Month: October 2018

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12+ Real-Life Plot Twists That Rocked People’s Worlds

Real life can be pretty boring, huh? Most of us fall into routines that make us comfortable but don’t pack a lot of excitement. So when something out of the ordinary comes along, we usually can’t help but let the whole world know.

These 15 people on Reddit shared the biggest real-life plot twists they’ve ever experienced, and the answers are pretty jaw-dropping. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if Hollywood tried to adapt some of these into movies.

1. Bedridden Cheater

When I was young, I dated a boy from another church, about two hours away. We dated all through high school, his short stint in the military, I graduated and moved closer to him, then back home for work, all of that. We got engaged. One day, I got a frantic call that he was in the ICU with spinal meningitis and the doctors weren’t sure if he would make it. I frantically called out of work, begged a friend for transportation, and drove to stand by his side. Well, on the other side of the plastic surrounding him. There were lots of tears and promises.

My friend and I were invited to stay at his parents’ house; they super nice folks and thought I was awesome. I slept in his bedroom. All over his desk, laying open, were letters from another girl. Apparently, she had been saving him from the horrors I inflicted on his poor soul. I was just about everything bad in a person you could think of, according to him.

I was heartbroken, angry, embarrassed, and sick. I scooped up all of the letters, put them in a shoebox, along with my ring, and the next day went to the hospital to see him, beaming at me with a huge smile… which turned to confusion, realization, then dread when I poured out the box outside the plastic house. I turned and walked out and drove home. Sadly, he survived. Amusingly, he went on to become a stellar member of society, with multiple arrests/wives/kids.

2. Livin’ Large

I was late to catch a flight and hadn’t checked in. Discovered when I reached the airport that I actually came to the wrong airport. Had to travel about 30 minutes to reach the other airport. Went to check in about 20 minutes before my flight. They didn’t have any seats so updated me to business class. Best flight of my life, so far.

3. Two Paths Collide

A guy I knew in high school was talking one winter day about how he was late to school because someone hit his mailbox. His folks made him fix it up before he went to school, he missed his ride, and had to walk instead, but the school staff was cool about it and didn’t punish him.

A few minutes later, another girl comes into class and she’s talking about how her morning sucked, she lost control going down a hill and hit someone’s mailbox. She freaked out and drove off before anyone witnessed it and described a few details of the house.

Mailbox guy puts 2 and 2 together and blurts out “you hit MY mailbox!” He wasn’t super mad about it and she turned beet red. It was hilarious at the time the way they both reacted.

4. Long-Lost Family

In primary school, we had a WWI memorial lesson and we were asked if anyone had any relatives who fought at the time.

My friend brought in a picture of his great-great-grandfather with his wife.

A girl also brought in a picture of her great-great-grandfather with his wife.

The teacher said they looked similar. She put them side by side and looked shocked. We gathered around and it was the same man who had kept his two wives a secret. Both had been married privately.

They were cousins and didn’t know.

5. Father Figure

I was adopted from South America to the U.S. when I was a toddler and have no memory of my birth parents. I had an older friend/mentor I met in college. I knew him as Mike. When I learned that my birth mother passed away, I got a few of her belongings including some pictures. Who was in these pictures? Mike. He was my birth father.

6. When God closes a door…

I got laid off from a company I had worked at for over 20 years. I went in for my exit interview and the HR lady said: “Dwayne, from a site 3 states away, wants to hire you.” I said, “I’m not moving that far.” She said, “You can just work from home.”

Now, where I was working was a 130-mile round-trip commute. I got laid off and ended up with a commute that was from my bedroom to my den. Kept doing it for over 4 more years.

7. Mom?

I used to work with a guy in his early 20s that at the time of the story was getting ready to go with his family for his first trip abroad. He was pretty dang excited and we were getting the play-by-play of all the things — where they were staying, what they were going to do, etc.

He needed to get a passport, but his birth certificate had been lost. When the replacement one arrived, “mom’s” name isn’t the woman he’s called mom his whole life, it’s his “sister.” Turns out, his “sister” had him super young, and his grandparents basically took him on and raised them as their son and no one ever told him the truth. So, Sister was actually Mom and Mom and Dad was actually Grandpa and Grandma. The real dad is unknown.

