Month: July 2020

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Wholesome Memes That Should Put Some Pep in Your Step

What do you do when you’re down in the dumps?

One thing that immediately reverses my mood is to look at nice, wholesome memes.

This way, I block out all the negativity in the world and I can focus only on the good stuff in life.

It can be hard to remember that there is a lot of good in the world when we’re bombarded by bad news every day.

So enjoy these memes and keep on moving forward! You’re doing a great job!

1. That’s always a nice surprise!

You never know what you’ll find.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

2. Grandmas are good at this.

And you’ll fall for it every time!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

3. You’re wrong!

And you’re doing a great job!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

4. Please teach me how.

Learning from the master.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

5. Let’s be friends!

Awwwww. Now that is wholesome.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

6. You got this!

Don’t think about it too much!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

7. We all need to celebrate soon.

But be careful in the meantime.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

8. You’ll know when you find the right one.

And everything will be great.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

9. Keep it up!

Nice job!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

10. OH MY GOD, this cat.

I want her so bad.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

11. You look damn good.

And don’t think otherwise!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

12. A nice treat.

Because you deserve it!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

Now, that’s better!

I knew those would do the trick!

Will you do us a favor?

In the comments, please share something nice and wholesome that you think us and all the readers will enjoy.

A photo, a joke, a meme, a tweet, anything that’s keeping it positive!

Thanks!

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People Talk About the Thing That Seems Totally Normal in Their Country, but Weird Everywhere Else

Every place in the world has its own quirks. It makes it feel like home to the people who live there, even if they never really take the time to think about the things that makes their country unique.

For this Askreddit, though, people were digging deep to think up the things they take for granted that would totally cause anyone else in the world to stop and go hmmmmm?

15. I was not a fan of the food in Ireland.

Blood pudding and fermented fish

14. Do you want to have some Golden Gay Time?

It is an ice cream in Australia, called Golden Gay Time as in Golden Happy Time. It is pretty delish.

13. Any way food gets into my face is okay by me.

Eating with our hands.

In 1969 (the same year the man landed on the moon), Miss Gloria Diaz coveted the Philippines’ first Miss Universe Crown. During the preliminary Q&A, she was asked “Is it true that you Filipinos use your hand when you eat?” To which she replied “Why? Do you use your feet?” and went her way to winning the crown.

12. They mean traffic lights, but I get the distrust.

I moved to Namibia from Canada years ago and people kept saying “just head to the top of the hill and turn left at the robots”. It took me about three months to stop looking for weird robot signs or statues, cause that’s what I figured they were getting at.

11. Why are those cracks there, anyway?

The cracks that are just wide enough to be able to see in and out of public restroom stalls. (United States) I’ve heard it’s thought of as weird since many other countries enjoy the luxury of privacy.

10. It’s a thing in the Philippines.

Having Spaghetti in McDonalds.

9. Americans are real prudes, you guys.

Going into the sauna naked while sharing the sauna with the other sex(es).

It’s about Germany but we always welcome the Finnish, origin of a welcome invention. As this got somewhat hijacked about Finnish sauna culture, German sauna culture is very easy:

In public saunas usually everyone is naked. If you feel uncomfortable, you can wrap a towel around your waist and/or chest. Between sittings you’d usually wear a robe.

Most public saunas have half a day or more during the week reserved to female only. Check their website for details on that, if you are interested.

Be prepared that it will get crowded in the sauna when “Aufguss” are scheduled. Aufguss is the process of throwing scented water on the heater to increase humidity.

I don’t know a public sauna where swimsuits are allowed. If there are pools, you’d swim naked but you can wear swimsuits there if you want to.

As long as you are in the sauna, you don’t want to get too romantic with your spouse or whoever you are with.

There is a difference between nudity and promiscuity. There are special clubs reserved for that. (I was asked to tell that these are so called sauna clubs. Hence I called them clubs. Basically those are brothels.)

In hotels you will often find a small sauna. Unwritten law is, the first to enter the sauna decides if it’s fine to be naked. But in hotel saunas it’s way more common to wear a towel than in public saunas.

Private saunas of course are up to the owners and/or users. Do what you are comfortable with – naked or towel.

8. I sure wish that it wasn’t, though.

Men holding hands in public as a display of friendship is normal in Afghanistan but super weird in the west.

7. You leave your baby outside to nap.

My daughter was born in Copenhagen Denmark (Frederiksberg actually). We lived there for a few years after she was born. We learned from our Danish friends to let her sleep outside in the back garden of our flat in her pram during snowfalls. We kept an eye on her from the window. It was very soothing to her, and she would sleep very soundly. Sometimes when we would go out to check on her we would find her awake but quiet, just watching the snow falling around her. Some of my fondest memories of her time as a baby.

It’s such a pure experience of love that it makes my heart ache to recall it. That was almost 18 years ago but I still have crystal clear memories of her lying in the pram with snowflakes falling all around her little face. She would turn her head and smile at me for a moment and go back to looking up at the snow. I will never forget it.

6. I’m sorry, where do these birds live again?

Putting cable ties, branches, fake eyes etc on helmets, buckets and hats in spring time to scare away the birds. Magpies are vicious bastards

5. I hear this often works out better than choosing for yourself.

Marrying someone without knowing them and only seeing their face once the marriage is agreed on.

4. South/Central America FTW (though I’ve seen this in New Orleans, too).

Putting broken glass bottles on the walls around your house so burglars cant jump it and rob you. I moved to Canada and they don’t even have walls around the houses!

3. I bet American professors would actually love this.

In university we thump the tables to “applaud” our professors. Instead of actually applauding. Or doing nothing.

During my exchange semester everyone not from Germany was looking at me confused why I did this.

2. Hahaha that British sense of humor again.

Whole restaurants cheering when a plate or glass is smashed (UK). Once was in a Canadian bar/restaurant on holiday and a waiter dropped a tray of glasses, the local looked horrified when i was out of my seat screaming “wheyyyyyy”

1. I mean, again. Americans are real prudes.

Cunt is a term of endearment.

I love reading about little things like this – it really reminds you how much diversity of experience is out there.

Please, add something from your country to the list!

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Customs That Are Normal in One Country, but Strange Anywhere Else

Like every person has their little quirks, so do the countries all over the world have small but interesting differences that let you know where you are without having to check a map.

It’s fun to hear what people foreign to you consider normal, especially when it’s definitely something that would be considered strange in your neck of the woods – and these 16 people are ready to dish!

16. A glorious mess is one of the best ways to describe England.

Everyone rags on the US for using imperial, but can we talk for a second about how weird we are here in the UK for using both inconsistently?

You buy a pint of milk or beer, but a litre of coke and 25ml of whiskey

People know how many miles to the gallon their cars get, but you buy fuel at pence per litre.

You watch the weather forecast and the temperature is in Celsius but the wind speed is in miles per hour

Most people can tell you their weight in kilograms, and their height in feet, and if they can’t give you kilograms they can probably give you stone instead, which is even older than pounds, which nobody uses as a unit of measurement, probably because of the confusion between lbs and £…

It’s a glorious mess.

15. Any shelf-stable milk, if you’re from the States.

Bagged Milk.

I know it’s normal in some places but not here in the UK

14. Bidets should definitely catch on, y’all.

Washing your butthole after taking a crap

13. You don’t want to be the one to get up first.

Strangers sitting totally naked skin to skin in a steamy room heated to +80 to +100C… and us having competitions on who can last the longest in there.

12. I would 100% be down to try this.

Putting chips in our burgers

11. Honestly it might be less exhausting.

We have matrimonial ads in newspapers and sites to find grooms and brides which I think don’t happen in western countries and they find it strange.

The ads are mostly published by parents.

It’s like tinder supervised by parents.

10. Aussies have the right idea about a lot of stuff.

Drinking beer before 12 o‘clock and seeing it as part of the culture

9. She’s from Slovakia.

In my friend’s country, Easter is when gangs of boys roam the countryside, pouring water over girls and beating them (gently) with sticks.

The girls then have to thank them for it.

I thought that was pretty weird.

8. Life in South Africa seems so foreign.

Being middle-class with a property having a 6′ wall, electric fencing linked to an alarm, automated gate and garage doors (with security clamps over the gate motor to prevent theft of the motor), security gates over every door, burglar bars, and a house alarm system with infra-red sensors linked to armed response with a reaction time of under 3-4 minutes.

