Month: July 2018

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Dave the Period Fairy: A Hero Without a Cape

There’s a weird phenomenon that every woman in America has been involved with since our twelfth birthdays (or before or after or whatever) – the shameful monthly period. Never mind that this natural biological function is necessary for the survival of the human race (which people with penises ought to be SUPER INVESTED IN btw), still, we are not supposed to talk about it. Instead, we’re supposed to pretend it’s not happening.

Photo Credit: NBC

I once had a guy I was dating refer to me as “broken” when I told him I was on my period. Seriously. WTF.

Photo Credit: Warner Bros.

It’s dumb. Yet despite periods being treated as a myth or whatever, all of us ladies understand how Jane felt when she was out hiking and, to her horror, discovered that Aunt Flo had showed up with bells, four days early. She posted the story of what happened on Reddit: how “Dave the Period Fairy” came to her rescue.

That aforementioned Period Fairy almost certainly now has his pick of internet women ready to marry at his leisure.

Seriously, one of the sexiest things about my husband is that I don’t have to act as if my normal, female body functions are something I ought to hide or be ashamed about, and if the responses to this reddit post are any indication, I’m definitely not the only woman out there who finds preparedness and, you know, acting like nature is normal super hot.

Photo Credit: Reddit

They’re up to 14k responses, so if you’re wanting in on some original Dave The Period Fairy action, you’ll need to get in line. And to all the men out there reading this – us women sincerely hope that you have been inspired to be a kind, respectful, and understanding Period Fairy.

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Don’t Put Your Keys Between Your Fingers to Defend Yourself

Hopefully you’ll never find yourself in a situation where you’d have to fight someone off, but, if you do, don’t use this method. I know a lot of people talk about it – I’ve even heard people I know say they employ this when walking to their car late at night. But for real: don’t put your keys between your fingers if you have to defend yourself.

Photo Credit: Facebook, Q108 Mornings

It looks cool and you hear about it a lot, but self-defense experts say you shouldn’t do this for a few reasons. The first is that you can injure your hand pretty badly this way. The jagged keys might cut into your hand, which will definitely make your punches less effective. You also might drop your keys this way, and, no matter if you’re by your car or your house, if you’re trying to fight someone off and you have no keys, you’re in trouble. Plus, if you do manage to get away, then your assailant may actually have your keys.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

If you are dead set on using your keys to defend yourself, self-defense gurus advise you to carry your keys on a lanyard or a device known as a kubotan that will allow you to swing them as a weapon if necessary.

Photo Credit: Public Domain

If you carry your keys normally, you can still use them to your advantage. Just don’t put them between your fingers like Wolverine. Hold your car key like you would hold a knife, pointing down. It’s still small, pointy, and metal, so you can use it to poke sensitive areas on your assailant’s body, like the throat, eyes, and groin.

Photo Credit: Instagram, matansmethod

If you have a bunch of keys, you can use the same method. Hold them pointing down and stab down on your assailant like you’re drawing an X on them. That should stun them pretty good. Like I said earlier, hopefully none of us will ever have to use any of these tips, but it’s always good to know how best to defend ourselves.

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A husband sent his wife a spreadsheet of all the excuses she’s made to not have sex with him.

Dammit, HBO should never have canceled Tell Me You Love Me. The short-lived series about sexless couples—in which we got to see Adam Scott receive a hand job on a prosthetic penis—might not have won lots of viewers, but here we are seven years later and couples still don’t know how to handle that inevitable period of their relationship when they stop having sex for a period of a few months-to-eternity. Case in point, the guy who emailed his wife a spreadsheet of every excuse she’s made to not have sex with him over the last seven weeks.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

The wife shared her turmoil on Reddit’s Relationships subreddit earlier today:

Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.

She was good enough to provide the spreadsheet in question:

I’m not a marriage counselor, but I’m pretty sure that if you and the spouse aren’t sleeping together as much as you’d like, the way to turn her on is not with passive-aggressive use of Microsoft Office.

They’re a young couple, according to her post, both 26, married two years and together for five. Despite their youth, she cooks and cleans for him and they pretty much sound like a couple from the 50s, which might explain his bewilderment at her failure to provide sex on demand.

This is a side of him I have never seen before – bitter, immature, full of hatred. In person, he’d been acting normal the whole time, maybe a little standoff-ish in the last week. Completely out of left field. Our sex life HAS tapered in the last few months, but isn’t that allowed? We are adults leading busy, stressful lives. I cook for him, I do his laundry, I keep our house clean and tidy. It’s not like our sex life was going to be this way FOREVER, it was a temporary slow-down due to extenuating circumstances.

