Month: March 2020

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Funny Tweets to Jimmy Fallon’s Question, “What’s a Funny Thing You’ve Heard a Kid Say?”

It’s bad times like these when Twitter can bring us together.

No, really. Hear me out.

Jimmy Fallon recently asked parents to tweet a funny thing they’ve heard a kid say.

The responses were hilarious and I promise you when you read them, you will all agree on this and probably only this: kids are hilarious.

Here are 15 tweets about the funny things they’ve said.

1. Say, why isn’t there a coloring team?

2. Little brother is two-banana.

3. Cheerio baby?

4. Okay, so maybe not so much muscle.

5. Okay, bye-bye then.

6. Yes, but it’s an expensive fancy locker room with cucumber water.

7. What’s with kids and boobs?

8. No, it’s decidedly not fun.

9. That’s right, child. It’s good to label these emotions.

10. Because of the tingling. I get it.

11. It’s a conversation that can wait.

12. Snap.

13. Crib robbery works too.

14. Now I can’t un-read that.

15. Fine. Have your stinky boy cheese.

Kids outgrow their toys and clothes faster than they outgrow their mouths. But don’t they say the funniest things? And right when we need to hear them. What about the kids in your life? What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard them say lately? Tell us in the comments. We’re desperate for a good laugh these days.

The post Funny Tweets to Jimmy Fallon’s Question, “What’s a Funny Thing You’ve Heard a Kid Say?” appeared first on UberFacts.

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A Mom Wrote a Heartfelt Post to Her Oldest Child for Being Such a Good Helper

Having a kid is tough. Having multiple children is really tough.

And when the older kids pitch in and help the young kids, it makes a huge difference in the daily life of moms and dads.

Kids

Every little bit helps, right?

A post about this comes to us from a mom named April Leiffer Henry.

“To my oldest child,

I’ve been watching you with your little brother, and I want you to know how much I appreciate your help.

Like when I haven’t taken a shower for two days, and I ask you to play with him.

I love how you scoop him up and take him to your room, showing him your intricate LEGO creations or teaching him the mechanics of loading and shooting a Nerf gun.

Siblings

Thank you for expanding his world and demonstrating to him how things work.

Like when I broke a plate in the kitchen and your sister spilled an entire cup of milk in the dining room.

You sprang into action and picked up your brother, shielding him from cutting himself on the glass and slipping on a puddle and falling.

Thank you for seeing when someone needs help and jumping to the rescue.

Siblings

Like when I need to wash two days’ worth of dishes and it would go much more quickly without the toddler tugging on my sweatpants, screaming “Up!”

I love how you offer…”

You can read the rest of this mom’s post HERE.

That’s a really nice tribute to her oldest son.

What do you think? Can you relate to this post? Do you have an older child who likes to jump into action and help out mom and dad with the younger kids?

Tell us about it in the comments. We’d love to hear from you!

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Wholesome Doggo Posts to Put You in a Better Mood

You know what I do when I’m in a bad or depressed mood?

I whip out my phone and I look at pictures, memes, and tweets of dogs! It immediately puts me in a good mood literally every single time.

So, here we are…and these tweets are so wholesome and pure that they’re going to make all of us happier.

Let’s take a look!

1. New best friend.

The shelter was clearing out for COVID-19 and I needed a social distancing buddy. Meet my new foster Vader! from aww

2. How is this even real?

3. I love this!

4. Oh, Meeko!

5. Doing good work, Sarge.

6. No space given.

My coworker at home isn’t adhering to social distancing techniques. Please advise. from aww

7. Boing boing!

8. Attached at the hip.

9. Wow! That’s cool!

10. I’m in love…

11. Enjoying the storm.

12. You forgot my fries.

13. They’re talking to you!

14. I want a coworker like this!

I feel a whole lot better than I did a few minutes ago!

Can you make us feel EVEN BETTER, please?

In the comments, share some pics and stories about your lovable pooches!

