Month: January 2021

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Ignore Your Kids For a Couple Minutes – These 11 Posts Are Worth The Mess!

Parents are always weighing what we want/need to do with how much destruction our kids can wreak on the house in the same amount of time.

Sometimes it’s worth it, sometimes it’s not, but from one parent to another, I think you won’t regret scrolling through these 11 tweets!

11. I know they say not to meet your heroes…

But what if you made them?

10. It’s not forever.

Someday you’ll have to buy an extra large turkey and three bags of rolls.

9. Yeah, might want to correct that one.

Just because you definitely don’t want to eat that.

8. A girl after my own heart.

Sprinkles go with everything.

7. Never since batteries were invented.

They are incapable of thinking ahead.

6. What a fun game!

Not for Santa, I suppose.

5. He tried to play it really cool.

10 points o Gryffindor.

4. They will learn.

There will come a day when they, too, realize they are too lazy to use a microwave.

3. You’d better not be the one who pushed it.

You will be deafened by the screaming.

2. Heaven help you.

There is no escape.

1. It’s best to just say nothing.

They will learn soon enough.

See what I mean? Good, am I right?

No… they’re genius, I tell you!

Now, go check on those kids – fingers crossed nothing is ruined!

Also, tell us which of these really made you laugh out loud. Do that in the comments.

Thanks, fam!

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Was This Retail Employee Wrong to Refuse to Hold A Customer’s Baby?

In the best of times, people have varying degrees of comfort with children that don’t belong to them.

Some people adore kids, and want to hold every single one who will let them, and others want nothing to do with kids or babies, no matter how cute, for valid reasons of their own.

This OP on Reddit’s Am I The A$shole works in retail, and with the current health crisis, is required to follow customers around and disinfect any surfaces they touch.

Image Credit: Reddit

A single mother with two young children came in looking for a dryer, and wanted to check out the floor models before making any decisions.

Fine.

Image Credit: Reddit

What wasn’t fine was that she kept trying to hand her baby off to the employee while she looked, but the person really didn’t want to hold the kid.

Image Credit: Reddit

She demanded to speak with the manager, who agreed with her.

Image Credit: Reddit

Both the manager and their co-workers agreed the employee should have just held the baby and been more sympathetic to the woman’s plight.

Image Credit: Reddit

The people on Reddit were much more inclined to take the side of the poster, for some very valid reasons.

Image Credit: Reddit

Also, there are liability concerns!

Image Credit: Reddit

This person suggested that maybe the manager could hold the baby, since he or she was so into it.

Image Credit: Reddit

And this mom pointed out that woman had plenty of options that would have been safer and more considerate.

Image Credit: Reddit

Bottom line: people’s preferences should be respected.

Image Credit: Reddit

I agree with the commenters, and if the salesperson was polite, don’t see the issue.

What about you? Sound off down in the comments!

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This is Why You Should Never Argue With an Amusement Park Employee Over a Loss

Most of the people who run those game booths at amusement parks are bored teenagers who definitely don’t get paid enough to deal with your crap.

Also, hint about life in general? If you want something from someone, berating them is generally not the way to go about it.

This kid worked at a booth where the objective was to make 4 hockey goals as quickly as possible. You have 1 minute to hit them all, but you get a better prize if you do it fast.

Image Credit: Reddit

This dad was feeling cocky, and promised his kid he would win a prize that required him to hit all 4 goals in less than 20 seconds. The employee explained this, then let the dad have a go.

He made it in 25 seconds, and the family started screaming that he deserved (?) a redo.

Image Credit: Reddit

He agreed to the redo after taking their crap for a few minutes, but of course, had his own plan in mind.

Image Credit: Reddit

Instead of staying silent, he heckled the guy, who took almost the entire 60 seconds to hit the 4 goals the second time around.

Image Credit: Reddit

The family wanted the first prize instead of the one he won with his crappy time, but the employee, who was finished with their bs, shrugged and said no.

Not even a kid crying about it would change his mind.

