12 People Share the Dumb Jokes They Hear Way Too Often Because of Their Job

Some jobs, it would seem, lend themselves to one dumb joke or another. You’d figure that people would just assume that you’d heard them all.

You’d be wrong.

12. Laugh if you want that tip

“When you’re clearing someone’s empty plate and ask if they liked their meal. “Oh, no, I hated it!”

Can’t believe this hasn’t been mentioned yet. I used to hear it literally 10x a day when I was working in restaurants.”

11. You don’t want to know

“Some guy during his abdominal ultrasound: “so is it a boy or a girl??”

cue fake laugh and internal eye roll”

10. Or give them to my neighbor

“When I delivered mail: “you can keep the bills” or some other comment about not wanting the bills.”

9. Smooth

“When i worked Retail,

Me: “Can I get you anything else?” Customer: “Yea, a million dollars”

Now usually i just pulled the fake customer service laugh and let it go, but if it’s a cute girl, I once said this…

“We sell mirrors on Aisle 7, I’m sure you’ll find it there”

8. Ten times a day

“If something doesn’t scan at the register “that means it’s free, right?”

7. Justifiable homicide

“My boss’ name is Josh, everyday he says, “I’m just Joshing ya!” Every. Day.”

6. So funny

“I’m an operator in a power plant.

“Oh my God are you Homer Simpson lololololololololol! Do you want a donut hahahaha!”

5. That joke is dead

“Work in a morgue. “Oh people are just DYING to come see you!!” To which I respond “Obviously. I’m delightful.” I also was once asked how things were going in the morgue and I replied “Lively” as it was pretty busy that day. They thought it was so hilarious and now 2 years later they won’t let me forget that I referred to a morgue as “lively” one time.”

4. Everyone’s a musician

“Can you turn off the suck button”

Recording engineer. Haha, I get it, you’re not a very good musician, now let’s take it from the top because you’re ignoring the click.

And the joke that the engineers always make is, “Yeah, that was ok, but this time maybe sing it like it’s a record”.

3. Too much TV

“I’ve had an influx of people moving their insurance from other carriers and they always try to make some witty response about how the company they are with weren’t working out for them. For example, if they had Nationwide, I swear to god every single one of them says “Nationwide wasn’t on MY side!” Or if they had Progressive, they say something about how Flo didn’t use her price checker tool for them or with Allstate they would say they weren’t in good hands. (These are just examples)

In reality, though, your prices were increased because you’re a shitty driver and think you’re entitled to lower rates when you have 3 pages worth of MVR violations.”

2. Playtime

“Preschool teacher (in sweden).

“Must be nice to just play all day long, right? Hahaha!”

Let’s put it this way. You and your SO are sitting in an apartment with 2 bedrooms. Suddenly someone opens the door and 18 screaming three year olds comes running in. Two adults in a small area with 18 children.. How much playing do you think you have time for?”

1. Commercials ruin lives

“I’m a salesman who’s name happens to be Jake.

I hear on a daily basis

“Oh you quit your job at State Farm? Why?”

Or

“Why aren’t you wearing khakis?”

I laugh along most times because I want the sale. But I’m always internally screaming. Don’t get me started on my last name.”

h/t: Reddit

The post 12 People Share the Dumb Jokes They Hear Way Too Often Because of Their Job appeared first on UberFacts.

12 Things That Are Normal to South Korea but Astonishing to the Rest of the World

Both Koreas can be a bit of a mystery to the West, but the way they blend modern technology with Asian tradition is quite beautiful…if you know how to look.

#12. You can taste test food in the supermarket.

Photo Credit: AdaKwon (Pikabu)

You can try as much as you want and buy it or not – no one will say a word.

#11. Kids stay at school late.

Photo Credit: hitchcocklikedblonds (Reddit)

Young children attend school until 6pm, secondary kids until 8 or 9, and high school kids often study until after midnight. Likewise, libraries are open 24/7.

#10. Themed subway cars are a common sight.

Photo Credit: AdaKwon (Pikabu)

They’re often themed for cartoon or anime characters.

#9. They’re short on trash bins and heavy on public toilets.

Photo Credit: sawbutter (Reddit)

Koreans are tidy and have little need for public trash bins – but everyone needs a public toilet now and again (looking at you, Europe).

#8. Treatment of pregnant women.

Photo Credit: nihilo503 (Reddit)

Along with designated parking spaces, all South Korean pregnant women receive $500 from the government to spend on treatment and medicine. They also receive a trinket that lets them ask for and receive seats on public transportation.

