sometimes nights like these 15 have them losing sleep.

15. She should obviously have dumped him.

The answer to more bread is always yes.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

14. I mean, that kind of makes sense.

Theatre always needs more funding.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

13. Something is half empty.

Like a little devil.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

12. How did THAT not wake her up?

I mean…ow.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

11. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

The engine, not the potatoes. That’s most certainly bad.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

10. Well he certainly can’t now.

In his dreams he’s a big star.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

9. How dare.

Now he shall never know.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

8. I don’t like that.

Separate beds, my friend.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

7. You can’t let the burritos get away.

That way lies madness.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

6. I think everyone can agree on that.

Sleepwalking takes it to the next level.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

5. It’s probably from Ikea.

We’ve all been there.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

4. Because the middle of the night needs more drama.

I would be so pissed.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

3. Inside jokes are the best.

As long as you’re not the butt of them.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

2. Not the words you want to hear in the middle of the night.

Or any time, honestly.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

1. She was just making sure.

So you wouldn’t miss your punishment.

Image Credit: Pleated-Jeans

I’m both sorry and glad my partner doesn’t talk in his sleep, I think.

If yours does, share your stories with us in the comments!

The post These Folks All Talk in Their Sleep, and Their Partners Have Heard Some Pretty Funny Stuff appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Crazy Crimes Committed By Their Family Members

Just because people share your blood doesn’t mean you have to claim them – and if someone in my family committed one of these 14 crimes, I’m not sure I would claim them anymore, either.

Then again, sometimes people are just dumb…and you can hardly blame them for that, right?

14. That seems excessive.

My grandfather’s cousin stabbed a waiter to death because he wouldn’t let him use the employees-only restroom in his restaurant.

13. Through the mail?

Something similar happened to my uncle, except he wasn’t terminally ill. He was working in China and his longtime partner was trying to poison him (in food/pills she sent him).

Meanwhile at home she got Power of Attorney and put him hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, buying expensive stuff…paying off her kids debt…etc. She went to the bank and got a friend to forge the POA.

He finally realized that he felt sick whenever he took the items she gave him and found out what she was doing. He came home and tried to get her arrested but I don’t think she ended up doing much time at all.

He’s still in huge debt from her and mainly lives in the Philippines.

12. Her poor parents.

Cousin was taking care of a woman in coma. He raped her. Little he knew was that her parents had set a webcam to check regularly if she would wake up…

He deserved every single day he spends in prison

11. This whole story though.

My friend got blackout drunk and stole a bulldozer that had the keys left in it.

He turned it on and obviously didn’t know how to drive it so he just ended up making the scoopy part go up and down for a bit before the cops came.

They actually let him go too.

10. Bad genes.

My husband’s dad killed the guy who his then girlfriend was cheating on him with. He was supposed to serve a life term but got out because of a clerical error. He did manual labor on a local park and apparently the guys who helped were suppose to get a reduced sentence. However he was not suppose to. (I think – my husband talked about it once).

Also, my husband’s half-brother, same murderous dad, killed his business partner. He would have gotten away with it however, he moved the body when he found out construction was going to start in that spot. And what were they going to build there? A prison. He’s currently serving a life sentence.

My husband has never met his half-brother. He also has 2 half-sisters from the same dad who are law abiding citizens.

9. As he should.

He’s dead now. But years ago my relative got in a bar fight and lost so he went to his vehicle to get his rifle.

Fortunately the police arrested him on the way in to the bar so his charges were a lot less. Still did jail time.

8. That’s quite a scam.

I worked at a movie theatre when Back To The Future was originally released. We used to take the entire movie ticket instead of tearing them and re-sell them to the next group coming in. The old theatre was massive. Sat 600 people.

We probably made about $15k between two of us in month or so. Adjusted for inflation, it’s about $37k. We were the richest high school kids in our town.

7. Just some kids messing around?

When I was a young teen, the boys from the neighborhood and I loved playing pinball and video games at our local bowling alley. Problem was we didn’t have enough money to enjoy our new addiction. We decided to do something about that little problem.

We started with a very rudimentary system. We actually scotch taped a piece of thread to a quarter and were able to fish it up and down a couple times before the string would break, or the tape would give out. This worked fairly well, but we wanted and needed more.

Our next plan was a little more professional. We somehow concocted a scheme to “make” quarters. A few lessons in science class had actually stuck, and we realized that we needed something to fool the coin mechanism in the pinball machine into thinking that whatever it was we made our quarters with was an actual quarter. We ended up deciding that lead would be our material of choice. We used lead for a couple of reasons. A couple of the guy’s father was an avid hunter. He even reloaded his own shotgun shells. Because of this he had a burner setup in his shop to melt down lead. Another reason is that lead is not magnetic (science!). We made a mold out of plaster and used the burner to melt lead to make our quarters. But where to get more lead??

One of us came up with the brilliant thought that tire weights were made of lead! Carrying screwdrivers and pliers we scoured the parking lots of shopping centers. We would wander through and drop down out of sight between cars. Using the tools we had brought we would manage to get the tire weights off with little trouble. We were in business!