7. Idk guys I kind of miss living with my parents. They’re cool.

In the Philippines, it would be people living with their parents. Everybody I know whose parents’ homes are in the city choose to live there. With the relatively low wage to cost-of-living ratio, it is not unusual for married couples to share houses with their in-laws.

I work remote and I still live with my parents and pay zero rent. Of course, I pay all the bills, feed them and do all the home repairs and chores.

6. Amsterdam is home to more bikes than people. Fact.

In my country you bike everywhere. Cars aren’t used much. For longer distances you mostly use train and public transport. Also being 6 foot is normal

5. It’s always easy to misstep when it comes to race.

Calling mixed race people coloureds.

Im from south africa and im coloured but when i went on holiday in Spain, coloured is a derogatory term but in south africa its completely normal.

4. Proof that Dutch parents are magic.

Sprinkles on buttered bread is made by fairies and is perfect for kids parties.

And anything negative said about said treat is sacrilegious.

3. This is definitely something the world should catch onto, because it’s delicious.

Eating biscuits and gravy.

I traveled to the UK and told them that biscuits and gravy is a very common breakfast food and as you would expect they were highly confused (biscuit=cookie across the pond) why we would take something sweet and cover it in gravy.

And also was confused that the gravy we use has sausage in it and is white.

2. Poutine is literally the best of the best Canada has to offer.

Cheese curds and gravy over fries.

1. Kids might not be so into it if it was legal younger.

Legal drinking age of beer and wine is 16

I really love learning specifics like this about other cultures, don’t you?

If you’ve got something similar to share in the comments, please do!

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How People Got Into Really Obscure Lines Of Work

One of the hardest questions for certain people to answer is “what do you want to do?” There are people who know what that answer is from the time they finish potty training, but for others…there doesn’t seem to be anything typical out there that seems like a good fit.

Which I guess is how people like these 16 get into super obscure lines of work – there’s something out there for everyone, if you look long enough.

16. Geologists do such a wide range of things.

Concrete petrographer. I just started this month.

I studied geology in college and now my job is to look at concrete using petrographic methods I learned at school and conduct ASTM tests to determine quality of concrete.

Very interesting work because concrete is engineered rock and there’s A LOT more to it than you think

15. That’s cooler than anything I’ve done with my film degree.

I work in QC (Quality Control) for media.

In one company they occasionally paid me to watch porn to make sure it was in sync and in good quality for video on demand distribution.

In another company I spent years watching movies before release in secure theater-like rooms, to make sure the files are ready for distribution (subtitles and audio in sync, no picture corruptions, stuff like that). I always got to watch the biggest movies of the year in a giant screen weeks before they were released (sometimes months!).

I got the job by going to film school.

14. Is your name Jeeves?

I’m a House Manager for a family of four, basically I’m a female butler.

I’ve worked for them for 14 years starting as the kids Nanny, they’re my second family pretty much!

I organise trades people, holidays, birthdays, daily meals, dinner parties, housekeeping, the list goes on..

It’s challenging at times but keeps me on my toes and I enjoy that.

13. I guess you really can find anything in the paper.

I was a puppeteer for many years and I actually got that job from an ad in the classifieds.

It cracks me up that there is a scene in Being John Malkovich where he tries to find “puppeteer” in the classifieds and fails.

12. That guy is definitely the life of the party.

My dad told me of this one time he went to my mom’s work Christmas party, (she was a banker). As the bankers talked shop and tried to sound impressive, the spouses grew bored and talked among themselves. The guy who drew the biggest crowd was this man who worked at a toilet factory and he did quality control. His job was to flush toilet paper and simulated poop down the toilet. The people at the party, (especially the men) were riveted by his descriptions and peppered him with questions while all these upper management bankers looked on with irritation.

11. I think “play” is a weird term, but okay.

I work in a clinical lab where I get to play with baby sweat for a bit of my day.

We are testing for chloride level. Increased chloride in sweat is one of the diagnostic markers for cystic fibrosis.

I am a clinical laboratory scientist. Not all clinical labs perform this test but I am lucky enough to work at a lab where we do a couple interesting low volume tests.

10. Someone definitely has to do it.

So not job, but company/industry. (I was their first marketing person)

I worked at a company that specialized in Phased Array Ultrasonic non-destructive testing.

The technicians made a shit ton of money and got to work in crazy places like Nuclear power plants in Canada and offshore oil rigs in Norway.

They even worked on some of the NASA launching pads.

9. From one bug lover to another…

I work in a lab where I raise moths! I got it by telling my lab partner that I love bugs and he hooked me up

8. This would be such a fascinating job.

Official court stenographer. I type everything everyone says in court. I was told about it in high school and thought it sounded cool so I went for it.

Took 5 1/2 years in college, but I’m nationally certified to type 260 WPM and regularly push above 300 WPM in court.

7. This definitely qualifies as obscure.

You know when you’re watching a sports program and you see the little pop-graphic in the corner (ie. a baseball players stats, or an advertisement for easy-mac, or “stay tuned for Saved By the Bell @ 9!”)? Yeah. That was me.

I updated those graphics and uploaded them to Fox Sports. Since Fox Sports is a 24-hour channel, there’s always one guy in the office 24-hours a day.

6. Wait, people can’t clean their own grills?

I cleaned grills for super rich people in Palm Beach. Even got to clean Michael Jordan’s at one point. And it was recommended to me from a friend who was in sobriety with me after I got clean.

5. Who knew it would be so complex?

I spent a year on a team reclassifying the Duke University Library system from Dewey Decimal to Library of Congress. Had to learn like four different alphabets just to label them properly.

Duke University has one of the largest research libraries in the world with millions of books. In addition to the main library, we went through engineering, biology, art and divinity. There was also another main library on East Campus. The whole operation took about 2 years I think. I was there from December 2006 to February 2008 when the project ended.

The Dewey Decimal system works perfectly well for small American libraries that cater to an English speaking, Judeo Christian populace. The Library of Congress system is more egalitarian and perhaps more importantly, has unassigned sections for disciplines that have not yet been discovered. Large university libraries and other world class collections are better served by the LoC system.

I don’t quite remember the number of people on our team, but it was about 15 of us doing the physical labor. We were a company that did contract work for libraries. We mostly labeled books, scanned barcodes and reshelved.

The reason I learned those alphabets was because we had to meet production and the barcode sheets only used the Latin alphabet. Most of the time the barcodes on the book and the labels matched, but sometimes they didn’t or were missing altogether and then you’d have to waste precious time figuring out what was going on. I’d scope ahead when we were about to hit a section in another writing system to make sure I was prepared.

4. Of course she applied off Craigslist. Where else?

(Past job) I worked at a whorehouse.

I was the ‘receptionist’, guys would come and id buzz them in after confirmation of their ‘appointment’ from the intercom. They would enter, check id, get then a water or pop, take payment. Then id call the girl from the intercom and they would led him to the room.

It is technically an adult massage parlour. I applied off craigslist. Went for the interview.

Only real rule was receptionist cannot become escorts and escorts cannot after chose to be reception.

3. This is a very cool, spy novel kind of job.

I’m a Hostage Survival Trainer.

I was working in international development within IT, and was asked to go and sort out the finance system in Iraq back in 2007. The ministry I was working in got attacked by a militia and myself along with my 4 guards got captured.

Over time the guards were killed and I got released in an exchange deal after being held for over 2.5 years. I did an AMA about it some years ago.

2. A sad but important job, I think.

I’m one of two employees at a pet crematory.

1. This sounds like part of a romance novel.

I used to work on a lavender farm!

It’s totally unrelated to my field of study and incredibly difficult in terms of manual labor, but man was it a beautiful place. I tended to the plants, took care of goats, and did processing for the herbs and honey.

My grandparents are farmers and so I grew up with mediocre knowledge of field work and beekeeping and when a friend’s mom decided to start a business centered around lavender she asked me to help out for the summer.

I’m fascinated by this (but I also wish someone had told me “writer” was a real job when I was much younger!).

If you do an odd or obscure job, tell us what it is and how you got into it in the comments!

