20 Funny Insults That Only Really Work in German

German is a kind of an odd language. There are lots of vowels, and in order to speak it correctly, you kind of have to sound as angry as possible. Plus the words get really, really long.

It turns out, though, that their insults are surprisingly creative and funny.

So the next time you really want to let someone have it, try doing it in German!

20. I broke up with him because everyone knows he’s a “pleasure newt.”

A lustmolch is someone obsessed with sex, but it literally translates to “pleasure newt.”

19. Don’t hire that “driller of thin planks.”

If you refer to someone as a dunnbretthohrer, he’s someone who takes the laziest route possible, not the best.

18. Stop being such a “brain denier.”

In other words, use your smarts, gehirnverweigerer.

17. She’s a real “gossip aunt.”

Someone who likes to gossip and spread rumors is a tratschtante.

16. His daughter is a “little snot spoon.”

A rotzloffel is a brat.

15. What a “butt violin.”

An arschgeige is someone who doesn’t perform a task up to par.

14. That guy is nothing but a “butt with ears.”

A total, blithering idiot, otherwise known as an arsch mit ohren.

13. Eh, he’s such an “asparagus Tarzan.”

This one might be one of my favorites – spargeltarzan refers to someone tall and gangly.

12. He’s “someone who waves back at Teletubbies.”

Y’all, I cannot with this one, used to describe someone who just isn’t too bright – teletubbyzuruckwinker.

11. Did you see that “varnish monkey”?

A lackaffe is a man who dresses garishly in public (not that it’s anyone’s business).

10. Stop being a “banana bender.”

If you’re spinning your wheels engaging in a pointless task, someone in Germany might call you a bananenbieger.

9. She’s nothing but an “evolutionary brake.”

If someone is so dumb they’re threatening the evolution of all human life, they’re ripe to be called an evolutionsbremse.

8. You’re a “lump of puke.”

A simple kotzbrocken should do the trick if you’re short on time.

7. She was a bit of a “guzzling woodpecker” at the office Christmas party.

Someone who hits the bottle a bit too hard is a schluckspecht.

6. Hurry up, you “bag of whale blubber.”

If someone is driving like a grandma in front you during your commute, bust out a well-timed trantute.

5. An “ant tattooist.”

For all of the nit pickers in your life who obsess over tiny little details, you’ve got a new one – they’re an ameisentätowierer.

4. When push comes to shove, she’s a “trouser-pooper.”

A hosenscheisser is a coward of the worst order.

3. Instead of “full of hot air,” the Germans prefer to call someone a “hot air gun” or a “babble bag.”

Heissleuftgeblas or labertasche refers to someone who talks a lot about nothing.

2. Somebody is a “smelly boot” today.

I’m definitely going to start using stinkstiefel to refer to the grumps in my life.

1. Her face just invites a slap.

Ever meet someone who’s face just makes you want to slap them? Yes? Now you have a word for that – it’s backpfeifengesicht.

 

I honestly had no idea I could laugh this hard and something that originated in Germany.

I wonder if they make Germans laugh.

Probably not.

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Teenagers Are Using Social Media to Make History More Exciting, and It Is Definitely Working

Kids today…

TikTok isn’t history class (it’s probably not allowed in most history classes), but teenagers all over are using the newish social media platform to prove the adults around them wrong (again).

Many of the commentaries are a bit simple, but hey – you have to remember that some people are hearing about these events for the first time.

And simple or complicated, this is a way more fun way to study for a test than reading a textbook or actually paying attention to a lecture.

There are some that tackle tougher historical events, like the Vietnam War and the truth about colonization of the Americas.

Here are some of the best ones!

10. The Monroe Doctrine (1823).

9. The German occupation of Belgium (1914).

8. The colonization of Africa (1400s).

7. The establishment of the League of Nations (1919).

6. The assassination of Abraham Lincoln (1865).

5. The attack on Pearl Harbor (1941)

4. The Black Death (1347-1351).

3. The U.S. exit from Vietnam (1975).

2. The Boston Tea Party (1773).

1. The European age of exploration/invasion (1405-)

I love these, and would totally have been on board as a teenager!

Do you have a favorite? What would you like to see next? Share with us!

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The “Scully Effect”: Female “X-Files” Fans Flock to STEM Careers

Scully does it again!

