How a Lack of Alone Time Affects the Mental Health of Moms

If you’re a mom and you have young kids, or you remember what it’s like to have young kids, then there’s a good chance you already know what science and therapists are about to confirm – that burnout is real, and the toll that never having any time to yourself takes a mental toll that can grow into real trouble.

Kids need us. The smaller they are, the more they need us.

Image Credit: Pexels

Partners need us, too, and so do bosses and our parents and siblings and churches and friends…it honestly never ends, so unless you’re able to establish some firm boundaries and stick to them, there’s a good chance you’ve had a complete meltdown at least once since having a baby.

Licensed therapist Emma Bennett basically confirms what we all instinctively know when she says “I consider alone time a necessity, not an indulgence,” and maintains that mothers who don’t get enough can and do experience burnout, resentment, overwhelm, anger, and a loss of sense of self.

If you think you can manage those things, though, psychotherapist Eric Djossa says you could be taking a big risk.

“Lack of emotional or physical support can put mms at higher risk of developing a postpartum mood or anxiety disorder and lack of support/understanding can exacerbate these symptoms.”

At least one study has pointed to a lack of friend and family support as a risk factor for developing perinatal mood and anxiety disorders as well.

Image Credit: Pexels

This surprised even me – a 2018 survey of 2000 parents found that we only have an average of 32 minutes a day of “alone time.”

No wonder aw all need more!

Djossa says we shouldn’t be afraid to ask for it, and we shouldn’t feel guilty taking it, either.

“When moms are communicating they want time alone it usually means they want a break. I think that moms don’t get time alone when these connections and supports are lacking. They may feel both isolated and burnt out all at the same time. A remedy to this is ramping up supports and connections in order to have the ability to take a break. They need help. They are tired of being touched by tiny hands. They need a breather. But I think that this breather looks different for different moms.”

Watch a television show alone, read your book, talk to your partner, see a friend for coffee, take a bath – whatever it is for you, make sure you fit it into your daily schedule – but it should be something that nourishes and replenishes you to dig back in.

Moms, especially first time moms, can also be wary of leaving their babies with other people, but that’s something we can learn to let go of (to some degree) in time. It’s important to remember, Bennett says, that it can even be a positive thing for our kiddos, too.

Image Credit: Pexels

“Giving our children the opportunity to build other loving attachments to additional caregivers can be a good experience for children. It is OK to accept those feelings of nervousness and also try to work with them so you can have some separation.”

So, ladies, insist on some time for yourself. Even if it’s only a couple more hours a week, it’s better than nothing.

And, speaking from experience, absence really does make the heart grow fonder – and it also refills those wells of patience, too.

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Books About Racial Inequity You Might Want to Add to Your Child’s Library

If you haven’t talked to your kid about race and inequality in the United States, no matter how old or young they are, now is the time to start.

Not tomorrow, now.

Things are changing, but not fast enough, which means all kids, all colors, should be aware of how our society treats people different based on the color of their skin.

One great way to begin the discussion with kids is to fill their library with books about the different experiences of different kinds of people in this country. Here are 10 that can get you started.

8. Abbi Invents Unbreakable Crayons by Dr. Arlyne Simon

Image Credit: Goodreads

Abbi hates when her crayons break, so she comes up with a plan to create her own unbreakable crayons – and gets the patent to prove it! This book is excellent for kids interested in STEM and Art, and they might even learn something about the scientific method while they’re at it.

7. A is for Activist by Innosanto Nagara

If you’re hoping to inspire your kids to get involved in social change, this alphabet-centered book goes over concepts that center around revolution, also delving into race, class, and worker’s rights. This book should get your kiddos asking the right questions and can work for toddlers on up.

6. I Am Enough by Grace Beyers

This book teaches confidence without leaving out how important it can also be to work with others. The illustrations are gorgeous and remind Black girls that they are beautiful just the way they are.

5. The Bell Rang by James E. Ransome

You don’t want to stock your kid’s library with books about slavery, but they definitely need to understand it. This book offers a unique perspective and includes a nice handling of the topic – the author humanizes the experience of slaves without making it seem like slavery itself was anything close to okay.

4. Let the Children March by Monica Clark-Robinson

This book sheds light on the realities of those who did, and didn’t, march for Civil Rights and highlights the existence of the children who also went on a search for justice and equality.

3. My People by Langston Hughes, illustrated by Charles R. Smith Jr.

Hughes poetry is near and dear to so many, and this photo interpretation of his work is perfect for fans. They’re full of rich diversity of Blackness that perfectly compliment Hughes’ timeless words.