We’d love to meet them!

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Enjoy These Funny and Honest Parenting Tweets

Parents know that raising kids is a full-time job that comes with a lot of little headaches. And a whole lot of hilarity, as well.

Those little rugrats are miniature crazy people. You know it and I know it. But one thing is for sure: they definitely make us laugh.

Parents, these tweets are for you!

1. Funny how that works…

2. It’s up to you.

3. Those are gross!

4. Better keep an eye on that one.

5. This is gonna get ugly.

6. Over and over and over.

7. Plenty of rest.

8. They didn’t hear it that way.

9. Gets it from her father.

10. A tender moment.

11. No kids allowed.

12. Clean this mess up!

13. And there you have it.

Those tweets were right on the money!

Okay, parents, let’s hear from you in the comments! Please share some funny, crazy, or ridiculous things that your kiddos have done lately.

We can’t wait to hear from you!

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19 People Discuss the Dumbest Questions They’ve Ever Been Asked

Whether it’s at work, school, or out in public, we hear a lot of stupid questions during our lives. Maybe they’re even coming from your own family members…

Let’s hear from AskReddit users who revealed the dumbest questions they’ve ever heard.

1. What are those?

“Why do you wear glasses? Because my eyes aren’t right

Cool so what do the glasses do? They help me to see.

Like what, night vision?”

“I shit you not my 15 yr old cousin asked this. His sister wears glasses for fucks sake.”

2. Can you understand me?

“During my exchange year in the US, I was sitting in my English class and we had a few minutes until class started, when one of the guys I spoke regularily to, suddenly turns and asks me if I could speak English since I’m from Germany.

I calmly asked him in what language we had been speaking just a second ago. It was pretty hilarious and even our teacher had a good laugh with us.”

3. They might…

“”Won’t they hatch?”

Asked by a guy who had just thrown out two dozen eggs that had *just* passed their expiration date. He was concerned about having 24 little chicks running around inside his refrigerator. Dude was a university-level science major.”

4. At least it was a kid.

““Are you a real black person? Your skin is too light.”

Thankfully it was asked by a little kid, but it was so stupid that I still laugh about that years later.”

5. Where am I?

“When I was working at my city’s zoo, a woman asked me if she was at the zoo.

In order to ask me that question, this woman had to get off the train at a station called Zoo Station or drive into the parking lot on a road called Zoo Road.

Then, she had to walk down a long hallway with lots of pictures of animals all with the zoo’s logo (which includes the word zoo) under them, then stand in a long ass line in front a huge picture of a koala and the words “welcome to [city] zoo!” printed in three foot high letters. I was also wearing a shirt and a hat with the zoo’s name and a giraffe on it when she asked me this question.”

6. What’s your background?

“What nationality are you?

Canadian

No, i mean, what nationality?

ummm, do you mean heritage? Polish I guess

No no, listen, na-tional-ity

I don’t know what you’re asking?

Whispers: Nationality, like, are you white, black, etc?

just look at me, I’m white as snow, and that’s not nation…

Cool I didn’t want to assume anything.”

7. Think about that one…

“A coworker of mine, without any context, asked me, “Is Ash Wednesday this Friday?””

8. Open for business.

“Working in a coffee shop, around mid-afternoon. A man walks in, glances around and walks up to the counter.

Me: Hey, what can I get for you?

Him: Um. (Glances around the store more) Are you guys open?

Mostly out of confusion I also glanced around my store I saw all of the other employees clearly working, and our lobby full of people sitting/eating/drinking/etc.

Me: Yes?”

9. Woah, slow down…

“Had numerous customers ask me why I rung up “cheeseburger” instead of “hamburger with cheese.”

No amount of explaining helped.”

10. A good reason to call 9-1-1.

“As a 911 operator, a caller once asked (on an emergency line) what the weather would be like on Thanksgiving Day in a desert resort popular with off-roaders, that’s located about 100 miles away from our city.

