If all dates went perfectly and people ended up together forever, the world would probably be a happier place. But it would also be a much more boring place. Then, you wouldn’t have any “awful first date” stories.

Terrible first date stories are one of the most universally relatable, because everyone’s had a bad first date–and for some people, that’s the only kind of date they’ve ever been on! But the interesting thing is, while everyone’s had a bad first date, no two bad first date stories are exactly alike. People are complex and they’ll always surprise you. Even when they’re disappointing you.

Recently, a Redditor posted an Ask Reddit thread prompting people to share their bad first date stories, and the people of Reddit delivered. Here are 15 awful first dates that will make you want to swear off dating forever.

1. Now that’s how you “think outside the bun.”

2. Nothing says romance like “Grandma’s funeral.”

“The guy I was seeing asked me if I wanted to get together one night. Nothing special, I figured we’d hit a club or just go f*ck around with his friends per usual. So, fine, into my usual goth metal head gear I go. It’s been nearly twenty years I think, and I still remember what I was wearing- ripped up pleather pants, fishnets, chrome jewelry, and my classy af Cradle of Filth tshirt that featured two nuns molesting a naked woman. In my defense I was eighteen and this was the nineties.

I picked the guy up, and he said we needed to stop someplace first, and gave me directions to a nice residential neighborhood. We pull up to a house, and the first thing I notice is the hearse parked in the drive. Okay, cool, I love hearses. Hate driving them, but damn are they beautiful. Guy leads me into the house where we are suddenly the focus of a large crowd of very solemn people. Before I could figure out what’s going on, my date burst into tears, literally pushed me into the arms of some guy, and ran into a side room where he then threw himself across the body of an elderly woman. I just stood there in shock until one of people explained that my date’s grandmother had passed away earlier that day, and the family had gathered to say thier goodbyes before the mortuary staff took her away. His family looked uncomfortable, the mortuary staff looked like they just wanted to leave already, and I wanted to sink into the earth and disappear. One of the uncles handed me a piece of pizza and a soda and brought me out to the backyard to meet the rest of the extended family. I think I spent a good two hours trying to make small talk with the family while doing my best to cover the front of my tshirt with my arms. They were actually very gracious given the circumstances, but it was the most awkward two hours of my life. The worst part was that my date had known prior to asking me out that night and didn’t bother to warn me.” – threadtoss

3. Always keep your hookups straight.

“Moved to Houston for a new job, didn’t know anybody in the state. Decided tinder/bumble was a good route.

Worked on deep-water oil rigs in the GOM, so I’d match with the girls, and used my time offshore to get that “idk sh*t about you” phase to warm up and get to know them, that way when I got back in town we’d be semi-comfortable with each other. So I matched with this one girl and we got along great so we set up a date when I’d be back in town.

Fast forward to date night. I let her pick the place because I was relatively new to the area and figured I’d let her pick so she’d feel more comfortable. We agreed to an 8:00 bar date, I show up, at like 7:45? This girl had clearly been there for a while. She’s obviously pretty drunk so I figure “nice, she enjoys a good time”. Fast forward 2 hours, she is barely standing up and I’m lightyears behind. She was drinking like her life depended on it. So I asked if she wanted to go upstairs and kinda relax (upstairs was the more chill zone, lots of seating, calmer music, all that). So we’re walking up the stairs and on the 2nd to last step she slips and face plants into one of those “$10 bucket of beers” signs, so I call it a night, put her in a cab, pay and tip and ask the driver that he makes sure she gets home safely.

9 am the next morning, I get a text: “had a blast last night! Was sorta pissed you left so early this morning though”.

So she apparently hooked up with some random guy between the cab door and her front door. She later apologized and asked if I wanted to try again for a second date, which obviously never happened.” – prfalcon61

4. The multi-tasker.

5. The charmer.

“Guy showed up drunk. Told me for half an hour straight how much his life sucked, how he had a hangover from the night before and how he had to go partying again although he did´t really want to.

Didn´t ask me one single question about me, was really completely uninterested. Needless to say I did not join him when he went to said party. Went home instead, when I arrived home he had already unmatched me on tinder.” – surgeonette

6. Nothing’s more romantic than Foot Locker.

“I didn’t know what he had planned for our first date. He picked me up and took me to a different city, to shop (for) gym clothes for him … since I couldn’t leave I endured, pissed. After a while, we had tea (from a really crappy place) and I had to pay for it because ‘he didn’t have money.’” – source

7. The keys to a woman’s heart: a Furby, an anger problem, and weird coffee shop issues.

“I dabbled into some online dating a while back when I was single. This one guy refused to meet me inside the coffee shop.