Our production line was soon up and running. We would melt lead, pour it into our mold, cool it and then move on to finishing our new “quarter”. The finishing process was crude, but effective. We would snip off the burr where the lead was poured. We would then file down the edge, making sure it stayed mostly round. Using steel wool and a polishing cloth we would then shine the quarters. Now came the trial run.

We went to the bowling alley with a few quarters to see if our harebrained scheme would actually work. In they went, and the pinball machine lit up and was ready to be played. Success! We intensified our production and soon we had bunches of quarters. We were thrilled! We could play video games any time we wanted! Every day after school you’d find us at the bowling alley, happily playing our games. But our downfall was soon to come.

We never thought of the fact that someone might notice a bunch of fake quarters being used in their video games and pinball machines. It literally never crossed our early teenaged minds. We just knew we were having a blast. One fateful day we went to the bowling alley as usual. We started playing games and soon some men approached us. They started questioning us and accusing us. We were scared to death! One of the guys yelled “Run!” and we took off as fast as we could. We made it to the doors and down the steps we went. We all lived on the same cul-de-sac and that’s the direction we headed. Running as fast as we could, we briefly split up. The men that were chasing us only followed one of us kids. He made the colossal mistake of running straight to his house and through the front door. From there our crime spree ended.

A few days later I was in class when I was called to the office. When I got there my father was sitting with a man I’d never seen before. He was wearing a black suit with a black tie. I had to go before the principal, my father and a member of the United States Secret Service! Although they take the counterfeiting of US currency very seriously, they understood that it was just a bunch of knucklehead kids making quarters to play video games. He actually told me that he was impressed with the quality of the quarters. He also said that they had recovered over $75 in fake quarters! We had made, and used, over 300 quarters! We had to make restitution for the money and the charge was placed on our juvenile records. It was explained to us that if we kept our noses clean the charge would be expunged. Luckily for me I learned my lesson and stayed on the straight and narrow for the rest of my young adult life.

And that, fellow redditors is how I was charged with counterfeiting US currency. If that doesn’t define the meaning of a crazy crime, I don’t know what would.

6. Bless his heart.

My dad got into a bar fight around 21 or so, hit a guy so hard he killed him. He went to prison of course but while working along the road he stopped another prisoner that attacked a guard and tried to escape. My dad was released for that.

He never drank after that and if he got angry he just walked out of the house to cool off. He turned 81 a week ago and he’s the nicest, easiest going guy you would ever meet. He never judges anyone. He once said to me, we all make mistakes.

*for the record I only heard the story about 10 ys ago from my brother. He told him during a road trip. He lived in a small town and I have no idea what prison he was at or the official reason he was released but considering it was probably around ‘61/‘62 – they probably used whatever reason they wanted to for his release.

5. So much information.

My uncle sold Tim Allen the cocaine that got him sent to prison in the late 70’s.

Then my uncle ratted out others. I honestly don’t know much about it beyond that, don’t have much contact with that part of the family.

My uncle was a pathological liar and a very troubled guy. He died by suicide about 10 yrs ago.

4. What did I just read?

This was a couple of generations back (early 20th century) but there was this guy who was constantly getting drunk and harassing my great aunt.

So, one of her male friends dressed up in an Easter Bunny outfit, put a bat in its giant fake carrot and beat the dude with it.

He got away with it but I’m sure it helped that half the community was waiting for the day the guy’s liver finally gave out.

3. A little hero.

My grandfather’s father was a mean, abusive, hateful drunk, who would come home from working in the mines long enough to terrorize his children and impregnate his wife and then leave again for mine work.

He tried to set the house on fire, with wife and kids (13 of them) inside…twice.

One day my grandfather and a couple of his siblings were picking berries across the road from the house and his drunk father started taking potshots at them with a rifle. My grandpa, one brother, and his oldest sister took off running for the house with the agreement that the first one there would kill him (their father).

My grandpa’s sister got there first and shot him to death. She was never charged with a crime, due to her age and the fact that everyone knew my great grandfather was a mean son of a bitch and had it coming.

2. Some people never learn.

Cousin got busted robbing a bank. Got sentenced to jail. Proceeded to break out of jail with his cell mate and went on the run. Fast forward a few months and he’s living in a hotel room with his cell mate.

ell mate orders a pizza to the room (bad idea). Delivery guy recognized them and reported them to the police. They get arrested again and shortly after my cousin killed himself in prison.

My cousin had a wife and a kid and got into a nasty coke habit. We don’t bring him up anymore.

1. That was close.

I used to drive for my weed dealer. I was a new buyer but I never asked questions and was cool with him. His car broke down and asked if anyone could drive him. I said I would, and he liked that. I have my back windows tinted but not my front windows.

I’d pick him up and we’d drive almost all day. It was pretty chill. He’s give me free weed and pay me $250 a day. I still worked my part time delivery job so I was very happy.

He got his car fixed and didn’t need me to drive him around anymore. Which is fine, considering his ex snitched in him and he got busted a couple weeks later.

These are killing me (but thank goodness they didn’t actually kill me).

If you’ve got a good story for this list, share it with us in the comments!

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