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Doctors Recall the Biggest Fakers They’ve Ever Met

Oh, boy…

When you think of someone going into a doctor’s office and faking symptoms, or heading to the hospital with completely fabricated problems, it can be easy to judge. Do they want attention? Pain meds? Are they mentally ill?

Well, after reading all 16 of these stories, you’re still going to be judging…but if you’re like me, you’re also going to be fascinated by human psychology all over again.

16. I hope he told the truth in court.

Years ago I had a patient who had been rear-ended in an auto accident a few weeks before I saw her. She had a history of lupus.

She was decked out in the usual “I’m crippled” paraphernalia (crutches, neck brace, elbow braces, wrist braces, knee braces) and could barely walk.

I saw her a couple of times and she showed no improvement. One Saturday I was on call but had to take a ‘back streets’ route to the hospital because of an ‘event’ taking place on the main thoroughfare. I apparently drove through her neighborhood, because, wonders behold, there she was wearing old-lady spandex power walking down the sidewalk (holding weights in both hands). I did not call out to her.

Next week, she was back in clinic, with her “I’m crippled” getup on again. Hmmm. A few weeks later I got the subpoena for the deposition, and it all became clear.

15. Are they maybe just afraid they’re actually going blind?

Opthalmology technician.

People pretend to be blind all the time. Go to check their eye pressure with the tonopen (a device you poke them DIRECTLY into the eye with) and they go WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING!?!?!?!?!

14. YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.

I’m a surgery resident.

When I was on my trauma rotation we had a patient come int after an MVC, with question that maybe the patient had seized and that had caused the accident.

So he’s in the trauma bay, and starts shaking. The trauma nurse goes “oh this isn’t a real seizure”.

And the patient stops shaking, sits up, turns to the nurse, and yells “you don’t know a fucking thing about me!”.

13. Guess he didn’t think too hard about that one.

Obligatory not a doctor …I’m a nurse.

We had a guy who had to come in every 3 months to get a medical certificate to say he couldn’t work at his retail job due to severe disabling back pain. He was receiving large amounts of insurance money for this condition. After the Dr had done his usual examination and questions and signed it off the guy asks the doctor to check his shoulder which doc does and asks how he injured it? Guy says playing rugby for a competitive team. Really says doc? How long have you been playing for them ?

Guy has been playing and training the whole time. Doc puts this info on insurance form . Doc loses his shit in staff room laughing.

Next week the patient loses his shit in reception because his insurance has been cancelled.

12. Some people are children forever.

Not a doctor but I was in the ER one night and there was a seeking drug addict who literally only acted in pain when there was staff around.

You ever see those videos where the little kid is fine and then they spot a parent and then bawl then immediately stop and be fine when the parent is out of view? Exactly like that. Sat fine, no movements or wincing or noises then wailing when a nurse was in the same vicinity, then back to fine when they left.

11. This is…really something.

Guy came to ER (I was a nurse at the time) for stomach ache when asking him about history he randomly mentions a fight with his girlfriend where she left in a tizzy and he fell asleep on the couch.

20 min later when we see the CT, he has a satellite cable remote wrapped in a condom lodged in his rectum. I suppose he intended to frame “her”. Didn’t get to hear the conversation he had with the doctor.

I was curious how he was going to explain why she was nice enough to wrap it in the condom.

10. My grandfather faked hearing loss whenever my grandmother was asking him to do something.

Audiologist (hearing specialist), have worked in private sector with legal claims, and with the V.A. handling veterans’ claims of hearing loss.

With those two populations, having people faking hearing loss is pretty common.

Now, as a professional, for me the hearing test starts when I call the person’s name from the waiting room. In a normal voice I call them, if they answer I already know that they’re normal/no worse than mild loss. This was the case with this guy. He answered and came in, we had a normal conversation. So, case history over, time to test, I give the instructions over the headphones at a reasonable 50 decibels (dB). “Raise you hand when you hear the tone.”

50dB tone, should be easy and clear, but he doesn’t raise his hand. I go up. And up, and up. Finally, I’m putting a 100dB tone in his ear, he’s flinching from pain it’s so loud, but he doesn’t raise his hand to indicate he’s heard the tone, even with re-instruction. I immediately know what I’m dealing with. I have taught entire classes on how to spot and try to get estimated true results from people trying to fake it. Long story short, I wrote a damning report outlining all his inconsistencies and faking behaviors. The thing that made this one so memorable, is that we had such a pleasant conversation before. He was a fire chief, I have firefighters in my family, it was one of those where you think “if it wasn’t for professional/patient appropriate distance, we could hang and be friends.” But then, this guy was determined to get a disability rating, and it just pissed me off.

I have other stories in case anyone is interested, but it’s likely this comment gets buried.

9. Yeah he draws the line at not being able to eat.

I am a nurse but not a doctor.

I had a patient who worked in a hospital (janitor) so he knew enough to fake a bit. He was seeking pain meds, complaining of chest pain, wanting morphine. He was worked up for everything cardiac and was fine. Then he tried to claim GI discomfort when he was being discharged.

Cleared again for everything. Faked chest pain again. Cleared again. Now he’s my patient. I’m a new face. He’s telling me he’s having abdominal pain. I call the doctor, knowing this guys history. He says he’ll be up to see him soon. This patient wants a ginger ale (some stomach ache). I decide to go to lunch. My coworker comes into the lunch room, disgusted. This guy had taken a dump in a basin and then dumped the ginger ale over it and tried to tell her he’d had fecal vomiting. He obviously needed dilaudid right now for the pain. I walked into his room and sure enough, a pile of shit in a puddle of ginger ale. I told him I’d have to take away his food and drinks and we’d have to put an NG down.

Suddenly he changed his tune. He admitted to faking it.

Why do these people do what they do??? (In the story, opioids).

8. Hahahaha she just couldn’t resist a peek.

4th year medical student

On my ER rotation and a trauma came in from a women that the had been arrested. During the drive the patient “banged” her head 4 times against the window of the police car and then went unresponsive.

She came to us with a bruise over her forehead and unresponsive. We all smelled bs but the patient was a great actor, didn’t even flinch during the digital rectal exam (which is standard for all patients that come in through the trauma bay). Though some of the nurses said that they caught her “peeking” at us when would leave the room.

We ended up getting a CT scan (which was normal) and was even considering intubating her to secure her airway when our attending finally walked over to her, opened her eye lids and held them open while telling her to wake up. Finally she started fighting to close her eyes and the jig was up. The doctor called her out and she proceeded to start screaming at us. She was much more pleasant when she was pretending to have a brain injury.

7. You never want to invite kidney stones from the universe. Fact.

ER nurse.

Bringing a patient back to a room who said he had kidney stones. I had him stop at the bathroom and get a urine sample. Dude comes out with with the specimen cup that literally has a piece of concrete in it. Looked him in the eye expecting some sort of joke.

He. Was. Serious.

I threw it away and walked his dumbass back to the waiting room to contemplate his stupidity.

6. They’ve gotta put something down in the chart.

Not a doctor but nurse. I once read a specialist’s consultation report and at the end of the report the actual diagnosis given was “fictitious ailment.”

5. This is a very powerful story about addiction. Because kidney stones are awful.

My next door neighbor would drink a 12 pack of Mountain Dew a day and keep kidney stones year round to get pills. He had a pretty sweet deal too, getting 90 loracets, 90 Xanax and 90 something else (i forget) every month from his doctor. He just couldn’t stop doing other drugs and pissing dirty.

I tell this story just because I was impressed with his determination to hurt himself and get surgery once a year just to get high. Like, the absolute determination that takes. My mother is a recovering addict and had been getting the same pills around that time and I don’t recall her intentionally hurting herself. She just went with already messed up issues before she got herself into a clinic to get clean.

4. Wait people do this?

I had a patient when I worked in a ICU that was sedated and on a vent.

A “family” member showed up out of nowhere and was staying day and night. I got pretty suspicious of them because they were clearly lying about knowing this person. Just talked to the fake family member about how it must have been sad since they just celebrated their birthday a week or so before getting ill. This person said it was a wonderful party and such, to which I replied their birthday hadn’t occurred yet and wouldn’t for months.

Turned out when security came it was a homeless person who snuck in and found a room with a sedated patient and decided to make it a place to stay. Needless to say security to enter the ICU was absolute shit.