2. Look What Brown Can Do! by T. Marie Harris

There are too many people who still have the idea that Black people can only achieve success through sports or entertainment (both are valid!), but the truth is, Black kids can do anything they want to do in life – just like anyone else!

This book highlights this truth by showcasing historical Black figures who excelled in areas like investing, business, science, you name it.

1. Little Leaders: Bold Women in Black History by Vashti Harrison

Black women have achieved many great things, despite having to deal with assumptions made about them due to their race and gender. This book features 40 Black women who left their mark on society in any number of ways – and there are some obscure women here that you’ll probably be learning about for the first time, too!

I’m definitely going to pick some of these up for my boys.

If you have any other suggestions to add to the list, let us know in the comments!

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Here’s Some Advice for Moms Who Choose Not to Breastfeed

I nursed both of my boys, the first for a year (exclusively for 10 months) and the second until 9 months (he was a biter that would not be stopped). I enjoyed it, it worked for us, and I’m glad.

That said, even if breast may “be best,” I have absolutely no judgment for mothers who can’t or choose not to breastfeed their babies. It’s a huge time commitment, it’s uncomfortable at first, there are times when it’s confusing or painful and yeah, there’s a downside to being the only one who can feed the baby.

Image Credit: Pixabay

And of course, there are non-biological mothers or mothers who don’t produce or mothers who have had mastectomies…the list goes on and on, and here’s the thing. There’s a ton of advice out there for moms who choose to nurse their newborns. Like, probably too much.

But nowadays, choosing to formula feed from the beginning is so taboo that many who go that route feel like they need to do so in secret. Which is not the way to a happy parent, let me tell you. It really does take a village.

So, here are some quick answers for moms who aren’t breastfeeding. Fistbump on making and feeding that human, girl!

#4. Should you try to use someone else’s breast milk?

You can, but make sure you go through proper channels.

Outside of premature babies, who seem to have lower complication risks when fed human milk, milk banks are the way to go.

The milk is regulated and processed, and donors are carefully screened.

#3. Yes, you can choose to do a little of both.

Image Credit: Pixabay

People who are really, REALLY INTO breastfeeding will try to convince you that giving your baby formula from a bottle some of the time will ruin them from nursing and breastmilk forever. This is not true, and also the idea can be dangerous.

Babies need to stay hydrated, moms need to rest, and some of us don’t have a great supply. There has been more than one study (like this one and this one) that show (if done correctly) supplementing does affect breastfeeding at all, or even increases (see here and here) the chance of breastfeeding in the long term.

My cousins gave their babies formula for their 10pm feeding every night so they would sleep longer. You do you.

#2. Yes, you can stop whenever you want.

Just because you started out nursing doesn’t mean you have to continue to six months, a year, or beyond. Stop when you feel like you want to stop, just make sure to invest time in a gradual shift from breastmilk to formula if you can.

This is for your comfort as much as your baby’s – I found that swapping out one feeding, waiting three or four days, swapping another, and so on was the way to go.

#1. Do you need to invest in the fancy European formula?

Image Credit: Pixabay

Some Americans will buy anything if Europe says it’s better, and lately the idea that European formula is healthier because it contains fewer ingredients and a different type of sugar, possibly reducing obesity risks down the road.

It costs a ton, you have to buy it online, and because it’s unregulated by the FDA, it’s sort of frowned-upon by the government, too.

An academic paper from 2019 suggests that it’s definitely not worth any of the risks. Also, they contain most of the same vitamins, minerals, and nutrient content as U.S. versions – though the States formulas do contain more iron. The lactose in place of corn syrup argument is unsubstantiated by science.

So just buy one your baby likes, and that has an appropriate mixture of fats, carbs, and proteins along with other nutrients. And pray your little one doesn’t have a sensitive tummy that forces you to shell out more than $40 a container.

There you go, mamas. Do what’s right for you and your wee one and you can’t go wrong.

Go out there and support each other, yeah? It’s always the right thing to do!

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Memes That Might Boost Your Mood

If you are dragging here and there, and you have to stay sober to, you know, parent your kids, memes are a great way to re-start your engines when they begin to flag.

But don’t go scouring the internet for the right sort of memes yourself – let us do it for you! We already have, as a matter of fact, and really think these 12 are going to deliver.

12. As it should have!

I probably would have called the cops before I figured it out.