He took a few days off work to sort himself out, still went on the trip, still apparently had a blast.

8. Oh sh*t

A friend of mine apparently was sneaking out for a trip outside the city with his friends since his parents didn’t let him go. They were on motorbikes, already on their way outside of the city when suddenly he got into an accident with another bike. It was his dad he crashed into.

9. Uh-oh.

I once went on a date with a girl. She was nice, but not really my type. I did not call her after the first date.

One month later, I got a new job. The first day I show up at my office, my boss introduces me to the person who will be training me.

Lo and behold, it was this girl. We became friends later so it wasn’t too bad.

10. Bittersweet.

My mom died in a car accident when I was really young, so I was raised by my grandma because my dad wasn’t really in the picture. As it turns out, this guy isn’t my dad like my mom had led everyone to believe. She had told one person the truth and he finally came forward after 20 years. My real dad was another guy who had also died in a car accident on the same road (close to the same location) about 1 year before she did. No one knows why she kept this secret, but DNA testing confirmed it and my family doubled in size that year.

11. Small world.

I used to play a game called Ragnarok Online on private servers. One of these servers was housed somewhere in Europe with a mostly Dutch population playing, but I met one guy named Leo who was a native English speaker. It turned out he lived in the same city as me, maybe 10 miles down the road, and knew some of my friends already. Wow, crazy!

Ten years later when I got married, my wife mentioned a guy off-hand who used to play Ragnarok Online a ton. I ask, and it turns out it was her best friend growing up. Well, that best friend happened to be Leo, this person I met on this far-off private server.

12. Sister sister…

This happened to my friend.

She moved away for university and was randomly matched up as roommates with this other girl.

They got to know each other for a few weeks and ended up adding each other on Facebook.

Turns out they’re half-sisters, they have the same dad. Neither of them knew about each other.

The sad part is, he doesn’t speak to or see my friend but is apparently a good dad to this other girl.

13. Hello…neighbor?

I had been working at a new office for about 4 months, and my boss and I were in a car with another co-worker getting a lift home from an office party thing.

We get to my house and I say goodbye and get out. My boss also gets out, which weirded me out. Then she walks to my next-door neighbor’s house (we share a connected house) and goes inside.

Turns out she was my next-door neighbor. Had been for around 10 years. I honestly had no clue.

14. Well, that escalated quickly

Older friends of parents. Had no kids then suddenly the wife announces she’s pregnant. The husband announces he had a vasectomy in his early 20s, never told anyone, and is filing for divorce …and apparently had the papers to prove it all.

15. Bully’s Address

Someone I know toilet papered a bully’s house with his friends a couple times a year. The weird part was, it was always cleaned up by 8 a.m. Came to find out several years later that he had been toilet papering an elderly couple’s house the whole time. They ended up leaving a huge gift basket as an apology though.

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Isreali Labor Party delayed…

Israeli Labor Party delayed their elections because of a Britney Spears concert as they feared that party members would rather go to a concert than find a polling station and vote. 00

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Jawdat Ibrahim, an Arab Israeli…

Jawdat Ibrahim, an Arab Israeli man, won $22m the Illinois lottery in 1990 and used his winnings to develop his home village of Abu Ghosh. The hummus restaurant he opened there has been used to host Israel-Palestine peace talks, and set the world record for largest Hummus. 00

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13+ People Share the Moment That Forced Them to Grow Up Too Fast

Childhood is hard to fully appreciate until it’s over. There’s often a moment buried in our memory that we can look back on as the time we no longer felt like a child. Retrospectively, it can be easy to see how that watershed moment changed everything – which is exactly what these 15 people realized.

#15. A lot for a teenager to take in.

“Being diagnosed as a diabetic at 14. First I almost die from Diabetic Ketoacidosis (which i can assure you is extremely unpleasant) and then spend 5 days in the hospital getting a crash course on everything i need to do to keep myself alive from then on.

Counting carbs, checking blood sugar, how to determine the correct amount of insulin to give myself, how to treat loss, how to treat highs, what to do if I’m spilling ketones.

That’s a lot for a teenager to take in and process.”

#14. Both my parents

“When both my parents died in a car crash when I was 20.”