It was April.”

11. Hotel guests.

“From the hotel industry, favorites are generally along the theme of:

“Why didn’t you tell me when I booked my reservation (six months ago) that it was going to rain today?!”

“Why is there traffic? Why didn’t you warn me there’d be traffic in Manhattan?! Why can’t you just tell the cops to let me through?!”

But my all time favorite was at a hotel where for various reasons, the lobby was not on the first floor. The only thing on the first floor as you come in was a bank of elevators, by which you could then reach the lobby.

Had a guest ask, in complete seriousness, “Why couldn’t the taxi drop me off at the lobby? All the other hotels it drops me off at the lobby!”

All attempts to answer this were met with increasing rage on the part of the guest, because WHY COULDN’T THE TAXI COME TO THE EIGHTH FLOOR.”

12. Think about that…

“While watching Frozen with a group of friends, my brothers girlfriend, 30 minutes in looks confused and upset and looks me in my eyes and asks “If their parents died, are they still sisters?”. She had been thinking about it for 30 minutes.

I had to console her and let her know that if her parents died, her sister would still be her sister.”

13. That’s a good question.

“How do I test to see if my turtle is gay.”

14. This is great.

“Coming off of an overseas flight carrying a 4 foot tall framed (but wrapped) painting…

The customs officer… “Did you get that out of the country?” ….I assumed he was kidding and answered, No, I take it with me everywhere I go…. and that was it…let me go through…”

15. The answer is NO.

“Can I be pregnant? because I had unprotected sex with another girl?”

16. You are correct!

“I had to fire someone and they looked me straight in the eye and said, “Does that mean I don’t have to come in tomorrow?””

17. I have no idea…

“I was manager for the hockey department at a sporting goods store. We were one of – if not THE biggest supplier of hockey equipment in the area (pre-internet). The hockey department was the biggest part of the store.

I was organizing a display of hockey sticks one day, with a stick in my hand and the entire hockey department right behind me. This woman comes up to me and asks “Where is your hockey department?”

I slowly turned around, looked around for a bit, and said “Ma’am, I have no idea…””

18. Major face palm.

“”Are you Chinese or Japanese?”

“We’re Laotian.”

“You’re from the ocean?”

19. Oh, boy…

“On a map, is the blue part the water or the sky”?

Hahahahaha. Wow…c’mon people…

Okay, now we want to hear from you! What’s the absolute dumbest question you’ve ever been asked in your whole life?

Tell us in the comments!

The post 19 People Discuss the Dumbest Questions They’ve Ever Been Asked appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Discuss What Teens Who Are About to Turn 18 Should Pay Attention To

You’re considered an adult when you turn 18, whether you like it or not. And even though you think you’re pretty much invincible when you’re that age, you’re really not…and before you know it, you’ll be turning 40.

So to all the teens out there: listen to these words of wisdom because you don’t know everything…even though you might think you do…

AskReddit users weighed in with their advice for young people.

1. Take care of those choppers!

“The sooner you get a good routine the better.

So I would say learn to take care of your teeth and don’t forget to floss! It’s easy to look over flossing and not do it but it’s so important and future you will thank you!”

2. Be careful on the road.

“Don’t drive like a 12 year old playing GTA V.

Don’t drive if you are drinking.

WEAR. YOUR. FUCKING. SEATBELT.

WEAR IT.”

3. Make good choices.

“It takes one bad decision/ moment to change your life forever.

Back in the day I knew this guy, he was probably 20 at the time, (not a friend, small town so everyone knew everyone) who drunkenly punched another guy. Well the guy fell, hit his head on the concrete and from what I heard blood starts pooling around his head and and the pool is getting pretty big. To his credit the guy who did the punching called the ambulance.

Anyhow the guy who was knocked out spent about two weeks in hospital, needed surgery, broken jaw, etc. The guy who did the assault did 5 years in prison for it.”