As if The X-Files wasn’t awesome enough as a television show, now we’re learning that all of the little girls who looked up, wide-eyed, at the tough-as-nails, no-nonsense, science-loving Scully are flocking to careers in science, math, and engineering.

Those fields have long been dominated by men, and though that tide has been shifting little-by-little, women in STEM (science, technology, engineering, math) fields still find themselves in the minority more often than not.

The news comes out in a recent report compiled by scientists working for The Geena Davis Institute. They surveyed more than 2000 U.S. women over the age of 25, 68% of whom were X-Files viewers, and asked them whether watching Dana Scully influenced their career decisions as they grew up.

A significant number of them said her character affected them to the point that they chose to major in a STEM field in college, and to work in STEM field as a career. They claimed that Scully gave them positive impressions of women working in science, and more than half said she increased their confidence in their ability to succeed in a male-dominated field.

More than 60% responded that Scully’s character increased their belief in the importance of STEM work.

“In the world of entertainment media, where scientists are often portrayed as white men wearing white coats and working along in labs, Scully stood out in the 1990s as the only female STEM character in a prominent, prime-time television role.”

The study provides data to back up long-held anecdotal beliefs that a “Scully Effect” of this type existed.

Saying definitively that Scully is the reason gets tricky, since there’s always the chance that women interested in STEM are more likely to watch shows like The X-Files in the first place.

That said, if more women are entering STEM fields, I say give Scully the credit (or maybe let her share it with Astrid, from Fringe).

With The X-Files revival, who knows – maybe a whole new generation of girls will be inspired.

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This Is Why Baking Makes You Happy, According to Science

There’s something soothing about baking when you’re having a bad day, when the weather turns dreary, or when you’re feeling a bit blue – and it turns out, that’s not just a weird quirk of mine.

According to psychologists, baking makes people happier.

And it’s not just because you get to lick the spatula, either.

 

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Studies have long shown that creative activities contribute to a sense of well-being, and Boston University professor Donna Pincus told HuffPost that there is a type of “stress relief that people get from having some kind of an outlet and a way to express themselves.”

Outlets like knitting or baking.

Baking also requires the cook to focus on straightforward directions that should be executed in a specific order. The series of tasks is a form of mindfulness, as the mundane activity forces you to focus on it, which lets the troubles of the outside world drift away.

 

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Juliana Ohana, a licensed clinical social worker, told HuffPost that it’s therapeutic because it helps you “balance the moment and the bigger picture.”

Basically, baking is a minor feat that you can use to visualize a happy moment in the future, when the cookies, bread, or cake is finished, delicious, and being shared with family or friends.

The act of sharing your finished product can be good for the body and soul, too, says Pincus.

“You feel like you’ve done something good for the world, which perhaps increases your meaning in life and connection with other people.”

 

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“It can be helpful for people who have difficulty expressing their feelings in words to show thanks, appreciation, or sympathy with baked goods,” adds professor Susan Whitbourne.

I guess in the long run it doesn’t matter which of these things – or none of them – give you the warm fuzzies when you set out your butter, pull up a recipe, and fit the beater on your mixer. Baking makes us feel good, people love to eat baked goods, so there’s really no reason to stop anytime soon.

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This Tiny Yorkie Dog Was a Hero Who Saved Soldiers During WWII

The dog’s name was Smoky, and she was a wee little Yorkshire terrier who, after her heroic performance in WWII, became the world’s first therapy dog.

Photo Credit: Flickr

Found in an empty jungle foxhole in New Guinea, she was first thought to be the pet of one of the Japanese soldiers. The soldiers took her to a nearby POW camp and discovered she couldn’t understand either English or Japanese. So, her origins remained a mystery.

Still, she ended up in the American soldiers’ camp, where Corporal William (Bill) A. Wynne of Cleveland, Ohio, bought her off of another soldier, distracted by his poker game, for about $7.

That lucky seven bucks ended up saving Corporal Wynne’s life.

Wynne credited Smoky with leading him through heavy shelling coming from a transport ship. She warned him of the attack, and while eight other men around them were hit, Wynne made it to safety.

For the next two years, Smoky never left Wynne’s side, sleeping with him in his tent in the harsh conditions of the jungle and eating from his rations. Since she was there in an unofficial capacity, she didn’t get her own special food like the other war dogs received. Eventually, the 5th Air Force made her a member, and she saw 12 combat missions and was even awarded eight battle stars for bravery.