#13. A sophomore in college

“My bipolar started to fully manifest when I was a sophomore in college. I ended up making a lot of mistakes, ruining a lot of friendships, and dropping out of school. It’s taken 5 years for me to pick up the pieces of my fractured life. I’m stable, I have a well paying job, but man do I feel older than I should.”

#12. He wasn’t going to change

“When I found out that I may have leukemia. I took a hard look at my relationship with my fiance. He was not supportive of me at all. That’s what finally made me realize that he wasn’t going to change into the person I needed him to be. He had been prioritizing himself the whole time we were together and I finally had enough.”

#11. I had to step in big time

“Realizing in college how little money my parents really had and that I had to step in big time.. that matured me up really quick. Went from barely working and partying to handling 20-30 hour work weeks bartending and school.”

#10. He took everything

“In 2015 my dad kicked me out of my own house so he could live there with his new bitchy wife.

I had to file a report, get a lawyer and had him force removed from my house. Before that he emptied the place, took everything but my old bed. So there I was with no job a bunch of furniture to buy, bills to pay and a lawyer to finish paying. That moment was def a turn point in my life.”

#9. My dad’s third wedding

“The day of my dad’s third wedding.

I won’t go into too many details, but my dad married a chick he met on the internet and uprooted our entire lives, we immigrated to the states and everything. During the time they were dating, she seemed nice enough and I was pretty stoked to get a mom. Literally the second the ring was on her finger she started treating me poorly. She blamed me (an 11 year old kid) for leaving her purse at the venue when she’d never even mentioned I should look after it. It was still there when we got back but the damage was done. I knew she wasn’t gonna be my mommy but I still wanted her and my dad to be happy. Spoilers: they werent. It was a long 8 years of her treating me like crap and me trying to deal with it.

It worked out okay I suppose. I’m 26 now and while I always try to be kind to people, I don’t take their bullshit.”

#8. My mom’s death

“My mom’s death when I was 17.”

#7. Felt like I was taking care of him

“My father lost his job to due to his alcoholism, and then about a month later, my mother tried to take her own life by taking as many pills as possible. I was 14 at the time, and for a while felt like I was taking care of them, instead of me. I put my head down and told myself that I was going to do as best as I could in school, do whatever I could at home, and then get as far away as possible. The first two years were particularly difficult, but thankfully I had a set of friends that kept me happy and sane. I learned to silo my life which is still something I’m working on, but it made me realize a lot about adults and that parents don’t always have it together as they seem.”

#6. Makes you appreciate the little things

“Getting a gun held to my head whilst delivering pizzas. Makes you appreciate the little things.”

#5. She told me she was pregnant

“When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant.  I was in college and I went from planning where I was going to party the next weekend to graduating and getting a job in an instance.”

#4. I watched him bury our dog

“I realized my dad wasn’t unbreakable when I watched him bury our dog.

That day I watched the strongest man I had ever known collapse on his knees sobbing. And I realized that life is a lot tougher than I thought.

EDIT: I’m glad some of you have been able to share your stories. I hope it has been cathartic. Here’s to all the good doggos in our lives.”

#3. I’d be dead if it wasn’t for my kids

“Getting my fiance at the time pregnant with my son when we were 18. I was a total fuck up in school and after school, I was a drug addict, I didnt really have any drive. Then once I knew I had another human to take care of I figured my shit out fast. Took me a while to shake the drug habit fully but I’ve been fully clean now for almost a year. I’d be dead if it wasnt for my kids (I also had a daughter not long after I had my son).”

#2. I grew up that night

“I had a crush on an older guy since 6th grade. He invites me over to his place sophomore year. I go, we watch some movies and start making out. I’m a pretty straight forward type of gal and I am pretty confident. We start making out and all is fine, but he asks me to take my shirt off, and I didn’t want to. Slowly he keeps making me feel shitty about it, and he keeps pushing things further while I am adamant about not going any further. I keep saying no, but not leaving. I’m not enjoying this as it feels like I’m fighting to keep my innocence the entire time. He starts physically overpowering me and gets his hand in my pants and starts fingering me aggressively. I’ve had more than enough now and I’m not letting myself get overpowered more than I already have. I tell him that if he doesn’t quit right now, I will be telling his mother about this. She is a fantastic lady who I have known for a few years now. He stops but gets all defensive like he didn’t do anything wrong. I leave.