#7. Gift-giving is a practical affair.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

A traditional housewarming gift is a couple rolls of toilet paper.

#6. Couples dress alike…on purpose.

Photo Credit: AdaKwon (Pikabu)

Local shops sell paired clothes and shoes for young people in love.

#5. They’re not up on Western anything.

Photo Credit: Instagram

The isolated island doesn’t study geography, and most people don’t listen to Western music or watch Western movies. But don’t worry – they have plenty of culture of their own!

#4. Bus travel is nice.

Photo Credit: AdaKwon (Pikabu)

Every bus stop has an informational panel containing the schedule, the buses are new and air conditioned, the drivers wear white gloves and sunglasses, and the buses operate 24/7. They are pricier than they are in the US, however.

#3. Every kindergarten has their own uniform.

Photo Credit: AdaKwon (Pikabu)

It helps teachers and staff keep track of their kids, especially on crowded field trips.

#2. Teacher gifts are coffee or sweets.

Photo Credit: AdaKwon (Pikabu)

Big gifts are considered bribes and are frowned upon.

#1. They love dogs.

Photo Credit: Instagram

They don’t eat them as a practice (you can get it, but it’s expensive). South Korean cuisine is actually very healthy and (surprise!) they love coffee.

h/t: Brightside

The post 12 Things That Are Normal to South Korea but Astonishing to the Rest of the World appeared first on UberFacts.

15 More Photos That Look so Out-Of-This-World, It’s Hard to Believe They’re Real

You know that 15 weren’t enough – here are 15 more pictures that look like they could have been taken on some faraway planet…even though they were snapped right here at home.

#15. A tree-shaped river in Australia.

Photo Credit: Prostoilogin (Pikabu)

#14. Ice caves, Iceland.

Photo Credit: Mamish Mamtan (Facebook)

#13. Lava pouring into the ocean, Hawaii.

Photo Credit: Imgur

#12. White Pocket, Arizona (USA)

Photo Credit: Reuben Wu (Facebook)

#11. A lake at the bottom of a deep hole, Italy.

Photo Credit: papa57 (Pikabu)

#10. Contrasting Macao architecture.

Photo Credit: Imgur

#9. Retba Lake, Senegal

Photo Credit: National Geographic

#8. Fly Geyser, USA.

Photo Credit: Imgur

#7. Solar panels that resemble a futuristic lake.

Photo Credit: Reuben Wu (Facebook)

#6. Halo effect, Sweden.

Photo Credit: Imgur

#5. The Milky Way shot with long exposure.

Photo Credit: Imgur

#4. Migrating starlings, Rome.

Photo Credit: iProcione (Pikabu)

#3. Light pillars, Norway.

Photo Credit: golden_an (Reddit)

#2. Sheep crossing a frozen lake, Tibet.

Photo Credit: sharemanchik (Pikabu)

#1. Skyscrapers in Dubai.

Photo Credit: Albert Dros (Facebook)

h/t: Brightside

The post 15 More Photos That Look so Out-Of-This-World, It’s Hard to Believe They’re Real appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Photos That Look so Out-Of-This-World, It’s Hard to Believe They Were Taken on Earth

I love photography. Pictures are worth a thousand words, like they say, but these 15 photographers combined their skills with an image to create something that looks truly alien…even though they were all taken right here at home.

#15. Iridescent glowworms in New Zealand.

Photo Credit: Shaun Jeffers

#14. California sand tufas, shaped by wind and time.

#13. The Northern Lights through a window, Finland.

Photo Credit: dobro111 (Pikabu)

#12. “Gardens by the Bay,” Singapore.

Photo Credit: Victor Mazovsky (Flickr)

#11. A bamboo forest covered with snow.

Photo Credit: Imgur

#10. The island of Crete being swallowed by a cloud of African dust.

Photo Credit: Dima Alimanov (Pikabu)

#9. Ancient tree roots in Angor Wat, Cambodia.

Photo Credit: Giulio Paletta

#8. “Angry fist” cloud in Portugal.

Photo Credit: Imgur

#7. The colorful pools of Yuncheng Lake, China.

Photo Credit: DrakHan (Pikabu)

#6. Madgeburg Water Bridge, Germany.

Photo Credit: vndsgn (Reddit)

#5. An aerial view of the beach.

Photo Credit: Alex McClean

#4. Gorkaya River, Russia

Photo Credit: DiscoveryNN (Pikabu)

#3. A “green” lake with perfectly clear water in Austria.