3. Wow. My kids just get suckers.

When I was a medical student I worked in the pediatric side of the emergency room and we would give popsicles to all the kids. One afternoon an 8 year old came in with his father, and I asked what was wrong. The kid couldn’t remember what he complained about to his dad, and the dad couldn’t remember why he brought his kid in. The kid’s mom was a nurse, she was working at another hospital at the time, and she was the one that would keep track of these things. Anyway, after a few minutes trying to figure out what was going on the kid asked “so, can I have my popsicle now?” The kid was 100% healthy.

Unfortunately we reinforced bad behavior and both the kid AND the dad subsequently left with popsicles.

2. Kind of hard to blame him though, right?

Prisoner came in with signs and symptoms of a big stroke.

At that time the protocol was to get a non contrast head CT to rule out a bleed and then give tPA, a powerful clot busting drug that’s only worth the risk if the benefit is to mitigate a major stroke. So that’s what happened.

Later in the course he got a little carried away and started embellishing his story with symptoms that didn’t make sense with his stroke diagnosis, and that’s how we figured out he was faking it just to get some time away from jail.

1. What a smart little twerp.

My cousin got glasses. Her 7 year old little sister also wanted glasses because she thought it was so cool to wear them.

So she started telling her teachers she couldn’t read what was on the chalkboard. And she’d squint at home, and go incredibly close to the tv to watch things because she said she couldn’t see things clearly. Her parents got worried and took her to the doctor.

She read everything wrong on the vision test. Everyone seemed convinced that she needed glasses. But the doctor was a little concerned because the tests indicated she needed really thick glasses, and usually that wasn’t the case unless there was a family history of vision issues. Her parents both had 20/20 vision and her sister only had astigmatism. They all realized she was faking it.

So the doctor told her parents in front of her that she’d need some pretty intense eye surgery so she’d be able to see without glasses. They even wheeled in a machine to make it convincing to say they could do the surgery right then and there.

She freaked out, confessed to faking it all and started to cry. She got grounded for a while.

See what I mean? Human beings are so weird!

Do you have a story like this, from either the patient or doctor’s point of view? Tell us in the comments!

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Doctors Share the Biggest Faker They Ever Encountered

If you’re a Seinfeld fan (and of course you are) you probably remember when George fakes an arm injury to the point of actually having to go to the doctor to get it checked out.

The doctor says “may I suggest the possibility that you’re faking” and basically takes no prisoners in the face of a lying liar.

I sincerely hope these 18 doctors had the chutzpah to tell their faking faker patients the same thing.

18. How inspiring! Ha!

Whenever we had kids (usually teenagers) playing up their symptoms to extend their hospital stay, we would order them into a healthy lifestyle.

Lights out at 9, no screen time for two hours before bed time, healthy diet chock full of fruits and vegetables, screen time limits, minimum number of laps around the unit per day to get in their exercise…. they got better so much faster with our healthy lifestyle tips!

17. This guy really knows how to paint a picture.

Taking trauma call during surgery residency, had a prisoner come in after a fight and claimed he couldn’t move or feel his legs. All the CT scans and MRIs were normal, but we would shield his legs so he couldn’t see them and poke them with needles and other sharp objects, with enough force to cause pain- he never flinched or moved his legs at all. He was diagnosed with SCIWORA (spinal cord injury without radiographic abnormality).

He stayed in the hospital for a week, no improvement. Always had one guard with him. One night they were down in the lobby watching some television but the guard needed to use the restroom. The patient said, “where could I possibly go? I’m paralyzed!” Guard left him alone for two minutes.

Patient last seen sprinting down the road, naked butt cheeks flapping in the breeze. Made it to a city four hours away by car before he was caught again. I have never seen anyone fake it so well. Truly playing the long con!

16. Some of these are just plain sad.

Sorta along the same idea. Working at a pharmacy we saw a guy come in to try and get a refill on some pain meds that had no refill. After pleading that his ear really hurt we told him again we couldn’t refill it. One of the other employees saw his step into a side hallway and take a pencil and JAM it forcefully into his ear repeatedly, drawing blood. He calmly left and went to the ER. He came back a few hours later with a prescription for pain meds.

15. This is completely flabbergasting.

Dermatologist here

Patient was convinced she had a melanoma and needed a biopsy and would need to be on workers comp

I told her it looked like ink from a marker

She demanded a biopsy

I wiped the area off with an alcohol swab and showed her the ink and that there was no spot on her skin anymore

She stormed out threatening to sue

I’m just glad I cured her melanoma

14. I hope the warning worked.

This patient comes in for back pain with “weakness” of the legs. Gets a full workup with MRI, standard blood work, and then some immunological things to look for stuff like myasthenia gravis. No neurological or immunological explanation for the “weakness.” Patient is seen by physical therapy and they are of the opinion that the patient is holding back intentionally.

Go to see the patient at the end of the day and prep them for discharge. Patient is infuriated that they’re being discharged. Yelling and screaming about how they aren’t better, how they’re disappointed in the institution, blah blah blah. They said one particular thing that still clearly stands out 3-4 years later. “I can’t believe you’re sending me home already. I haven’t even told my family I’m here, and now you’re going to send me home before they even have the chance to see me?”

My attending and I leave the room to arrange things with the nurses. We go back in and the patient is out of bed and standing up in the middle of the room. Miraculously the patient is able to walk with zero assistance when they had so much difficulty with any assistance over the previous two days. At that point, they were enraged was enraged we went in to the room without knocking. They were discharged home after a conversation regarding abuse of medical services.

13. It’s a miracle!

Had a patient come in for a fall who now couldn’t move their legs at all. Did a bunch of tests, didn’t find anything. The patient was not at all phased by suddenly being paralyzed which was the first red flag. Didn’t really believe anything was wrong but the patient was still not moving their legs. My options are to admit for a huge work up or get them to walk. So I update them saying everything is fine, tests are negative, you can go home. Patient gets up, gets dressed and walks out without a word.

12. And this was a grown adult.

Had a patient when I was an intern feigning blindness. She would constantly be playing on her smartphone, only furiously trying to hide it when someone from the care team came into her room. The best was when my attending one day strolled pst her room and threw his hand up in a highly exaggerated ‘hello’ wave. She started to throw her arm up to but caught herself half way through, then threw her hand back into her lap and pretended to be ‘staring’ off into nothing.

11. This might be one of the saddest stories I’ve ever read.

Not a doctor but worked in health care for nearly 20yrs. While taking a break from the ICU (due to it being emotionally draining) I worked in home health for a bit. I had a patient who clearly had munchausen syndrome. On a daily basis she would call her insurance to see what things would be covered if she was diagnosed with this or that. She called her Doctor’s office an average of 5x during my shift with her, she would report all kinds of non real symptoms. She pestered the doctors into do exploitive laparoscopic surgery, of course nothing was found. One day I walked in and she was rubbing her incisions with rotten cabbage trying to get it infected. She wasnt seeking pain meds (except to sell) really she was just as happy with antibiotics or stool softeners, anything, as long as they wrote her a prescription and she got to go to the pharmacy where she did a whole song and dance for them too, claiming allergies and reactions.

She always increased the exaggeration of her story too. One time she fluttered her eyes (after making sure I was looking) and said she lost consciousness in that half a second. She called the doctor and claimed she lost consciousness for 5mins, she called the insurance and claimed it was 10min, she called the pharmacy and claimed it was 30min, then she called 911 and told them she woke up on the floor after loosing consciousness for 4hrs.

The worst thing about her was she was a mom. Her son was 28 at the time and by all the stories of his childhood illnesses and all her saying how he is severely disabled I knew she basically fucked up his childhood with munchausen by proxy. She portrayed him as being severely disabled and that’s why he would never find a wife…I met him, he was healthy and of average intelligence. He wasnt looking for a wife, he was gay, but she refused to accept that.

Working with her was so miserable that I took a couple years off from any and all healthcare after that.

10. Another Festivus miracle!

Nurse for an ophthalmologist here. Had a 21 year old new patient claiming to be completely blind from a sudden and severe glaucoma diagnosis from a previous unknown doctor. Would feel around while walking, tried to keep eyes rolled back into his head. The whole 9 yards. He said he is a famous YouTube rapper that is now unable to make videos or earn a living. I exclaimed to have heard of him before and very excitedly asked him to search and show me his YouTube channel on my phone so that I could subscribe. He took my phone out of my hand and effortlessly found the YouTube app and typed away in the search bar. Oh, and of course his eyes were back to normal and focused.