Photo Credit: Aphillcsa

Her most notable mission was crawling through narrow pipes filled with soil to run telegraph wire for an airbase crewman were building. She saved the soldiers from a three-day, danger-filled task of digging up a heavily used runway, as she took only minutes to squeeze through pipes with the wire, wiggling through a space of about 4 inches in some places.

She also loved to entertain soldiers recovering from their wounds in hospitals with her tricks. She would go on rounds with the nurses, visiting the wounded and lifting their spirits, and she actually continued to do this well after WWII ended (therapy dog!).

After the war, Smoky appeared on TV where she performed tricks like riding a scooter. She was a natural entertainer who delighted audiences with her intelligence and is credited for making the then obscure Yorkshire terrier one of the most popular and adored breeds today.

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This Is How Far You Can Actually Drive After Your Gas Tank Reads Empty

There are two types of people in this world: people who get gas when the gauge drops below half a tank, and people who wait for their gas light to come on, drive a while longer, and then stop to fill up at the last minute.

As someone who falls into the latter category, I’ve long argued that the light is just a warning, and if you’ve got 20 or 30 miles left after it lights up, why hurry?

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4msShGjG–/

But am I right? I don’t know about you, but I’m dying to find out.

Well, lucky for me (and everyone else who likes to push the needle all the way past E, auto repair service YourMechanic has put together a handy chart that will let you know – based on the make and model of your car – how far you can go after your light comes on.

Image Credit: YourMechanic

You’ll definitely want to check, too, because it ranges from over 100 miles (the Chrysler 200) to less than 30 in a Chevy Silverado.

My Honda can go another 60, so you’d better believe I’ll be wagging my finger at my overly cautious fella the next time he says we definitely need to stop!

That said, there are like, sensible reasons to not push it so hard. Your car’s fuel pump burns hotter near empty than it does on a full tank, so if you do it all the time, you’ll burn your pump out faster.

So, YourMechanic recommends you use their chart for emergency situations only.

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15 People Weigh in on the Idea of a 4-Day Work Week

Microsoft Japan recently tested a 4-day workweek and reported upsides galore – but do you think it would work across the board? What would be the benefits? The downsides?

Well, these 15 Redditors have thought it through, and their musings are definitely a good place to start.

15. More time to dig into what you love.

Life would be that much better. I would have somewhere around 50 extra days a year to do all the yardwork and home projects that I don’t want to spend all weekend doing.

14. It’s just science, people.

While having the option to do 4 10 hour days would be nice (people could decide if it would improve their lives), it’s a terrible plan from the perspective of societal benefit. No matter how much idiot workoholics claim otherwise, productivity is not steady across an 8 hour day. Most people can do, in a 6 hour day, the same level of productivity they could in an 8. Maybe 10% less. MAYBE.

If we want to make society better people should work closer in line to school. 9-3 (30 hour week) makes a lot more sense and then most of us wouldn’t need a 4 day week to get stuff done. There’d still be time to get stuff done during the week.

And those without kids? Give them the option of 4 8 hour days. Most of them would probably prefer the day off.

13. People don’t want to be shells.

Describing my life even with time off for vacation. I work 205 days per year, about 10-12 hrs per day (salaried), and I’m a shell of a person. No matter how hard I work, there is no progress, nothing gets better, the system sucks the soul from you, people come up with ideas that make things worse, everyone pretends like things are good, and no one has the resources to do what needs to get done.

12. Oh, how I wish this mentality would prevail.

In my experience, people will still slack off if they have the ability to, especially if they getting paid by the hour. Give them the incentive of “you can go home when you get x finished” and the uptick in productivity is amazing. Though, you also run the risk of half assed work that way.

11. Some people definitely love it.

My new job is 4 day, ten hour work shifts (Wed-Sat, 7:30 – 6) and it’s honestly worth it just for the 3 day weekend.

I have yet to feel a case of the “Mondays”, I’m properly rested despite 10 hour shifts, and Mondays/Tuesdays are perfect “odd” days for things like hitting the gym, grocery shopping etc. since it’s hardly crowded.

10. The three-day weekend is huge.

My company switched to 4 10 hour days. We are diesel technicians and work 7-5:30. Half of us work Monday through Thursday and the other half work Tuesday through Friday. We have did this for over two years and we all love it. It is so nice to have a three day weekend every week. Another thing about it that is nice is if you doctors appointment or something I can make it on a Monday and don’t have to miss any work.