Image Credit: Reddit

On the one hand, I’m not all about making kids cry.

On the other hand, maybe it’s better he or she learns now that his parents kind of suck.

What do you think? Weigh in below!

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These Dads Are Definitely Not Afraid to Troll Their Own Families

If you know and love a troll, then you know one thing is always true – they are up for trolling no matter the situation, people involved, or any consequences that may come.

These 9 dads prove that’s true, because they are pulling some seriously shady stunts on their own dear families – and I’ve got to be honest, it’s pretty funny.

9. His daughter looks sooooo amused.

Except the opposite.

Dad being dad. from funny

8. I would have been suspicious had he passed this up.

He might have been ill.

7. Don’t spend it all in one place.

And make sure to thank him for all of the electricity and stuff.

View post on imgur.com

6. This is so not right.

I am also so here for it.

Girl got her phone taken away by her parents and later her dad slid this under her door from pics

5. Did this work?

If so, he may have started a trend.

Thanks Dad from funny

4. She should have seen this coming.

There was no way to stop it.

3. Trolling is the only way to respond to a group chat.

If only it made them stop.

2. I actually think this is an argument for leaving dads in charge.

How can you argue differently?

Reason #82 why dad’s shouldn’t be left alone with their kids. from funny

1. He calls ’em like he sees ’em.

And I mean. He’s probably not wrong.

No one is safe from the trolls, y’all! Especially when the trolls are actually related to you! Ack!

Who is the biggest troll in your life and why do you love them? No, not because you’re obligated to. Give us a better answer than that.

Tell us about it in the comments!

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Dads Who Expertly Trolled Their Families

There are trolls everywhere, and as long as their antics are harmless, we generally laugh at their jokes.

It can be less funny – or sometimes more funny – when the call is coming from inside the house. And these 11 dads took their trolling motor out at home, getting their own families pretty darn good.

11. I’d be concerned about a dad who didn’t do this.

What else can you do with these? The possibilities seem endless!

10. You better pay up, son.

That’s a valid request and you need to pay attention.

9. Fastest hands in the West!

They have to learn somehow. And this is as good a way as any.

Dad using 100% of his brain murders daughter in cold blood from WatchPeopleDieInside

8. That poor f**king dumb baby.

Why am I laughing so hard? Because it’s f**king funny?

Girlfriend’s dad thought he would treat his daughters dog to a new name tag. from funny

7. He’d been planning that for awhile.

He bought an outfit and everything. And that is amazing.

@maggiethurmon

I was trying to film a dance and my dad walked out… so many questions😂😂 I promise this wasn’t staged!! @maggiesdad123

♬ original sound – chass🪠

6. I have no idea what I’m looking at.

But I am not mad about it at all.

Dad bought mom a new mask from funny

5. If you’re using the word “learned” loosely.

At least he’s got time to perfect it.

4. This is for posterity.

I bet he was dreaming of the day his grandkids would see it.

Throwback to when my mom forgot to submit my senior baby ad for the yearbook and asked my dad to do it from funny

3. Man made his own Snapchat filter.

Bless him.

2. He captured that beautiful moment.

This image should go on Wikipedia.

I needed my wife and daughters to smile during a photo shoot, so I told a dad joke. from funny

1. This is some A+ parenting.

Empathy be damned.

The family that plays together, stays together! And laughs together. And probably eats together.

Yes, they definitely eat together.

Have you ever trolled your own family? Tell us the story in the comments!

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These Dads Belong in the Comedy Tweet Hall of Fame

If there’s not a dad joke hall of fame there really should be…

I mean, that way we could know who to avoid if we’re not in the mood for puns…just kidding, because that’s not a thing!

These 9 dads are really on top of their games, and I know this content is just what you want today, so read on!

9. We’re so close here. So very close.

There’s still a lot of infighting, though, so we shouldn’t feel bad.

8. At least they know the fire plan! Get out!

But who has a land line? Answer: nobody.