9. Hahaha that’s one way to cure them.

We had a patient faking a seizure so my supervisor told one of us to get the “brain needle”.

The patient made a miraculous and swift recovery without intervention.

8. Soccer players, man. Wimps.

One time my roommate (who is an ICU nurse) came to see one of my indoor soccer games. During the game a player on the other team went down “hurt” and starting screaming in pain and swearing and rolling around while holding his ankle before he was eventually helped off the field. He then limped over to where the fans sat and watched the rest of the game brooding in silence before he left early. After the game my roommate told me he was going to go over and see if there was anything he could do to help, until he saw that the guy was limping on the wrong leg.

7. Talk about a crazy (life-saving) coincidence.

Young (18-20) Woman went running into small rural hospital ER pretending to have abdominal pain. Police officer had tagged her going 40+km over the limit which was ‘stunt driving’ as per the new law in Ontario (impound and license suspension automatic). Cop followed her into ER and apparently said he’d be waiting for her when she left.

Locum staff such as myself were housed at a small B&B about 15 mins away, and the ER had pre-printed order sets to be done before we arrived.

When I arrived she flat out admitted that she just came in because she freaked out and didn’t stop. I told her we’d give her 45 mins to call her parents/family before I booted her.

Except, bHCG came back positive, and subsequent ultrasound came back showing extremely early ectopic.

Officer figures out something is up when he hears air ambulance call come in over radio.

She was completely asymptomatic and just worked out that she dodged both charges and a life threatening issue by accident.

It was definitely a WTF moment.

6. I need to know why, though.

I once saw a patient who had been faking paralysis of the legs for years. Used a wheelchair, never walked, etc. Old records showed extensive imaging, neurology consults, and other tests that proved the patient had full function of all extremities. Family/friends were just going along with it. Not sure if it was really conversion disorder or if the patient had some secondary gain issue.

5. Was she trying to get out of work, or…?

Physical therapist here.

Working mom comes into the clinic with her infant in a stroller. She’s limping like she’s got a nail in her foot. Wincing in pain and tears in her eyes. She’s crying during her visit with the PT. None of us think she’s faking it…

She limped out of the clinic. I glanced out of the window and saw this woman BOUNDING down the sidewalk. Hips swaying, full stride, going places.

We were all fools.

4. Things they probably don’t prepare you for in medical school.

Was told this one by a fellow nurse I used to work with when we had a psych floor. It’s not unusual for psych patients to stash things in various orifices. This one woman was convinced she was impregnated by a ghost like figure but no one would believe her.

So one day she started complaining of massive pelvic and uterine pain. She called them contractions. So the doctor goes to do an exam. The doctor feels something larger in there so they prep a table to get the object out which was quite large.

So the wonderful third year helping with the procedure starts hearing this woman complain of contractions and yelling things like “ SHOULD I PUSH!!!! I’M GONNA START PUSHING!!!”. Doctor trying to work forceps around this woman’s parts as to not hurt her. Finally goes “got…” and as he starts saying “it” he pulls out a baby doll. Head only.

The poor med student did the wobble. Went all flush, had problems keeping balance and about took a dive. I was told he didn’t live that down the whole rotation.

3. Oh my god this is horrifying.

Pediatric neuropsychologist. Got a referral for more or less consolidation care. Patient was 13, wheelchair bound, required therapeutic oxygen, seizures, arthritis, musculoskeletal problems, suspected autism, completely nonverbal, severe behavior challenges, the list goes on. He was being followed by at least 8 different specialties, clearly none of whom were communicating with each other, and med list was ~18 prescriptions long including some incredibly heavy duty stuff (opioids, antipsychotics, antiepileptics, that sorta stuff). Got kicked to me after his umpteenth ER trip because the ER doc felt something was off and he needed someone to look at the whole picture.

Factitious disorder by caregiver, or Munchausen by proxy. All of the original symptoms were parent reported, going back to about a year old. It had possibly started with a febrile seizure (fever induced seizure) in infancy, but this was never witnessed by anyone but mom she it’s unclear. She had been telling docs different things. She was convinced her son had all these disorders, told him he was going to die any day. He got a Make-A-Wish trip, donations, etc.

He was removed from her custody and taken off most of his meds. Within a few weeks he was out of the wheelchair playing basketball, no oxygen, super talkative and friendly, no behavior problems. He did have a pretty significant intellectual disability, but there’s no way to say if that was organic or the result of the prescription cocktail he had been fed all his life. Hopefully with some good therapy and a stable home, he can continue to make progress.

2. I’ve been tired as a mom, but not THIS tired.

Not a doctor, but am a UK based midwife.

Had a patient who had been in and out of hospital throughout her pregnancy with episodes of heavy bleeding. This was her 6th baby so she was a fairly well known patient in our unit. The issue was no one had ever seen her actively bleeding, she’d call saying that she had bled down the toilet but flushed it, and all the examinations we did came back completely normal with mostly no evidence of any bleed whatsoever, on occasions during speculum examinations we’d see the smallest amount of blood.

I was caring for her during a shift where she yet again called to say she was bleeding, walked into her room and found her jabbing around her vagina with a sharp object to make herself bleed. She had been doing it the entire pregnancy, the reason she gave – because she had 5 noisy children at home, needed some rest and knew we wouldn’t admit her to hospital if it wasn’t for a good reason. She would do it any time her being discharged home was mentioned. We ended up having to complete a perinatal mental health referral and consult with the safeguarding midwives as she was putting herself and baby at risk of serious harm.

1. You’ve got to learn to have a little fun I guess.

My brother was an EMT for two years and he told me this:

People will try to use the ambulance as a means for transportation from Fulton to Oswego (because the hospital is in Oswego), by faking seizures. Sometimes when the head EMT guy was feeling fun and knew that the person was faking, he’d say something like “man it’s weird that he’s having seizures but not peeing himself”. Apparently the person would kind of snap out of it for a second, weigh up the repercussions, then either pee themselves or stop faking. I thought that was hilarious.

Why are people like this?? I think some of them might have needed a mental eval.

If you’re a doctor, has this happened to you? Tell us your story in the comments!

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Jobs That Exist Because People Are Stupid

There’s no arguing that at least some professions only exist because a majority of humans have no idea how to take care of things themselves.

I’m not talking about specialized stuff like plumbing and electrical, but things that literally anyone could do if they just took the time to learn it.

These 17 Redditors were definitely ready and willing to tell us all the ways people are so spectacularly lazy and dumb that we had to create whole jobs because of it.

17. I mean…I guess necessary, but really boring.

I’m a self serve gas station attendant.

Honestly, the only reason i’m here is to slap the emergency stop button if someone starts pumping gas outside their car/gas can. Oh, and shut off the pumps when I leave.

16. See also: tax professionals.

My job – Financial Advisor.

Save money for retirement – at least 10% of what you earn, gross, in an IRA or employer-sponsored plan. Put it in growth mutual funds or ETF’s, and don’t touch it until you’re satisfied you have enough there to live on no more than 4-5% of the balance per year for the rest of your life. Don’t consider individual stocks with this money.

Establish a basic budget based on your post-retirement savings income and current expenses. Do not spend more than you bring in on a regular basis.

Save a little after-tax money from every paycheck in an FDIC-insured savings account. This is your emergency fund. Don’t touch it if you’re not in financial dire straits.

Once you have at least 3 months of expenses covered by that emergency account, keep saving the money, but flow it to another investment vehicle, such as stocks, bonds, CD’s, treasuries, real estate, precious metals… whatever you are comfortable with depending on your goals and risk tolerance that can at least hold value, if not grow it. This is your savings for home, car, vacation, and other major purchases.

With the possible exceptions of purchasing a home or borrowing for education that will actually pay for itself, don’t take on debt. Pay off your credit cards monthly. Pay your bills on time.
If you can’t follow the above, take a hard look at your lifestyle. Either find a way to earn more money, spend less money, or both. Second jobs are sometimes necessary, or many people just need to eat out less, go to bars less, drive a cheaper car, or downgrade their living situation. Don’t give in trying to impress others or looking good on social media; just do you!