Photo Credit: Chomett (Flickr)

#2. Guitar-shaped highway junction, Ufa, Russia.

Photo Credit: USSMan (Pikabu)

#1. A departing train covered in 30,000 light-emitting diodes.

Photo Credit: Imgur

h/t: Brightside

The post 15 Photos That Look so Out-Of-This-World, It’s Hard to Believe They Were Taken on Earth appeared first on UberFacts.

Check out This Psychiatrist’s 10 Rules for a Happy Life

We all want happy lives, right? I mean, obviously there are going to be ups and downs and highs and lows, but what about the long stretches of even? Humdrum? Every day? Those are the times when being happy matters the most, I say.

So, let’s check out 10 rules (according to psychologist Mikhail Efimovich Litvak) to help you get – and stay – there!

#10. The right path vs. the shortest one.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Or the easiest one. The road to happiness and success may not be straight – it’s important to remember this when it feels like your own path is doubling up on itself. You can still be headed in the right direction, given some luck, patience, and perseverance.

#9. A well-organized life.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

According to Viktor Frankl, happiness, joy, and success are simple side effects of a well-organized life. You have to perform daily acts that make you experience and reach happiness, joy, and success during your routines.

#8. Goals sharpen your vision.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Giving yourself something to work for, save for, etc can be like setting the focus on your camera. With something to keep an eye on, you’re more likely to keep going, and to get what you’re after.

#7. Respect other people.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Every person you come across is a human being with their own backgrounds and views. They’re all fighting a battle. Never act like you’re better than them or that your problems are bigger.

#6. Stop trying to change people’s opinions.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Live your life for yourself – if you waste time trying to prove other people wrong, their opinions become more important than your own.

#5. Do as you say.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

We are defined by our actions, not by our words. If you say you’re going to do something or want to do something, at least start down the path. It will make you happy – and other people will respect you for it.

#4. Learn to love being alone.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Mature people can use time alone to self-reflect, and understand that another person won’t be able to make them happy – only you can do that, for yourself.

#3. The best revenge is living well.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

There’s no better way to shed your grudges and free yourself from the negative feelings than by finding success doing something you love. Simple, right?

#2. Want, can, and must.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Your life will be happy and in balance when what you want, can, and must do are the same. Bottom line? The only thing you must do is work on yourself. The rest will follow.

#1. You are your own worst enemy.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

You have to face the barriers you’ve set for yourself that stop you from growing and changing. Once you do, you’ll be able to move forward with a version of yourself that you’re able and willing to face in the mirror every day.

h/t: Brightside

The post Check out This Psychiatrist’s 10 Rules for a Happy Life appeared first on UberFacts.

12 Twitter Stories so Good They Should Be Made into Movies

Twitter is many things – some good, some bad, and lots in between – but no matter what, it’s a place to go for good stories. And these 12 might be some of the best ever, in 280 characters or less.

#12. Never miss a chance to talk someone up.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#11. The last laugh.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#10. You just blew someone’s mind.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#9. Some screenwriter is definitely stealing this line.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#8. Never too late to say you’re sorry.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#7. Dedication.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#6. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#5. Maybe not the weirdest thing you’ll find in a minivan.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#4. You can find heroes in unlikely places.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#3. Some long memories up in North Dakota.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#2. Very good advice.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#1. A moment with strangers.

Photo Credit: Twitter

h/t: Buzzfeed

The post 12 Twitter Stories so Good They Should Be Made into Movies appeared first on UberFacts.

12 Life Hacks That Could Improve Your Health

Everyone is looking for simple ways to be healthier every day – here are 12 options that could slip right into your daily routine!

#12. Freeze dying herbs in an ice cube tray.

Photo Credit: Listoic

When they’re starting to wilt, don’t throw them out. Instead, toss them in an ice cube tray filled with olive oil and pop them in the freezer.

#11. Give your onions, shallots, and garlic a longer shelf-life.

Photo Credit: The Yummy Life

They’ll last up to three months if you punch holes in a brown paper lunch bag and secure it with a paper clip.

#10. Start your day with a glass of lemon water.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Use can use fresh-squeezed or a drop or two of essential oil to mine the many benefits of lemon water, including more energy, a reduction in inflammation, and a boost to your digestive system.

#9. Use your essential oils for cleaning.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

There are tons of recipes here, but I love dropping lemon oil on my sponges to keep them fresh between uses and combining baking soda, vinegar, and lime oil for scrubbing out the tub and sinks.