I grew up that night. I can’t quite describe just how I changed, but something inside me snapped, I was far more adult like with everything after that. I think my inner mother came out of her shell before she gave birth to any kids.”

#1. My first semester of college

“Miserable grades my first semester of college.

That never happened in high school, and I had to change habits quickly.”

Something to think about the next time you’re looking at your own precious little ones.

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Teachers Crack Us up with the 15 Best Late Excuses They’ve Ever Heard

Teachers work long hours that they often don’t get sufficiently compensated for, deal with our kids for more hours a day than we do (while they’re conscious at least), and have to navigate through endless red tape. If that sounds like a big headache, that’s because it is.

But they do have some little joys, one of which is that kids say some of the funniest things when they’re lying. These 15 tardiness excuses are proof of that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

And of course, on rare occasion, some of those outlandish-sounding excuses turn out to be true…

#15. Lol, gross

“I remember this from 11th grade. Our history class was right after lunch. The class started with a quiz, so everyone was quiet. This big guy comes in like 15 minutes late. He goes over to our male teacher and whispers something in his ear. The teacher repeats it, but a little bit louder so that it was audible.

And the teacher says, ” The cafeteria lady sold you an all-bread Stromboli ??? ”

Yes, the cafeteria lady had indeed sold him an all-bread stromboli, with no meat and cheese in it. So he had to go back and ask for another one, sit down and eat it, which was why he was late for class.”

#14. For a week or so

“Student walked in and looked a bit shaken. She told the class she had been hit by a car in a calm voice. English was her second language. Some people were confused and didn’t think she had been a pedestrian struck by a vehicle. Not five minutes later, a police officer, paramedics, and the school nurse come in and usher her away. Apparently she got hit, got up off the ground and sprinted into school.

She had a minor concussion and we didn’t see her for a week or so.”

#13. Barefoot and crying

“Not sure if this applies, but a teacher was telling us about how important it was to hand in our essays until the end of the week (we had to hand two essays per week). While she was talking about how she wouldn’t accept tardiness, there was this only one exception when she accepted it on the following week.

Turns out a student was mugged on his way to school. He ended up losing his backpack with everything inside (including the essays), phone, wallet, socks and shoes. The student ended up going to talk to the teacher barefoot and crying, telling her how he tried even to persuade the assailant to let him get the essays out of his backpack, but to no avail.”

#12. To be fair

“Locked in their own house was a good one. To be fair, some really old locks could only be unlocked if you had the key. So if your parents were the only ones with the key and locked the door on their way out, you’re fucked.”

#11. A local euphemism

“I work in South Korea and had a fifth grader say he was late because he “caught a whale”, which is a local euphemism for getting circumcised.”

#10. We were the accident

“I teach at a university, but this was from my high school years.

My sister had just gotten her learner’s permit that week, and was driving to school for the first time, with me riding shotgun (required licensed 18yo family member etc.) We came up to a very sharp intersection — something like a 135-degree hairpin turn, and the light turned yellow.

My sister asked me what to do, and I said to stop for it (not liking the odds of a complete noob driver trying to do that turn at speed with me on the outside).

She stopped, quickly. The Mercedes behind us didn’t. Everyone except the Mercedes was okay, but it snarled traffic up pretty badly for a while.

I drove the rest of the way to school (the crash totaled the Mercedes, but just dented the back cargo door in the Blazer we were in), and waited in line as student after student checked in late at the office with “There was an accident on the way to school.”

Our excuse was “We were the accident on the way to school.”

#9. I teach preschool

“I teach preschool, so most of our excuses are detailed explanations of their bowel movements.”

#8. The parent before me

“I once signed my daughter in late to elementary school, and the parent before me had put “UFO Sighting” in the “reason for tardiness” box.”

#7. Didn’t even have a truck

“Call ins, but still…“forgot to turn off my f***in heater,” “somebody stole my tires and put my truck on blocks,” and “gotta find my damn dentures, those things are expensive” are my favorites.

Edit: the second guy didn’t even have a truck.”