15. This is a really underrated answer.

The companies that get you out of timeshares.

14. Just take turns, y’all.

Traffic police in Baltimore.

I was there this summer and the gridlock was atrocious. People push their way into the intersection, the light turns red, and they are stuck there until the light is about to turn red in the opposite direction, at which point those people push their way into the intersection and the cycle perpetuates. During rush hour, they have police standing in the intersections–not to direct traffic, though, simply to hold their hand up when the light turns red so that people don’t push their way into the intersection. Basically, a human has to stand in traffic for hours JUST to tell the drivers what the lights mean. It was unbelievable.

13. In one ear and out the other.

My husband is a Labor and Employment attorney for a massive company and gives monthly seminars to everyone there to not send dick pics/sexually harass one another.

And like clockwork someone in that room does it within a couple weeks.

12. Modern world problems, for sure.

The guys who install rubber padding around telephone and light poles so when we walk and text, we don’t break our noses walking straight into them.

11. All day, every day. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Tier 1 IT support.

Did you try turning it off and on again? Sure you did. Could you blow into the cable to make sure there is no dust in the connec– Oh the cable was loose? How surprising! Have a good day.

10. The signage that’s required on some stuff. Woof.

Safety manager here, a big portion of my job is saying stuff like “please don’t smoke near this flammable liquid” or other things most of us take for granted that people already know.

9. Everyone thinks their dream is to work from home.

I have a side gig doing data entry. I earn $25 USD/hr copying and pasting stuff from a webpage in to an excel spreadsheet, while doing some light formatting.

8. It’s like suddenly everyone is a toddler.

I work in an aquarium and we have what I can best describe as floor guides, which are just staff that interact with people and share interesting info about the exhibits. Realistically while that is part of the job the main reason for these people being out there is to tell people to keep their hands out of the Stingray and Turtle tanks because for some reason beyond my comprehension people don’t naturally get this concept.

At least once a day I hear “well why cant I touch the stingrays” and so far my all time favorite outcome of that question was a kid who said “They have the word Sting in their name”. I have wanted to say that so many times, but am unable.

Edit: since this post got some attention I’d just like to point out that Stingrays are relatively harmless and won’t sting unless they are in fear for their life and have no escape. They want to run away before all else and are actually quite friendly. That being said it isn’t that we don’t trust the Ray’s we just don’t trust the people haha.

Also we do have a touch tank with Ray’s in it, but it is curated and the Barb’s on those Ray’s are trimmed regularly as a further precaution.

7. Computers have really generated a ton of paychecks.

It service help desk.

My job exists because of stupid and let me give you a pro-tip about computers:

Computers don’t break because they don’t do what you tell them to, computers break because they do exactly what you tell them to.

6. Imagine getting paid to do that.

At my university we have a person who’s job is to stand by the garbage area and make sure people dispose of their trash appropriately

5. I mean, you never know I guess. Whatever solves the case!

Psychic detectives: because why trust a professional detective to be intuitive?

4. Are they all from New York City? Because that’s how they roll there, too.

On crowded nights, Disney Springs has employees working at crosswalks at the intersections from the overflow parking lots to tell people when they can cross.

They’re normal intersections that have lights telling you when you can cross.

People just don’t acknowledge them and will try to run across oncoming traffic.

3. You would think trash cans would be foolproof, and yet…

Litter control personnel for public parks and beaches.

2. Is this…a real thing?

Met a guy once – his job was putting dirt on potatoes. Somebody along the supply chain washed them pretty well by the time they got to the grocery. People didn’t trust the clean potatoes. So one guy had to put dirt back on them to make them more authentic.

1. It probably took people just as long to get on board with moving stairs, to be fair.

I had a temp job in a posh department store a few years ago.

The escalator going down from floor 2 to floor 1 had to be taken out to be replaced which took a month. Despite the many, many notices and the signs directing people to the lifts & stairs, a member of staff had to stand at the top of the closed escalator just to direct the public to the lifts and stairs. It broke peoples’ brains and it was worrying to see how many tried to get past the barriers, or got pissed and shouty because there was no escalator.

Like holy shit how did people cope before moving stairs were invented.

I mean…I really can’t argue, can you?

Do you think they left something out? Tell us what in the comments!

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Jobs That Wouldn’t Exist If Humans Were Smarter

I know there’s value in getting paid (like, literally) no matter how you earn your paycheck. We all need to eat and have some fun and buy clothes and maybe a book once in a while, right?

That said, there are some jobs out there that’s mere existence kind of makes you stop and pause – like these 15, that literally only exist because human beings can be really, really dumb about some things.

15. It’s almost impossible to buy an actual ticket from the place that you’re going.

Ticket companies that sell you tickets from ticket companies that sell you tickets

14. Why do we need to know one single thing they print?

Gossip column journalists and paparazzi

13. The bin. Is right. There.

Litter pickers, if people used bins instead of throwing rubbish on the floor they wouldn’t be needed.

12. The dumbest of the dumb.

Meth lab cleaners. It’s pretty sad to see how much this industry is growing in Australia.

11. Why can people not see through this?

Televangelists. I hope I live to see the day people stop giving money to conmen who buy McMansions and private jets and claim they deserve it because God loves them.

10. It’s stunning how many people will drive a boat impaired and not think it’s the same as a car.

People often give the U.S. Coast Guard a lot of crap for being the Coast Guard, but they deal with some of the most dangerous specimen on the planet: Stupid drunks with boats.

9. Also, we could do our own taxes?

My job – Financial Advisor.

Save money for retirement – at least 10% of what you earn, gross, in an IRA or employer-sponsored plan. Put it in growth mutual funds or ETF’s, and don’t touch it until you’re satisfied you have enough there to live on no more than 4-5% of the balance per year for the rest of your life. Don’t consider individual stocks with this money.

Establish a basic budget based on your post-retirement savings income and current expenses. Do not spend more than you bring in on a regular basis.

Save a little after-tax money from every paycheck in an FDIC-insured savings account. This is your emergency fund. Don’t touch it if you’re not in financial dire straits.

Once you have at least 3 months of expenses covered by that emergency account, keep saving the money, but flow it to another investment vehicle, such as stocks, bonds, CD’s, treasuries, real estate, precious metals… whatever you are comfortable with depending on your goals and risk tolerance that can at least hold value, if not grow it. This is your savings for home, car, vacation, and other major purchases.

With the possible exceptions of purchasing a home or borrowing for education that will actually pay for itself, don’t take on debt. Pay off your credit cards monthly. Pay your bills on time.

If you can’t follow the above, take a hard look at your lifestyle. Either find a way to earn more money, spend less money, or both. Second jobs are sometimes necessary, or many people just need to eat out less, go to bars less, drive a cheaper car, or downgrade their living situation. Don’t give in trying to impress others or looking good on social media; just do you!

8. Someone gets paid to do this. Think about that.

M first job out of college was to stand outside of Aldi’s and help the people how to figure out to put the quarter in the slot to release the shopping cart and then, later, how to put the chain back in to get their quarter back.

I said F-That. I stood there all day, baked out of my gord.

7. We really need to learn how to drive already.

Oh god, this reminds me of Atlanta. They have highway signs that tell you how many people have died so far that year in traffic accidents. It’s obscene. It was something like just under a thousand people so far this year in August.

And yet everyone still drives like they’re the only person on the road so fuck it, why not watch youtube on my phone, swerve between lanes with no advance warning, and tailgate like i’m trying to drive through the other car. It’s fucking terrifying and I was only there for three days and now I never want to go back. Ever. Just knowing that there are people who treat five lanes of traffic like it’s a goddamn go-kart track makes me want to vomit.

6. Sure, we need lawyers for some stuff…right?

Attorney. 90% of our work is spent on 10% of our clients. Then they blame us for getting in trouble after doing what we told them not to do. Basically stupid people keep us employed.

5. The painted lines aren’t helping.

Watched a woman stop halfway across a crosswalk in a busy intersection to text. Oblivious to everything until cars started honking. And then she flipped them off.

4. I’m sure it definitely wasn’t his fault, though.

Computer repair for the most part.

Probably half of all the things I had to repair were extremely silly mistakes that could have been avoided by simply reading.

