There’s a kind of science when it comes to crafting the perfect tweet. Like any form of comedy, you’ve got to hit the right pace, the right tone, and strike the right audience at the right time, to boot.
Which is to say, it’s not as easy as these 12 people make it look – but that makes them all the more enjoyable to read, I think!
12. I’m sorry but I’ve gotta side with your wife here.
It’s the old man flu argument, son.
Me: [on deathbed]
Wife: It's probably just allergies.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 10, 2020
11. Everyone with an older relative knows this is the price of good information.
And it’s not a bad story, as these things go.
Titanic (1997)
Scientist: Where’s the diamond?
Old lady: *three hour long story about how she lost her virginity*— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) May 25, 2020
10. You always think you can fit just one more thing in there.
Until you definitely can’t and everything is gross.
Marriage is about finding that one special person to play “who’s going to empty the bathroom trashcan” chicken with for the rest of your lives.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 9, 2020
9. Live and learn, my friends.
Mostly about how it’s fun to troll younger people.
My wife and I go to Home Depot & IKEA with 25 ft tape measures clipped to our belts just to flex on younger couples arguing about stuff fitting in their house.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 8, 2020
8. There is definitely not room in this tweet for the entire argument.
It’s going to take a few days, tbh.
Explain to me how my husband is going to lecture me about not going to the hair or nail salon or TJ maxx because it isn’t safe but he’s going to look me straight in the eye and say, “My friends and I are going to hit the golf course this weekend.”
First of all
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 10, 2020
7. Hmmm I bet he forgot to take out the trash.
If you know what I mean.
My husband and I went to dinner last night and there was a GORGEOUS woman there and I said “omg she is stunning” and he said…
wait for it…
“I didn’t even notice her because I was looking at you.”
2020 is insane.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 9, 2020
6. And doing things like getting up before 8am.
It’s all bliss, I’m telling you.
Definitely get married so you too can enjoy fighting over important issues like different grains of rice before 8AM.
— Maryfairyboberry
(@MaryJustice86) June 10, 2020
5. The saddest part about this is that I nodded along.
Different things are a different kind of exciting, but still, it’s not bad.
Don’t let anyone tell you middle age is not exciting. My husband and I got our tax refund and immediately put it in savings. Man, what a rush.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 10, 2020
4. Why would a person do this?
Maybe just to keep you on your toes?
recklessly using “you” and “u” in the same sentence with abandon
— Erin Taylor (@erinisaway) May 27, 2020
3. Snoring never helps anything.
But neither does keeping your already pissed off and tired wife awake, so.
Guys, never go to bed if you’re still fighting with your wife. Snoring will never help your argument.
— Boyd's Backyard
(@TheBoydP) May 30, 2020
2. It’s important to keep the other person focused.
Especially in battle conditions like these.
My husband texted me from Costco to let me know there was a line & I think he was looking for me to say “don’t worry about it, just come home” but instead I said “don’t forget the ice.”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 11, 2020
1. I hear it really keeps the spice alive.
Personally, my husband prefers not to be spoken to at all until he’s yelled at the kids at least three times.
There’s nothing my husband loves more than when I save up all the bad news I’ve been hearing all day and then fling it at him the second he walks through the door.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 11, 2020
I hope one day I can hit a chord like these!
Which one hit you just right? Tell us in the comments!
The post Relationship Tweets That Hit Just the Right Notes appeared first on UberFacts.