9. When you love what you do…

It really depends on the work. I’ve worked jobs where 30 hours was hell, jobs where 60 was a breeze, and everything in between. I remember one particularly long couple weeks (pretty sure I cleared 160 hours that pay period) that was stressful at first but turned into a cakewalk with a lot of babysitting equipment and just being available at the site if the remote engineers needed my hands for something (and steak/beer on the company dime every night for 2 weeks,) but I also remember a summer at a different job with 4 12s a week in a 120 degree room full of plastic fumes and a plant supervisor that saw sitting down instead of standing at a sorting table as some sort of moral failing…

8. Even for less money.

Fuck it. I’ll take the drop in salary. My biggest complain…probably in general, is that there is no way to take extra time off. I can only take 2.5 weeks a year and that is just stupid. Life becomes slaving away constantly without leaving the same 10 mile radius. That goes on for decades. Leads to extreme depression.

We only get one life and we make a sick joke out of it because there is no other way to survive. And then it degrades your morale even more until you are a helpless husk of a person who can’t find a way out.

7. Let’s all stop working for the weekend.

I would gladly work 4 ten hour days to have an extra day off. 2 day weekends are too short. They’re gone just as soon as you start to feel comfortable

6. Way too much time, indeed.

I feel like people are missing the point, which is that we need to shorten the work week/amount of time spent at work. When people say we should switch to 4 day work weeks, they don’t mean 4 tens or 4 twelves. We need to WORK LESS, meaning 4 day weeks that are still 8 hour days (or less, because most people could get the same amount of work done in 4 five or six hour days as they do spreading it out over 5 eights and procrastinating at work as much as they can). With adding in commuting time, and any time outside of work spent thinking about work, answering texts or emails, etc., the average adult spends way too much time on work.

5. There are benefits for employers, too.

My employer gives us every other Friday off. We work 80 hours over 9 days (M-F, M-Th). It’s really helpful to have those Fridays to schedule appointments, and I have less desire to burn PTO throughout the year just to take a much-needed Friday off (through the end of October, I had only used 2.5 PTO hours for the year, mostly for doctor’s visits). The only real downside is that on the Fridays that we do work, nobody wants to do anything.

4. You’ll still need work-life balance.

I’ve stopped donating time and freely use the phrase “donating time”, which nips in the bud any implied requirement to work past 40 hrs. My bosses have always known if there’s an emergency, I’ll be there with bells on and do whatever it takes (including being on site until 4 in the morning and back to work the next day), but other than that, they know to leave me alone.

Don’t get me started on the ‘must take an hour for lunch’ standard. The entire point of that is they know a lot of people will work at their desk while eating, so they get 9 hrs out of you instead of 8. I take my full hour at a local park.

Work-life balance is all about setting boundaries.

3. You can’t lose the benefits, though.

I’ll take the drop in salary.

Me, too. My biggest concern is that health insurance, retirement benefits, etc., are tied to employment in the United States. I’d happily work fewer hours for less pay if I could also maintain healthcare coverage and other benefits.

Health insurance and retirement benefits shouldn’t be tied to employment. It hamstrings employees, effectively retracting our freedom to move on to other employment or start our own businesses.

2. It could ease up on stress.

I work 4 9 hour days and then half-day Fridays. The Fridays themselves are awesome because even though it’s a “half day”, with the proximity to the weekend and how many people take those days off they’re barely work days at all. Not stressful at all. This is awesome too because you can get a 3 day weekend by only taking a half-vacation day.

The biggest downside that people don’t realize is how much working a 9 hour (or 10 hour, usually I’m here from 8-6) day really sucks. You arrive when it’s dark, you leave when it’s dark, and by the time you get home it’s 6:30/7 and you can do 1 thing before needing to go to bed. Working out, cooking, cleaning, all become a lot harder when you’re home at that hour instead of home at 5/5:30 every day.

The half day Fridays themselves can be a lot of fun in summer when there are things to do, but you know what happens in winter? I go home at 12 and sleep for a couple hours to make up for sleep deprivation earlier in the week lol. It all evens out in the end.

1. More tools to fight rising depression.

Working a 5 day work week just makes life seem so much more pointless. By the time I get the other things I need to do (grocery shopping, appointments, etc.) done, its Sunday night. A 4 day work week might give me time to play the piano I bought to combat depression.