Stupid me decided ‘I’ll meet him outside anyways.’ We walked around the little mall for a bit chatting about our jobs and such and what he wanted to do after our little ‘date.’ He ends up driving me home and showed me this Furby that he claims he likes to punch when he’s mad and busts out the ‘so can I get in your pants or naw?’” – SmileySammie

8. Didn’t need a crystal ball to predict that one…

“He took me to go see a psychic, who proceeded to tell him that we wouldn’t last as a couple and would end up splitting up. On the 2 hour drive home he cried and said he didn’t see the point in dating if we weren’t going to end up in a proper relationship. I just wanted to get the hell out of there, but to make matters worse, when he pulled up outside my house he locked me in his van and wouldn’t let me out. Oh and then he would watch me from his van for about 3 weeks afterwards and ring my phone continuously so I couldn’t use it.” – AshleighElizabethOx

9. Anime ruins yet another romance.

“3rd date with a gorgeously giant linebacker. He was smooth and had good intentions. We finally got to his place and instead of initiating anything he ended up explaining (spoiling) the entire Naruto: Shippuden plot. Meanwhile I’m sitting on his bed waiting for him to stop talking… but he talked about Naruto for well over 30 minutes. Also I wasn’t allowed to play the stupid Naruto game on the PlayStation that had sparked his sermon, because it was “so complicated” and I had to “learn the combos first”. When he finally tried to kiss me my patience was spent and I just went home. To this day I’m still in awe of that man’s closet weebery.” – napqveen

10. And that’s why you never swipe right on someone named “Hannibal L.”

“It was a blind date, we met up at a coffee shop close to our university. He was very high, and it was hard to get a conversation going. He just kept telling me I was as beautiful as the brick wall we were sitting next to, and that my skin looked soft enough to be made into a nice robe. The date lasted maximum 15 minutes.” – merlot-o

11.  Ice, ice baby.

“There was this girl I had been trying to go out with for a while. We were kind of on and off for a bit in terms of her being interested or not. Finally we decided to meet up for drinks with the intention of having a date.

We go to one of my favorite spots where my friend is a bartender. He makes really unique cocktails which all taste amazing. This place is more of a fine dining restaurant, so the atmosphere is perfect for getting to know someone.

There was something ODD about the way this girl was acting though. She was louder than she needed to be and making weird banshee-like noises from time to time. She did seem coherent enough to hold a conversation though. I wasn’t quite sure if she was already drunk or on something. My friend realizes this and pours her a water. He also pours everyone else at the bar a water as not to single her out.

She gets extremely offended, looks at my friend and says, “So you think I’m drunk? Is that is?” He replies with a curious smirk saying, “I’ve actually poured everyone water.”

She looks disgusted but turns away and continues speaking to me. On the side of the bar is a stainless steel open cooler (looks like a sink) built into it. In this cooler is filled with ice and various bottles of liquor.

She grabs some ice out of the cooler with her hands and proceeds to eat it. After about the third handful, my friend looks at her and says, “Please don’t eat the ice out of my cooler. I can give you a glass of ice if you want. I need this ice for my bottles and this ice is actually pretty dirty.”

This again, infuriates her and she excuses herself to go to the bathroom. As soon as she leaves, my bartender friend looks me square in the eye and says, ‘Get her the f*ck out of here!’

The date ended shortly after that.”

12. More like “exclamation point!” HEY-O!

“My first date when I was 15. Got my period but didn’t notice it since I was too exited. On our way out, every single person in cafe noticed it since my whole ass was, actually, covered in blood.” – optimistic_girl

13. You two would have a great affair together.

“A friend set me up with a girl he knew. She was cute, funny, smart, everything you hope for in a blind first date. After spending a good part of the day with her, we end up at this frozen yogurt spot. We talk for a bit and she mentions how much fun she had today. Then she says how much her boyfriend would like this spot and that we should all hang out next week. Never asked that friend to set me up ever again.” – TaiTW

14. Three witnesses are much worse than one.

15. If nothing else, at least this story will teach you what “frog gigging” is.

The post People Share Their Worst First Date Stories appeared first on UberFacts.