4. Friends will come and go.

“Be social but remember friends will come and go.

Dont invest in people that wont invest in you.”

5. Practice those life skills.

“Learn some basic cooking. Learn how to wash clothes, hang them up, do ironing etc. You may be moving out soon, so practice the skills you will need. Imagine all the things you would have to do if mum and dad weren’t around, then start practicing them.

Draw up a budget. Look at how much to rent in the place you want to live, add in food and elec and mobile phone and internet. Don’t forget to add bond too.”

6. Stay motivated.

“How you organize a day without the structure of school. That planned environment is going away fast and some of your peers are really going to struggle with finding their pace and motivation.

Also, procrastination is a bitch.”

7. You will change.

“Listen to your desires and dreams.

I’m 28. My goals and dreams now are vastly different than when i was 18. Listen to those changes. For a long time I kept chasing a dream almost because I felt I owed it to my younger self. It’s ok for your dreams to change as you age and your circumstances change.

Who you are now will not be the same person you are at 23. And as you grow listen to your internal monologue. Dreams and desire change. Grow with them.”

8. Make yourself a priority.

“Taking care of your physical and mental health before you fall into the trap of “I dont have time for it.”

Really sit down and think about how you can better yourself for your own sake.”

9. This is important.

““Authorized user” is sort of a cheat code in the credit world. If your parents have decent credit and take care of their shit, see if they’ll make you an AU on a card and then lock the card up in a box.

Being AU makes the credit history of the account show up on your credit report. If financial responsibility is a big deal in your house, this can have some major advantages when you’re trying to get started.”

10. Shit gets real.

“Relationships.

As soon as you hit 18 things start becoming real. Don’t get married without being sure of your future spouse, don’t go unprotected during sex, don’t get into a relationship where your other half will get you in trouble with the law.”

11. Keep your nose clean.

“You are now risking real jail time.

What were once just shenanigans (kids will be kids) are potentially things that will haunt you for a really long time.”

12. Be careful what you post.

“Your data trail online.

Old Instagram and Facebook posts can come back and haunt you during future interviews.”

13. It’s up to you.

“Learn how to take care yourself.

Take full responsibility for everything that is happening in your life. Create big goals and have a life purpose if you have one. Focus on saving money and don’t buy stupid shit to impress people you don’t even like.”

14. Do what it takes.

“Getting shit together. 18 isn’t the age you should be thinking you’re a full blown adult. Nah. You need to venture into the 20’s for that. But between 18 and 21. You just gotta get your shit together.

No matter what it is. Financial. Mental. Physical. Just do whatever it takes to make sure you can fully prosper from stressed out teen to a battle hardened grown up.”

15. Don’t even start.

“Smoking.

Started with cigs so I could take breaks at work (construction) 22 now and cant quit vaping.

Shit sucks.”

Pretty good advice, I think.

What about you? Do you remember getting good advice when you were about to become an “adult”?

Talk to us in the comments!

The post People Discuss What Teens Who Are About to Turn 18 Should Pay Attention To appeared first on UberFacts.

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Funny Memes for All the Married Folks out There

Marriage is a lovely union between two people that is filled with love and affection…

Right?

Okay, maybe not every day, but probably some days, at least…

Here are some funny marriage memes that the hitched folks out there will appreciate.

1. Who could he be talking to?

Photo Credit: someecards

2. It’s your turn!

Photo Credit: someecards

3. Let me get liquored up first!

Photo Credit: someecards

4. What a tease.

Photo Credit: someecards

5. Up all night.

Photo Credit: someecards

6. The rest is mine.

Photo Credit: someecards

7. She’s out the door.

Photo Credit: someecards

8. Now what do I do?

Photo Credit: someecards

9. That is disgusting.

Photo Credit: someecards

10. What did you say?

Photo Credit: someecards

11. Need some alone time.

Photo Credit: someecards

12. You’re creeping me out.

Photo Credit: someecards

It’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it!