I mean, working one less day is kind of a no-brainer, right? I definitely think so.

Would you rather keep the status quo? Sound off as to why or why not in the comments!

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Meet the Golden Retriever Puppy Who Emerged a Lovely Shade of…Green

In a strange plot twist that seems more worthy of Oz than plain old Earth, a regularly-colored golden retriever has given birth to a green puppy.

Just one – the other eight members of the litter were all hued similarly to their parents (and presumably, their parents before them).

Little Mojito was born just before Halloween in Wermelskirchen, Germany, and his owner, Joanna Justice, was at first concerned about his mint-green coloring. He was healthy, though, as were his litter mates.

Dr. Christian Dimitriadis assured Joanna (and all of us) that the puppy’s green fur would likely grow out and disappear, turning white the second time around.

Though green puppies are rare, they’re not entirely unheard of – the same week, a shamrock-colored great Dane was born in the U.S. – and another green golden retriever pup was born in Scotland in 2017.

Veterinarians and other scientists aren’t entirely sure why some puppies are born green, though most believe it has to do with bile pigment biliverdin exposure in the womb. This is why it’s most often seen in white dogs – the pigment has a better chance of being seen in a light-colored coat.

Biliverdin can be found in the bile, bruises, and placenta of dogs, and it shows up in other biological phenomena, as well – even in the 6-million-year-old shells of dinosaur eggs.

So anyway, I assume this mama dog loved her green baby the same as the rest – a sentiment I hope would be shared should a human child come out green, but you never know.

Not everyone grew up dreaming of a visit to Oz, herself.

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The “Turkeys Away” Episode of ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’ Still Holds up Today

It was way back in 1978 that WKRP in Cincinnati accidentally came up with a TV show classic that has wowed holiday season audiences since airing.

The show’s creator, Hugh Wilson, could never have predicted that people would continue to recite the episode’s standout line decades after it was first uttered.

Written by the late Bill Dial, “Turkeys Away” came about after the show’s creator recalled a story he heard from an Atlanta-based radio producer named Jerry Blum.

Photo Credit: Company Four

As the story goes, a radio station decided it would be fun to plan a publicity stunt to delight onlookers.

The PR stunt involved throwing turkeys out of a truck (or a helicopter, maybe).

You can probably see the problem coming…

Turkey’s can’t really fly. So those looking on ended up watching innocent turkeys lose their lives, which probably diminished their holiday cheer. We assume.

Wilson went with the story and approved episode 7 of the show’s first season. In it, WKRP’s manager, Arthur Carlson (portrayed by Gordon Jump), decides to do something just as misguided.

WKRP’s broadcaster, Les Nessman (portrayed by Richard Sanders), watches the events and concurrently recounts what happens in hilarious and excruciating detail during the episode.

The episode is so beloved that actor Richard Sanders attended an anniversary event in 1997 during which Indiana’s WKRQ recreated this “turkey drop” using toy turkeys.

For those of you who are concerned about animal welfare, you’ll be glad to know the TV show didn’t harm a single turkey in order to film the episode (viewers don’t see any turkeys at all, really).

Do you still enjoy “Turkeys Away”? Comment below about why you think it’s still such a classic!

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Pixar Has a Movie Coming out About Death, and the First Promo Alone Is Way Too Much

If you enjoy Pixar, then you, like the rest of us, have begun to realize that their writers and creators sustain themselves on the tears of their viewers.

Between the beginning of Up, pretty much every moment of Toy Story (all of them), the short film Lava, and BingBong’s death in Inside Out, I’m a blubbering mess of tears just thinking about subjecting myself to another one.

So when I heard they were making a movie called Soul – which is about death – well, I…I’m honestly just not sure I’ll be able to handle it.

Image Credit: Pixar

The film stars Jamie Foxx and will follow Joe, a middle school band teacher who dreams of playing jazz music in a NYC club before he dies.

He gets a gig…and then dies falling in a manhole cover.

Image Credit: Pixar

That’s just the beginning of the movie, you guys.

After that, he finds himself at the You Seminar – the pace where we all get our souls – and meets Tina Fey (who is likely to be iconic, because duh), but honestly we don’t know too much about where the plot will go from there.

Yet.

The animation looks amazing, of course, and the writing will be stellar. If, you know, I’m able to hear and appreciate all of that over the sound of our collective sobs.

May the odds be ever in our favor.

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