She goes on to say that since she received the spreadsheet, she’s tried calling him several times with no response. So he’s passive-aggressive IRL too, not just in his email attachments. Keep in mind, he sent this to her as she was about to leave on a ten-day business trip in another city.

People in relationships and people who might be in relationships in the future if you end up falling in love this weekend, a brief warning: You will experience periods when you aren’t having sex. It happens.

Sometimes it’s the guy, sometimes it’s the lady, sometimes it’s both parties going through some shit that makes them not feel like boning for a while.

If this period worries you, the way to address it is to say to your partner, “We aren’t having sex that much. What’s up with that, right?”

No spreadsheets!

Now, obviously, one way to respond would be for the wife to return the spreadsheet with an additional column titled, “The Real Reasons I Didn’t Want To Have Sex All Those Times.” But it sounds like she’s just going to wait to talk to him about this. Like adults do.

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How to Offend Everyone: Create a Map that Compares the Education Level in Each State to a Corresponding Country

We all know Americans like to think they’re number one at just about everything, but the truth is…that’s just not the truth. In fact, perhaps it’s their low education levels that makes them believe such a thing in the first place!

According to the Organization for Economic Cooperation, American students rank 28th in math and science scores (for those not good at math, it means there are 27 better countries). The educated people at Home Snacks made a map of the United States comparing each state with a foreign country that is said to have similar education levels, using the United Nations Development Program index. Understanding this map will take knowledge of both United States and world geography, which means you’ll most likely get it if you live in the Northeast.

Photo Credit: HomeSnacks

Here it is zoomed in, if that helps you focus.

Photo Credit: HomeSnacks

The Northeast and Midwest tend to be on a similar track as European countries.

Photo Credit: HomeSnacks

While the Southeast is largely comparable to Central America and Africa.

Photo Credit: HomeSnacks

The Northwest appears to be the most diverse.

Photo Credit: HomeSnacks

Although the Southwest is pretty diverse in its own right.

I guess like everything else in America, there are advantages and disadvantages to living in every nook and cranny of the country – but I’m not placing any bets on people deciding to forgo their home state for better education grounds anytime soon.

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Man Looks Like Disney Prince After Losing 70 Lbs, Internet Goes Wild

As the weather starts to gradually get warmer, it’s the time of year when a lot of us start to think about what our summer bodies are going to look like.

It’s easy to get discouraged along that journey, and it always helps to see someone else whose hard work and persistence paid off with an incredible transformation!

For 26-year-old Connecticut resident Jeffrey Kendall, the inspiration to get fit came while he was taking care of his mother.

Photo Credit: Jeffrey Kendall

Jeff’s mom had suffered a brain aneurysm on July 4, 2015. In an interview with Love What Matters, he explained, “She was in a coma and rehab hospitals for 7 months until they deemed she had plateaued and was to be released since insurance would no longer cover her.”

“I was an overweight youth, I was bullied growing up. I’ve lived my life with body-image and confidence issues.”

Photo Credit: Jeffrey Kendall

Seeing everything his mother was going through gave Jeff a lot of perspective on “a world of self-pity and pain.” Coincidentally, a close friend who’d just gone through a painful breakup was starting an exercise regimen as a way to feel better and needed a workout buddy.

They started out with a light barbell workout and some daily pushups.

Photo Credit: Jeffrey Kendall

Eventually, he started waking up earlier and going for walks. As he got fitter, that turned into jogs and sprints. After nearly two years of dedication to his healthy lifestyle, Jeff lost 70 pounds!

Talk about a transformation! That is one handsome fella.

Photo Credit: Instagram, jeffk8991

Not that he wasn’t already a pretty handsome guy, but he’s got model good looks now.

Photo Credit: Instagram, jeffk8991

Selfie game is strong too!

Photo Credit: Instagram, jeffk8991

Just the hair alone is pure magnificence…

Photo Credit: Instagram, jeffk8991

… But then you get tickets to the gun show.

Photo Credit: jeffk8991

Photo Credit:Reddit, Apolecia

Naturally, it wasn’t long before the comparisons to Disney princes started rolling in, especially Prince Adam from Beauty and the Beast.