Whenever people get an error message, they panic and click it away. Most don’t even read it, when reading it could already help you fix it.

I remember one guy who said he didn’t want to pay us to put a sim card in his phone. I completely understand this, because it’s overpriced as hell. But we still told him to make sure to take the nano-sim out of the holder it came in, in order for it to fit in his phone.

10 minutes later, he came back because he ruined his phone trying to forcefully push the sim card AND the holder into the socket of his phone.

3. I doubt even someone else blowing up would drive the point home.

Dude, I work in Haz-Waste for EHS. Every month I find some idiot right next to my 90 day shed, smoking right underneath the “no smoking” sign

For real dude? There’s like 200 gallons of class 1 flammables 10 feet from you…

2. I’m surprised it took so long for someone to say this.

All the jobs at MLM companies.

1. To be fair, the rules about recycling are confusing (probably because it’s all a sham).

My school had a massive issue with recycling getting contaminated.

It got so bad at one point that the company refused to take their recycling for a few months. They decided to redesign all the bins to make it super clear what you can and can’t recycle, and the recycling bins are always next to a trash can so it’s never more work to recycle.

People still throw food and trash in the recycling bins and vis versa.

I’ve never really thought too much about some of these, but yeah. Not necessary if we were a planet full of smart people!

What would you add to the list? Tell us in the comments!

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People Who Had Zero Sex Ed Recall How They Learned the Basics

If you live in the U.S., there’s a good chance that your sex education was lacking. A few lectures in middle school, maybe an awkward talk from your parents, and everyone assumed you were good to go.

While that definitely wasn’t true thirty years ago, the advent of the internet and the shocking availability of porn may have rendered the “what goes where” talk completely pointless to Gen Z (and beyond).

These 16 people, though, had absolutely zero clue what was going to happen the first time they were intimate with another human being, and they’re willing to dish on just how they figured it all out.

16. Bless their hearts.

Still better than a couple my dad once counseled.

They didn’t understand why they hadn’t conceived after trying for a year.

Turns out there was a slight language barrier – they didn’t understand that “sleep together” was a euphemism.

They were literally just lying next to each other every night.

15. He didn’t know you had to move it.

This was in 1998.

I was M 17, she was F 18. We had the day set. I drove around for like a week trying to find a “spot”. I found one inside a wilderness preserve. The day comes, it was late, dark outside. We were in a tiny truck, the front on of the truck, not the bed. I knew it had to be hard, and where it went, and that was the end of my knowledge. So, she had a condom, I put it on, and I put it in. And.. I… didn’t… move… I just put it in and laid there perfectly still. Needless to say, it didn’t take long for things to go south. Now, I had masturbated plenty in my life, but I honestly thought that had nothing to do with the movements required for actual sex. So, it went soft, I was embarrassed, and I got out of the truck. The condom was no longer really useful. She told me to throw it out and try again. I was worried, but she reassured me that it would be fine. She ended up telling me a lot of lies over the next few years. (Actually, it was fine, but that was still dumb on our part). Anyway, I manually got hard, trying to hide what I was doing from her.

This time, I did the “masturbate” movements while I was inside her, even it it made me seem like a weirdo by moving during sex, just trying to make something happen. Well, it happened, and I was relieved. Now, to get out of there. I had pulled into an area of the woods where there was a small pull in. When I reversed out, I reversed into a ditch. Not a large ditch, but definitely stuck in the mud now. No amount of forward or reverse would get us out. We had no phones, this was just before cell phones became common. So, we began a 1-mile walk through this wilderness preserve at night. Talk about being scared. We came across a house, a random house with a big dog. I wanted to skip that house, but it was the only one for another mile. So, we went to the door, knocked, and told the suspicious home owner we were stuck and asked to use their phone. I had a friend, actually more of an acquaintance, with a truck. I had to guess at his dad’s name to look them up in the phone book. I got a hold of him, and then we waited with these strangers for 30 minutes or more. He shows up, pulls my truck out, and charges me for gas money.

I get home way past curfew, I’m grounded from seeing her anymore. Of course, that doesn’t stop me, I was a man as of that night. Albeit an awkward man. I went on later to marry that girl.

14. It’s quite the realization.

I grew up super duper religious.

My mom didn’t even really explain what my period was. I went to school and they provided information like sex ed and period education, but I never really got it. From the diagrams, I never figured a penis could/would get hard. So for YEARS I honestly though that both people would lie on their backs and kinda jenga their genitals together yoga style.

But then I was like 14 and I found out that a PENIS CAN GO FROM SOFT TO HARD LIKE WHAT THE FUCK??? Is it a solid or a liquid?!?!

Turns out if you do it right, its both

13. I literally don’t know what to say.

Never received any Sex Ed when I was younger. While watching porn I always thought “why doesn’t his schlong have the extra bit of skin mine does?”

Time goes on and my first gf is coming over to mine for the first time when my parents aren’t home. This is it. Time to lose the V plates. But wait… this extra bit of skin on my cum gun hasn’t fallen off yet!

So, in a panic, I decide to get the scissors and just snip off this excess skin. Had them primed and ready to slice my banjo string when I get a knock at the door. My gf had inadvertently saved me from savagely mutilating my own genitals.

Thankfully she was more educated on the topic and got me through losing my virginity unharmed

12. There’s a certain danger in that.

We learned in biology how reproductive organs work but they didn’t mention sex.

They just spoke about each individually.

I learned about sex from porn.

11. I mean. That’s part of it.

I had only seen sex on tv. And of course on tv they never show them actually having sex so I thought people just viciously tore their clothes off and then lay in bed naked

10. I think that’s what the world wants you to think is the “standard.”

I grew thinking all humans had penises. Like I was even shown a vagina one time and I thought they had tucked it in smh

9. I don’t think it would have taken long to figure out that wouldn’t work.

I remember learning from porn that the testicles do not actually go in the vagina. Just glad I got that little tid-bit sorted out before my big moment

8. I’m not sure this is the right area to self-teach in.

Didn’t receive any proper sex ed classes at school or any talks from my parents. I just accidentally stumbled upon porn when I was really young. Like in middle school/elementary school and as I got older. I did research on the female vagina. Mainly just studied the diagrams and learned how everything worked. So you can say I self taught myself.

My first time was still pretty bad, but it could’ve been MUCH worse.

7. This is a whole lot of information.

Throwaway cuz this shits fucking embarrassing.

I was very sheltered, like absolutely no movies with sex and even kissing scenes had to be skipped/eyes averted. Always taught not to kiss until marriage. Sex was taboo, and to this day I still have some irrational shame talking openly about it. The only people I socialized with at all were like me, extremely sheltered and old fashioned (small town, small church, small school). Had “sex ed”, but it never actually taught us about sex, just basic anatomy – I think it was 20 minutes once a year, only in grade 5 and 6.

First time I got a boner, maybe 13 idk but I thought the head of my dick was gonna fall off as soon as the foreskin pulled back behind that edge and it freaked me out. I sat on the toilet for a good while just holding the foreskin forward until it went away on its own.

First time I masturbated I was I think 17. My dick was disgusting. Because I had never done it before and never really played with my dick at all, and nobody told me anything about cleaning it, there was years of dick cheese (aka dead skin and all that stuff) that built up into a several mm thick layer under my foreskin. I don’t remember a smell, but hard to imagine how there wasn’t one.

One night I had a boner randomly in bed and I got super annoyed and just looked at it, and a piece of this dick cheese was sticking out from the edge of the foreskin and starting to come off… so I just carefully (holy shit it was sensitive) pealed it off. Then some more, then some more…it felt amazing. Like pealing dried glue off your finger nails had sex with, well, having sex and this was its baby. I eventually ran out of this nasty fucking shit to clean off but by then I realized that moving the foreskin back and forth on my dick felt amazing…so I kept doing it. Then I sped up. Then I came. Then I knew. I had never cum before then except from wet dreams, and I 100% was convinced I was sterile. So seeing that white stuff come out was almost better than the orgasm itself.

The interesting thing is I’d been looking at porn for years by that point, but somehow masturbation had never even crossed my mind. I just didn’t know it was a thing people did. Someone at school asked me if I masturbated in grade 9 and I didn’t even know what the word meant so I had to go home and look it up, and I tried a few different web searches but all I found was that its when guys “put their penis between the mattress and boxspring and thrust”. Which I thought was super fucking weird and painful and why do that. To this day I have no idea how nothing more explicit came up on that altavista search but that’s how I remember it.