#6. Her dog really did eat her homework

“Not a teacher, but in the third grade I had to give a presentation in social studies class. We got to read our presentations off of a piece of paper. My dog ate half of that paper the morning I was supposed to deliver said presentation. I was hysterical because I didn’t think my teacher would believe the “my dog ate my homework” excuse. My dad wrote a note for my teacher “Please excuse gxminifxxd as her dog really did eat her homework.”

#5. Scans of his head and everything

“Years ago I had a student come in who had missed the test the previous week. He said a while back he had been shot in the head and they were unable to remove the bullet and the previous week it had started shifting and he was in the hospital. Showed me the scans of his head and everything.

Also, right now another student’s friend let me know that he is in jail for a few weeks and asked me if I could please not drop him as he wants to stay in the class.”

#4. Misfit Disney princesses

“I’m a TA and last semester a student emailed me saying he would be late to class because he got bit by a squirrel.

There was also a different student who came to class with a baby turtle he found one day (on time though). It’s possible I was teaching a class full of misfit Disney princesses.”

#3. You have to respect bathroom problems

“Just heard this one last week:

“I’m sorry I was late, I have diarrhea”.

Truth or lie, you have to respect bathroom problems.”

#2. Cool/stupid

“Primary teacher here – teaching 11 year olds, kid comes in 30 mins late because he was waiting for his LED shoes to finish charging.

Turns out he was not lying and proceed to moonwalk over to his chair with his shoes flashing. Couldn’t even be mad it was too cool/stupid at the same time.”

#1. Toronto shooting death

“I was a TA, running twice weekly lab sessions in the evening. Being more than 10 minutes late to a lab usually earned a 0 grade for the day, so you usually needed a medical note or police report to get out of it.

At the end of class, one student who was 20 minutes late came up to me and apologized profusely. He was a quiet, unassuming Chinese guy with glasses and a below average grasp on the English language.

He told me that while he was walking to class, a guy in front of him was shot multiple times by a man in a nearby parked car, which then sped off. He claimed that he rushed over to the man, and attempted to attend to his wounds along with another bystander, but that he died before the ambulances arrived.

My first thought was, that’s ridiculous. But then I noticed his shirt, jeans, and forearms covered in blood. Before I had a chance to really say anything, he beelines it to the exit and leaves. A couple hours later, out of curiosity, I Google’Toronto shooting death’ and sure enough, there’s a 14-minute old article describing a fatal shooting that occurred earlier in the day, not terribly far from campus.

The next day, I get an email from the course instructor, informing me that the student had submitted a police report to confirm his involvement in the incident. Motherfucker held a man in his arms as he died and still made the effort to come to class. I can’t even imagine what that guy was going through, as he quietly sat in the back of that room.

Shoutout /r/UofT, that’s why he made CS POST and you didn’t.”

 

I told you! Gold!

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All the TV Shows That Have Been Canceled in 2018 (So Far)

Each year, tons of new (and old) television shows get canceled. That’s just the way the TV biz works. Sometimes they’re really good programs that people miss. Other times…not so much.

And no show is safe. Even the extremely popular Orange is the New Black has been canceled and will conclude after Season 7. Same with The Big Bang Theory, and even The Jerry Springer Show. Here is a list of all the TV shows that have been canceled so far in 2018, broken down by network.

Amazon

Jean-Claude Van Johnson – One season

Photo Credit: Amazon

I Love Dick – One season

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One Mississippi – Two seasons

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Mozart in the Jungle – Four seasons

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Transparent – Five seasons

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ABC

The Mayor – One season

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Once Upon a Time – Seven seasons

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The Crossing – One season

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Quantico – Three seasons

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Marvel’s Inhumans – One season

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Ten Days in the Valley – One season

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Alex, Inc. – One season

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Designated Survivor – Two seasons

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Deception – One season

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Kevin (Probably) Saves the World – One season

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Roseanne revival – One season

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CBS

Living Biblically – One season

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Superior Donuts – Two seasons

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Me, Myself & I – One season

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The Big Bang Theory – Twelve seasons

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9JKL – One season

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Scorpion – Four seasons

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Kevin Can Wait – Two seasons