11. I mean they barely have any alcohol in them.

And it is summer.

10. I mean I don’t know what I’m doing tonight, so.

And also no one has any idea what they’re doing this year anymore.

9. They’re so cute when they can’t tell you’re old.

And you didn’t even wear makeup today!

8. I have no idea why this is so funny, but there it is.

You’re laughing, too! Explain yourself!

7. This is the saddest of sad moods.

Especially when you buy the snacks so you can only blame yourself.

6. And also in the doctor’s office and the department stores.

Because you’re so old you go to department stores.

5. I think we all know the answer to that.

But if it’s red wine I hear that’s just like a workout.

4. No one is looking away from that show.

Trust me. Rubbernecking is the official spot of America.

3. That’s a generous interpretation of my wakeup face.

I can’t believe it doesn’t scare my kids away from my room. Dammit.

2. As long as you understand this, I don’t see the problem.

We’re all on fire, right?

1. Do you really want me to answer that?

Because…nevermind, I won’t.

How are you feeling? Did we hit the nail on the head?

Share what you think is the best of the bunch in the comments!

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If You Feel Like You’re Dragging, These 13 Memes Could Pick You Up

Mornings can be tough (and if you’re home with little kids, so are afternoons and that awkward stretch before dinner and also after baths when it’s somehow still not time for bed).

If you’re having one of those days when coffee just isn’t doing it, these 13 memes are ready to step in an help do the trick!

13. Things would be much easier if there were instant results.

You know, like how you’re starving right away.

12. She left off “all of the above.”

Because that’s definitely the answer.

11. Who are those people on the left?

Are they insane or are they liars?

10. Best to just put your head down and push through.

I think we all know it was worth it in the end.

9. There has to be a way to break the cycle

Besides drugs and alcohol, I mean.

8. Seriously, do people have a compass in their brain?

And don’t give me that crap about the sun or whatever – it’s not always sunny!

7. There’s no way they’re not doing it on purpose.

Ungrateful prigs.

6. If only this would work.

The truth doesn’t always set you free, I suppose.

5. A more accurate depiction I have not seen.

You can pretend it’s not so for you, if you want.

4. It’s kind of disturbing, if I’m being honest.

And yes, I’m talking about both pictures.

3. The same thing happens when I casually think I can swim a lap in the pool.

Spoiler alert: swimming is very hard and also I am out of shape.

2. I’m working on being a better person, okay?

And yes, I’ve been working on it for a while.

1. Dogs are always about living their best lives.

Don’t hate the player hate the game.

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for another cup of coffee…but I’m feeling like it just might work this time!

Did you enjoy these? Tell us which one was your favorite in the comments!

The post If You Feel Like You’re Dragging, These 13 Memes Could Pick You Up appeared first on UberFacts.

Memes That Should Resonate With Parents Everywhere

A reason why there are so many parents on the internet is because we all need support. We want to know that we’re not alone, that our experiences aren’t unique, and that we will survive whatever madness life (and our kids) have thrown at us that day.

We also need and want to laugh about this crazy rollercoaster we’re all on, and these 10 memes are ready and willing to deliver.

10. I feel so seen by this post.

I can’t even buy Lucky Charms for this very reason.

9. There’s no way to just say no, either.

It’s a whole Stockholm thing, I think.

8. There are so many people to thank.

But, like me, none of them give a sh*t.

7. This is so accurate it actually hurts.

Somehow we always make it to bedtime, though.

6. Something happens between your mouth and their ears.

And it’s nothing good, I’ll tell you that much.

5. I’m going to try to talk my kid into this.

It will probably only last about 5 minutes, but still.

4. This is about as perfect a meme as I’ve ever seen.

But everything about Schitt’s Creek is perfect, obviously.

3. I mean, it’s an honest mistake.

Also…how much was he offering?

2. I think we already knew this, right?

Still, it’s refreshing, just a little bit. Because even I think Maui is cool.

1. I’ve never thought about this before, but yeah.

They know you love them now, and they take no prisoners.

I’m feeling more like part of the tribe than ever!

What’s your favorite meme on this list? Tell us in the comments!

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Parents Will Connect With These 11 Memes

Memes exist for almost every person in the universe, and all parents have some kind of shared experience they can laugh about (after awhile).

If someone calls you mom or dad, there’s a good chance these 11 memes are going to tickle your funny bone in just the right way!

11. They’re boys, aren’t they.

I know they are. You don’t have to confirm.

10. Four years in and I can confirm.

I hear that one day this will change. I’m not holding my breath.