7. Happens to the best of us. And the worst of us. And everybody else.

Get one of those little jump boxes and never use a jumper cable again.

6. You do what you gotta do! Just don’t do this again.

We’re in the trenches, here.

5. It’s about both? I guess?

That’s how you know it’s about a man and not a woman.

4. It’s the probably that would worry me.

Unless she’s really good with words.

3. It’s not like they’d listen before they got hurt.

Or after, to be honest.

2. Pullovers are life.

Anyone who buys snap onesies for babies is pure evil.

1. Life is really wearing on them.

Poor babies.

This is what I need every single day. When I get up. In the middle of the day, and when I go to bed.

If we’re being honest – funny people telling the truth about the parenting trenches.

Which one had you in stitches? Tell us all about in the comments!

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Posts From Parents Who Aren’t Too Tired to Make Us Laugh

Most parents have a sense of humor. We have to in order to cope with the lack of sleep, the lack of privacy, and the complete and total loss of our identity other than being in charge of these kids.

These 13 parents are the proof in the pudding, because no matter what else is going on at home, they’re coming to Twitter to make us laugh.

13. Pro Dad move.

Kind of brings a tear to your eye.

12.Don’t bag on the elves, children.

Maybe next time they won’t bother.

Image Credit: Twitter

11. Well that’s a mood.

Sort of stolen from Shrek, but what are you gonna do?

Image Credit: Twitter

10. What do they DO to those things?

At least you know they’re using them, I guess.

Image Credit: Twitter

9. After I throw it all on the floor.

Gotta have the full experience.

Image Credit: Twitter

8. Ok but how does one “save a donut?”

You always eat all of the donuts right away. Right?

Image Credit: Twitter

7. Don’t do it.

There be monsters.

Image Credit: Twitter

6. Only parents use those voice memos.

Completely on accident.

5. At least a hug first.

Dang, girl.

Image Credit: Twitter

4. Solid kid move.

She’s on track.

Image Credit: Twitter

3. Method actor in the making.

Kid is committed. Or maybe should be.

Image Credit: Twitter

2. He believes he is.

Nether regions are ripe for jokes.

Image Credit: Twitter

1. We can reuse the bow.

The rest of it we will use immediately.

Image Credit: Twitter

I’m giggling and I’m not at all mad about it!

Which of these made you laugh the hardest? Tell us down in the comments!

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13 People Share the Best Jokes They Know

Here we go…

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Who.

Who who?

Hey, we got an owl on our hands, here!

Okay, that was totally lame, but that is, technically, an example of a joke. Are you ready to hear some more?

What’s the best joke that you know?

Here’s what folks on AskReddit had to say.

1. I laughed at this.

“Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking his balls.

One guy says, “I wish I could do that.”

The other replies, “… well maybe just try petting him first.””

2. Hahahahaha.

“A penguin is on a long-deserved vacation from the zoo. He decides to take a road trip out west, where his car breaks down. Luckily, it’s right in front of a mechanic in town.

He drops the car off and tells the mechanic he’s going to get some lunch. Its a really hot day, so after eating he stops by the ice cream shop for a little treat.

Walking back to his car, the mechanic tells the penguin “It looks like you blew a seal.”

The penguin laughs: “Oh, no” he said, as he wiped his mouth “It’s just ice cream.””

3. Groan…

“I had a song stuck in my head the other day and kept singing it out loud.

My wife finally broke down and screamed Will you please STOP singing Wonderwall!?

I said maybe…”

4. Short and sweet.

“What did the sign on the door of the brothel say?

“Beat it, we’re closed.””

5. Gotcha!

“People are shocked when they find out what a terrible electrician I am.”

6. Not sure if younger folks will get this…

“Doc, you gotta help me. I can’t stop singing ‘What’s New Pussycat’.”

“Ah. That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”

“Is it common?”

“It’s not unusual.”