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Code Black – Three seasons

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The CW

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – Four seasons

Photo Credit: The CW

Life Sentence – One season

Photo Credit: The CW

Jane the Virgin – Five seasons

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Valor – One season

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Fox

Brooklyn Nine Nine – Five seasons

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(But it was picked up by NBC)

The Mick – Two seasons

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The Last Man on Earth – Four seasons

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The Exorcist – Two seasons

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Lucifer – Three seasons

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Ghosted – One season

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HBO 

Here and Now – One season

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Hulu

Chance – Two seasons

Photo Credit: Hulu

The Path – Three seasons

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NBC

Shades of Blue – Three seasons

Photo Credit: NBC

The Jerry Springer Show – Twenty-seven seasons

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Timeless – Two seasons

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Rise – One season

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Great News – Two seasons

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The Brave – One season

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Taken – Two seasons

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Netflix

Lady Dynamite – Two seasons

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Disjointed – One season

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Everything Sucks – One season

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Seven Seconds – One season

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The Break with Michelle Wolf – One season

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The Joel McHale Show with Joel McHale – One season

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Marvel’s Iron Fist – Two Seasons

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Orange is the New Black – Seven seasons

Photo Credit: Netflix

All About the Washingtons – One season

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Marvel’s Luke Cage – Two seasons

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USA

Colony – Three seasons

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Mr. Robot – Four seasons

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Shooter – Three seasons

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Notable shows being cancelled on other networks include Showtime’s Homeland, Starz’s Ash vs. Evil Dead, and TNT’s The Librarians.

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These 13+ Little-Known Facts Might Surprise You

These little-known facts pack a lot fun. They’re great to whip out at a party and impress your friends or simply hang onto them for your own satisfaction.

These 15 people are sharing their favorites, and I’m 100% in.

#15. The Ancient Greeks.

“Spiked and studded dog collars derive from the days of the Ancient Greeks.

The Greeks gave their sheepdogs sharply spiked collars to protect their necks from wolves as they guarded a shepherd’s flock of sheep by night.”

#14. Huh.

“Bees testicle explodes after sex.”

#13. I think about it a lot.

“Two guide dogs named Salty and Roselle were with their owners in the twin towers on floor 78 as the attack commenced (9/11). The dogs guided their blind owners to safety. This isn’t mindblowing but I think about it a lot.”

#12. Obviously this is painful.

“Cats penises are barbed. Obviously this is painful but also necessary as the pain induces ovulation which happens about 30 hrs later. No pain, no ovulation. The barbs also act as a scraper to remove rival semen. It’s not very effective though so a litter can have multiple fathers.”

#11. In his natural register.

“Freddie Mercury was a baritone. He just never sang in his natural register because he was afraid nobody would recognize him. But there are definitely recordings of him speaking and singing, and he’s definitely a baritone – All of his popular stuff just happened to be in his falsetto singing voice.”

#10. A fence in Australia.

“There is a fence in Australia that is longer than the distance from New York to London.”

#9. Closer in time.

“That Gone with the Wind was filmed closer in time to the Civil War than to today.”

#8. Very special mud.

“So baseball has a special rubbing mud. Since about the 1940s, every baseball used in a major league game has been rubbed with a special mud that comes from a secret location in New Jersey.

New baseballs have a sheen on the leather which makes it difficult for a pitcher to grip the ball. So they had to find something that could reduce the sheen without altering the color or damaging the leather. The answer was the super secret New Jersey mud that’s still in use today. One guy owns the very small company that sells the mud and knows of the super secret location.”

#7. A Catholic priest.

“Did you know that the Big Bang (the actual Big Bang, not the sitcom) was thought up by a Catholic Priest?”

#6. Always a Saturday.

“The BEst before date on crisps in the U.K. is always a Saturday.”

#5. Farther West.

“Reno, Nevada is farther West than Los Angeles.”

#4. The most fatal.

“Eating disorders are the most fatal mental illness(es) – anorexia topping the list, then bulimia, then various OSFED/EDNOS. Even more fatal than major depression, schizophrenia, and bipolar. ~20% die due to intentional suicide, the rest due to heart failure and other physical complications.”

#3. The same tortoise.

“Steve Irwin and Charles Darwin owned the same tortoise.”

#2. Never visited.