Photo Credit: Reddit, Apolecia

Photo Credit: Instagram, jeffk8991

Since first sharing his progress on Reddit, Jeff says he’s been overwhelmed by the positive response and attention he’s received.

Photo Credit: Instagram, jeffk8991

“I could barely sleep that night, it was amazing. The comments were all so uplifting and inspiring.”

Photo Credit: Instagram, jeffk8991

Photo Credit: Instagram, jeffk8991

Many of the commenters online couldn’t stop fawning over his hair, and suggested he star in shampoo ads.

Photo Credit: Anya Hall

Photo Credit: Amanda Morgan

Photo Credit: Pepper Rainbow

Photo Credit: Ryann Farley

Perhaps what makes Jeff even more beautiful as a person is his good heart. He stepped up to take care of his ailing mother when she was ill, a decision that’s not always easy for someone in their 20s to make. Here’s hoping he has every success in life, because he definitely deserves it.

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11 Photos That Prove You Have No Idea How Food Grows

We all know what our food looks like once it’s sitting on shelves, poured out of a can, or on our plates at a restaurant, but most of us never get to see what our fruits, vegetables, seeds, etc., look like when they’re still in the fields or on the trees.

I hope you find these pictures as interesting (and enlightening!) as I did!

#12. Sesame Seeds

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

They look like beans!

#11. Pistachios

Photo Credit: Panoramio

I would have guessed some exotic fruit. And why are they not green?

#10. Vanilla Bean

Photo Credit: Flickr

*resists making limp joke*

#9. Kiwi

Photo Credit: Blogger

This is like some kind of fantasy. Like New Zealand itself, really.

#8. Peanuts

Photo Credit: WordPress

They have flowers! Who knew?

#7. Brussels Sprouts

Photo Credit: Flickr

These aren’t weird or anything. I just think they’re so pretty in their natural state.

#6. Almonds

Photo Credit: Flickr

So many of these are prettier than expected.

#5. Cinnamon

Photo Credit: Blogspot

Or just a tree?

#4. Cranberries

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

They’re green before they’re floating in a bog like in the commercial.

#3. Cacao

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

I could not have picked this out of a food lineup.

#2. Saffron

Photo Credit: Garden of Eaden

Look how it grows in the rocks – I love the color!

#1. Cashews

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

Wut. They look like peppers!

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13 People Who Met Their Bullies Years Later

Bullies suck.

They all eventually grow up, but that doesn’t mean that they all stop being bullies – though some of certainly them do.

Meeting your childhood bully rarely goes like in the movies or that short story that was actually too long to be a short story, you know that one you wrote/read in your sophomore year of college that was totally just a rip-off of Pearl Jam’s Elderly Woman Behind a Counter in a Small Town.

Anyhow, here are 13 folks who stumbled onto their old bullies years later and reported the mixed results on askreddit:

#13. Never rely on the kindness of your old nemesis.

Even though I am a college graduate, I decided to go to truck driving school for a CDL. It seemed like the perfect job for an introvert; just driving around, listening to podcasts all day.

One of my bullies in high school dropped out so he could work for his father’s truck driving business. I figured since he knew me, I’d have an advantage over all the other applicants.

Bad idea.

My bully used the interview to lord it all over the valedictorian who was now relying upon the kindness of the dropout for a job.

“You sure you’re man enough to handle a 40 ton eighteen wheeler?”

Then he lectured me on the importance of customer service. “The business owners we deliver to like to bullshit with the drivers but you wouldn’t even say ‘shit’ in high school.”

I was also notorious for napping in class back in the day. “If you couldn’t keep your head up for fifteen minutes in class, how can I trust you behind the wheel for ten hours?”

#12. “It felt really good.”

I was bullied by this mean girl all through elementary and middle school. Senior year of high school we had a mutual friend and were sitting at the same lunch table. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years and she asked me about it. She then told me that I was too good for him and he didnt deserve me.

It felt really good. No animosity towards her ever again.

#11. The really sad one.

Mine’s kinda sad. I was bullied by this kid in high school pretty often. I was small, he was big, and in his mind that was all it took to mean I was worth tormenting.

Flash forward to two years ago: It’s ten years later.

I’m successful, independent, healthy and happy. I’m working in my hometown’s ER now. We get a patient found down out in the bushes, and I’m asked to see him. It’s this dude. He’s looking kinda rough, puked on himself, covered in leaves, but still huge.