Do you have any really funny marriage jokes or memes in your arsenal?

Share them with us in the comments, please!

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People Share Good Life Advice for Youngsters Who Are About to Turn 18

If you’re young, you probably won’t believe what I’m about to say, but I’m gonna say it anyway: adulting is going to be way harder than you think it will be.

Like everyone else, I made a ton of mistakes in my younger years and I wish I could go back and do some things differently. But, that’s life. That’s why I implore you to read the advice from these older people and to at least consider what they have to say. Knowledge is power, as they say, and every little bit helps.

People on AskReddit shared their words of wisdom…

1. Healthy habits.

“Develop healthy habits NOW.

Proper nutrition, a steady sleep schedule, regular exercise, etc. You are in a fantastic position to build a healthy lifestyle that will elevate your quality of life for the rest of it.

It is much, much harder to change existing unhealthy habits that have been established for years. Most people aren’t able to. Give yourself the best chance for a lifetime of health and happiness now.”

2. Make it a point to learn.

“Learn how to learn.

Most of us had no idea how to do taxes, get a mortgage, vote, fix a broken electrical socket, etc. You just need to know where to go to learn things and I think the younger generations are already exceptional at finding information.

But there’s some sort of learned helplessness people have (especially those who didn’t have to learn things while they lived at home) where if something seems confusing or hard they give up vs actually searching out more information. Sometimes YouTube is great, sometimes you need to call an expert, sometimes you need a class.”

3. Some good tips.

“Don’t be afraid to walk away from a job/person that’s toxic.

Start saving now…so you CAN walk away.

Community College is your best friend, go there before doing the last 2 years at a 4 yr

Trade schools are just as viable, ain’t no shame in being debt free at 22 making 60+

3-5% of all income should go to retirement starting now…go open a Roth 401k.”

4. You need to recharge.

“Your mental health.

Don’t set so many goals for yourself that the stress makes your mental health suffer.

Take some time for yourself. To do nothing. Just recharge. Even if it’s only a couple hours a week. It gives you something to look forward to.

Also, learn how to budget and save.”

5. Make a budget.

“Learn how to use an excel (or Google Sheet) and make a budget. Live by it. Get a bank account. Get checks. (Budget will help here for people who don’t cash checks timely)

Whatever extra money you have (if you do), divide it by two. Save half, enjoy the other half. That will keep you from feeling burned out.”

6. This is important.

“Learn. How. To. Fucking. Cook.

I know it’s way more convenient to throw food in the microwave, but trust me. For your sanity, take a quality over quantity approach when it comes to feeding yourself. It’s healthier and cheaper (if you do it right) at the cost of some time. And if you learn your way around spices and flavors, you’ll be able to make restaurant-quality meals while wearing literally nothing but a bath robe.”

7. Get involved.

“Politics.

You’re old enough to vote. Currently the 65+ crowd dominates elections.

They’ll be dead soon. There are more of you than them. It’s your future. Don’t buy into the turd sandwich vs giant douche apathy. Select the politicians you agree with.”

8. Mistakes are okay.

“Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, but don’t risk mistakes that will severely compromise the rest of your life.

What I see, across cultures and countries, is an enormous pressure to be perfect, so high that no one can ever possibly meet the pressure. So, people make mistakes, as they should. The problem is that the pressure to be perfect makes all mistakes seem the same.

Risk losing some money. Risk making relationship mistakes. Risk losing friends. Risk losing a year. Those are fine.

Don’t risk six figures of debt (which means student loans without a degree, good major, and good GPA to show for it; college is a great investment if you also put the time and effort in to succeed). Don’t risk disease. Don’t risk death. Don’t risk pregnancy. Don’t risk drug addiction. Don’t risk a felony conviction.

Take the kinds of risks your 25 year old self will laugh at. Don’t take the kinds of risks your 25 year old self will curse you for saddling them with.”

9. Think of your future.

“Time management, finances, forgoing college and working for a few years.