To this day I’m actually pretty self conscious about the whole thing. Like how fucking dense was I that I took so long to figure such a basic human exercise out? How disgusting is it that I didn’t figure out how to clean my own dick? Wtf was I thinking about when I looked at all that porn? Am I fucking autistic? (Probably to some extent).

6. It’s important to have an understanding (and willing) partner.

When I was 16, I was lucky enough to have a girlfriend as inexperienced as I was. All we knew was that we wanted to do naked, sexy stuff together. It took a few nights, but we figured it out.

5. It’s an awkward moment when you realize your parents do it.

A slightly unrelated story about my friend.

I was a year older than her, and told her everything because I had discovered it just discovered it, at 13. She was stunned, and in complete denial, and was about to go and tell my mom that I’d told her about sex.

She kept saying “this is disgusting, my parents could never do that, you’re lying, I’m going to throw up”.

She was literally shaking, and took hours of convincing to get her to not tell my mom.

4. WHERE DID THEY HEAR THIS.

As a parent, I had to explain to my then 6 and 8 year old that no, sex isn’t “when a boy sticks his penis in a girl’s butthole.”

They had a friend who told them that’s what sex was and I just imagined the poor children who never learn any different going into sex for the first time thinking it goes in the booty.

We will explain it all in more detail at some point when they’re a little older but I just think they needed to know they weren’t getting accurate information.

3. There’s always that one buddy at school.

My buddy told me all about it.

The school or my father never mentioned it besides telling me not to have “sex” with my girlfriend years later.

2. You would think, with all of those kids, they’d be more open to discussing how they plan to populate the earth.

I was homeschooled, raised with cattle, and fairly conservative Mormon parents who did not acknowledge sex.

Having participated in several artificial insemination procedures by the age of 10, I thought for the longest time that pregnancy happened when an illiterate cowboy brought a teeny baby cow and shoved it up the ass of a momma cow, or when one got married you requested a baby and a cowboy would show up at your door to shove it on up there.

Luckily, we got the internet in 1998, and I finally learned that a woman got pregnant when a man with a mustache came on her face.

1. Just watch how the other animals do it!

Farm kids learned by example unless exceptionally dense. I remember my little sister asking why the bull kept trying to jump over the cows.

I mean, it’s not all that weird. Hundreds of years ago, people just…figured it out. We’re just one more animal on earth, after all!

If you fall into the “no sex ed” category, we’d love to hear your story in the comments!

The post People Who Had Zero Sex Ed Recall How They Learned the Basics appeared first on UberFacts.

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Professions Where The Word “Oops” Is As Bad As It Gets

There are some jobs where mishaps happen regularly, and everyone just laughs and fixes it and moves on with their day. And sure, maybe sometimes it is a big deal, but still not like a big deal, you know?

Then there are jobs like these 17, where hearing someone say “oops” is enough to make your heart fall out of your butt.

17. There was blood, I assume. And maybe lost appendages.

Chef when they’re chopping things with a knife.

It was bad.

16. One more reason to hate going to the dentist.

I legit had a dentist say this one time while he was working on my teeth.

I immediately tensed up and tried asking “what happened” but my mouth was forced open, and as soon as he heard me say something he told me to “try not to talk” and so I had no choice but to go back to just…being still.

For some reason once he was all done, I either forgot to ask what happened or I intentionally decided not to. But yea, that was incredibly frightening, even if it seems nothing major came of it.

15. Sometimes your fingers just get carried away.

IT. “Oops” in IT can mean anything from “Oops, accidentally reset the wrong password” to “Oops, accidentally pushed a patch requiring a reboot and now every server is rebooting”.

14. Hahahaha WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING.

So I DID hear someone say oops, while I was getting a needle aspiration biopsy for thyroid cancer, and they were looking to see where to go in with an ultrasound.

The doctor takes a stab and the radiology tech goes, “Oops, nope, that’s her jugular.”

And they just like kind of laughed and shrugged and kept going, so apparently I was the only one who found that untoward.

13. Heart attack in the making.

I actually heard a “whoops” when I was on the operating table and awake during my c-section–this was after the kiddo was out.

Then I heard some muttering that was mildly worrying and they called in a specialist surgeon and told me what was going on (my bladder sustained some damage, needed to be fixed), then they knocked me out and I woke up pretty much fine a few hours later with everything fixed. Still, it was not what you wanted to hear when you’re on the table helpless, and it unnerved my husband who suddenly had a newborn headed to the NICU (he was also fine, in the end) and a wife needing more surgery.

12. At least try to act like it’s a big deal to you, too.

I have two personal experiences that fit this, but maybe weren’t that bad.

1.) I was getting a colonoscopy, and the anesthesiologist comes in to go over the process with me and drops his clipboard making papers go flying everywhere. He drops down to pick them up and huffs under his breath “Ugh it’s just one of those days”. I was like, great, I am gonna die.

2.) I had to get a wisdom tooth taken out. The dentist comes in wearing flip flops, shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, and is limping. Plops down on his seat and goes “here we go!”. It totally looked like he woke up hungover as balls to come operate on my mouth.

11. I would have had a panic attack. Those are my eyes!

I heard precisely that during my LASIK surgery in 2002.

Yes, they had a software problem. I was mildly sedated, but not out. To my annoyance, I heard them talking about Windows for Workgroups. The machine was certified to use them.

Yes, my eye is fine.

10. That is not how medicine is supposed to work.

I once went to the doctor because i had an issue with a nail root on my finger. He just said “hmm i don’t know what that is… lets try cutting it”

I promptly started bleeding all over the table and he goes. “Huh, well that was probably a bad idea..”

I should really change doctors.

9. This really happened, you guys.

Presidential candidate, apparently:

PERRY: And I will tell you, it is three agencies of government when I get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see.

(LAUGHTER)

PAUL: You need five.

PERRY: Oh, five, OK. So Commerce, Education, and the…

(UNKNOWN): EPA?

PERRY: EPA, there you go.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

HARWOOD: Seriously, is the EPA the one you were talking about?

PERRY: No, sir, no, sir. We were talking about the agencies of government — the EPA needs to be rebuilt. There’s no doubt about that.

HARWOOD: But you can’t — but you can’t name the third one?

PERRY: The third agency of government I would — I would do away with, Education, the…

(UNKNOWN): Commerce.

PERRY: Commerce and, let’s see. I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.
Rick Perry was considered a possible frontrunner until his ‘oops’ moment, and then it all crumbled around him, with the Guardian notably calling it ‘one of the most humiliating debate performances in recent US political history’. Within four years, he went from ‘potential President’ to guest on Dancing with the Stars.

In case you’re wondering, it really is that uncomfortable to watch.

8. You definitely don’t want to hear that.

Bungee jump operator (no idea what the actual job title is but I’m sure you know what I mean)

7. That would surely cause some panic.

a pilot.

6. I bet they do it just to mess with people.

A tattoo artist

5. Maybe it hasn’t been that dire…yet.

Oddly enough people have said oops a surprising amount and nothing’s really happened

countries(mostly US) have lost a terrifying amount of nuclear weapons

The US specifically is not good with nuclear weapons. One missile silo was reported as being wide open and the operators were asleep, they ordered a pizza and the pizza guy just found a nuclear weapon which he could have gotten a friend and launched.

4. Ideally, you want to keep people from freaking out.

This isn’t as critical as some jobs but when I was in school for Computer IT in the late 90’s our teacher always emphasized that if we ever have to make a house call to fix a person’s computer, never say oops, people freak out.

That said, I never want to hear the guy in charge of hitting the nuclear launch button say “oops!”.

3. At least your hair grows back, though.

Barber

2. There’s always one smartass in the group.

A mime.

1. He/She seems awfully chill about this now.

Had a tattoo artist say it while tattooing the inside of my lip.

Got the tattoo for free and to this day I have a hidden typo.

I’m having palpitations just imagining the potential scenarios, y’all!

Have you ever been in the room when one of these “oopsies” happened? Tell us the story in the comments!

The post Professions Where The Word “Oops” Is As Bad As It Gets appeared first on UberFacts.