9. You should know this is a trick question.

Whatever you think they ordered, you’re wrong.

8. They always remember the most random crap.

Usually right before bedtime but also when you’re in public.

7. Hahahaha it me.

Someday soon they will be too old to call me on this. Until then…

6. If you’re lucky.

Fingers crossed at least one of mine goes to law school.

5. Wow this is a great idea.

So I guess now I should thank this lady.

4. This is definitely a side effect I didn’t see coming.

Why are they eating so much more than usual?!

3. It’s even worse when you literally could not care less.

Why do they like their lives are so interesting?!

2. Only every night.

They’re so sweet once they’re asleep, too.

1. Because obviously you gave your kid all the best candy.

Why do we do that?!

As a mom, I totally endorse these funny memes!

Which one got you the most? Tell us in the comments, fam! It’s time to spill those secrets!!!

The post Parents Will Connect With These 11 Memes appeared first on UberFacts.

Funny Posts to Put You in a Good Mood Right This Instant

It’s time for yet another installment of random, hilarious posts that will elevate your mood and make you feel a whole lot better today.

We’re talking about stuff that we think is 100% guaranteed to turn that frown upside down.

Could you use a little something like that in your life today?

I think all of us could!

Let’s get it started!

1. As you can see, every genre is represented here.

Very eclectic taste.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

2. Haha. Dad for the win!

He’s right too! Nerd!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

3. At da club.

Are you excited to hear this?

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

4. That’s him, alright…

He’s making millions.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

5. God, please help me get through this…

It isn’t much fun these days, is it?

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

6. What kind of monster are you?

This is truly terrible.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

7. Let this sink in…

Do you have thoughts on this matter?

8. Exactly right!

This makes a lot of sense to me.

9. That’ll never happen again.

But we’ll always have those memories…

10. I really feel this right now.

Okay, we’re done here!

11. You’ll never live this down.

And I really hope no children were present.

12. This is an excellent observation.

I need you to hold this for me…

I think it’s safe to say those posts hit the spot…THE FUNNY SPOT, that is! Hey o!

Okay, now we want to hear from all the great readers out there.

In the comments, please share something that you think will make us laugh and will put us in a good mood.

We look forward to hearing from you!

The post Funny Posts to Put You in a Good Mood Right This Instant appeared first on UberFacts.

Moms Share Their Secrets to Still Managing to Get Some Time Alone

It’s hard for moms to get enough alone time, especially when our kids are little – and that’s in the best of times. 2020 is definitely not that (though describing it is a bit tough), and with everyone at home far more than they’re anywhere else, what’s a mom to do?

Sure, virtual happy hours are fine, but if you really want to indulge yourself, these 8 moms are sharing their tips and tricks for some deserved and necessary self-care.

8. One of the many reasons to get a dog, I think.

Image Credit: Pexels

“I take the dog for a walk. I also have to work outside of the home so my drives in and out are my ‘me’ time. Taking/teaching yoga classes on Zoom in our office is my solo time too.

It is all thanks to [my husband]. We actively work to schedule time for ‘me time’ breaks.”

– Christina Dunbar, North Carolina

7. Enlist your partner’s help.

“Some days I have zero [alone time], but that’s because I choose to snuggle with my boy in bed when he naps.

Sometimes I nap with him, sometimes I just watch Real Housewives. I’m lucky that when [my husband] comes home from work, before we have dinner, I take 30 min to myself to do whatever.

Usually, I sit outside with a glass of wine and call my dad. Sometimes I just sit and do nothing. But, I always have those 30 minutes.

It’s not much, but it’s mine, all mine.”

– Krissy Youngquist, Wisconsin

6. Early bedtimes for the win!

Image Credit: Pexels

“When I was little my siblings and I had a 7 p.m. bedtime. I hated that we could still see the sunlight through the curtains and hear kids outside playing.

I get it now. Our kids’ bedtime is 7:30 pm. I have to take advantage of any chance I get.

Right now, I have the three older kids doing school work downstairs, two playing with a train set, and the baby playing in a playpen while I am in my room. [My husband] tries hard to make sure if I need to check out for a bit that he makes it happen for me (going on walks, etc.)

– Lisa Emrick, Indiana

5. Those blessed solo Target runs.

“I’m working from home full time with two young kids so [alone time is rare].

Thankfully my 2-year-old still naps, so I work out during that time. Otherwise, [I get alone time] at night time once the kids go to sleep (but I’m also exhausted then), when my husband takes both girls on a walk, or when I drive to pickup dinner/Target solo.