“George Everest never visited Mount Everest. Yet the mountain is named after him. Also he pronounced his name eve-rest.

So we have the highest mountains named after a guy who never saw it and the name is pronounced wrong.”

#1. A well-known astrophysicist.

“The guitarist for Queen is also a well known astrophysicist.”

I feel smarter now, don’t you?

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15 Professional but Totally Unnecessary Things Chefs Do During Meal Prep

With the increase in popularity of shows on the Food Network (shoutout to the Pioneer Woman), meal kits, and recipe blogs on the internet, it’s easier than ever to feel like a professional chef at home.

However, sometimes those outlets make us think we need to be too fancy. Thankfully, these 13+ chefs are here to tell you the steps/processes that you can go ahead and skip.

#15. Beautiful grill marks

“Giving the meat a quarter turn a few minutes before it’s done on the grill. It gives the meat beautiful cross hatched grill marks but does nothing for the quality of the meat.”

#14. Frenching

“Frenching. You usually see it on fancy cuts of meat like tomahawk steaks or racks of lamb. It improves the look of the cut, is pretty easy to do and most people have come to expect it when ordering more expensive cuts of meat. This step is unnecessary to me though because the part that is trimmed off is super tender and fatty and delicious, so if I have the option, I request an unfrenched cut.”

#13. Sounds more sophisticated

“Truffle oil. I feel the vast majority of the time it’s added only so that the dish sounds more sophisticated.”

#12. A little fire

“Flambé is bullshit. It’s literally just setting the alcohol on fire that has already boiled off from the dish and doesn’t burn hot enough at the surface to create any Maillard reaction products. I do it to entertain my three year old. He loves it.”

#11. Tiny stems

“Tiny stems in fresh parsley, cilantro, rosemary, thyme, tarragon, basil etc.

Seperating that last 2-5 mm from the leaf to the stalk is not important and generally speaking, it’s both tender and packed with flavor. But, but, muh atention too detales…”

#10. Zero nutritional value

“Adding edible gold to any food. It does not affect the taste and has zero nutritional value, as it will just pass through your digestive system without being absorbed. Well, at least you will literally be shitting gold after eating it.”

#9. Choking hazards

“Leaving the tails on shrimp for ornament. In stir fries, curries, etc., now I have to get in there and remove something it was actually easier to just take off with the rest of the shell.

Why leave these choking hazards in an otherwise entirely edible meal to be discreetly stashed at the side of a plate or in a napkin?”

#8. Sure, it’s pretty, but…

“Garnishing with fucking micro greens that you have to clean and fucking pick the seeds out of. It takes forever and most people just take them off anyway. Sure, it’s pretty, but spending 45 minutes of my prep time going through a box of them really sucks.”

#7. Peeling

“Peeling carrots and potatoes. Give them a good wash and they’re fine. Hell, potato skins improve mashed potatoes, imo.”

#6. Baker’s napalm

“Traditional French desserts like croquembouche and gateau st honore only exist to make me feel like a failure.

Cream puffs have no business being in a conical shape held up by baker’s napalm.”

#5. No one wants to try and cut into that mess

“the food tower… it may look nice, bit no one wants to try and cut into that mess.”

#4. Suddenly you’re fancy

“Parsley. Put it on anything, and suddenly you’re fancy.”

#3. Plate appeal

“Plating.

High-end restaurants take great pains to make sure meals are plated well and look appealing from a purely aesthetic standpoint.

When cooking at home, I generally don’t put as much effort into the “plate appeal”.”

#2. A few

“Here are a few

Vanilla beans. I LOVE them and they are so complex and beautiful. It’s professional to bring them out in dishes, but really not necessary. Vanilla extract, though not as good. Will work just fine. Especially when a vial of 3 beans costs $10.
Those paper things that go on the bone stumps of a cooked turkey. So useless I won’t even google their name.
Blowing smoke into your cloche dome. Revealing your plated food as smoke bellows out from it and revealing the dish is cool as hell and professional. Though it technically adds flavour, you likely also used the smoke gun earlier in the cooking process to add flavour that it is not needed again.”

#1. Miniature bowls (looking at you, Ree Drummond)

“Putting all the ingredients in miniature bowls.”

Here’s to your next delicious meal at home!

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