I don’t miss a beat. Vitals, line, labs, fluids, everything you would do given the situation. Hours later he’s sobering up, were talking about his situation and he stops and just stares at me mid sentence.

“Oh, I remember you now.”

Cue me thinking, “Great, thought we weren’t gonna bring this up.”

But then he went on, “Man I am so sorry for how I treated you in high school. I was a horrible person, there is no excuse. But I really want you to know I regret who I was and I’m not that person anymore.”

Well my jaw basically hit the floor. It gave me a lot of hope for people to change. I’m glad he had a chance to, but his alcohol addiction was probably now covering the same pains that caused him to be such a broken person a decade before.

Three months later he came in again as my patient, this time because he choked on his own vomit. He never woke up.

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12 Times the Routine “Sexual History” Question Went Weird

The sexual history question is supposed to be routine. It’s there to cover bases and help doctors and nurses check off boxes and eliminate variables, or lead them to the source of a potential problem.

But, as these 12 stories from doctors, nurses, and patients can attest, when the subject of sex is invoked, the routine can swiftly veer into the absurd:

#1. Be Cool

When I was in year seven, probably 11 or 12 years old, I had broken my foot in a way that needed a minor surgery, so my cute twentysomething nurse was asking me the pre questions with my dad.

When she got to the personal part, she asked if I wanted my dad to leave the room, I said no, because, whatever.

When she asked if I was sexually active, I turned to my dad and said in a loud whisper, “I want her to think I’m cool.”

#2. Socially Active

The best response I’ve heard to this question was from a quiet guy in my freshman college English class.

Somehow our discussion on vaccines led to this topic, and he told a story about his doctor asking if he was sexually active.

His perfect response was, “Bro, I’m not even socially active.”

#3. Sweet Ride

One of my classmates was asking a 75 year old woman with dementia about her occupation for a PT exam.

Her response: “I give blowjobs in my garage to afford my sweet ride.”

#4. “Not that that would change a thing, though.”

I’m a hospital corpsman (navy medic) and I had this older retired salty dog as a patient a while ago.

His wife had passed away, but I didn’t know that.

When I asked if was sexually active he said, “Well, no for two reasons: I’m married, and she’s dead. Not that that would change a thing, though.”

I felt terrible, and then he just started laughing and told me not to feel bad.

Seriously caught me off guard though.

Crusty old bastard!

#5. Huge Difference

My doctor was just telling me a story…

Back when they first started performing vasectomies, doctors had to call their patients back for standard follow up questioning a number of weeks after the procedure.

He told me he got the same answers from all of the couples he interviewed:

Any Sensation change? -No, Any performance Change? – No… etc.

This went on and on… until one day, he asked a couple if there was anything different after the procedure. Any changes at all….

The wife said YES… There is a huge difference since he had the surgery.

My doc was very surprised, and when he inquired further, the wife said, “It tastes different”…

He said it was all he could do to keep from laughing as he made the note of, “Seminal fluid tastes different after procedure”

#6. Lottery

I told my doctor back in high school that I wasn’t sexually active and she said:

“And you go to ______ High School?! I should play the lottery!”

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10 Mind-Blowing Things These Men Learned About Women Simply by Dating One.

Since the dawn of time, men and women have been attempting to understand each other. To most men, women are a mystery. We didn’t realize how much of a mystery until we stumbled upon this AskReddit asking heterosexual men to reveal what they’ve learned about women since they began dating them. The responses are truly eye opening.

1. Gives_Wrong_Answer has some misconceptions on the mechanics of tampons. Sorry, guys. There’s nothing cool or explosive about them.

I had no clue that the string on the bottom of a tampon was to pull it out when you wanted to change it. I thought for sure that a girl stuck the tampon in, pulled the string, and it expanded like a mini explosive. Kind of like a rip cord and a parachute. I was clearly wrong.

2. Much to the surprise of catiesaur’s boyfriend, our vaginas do not spontaneously turn into Niagara Falls once a month. Though wouldn’t it be cool if they did? (No, it wouldn’t be cool. It would be gross.)

My very period-sympathetic boyfriend thought, up until a few months ago, that all the blood during a woman’s monthly period comes out all at once. In some massive torrential wave. (Apparently, we only wear tampons/pads for longer because we don’t know exactly when the flood is coming…)

3. In yet another case of menstruation confusion, stinkyP00 is just relieved to know that those marks on our underwear aren’t poop. Frankly, we’re relieved too.