I know it’s a crazy time, but we can and will get through this!!”

– Kristin Martinez, Illinois

4. This lady is crazy! Ha!

Image Credit: Pexels

“I do yard work. That way I can leisurely do something productive and also listen to music or Audible.”

– Rachel Jaworski, Michigan

3. Remember, you can’t work all the time (she tells herself again and again).

“I take my lunch break right after [my daughter] goes down for her nap at 12, and I take a book and sit out on my porch and read in the sun!

So relaxing and it’s an hour I get all to myself.

Should I try to use that time to get extra work in? Maybe. But, I don’t regret it!”

– Jenny Saul, North Carolina

2. But how does she stay up past nine, though?

Image Credit: Pexels

“At night I have been putting the kiddos down by 7 p.m. and, here in Minnesota, it doesn’t get dark until around 9 or 10 p.m., so my husband and I are able to sit outside and talk, or I hop in the tub, or go for a walk.

[My husband] normally stays up late and plays video games so I watch my TV series then, too.”

– Kilee Buck, Minnesota

1. It’s the little things, and the hours alone.

“I started taking an hour every Sunday to do a long (5k) walk by myself and I listen to Brené Brown’s podcast. Starts my week off with a better mindset and ‘hopefully’ encourages me to move more the rest of the week.

I also always grocery shop by myself. Have done that since [my first] was born and can be the best hour of my week.”

– Allison Nichols, Indiana

I’m dying, you guys. I knew I’d have to get creative to have some alone time, but wow! Exercise?! Ha!

What’s your favorite way to keep your family at bay for a few hours? Share with us in the comments!

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Is Your Kid Not Sleeping? Here Are Some Answers to Your Questions About Melatonin for Children

When you have kids, sleep is at a premium. So when you have a child that struggles to fall or stay asleep, the effects on the whole family can be disastrous.

I hated bedtime with my three year old. Loathed it. We followed all of the suggestions, moved bedtime around, had the same routine every night, no screens, screens, music, no music, nap, no nap – no matter what, it would take him upwards of an hour and half (sometimes longer) to fall asleep.

That meant no “me” time, and no alone time for my husband and me, because it was usually close to 10pm by the time we escaped his room (and usually later than that, because we would fall asleep, too).

Image Credit: Pexels

The real reason that I decided to ask my doctor about melatonin, though, was how frustrating it was for him. My baby was tired, exhausted some nights, and still he would toss and turn for hours before finally being able to close his eyes.

The doctor gave us the green light, and it’s been like living with a different kid. It doesn’t make him fall asleep, but it gets his body in a place where he feels ready to sleep.

But as a mother, yes, I have to wonder whether I made the decision for him, or for me.

More and more pediatricians, and subsequently, more and more parents, are turning to melatonin to help cure their kiddos sleep woes. In fact, in a study, a full half of parents have or are using it currently.

Is it safe, though?

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That’s the million dollar question, and the hard truth is, we really don’t know. There have been no negative side effects found in studies on short term use, but there aren’t a lot of them, especially not focused on children. The concern seems to be more around sustained, long-term use, but only because there’s literally no data.

Melatonin isn’t considered a drug, since it’s a hormone present in everyone’s body. It’s officially labeled a dietary supplement, which means the FDA doesn’t have to approve or verify its ingredients, and they haven’t weighed in on its efficacy or potential harms, either.

The American Academy of Pediatrics and the National Institutes of Health do not recommend children taken it long term for that reason…but neither specifies what constitutes “long term.”

In a person without sleep issues, melatonin flows from your pineal gland and tells your body when to sleep and when to wake. In supplementing it, we’re telling our body it’s time to go to sleep. Everyone’s sleep-wake cycle is a bit different, everyone requires different amounts of sleep, and people have varying internal clocks – so it could be that your difficult sleeper is a natural night owl, or just doesn’t require as much sleep as the kid in the next room.

Image Credit: Pexels

Which, I think will be fine to manage once my child is old enough to be awake in the house on his own, and to be doing his own thing when he is. For now, when his schedule is woven so tightly with my own sanity, the melatonin stays.

If you’re considering giving it to your kiddo, you should know that almost every doctor out there will tell you its safe in the short term, and honestly, it might be in the long term, too. You’ll have to make that decision with your doctor, though, but listen – good sleep is good for the soul.

Yours and theirs, and so that’s something to consider, too.

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