They should really begin to try and understand why they are doing the things they are doing. Are you just going to college because that is what your teachers and parents are saying you should do? Is it a practical choice? College can be good but a lot of jobs you could have gotten with a degree you can get without one.

You may just end up robbing your future self for a delayed adolescence.”

10. It won’t matter.

“Literally everything that happened to you in high school doesn’t matter. Like sure you’ve heard and likely dismissed that while you were going through it, but the sooner you accept that, the faster you’ll start to act like an adult.

Also, if you’re a dude, 23 seems to be the year everything goes to hell, but keep on and shit will improve.”

11. “I wish someone told me…”

“Learn a skill that can be offered as a service in a freelance setting. Have a “side-hustle”. It’s fine to get a job which is this specific skill, but work only with the idea of learning as much as possible, so you can later either become self-employed or build a company.

Jobs are miserable (in 90% of cases). Learn a skill that people/businesses need. Any of marketing specializations is a good start!

I wish someone told me this earlier. I’m a mediocre freelancer now, but it’s waaay better than anything my higher education in one of the richest countries in the world could give me. And if I keep developing my skillset, my income has pretty much no upper limit.

“Money doesn’t make you happy”. Bullshit!

While paper piece or a digital digit wont make you happy – best healthcare, all bills paid, nice vacations, freedom to pursue your interests and ability to help others will in fact drastically increase your happiness.”

12. College isn’t for everyone.

“Decide if college is actually for you.

There are many jobs that are going to be automated in your lifetime. Jobs that will be last to automate are labor jobs. Start a landscaping company, a pool cleaning company, a plumbing company, an AC/heater repair company, or any other labor type job.

If you start young you have the potential to make $60k+ after only a couple years without putting yourself on $40k+ in debt. Obviously this route is not for everyone but don’t sleep on it just because everyone up until this point has said you need to go to college.”

13. Think about your future.

“Retirement accounts.

Throw crumbs in them during your 20s and compound interest will do its magic, giving you a very comfortable retirement.”

14. That doesn’t matter.

“Caring about what is “cool” or caring overmuch what others think of you will only hold you back.

The more open minded you are, the more prospects you will have in friendship, relationships, jobs–and when things are very hard, which they absolutely will be, more opportunities for joy, support, and pursuit of individual mastery of a wider variety of skills.”

15. This is crucial.

“LEARN TO TALK.

(20 Year old here)

So many kids now-a-days are so locked into their tech that they simply don’t have proper communication skills or know how to act in a social setting.

Practice conversing! Be comfortable talking to people, it will only benefit you tremendously. Even if you’re an introvert, you should be able to atleast hold on to a half assed conversation where it seems you’re engaged and committed.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve gotten internships, bonuses, and the likes just because I knew how to have a human to human conversation.

So many times at my age going into interviews etc just conversing with other candidates etc its shocking how little interactive social skills they actually have because all they do is bury their heads into their phones with their wireless earbuds in completely ignoring objective reality. TALK!”

16. Take care of your teeth.

“Brush your teeth.

Posted this before but I’ll post it again… I’m looking at $30k~ worth of dental work I need done at 33 years old, all because I didn’t practice good dental hygiene when I was younger and partying.

Its literally 5 minutes out of your day. Watch a quick YouTube video while you do it if you don’t have the patience. Brush, floss, mouthwash twice a day. Carry a water bottle with you throughout the day to at least rinse your mouth if you can’t brush after eating.

From an internet stranger, trust me, the position I’m in now sucks. I’m having to put starting a family on hold until I take care of this. Brush your damn teeth.”

It goes by in a flash, I can tell you that much…

Do you remember the life advice you got from adults when you were turning 18?

Did you listen? Or did you blow it off and go your own way? Tell us about it in the comments!

Good luck out there and remember to make good decisions!

The post People Share Good Life Advice for Youngsters Who Are About to Turn 18 appeared first on UberFacts.