#8. Get rid of your headache with yoga.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Putting your head below your heart can help cure a tension headache. Check out these yoga poses that could relieve your headache – they can also improve circulation, stretch tension out of your neck and shoulders, and help you relax.

#7. Avoid bad eggs with this simple trick.

Photo Credit: Food Hacks Wonder How To

No one likes to get a bad egg, but it can be hard to tell how fresh the last few in the container are (or are not). It turns out that all you have to do is drop them in a bowl of water. Fresh eggs will sink, bad eggs will float. If they do a little side-sink, maybe give them a hard boil instead of eating them over-easy.

#6. Make a DIY travel cup.

Photo Credit: Glad

How many times have you been dying to take a water or smoothie in the car only to find the travel cups in use or in the dishwasher (or missing, if you have kids!)? Well, no more – just put a hole in some Glad Press N Seal wrap, stick in a straw, and go on your way!

#5. Make your salad last longer.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Simple trick: a paper towel on top of your salad lettuce before sealing the container can help them stay crisp up to a week. You’ll just need to replace the paper towel every few days as it absorbs the excess moisture.

#4. Clean your produce with baking soda.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

We’re al keen on rinsing away the pesticides, dirt, and various other specks from our fresh produce, but you don’t need to buy anything special. A few teaspoons of baking soda in 1-2 cups of water will do fine – dump it in a spray bottle and go to town.

You’ll still want to give them a final rinse afterward so nothing gets in the way of the fresh taste.

#3. Always buy a good avocado.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Flick the dry stem off the bottom at the grocery story. If there’s a brown patch underneath, put it back. If it’s bright yellow-green, take it home.

#2. Chew gum to curb excess snacking.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Many times, we reach for something to eat out of boredom as opposed to hunger. If you think that might be the case for you, pop in some gum first to see if your mouth just wants something to do.

#1. Stretch.

Photo Credit: Get Healthy U

If you’re feeling depleted in the middle of the day and can’t grab a coffee or a walk, try a quick, 5-minute stretching session. Here are 7 simple ones you can do at your desk!

h/t: Get Healthy U

The post 12 Life Hacks That Could Improve Your Health appeared first on UberFacts.

10 Hacks That Are Guaranteed to Simplify Your Life

We’re all looking for ways to simplify our lives these days, and these 10 hacks are simple but useful – and guaranteed to work!

#10. Clean your toilet without scrubbing

Photo Credit: Brightside

Dump in a can of Coke and let it sit overnight. Then just give the bowl a quick swipe and flush!

#9. Waterproof your shoes

Photo Credit: Brightside

Melt beeswax on your shoes with a hair dryer until it’s no longer visible. Voila!

#8. Unclog your drains without a plumber (Liquid or otherwise)

Photo Credit: Wikimedia

All you need is baking soda (1cup) followed by vinegar (1 cup) and some hot water. Save time AND money!

#7. Dry your clothes more efficiently

Photo Credit: Brightside

Roll clothes inside a dry towel, then wring it out and hang them to dry. You save the energy of the dryer and keep your clothes in better shape, besides!

#6. Clean your shower head (and faucets)

Photo Credit: The NY Melrose Family

All you need is some white vinegar in a plastic baggie, and a rubber band to secure it in place. Let it sit overnight, then the metal will be as good as new!

#5. De-smellify your shoes

Photo Credit: Brightside

If they’re just stinky, put a tea bag inside them to soak up the stench (try something good-smelling, like peppermint!). If they’re wet, too, put baking soda and rice inside and leave them for a few days.

#4. Kill body odor

Photo Credit: Brightside

Who among us hasn’t run out the door without deodorant (more than we’d like to admit)? If you’ve got an orange (or other citrus fruit) in your lunch bag, rub some of it one your skin. No more smell!

#3. Stretch out your shoes

Photo Credit: Pixabay

We’ve all bought a pair of shoes on a whim because they’re super cute, only to admit after a single wear that they’re too tight. Instead of relegating them to the back of the closet, try shoving wet newspapers inside and waiting for them to dry.

#2. Keep your cooler cold longer

Photo Credit: Flickr

Just add salt to the ice, and you’ll have cold beer and soda longer than before.

#1. Start a fire in a pinch

Photo Credit: Hackable

Use your chips – they’re excellent sources of fat, oil, and chemicals (all necessary to make a fire).

h/t: Brightside

The post 10 Hacks That Are Guaranteed to Simplify Your Life appeared first on UberFacts.