7. The island of cannibals.

“One day 3 people were stuck on an island with cannibals. The cannibals said, “if you do what we say, we wont kill you”. S

So the 3 people followed the orders the cannibals. So the cannibals said, “go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of the first fruit you see”. So the first person came back out of the forest with 10 apples. the cannibals said, “put the apples up your *ss without making a facial expression”. The person then made a facial expression after the second apple, so the cannibals killed him.

The second person came back out of the forest with 10 cherries. the cannibals said, “put the cherries up your *ss without making a facial expression”. The person then started laughing on the tenth cherry, so they killed him.

In heaven, the person with apples asked the person with cherries “why did you start laughing?”. The person replied, “I saw the third person come out with pineapples.””

8. Talking dog.

“This guy sees a sign: “Talking Dog $5”

He walks up and asks the man: “Does this dog really talk?”

Owner: “Yep”

“Bullsh*t”

Dog: “It’s true, I can talk.”

Man” Holy sh*t!”

Dog: “Yeah, I started out in the circus as a sideshow, until the CIA found me. They recruited me as a spy. No one suspects the dog in the room is listening to state secrets. After two tours, I retired here in the country to live out my days.”

Man: “My god, man! That is the most astounding thing I have ever heard! So, why the hell are you only selling him for $5?”

Owner: “Because that dog is a liar. He didn’t do any of that sh*t!””

9. LOL.

“The divorce court judge says to Mickey “Now let me get this straight Mr. Mouse, you want a divorce from your wife Minnie because she’s crazy?”

And Mickey says “No, I never said she was crazy, I said she was f*cking Goofy!””

10. See you in Hell.

“Three men went to Hell, and they stood before the Devil.

The Devil asked the first man, “WHAT DID YOU DO FOR A LIVING?”

The man answered, “I was a lumberjack.”

The Devil said “THEN WE WILL CHOP YOUR PEN*S OFF.” He turned to the second man, asking the same question he asked the first.

“I was a fireman,” said the second man.

“THEN WE WILL BURN YOUR PEN*S OFF,” said the Devil. He turned to the third man, asking the same question he asked the other two.

The third man thought about it, and finally answered the Devil:

“I was a lollipop salesman.”

11. In the woods.

“A pair of hunters from Illinois are out in the woods.

Whilst decending a hill one of them suddenly cries out in pain and falls to the bottom, clutching his chest as he hit the ground. The other hunter rushes to his side as his friend noticeably stops breathing. Pulling out his phone he quickly dials 911.

After a few rings the dispatcher picks up. “911 what is your emergency?” Asks the dispatcher. The hunter replies, “I am out near route 51 my friend has a heart attack i think he is dead!” “What do i do?” Asks the hunter. The dispatcher replies, “It is okay sir, can you calm down and make sure that he is dead?” The hunter replies, “okay.”

The dispatcher hears some rustling over the phone followed by the resounding boom of a 12 gauge. The hunter comes back on the line asking, “Okay, now what?””

12. Don’t even try it.

“What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?

Kicked out of the petting zoo!”

13. The priest and the plumber.

“Priest and plumber go golfing. It’s the last three holes after a close round.

Plumber misses his swing and curses “bugger missed”. The priest is mildly offended and chastises him “you shouldn’t curse in the lord’s presence”. The plumber laughs it off and looks furtively over his shoulder.

Next hole, the plumber is distracted and goofs on the putting green. He can’t help but curse “bugger this!”. The priest scolds him “i told you, if you curse again may the lord strike you down”. The priest takes the lead.

On the last hole, the plumber is sweating from the pressure, practicing his putting move. One points separates them on the green. He swings… connects… and the ball rolls on the lip of the hole and pivots off target into the sand bunker. “f*ckin f*ck!” the plumber rants.

Before the priest can chime in a mighty rumble is heard, the thick clouds overhead part and a bolt of lightning screams through the air. The priest is struck dead and a voice from the clouds says “bugger, missed”.”

Okay, friends, now it’s your turn!

In the comments, please share your favorite joke with us.

Let’s see what you got!

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