I’ve lurked reddit for a while now, but I had to create my own account for this one. I never had any sisters and started dating my girlfriend a little over a year and a half ago. Well, one day within the first month or so of dating, I noticed she had some skid marks on her panties. I was thoroughly disgusted, but she’s awesome, so I let it slide. I later saw that she had more than one pair of skid marked underwear, and it remained a mystery as to why this awesome girl either A) had really bad diarrhea often or B) had no idea how to wipe her own ass. Again, this didn’t affect me too greatly, but I did find it to be a little odd. Fast forward a few months, when we went to visit her mom at her apartment. My GF’s little sister, who was 17 at the time, lived there as well. I went into her little sister’s room and saw she had panties on the floor… WITH SKID MARKS. I was aghast… Could this be a family issue? I couldn’t take it any more and I just had to ask my GF if she wasn’t raised with proper ass wiping technique. She laughed and told me it was period blood, and that girls have a few pairs of underwear they use specifically if they’re on their period. The world made a little more sense, and I was so relieved my girlfriend knew how to properly wipe her ass. I also felt like a dumbass.

TL;DR – Period blood stains sure look a hell of a lot like skid marks.

4. A common misconception we’ve seen on this thread is that men think our buttholes serve many more functions than they actually do. So much so that herromongorian’s boyfriend thought we had to see a special doctor just for our buttholes.

i told my boyfriend about my first gynecology appointment and was joking that the first time i got fingered was by a big female doctor (see principle from the movie matilda). he started fidgeting, turned pale and asked me why gynecologists have to finger women’s buttholes. he thought gynecologist=butthole doctor.

5. Vomit=pregnant, according to topo_di_biblioteca’s boyfriend.

My boyfriend thought “morning sickness” (meaning you are pregnant) occurred the morning directly after you’ve had sex. He freaked out when I had a stomach flu one morning after staying over.

6. Yes, Someonedumb, we do this. What can we say? Girls love snacks. If your snacks look delicious, we’re going to eat them. That’s the way it goes.

That they’ll tell you they’re not hungry then eat the food off your plate one piece at a time.

7. Hey, MSJallDAY, it’s not easy controlling long hair in this humidity, okay? We need some reinforcement.

Bobby pins, bobby pins everywhere.

8. Thank you for understanding, IEatBluePlayDough. Looking good isn’t cheap!

The financial burden of makeup.

9. OnlySarcasm, do you think we keep asking you to put the toilet seat down for fun? No! It’s for safety! An open toilet is a dangerous toilet.

that they actually will fall in the toilet if you leave it up..

10. Perhaps all the bragging about penis size can at last come to an end thanks to this revelation by Camtronocon.

“Why would we care how long your limp penis is?”

Mind blown

Well, guys, this has been fascinating. I think we’ve all learned a lot here today.

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29 People Reveal the Darkest Family Secrets They Ever Discovered

Growing up, I never understood quite how lucky I was to have a boring family (at least until I had already moved out!) and reading these 29 Reddit users’ stories about their family’s deep, dark secrets only serves to reaffirm me – because THEY CRAY!

1. NAZIS!

“I married this woman a few years ago. After dating her a while, I could tell there was something strange about her family. She claimed that she didn’t know what part of the world her ancestors were from, didn’t know where her last name came from, her parents had blonde hair and blue eyes, but had Latino accents. I later found out their first language was Portuguese and they were from Brazil.

Anyway, about a year after we were married, she sat down with me and explained that her grandparents were avid Nazis who fled to Brazil just before the war ended. She obviously didn’t like for people to know this, and had a hard time finding a way to tell me. I didn’t really care. I told her that I loved her for who she was and it didn’t matter who her grandparents were, all that mattered was who she was.

Anyway, it seemed important for her that I meet her relatives in Brazil, and apparently, her parents went there to visit every few years. So we planned the most bizarre trip of my life. When you first arrive, nothing seems off about the colony. They speak Portuguese and German, they have jobs, they drive cars, they don’t stand out in any way except that they look different than other Brazilians. The colony is isolated, and the few locals who are around don’t seem to care of really quite grasp what’s going on.

But once you start talking to people, you realize that they are deeply disturbed and have a deep-seated hatred for anyone who is different from them, especially Jews. I remember one conversation I had with her great uncle, a man who, I kid you not, had a Hitler mustache.

‘If you are going to be a part of this family you have to understand what we are planning. This is not some sad, little nursing home for the Nazi way of life to die, it is merely an incubator.’”

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