People Share What They Think Will Make a “Happy” Marriage

I remember when I was young, my dad said to me, “Son, before you ever get married, you make sure you do one thing to prepare.”

“What’s that, papa?” I asked, a gleam in my eye and wonder in my soul.

“Before you should propose, I think it only right you open up Twitter and scroll through for a while and figure out what a bunch of internet strangers have to say about being hitched. Write those down as a set of principles, and go from there.”

“I will, dad. I will.”

Today, I fulfill that promise.

12. The fry rule

Every day is fry day if you keep the peace enough.

11. The inverse volume law

Well but see that’s when it gets boring though.

10. The playing doctor ritual

These are things we really need to keep an eye out for.

9. The stand-up stare-down

One of us is going to blink first and it ain’t gonna be me.

8. The frosting fortune

It’s too bad, we really had a nice thing going.

7. Corporate culture

Never have I smelled something on this scale before.

6. The call and response

Some things transcend life itself.

5. The rescue reminder

Gotta keep him on a tight leash.

4. League placement anxiety

I can’t let this fall apart on me now.

3. Butter habits

There’s very little that fatty foods can’t fix.

2. The tea trade-off

Hey, we’re not here to kink-shame.

1. The pass-out principle

God I’m so envious of people who can just sleep like this.

And with those bits of knowledge, you and I are both ready. Will you marry me?

What’s your best piece of marriage/relationship advice?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Share What They Think Will Make a “Happy” Marriage appeared first on UberFacts.

Hilarious Posts for People in a Love/Hate Relationship with Marriage

The Greek philosopher Socrates once said “By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

It seems that a lot of people on Twitter are caught somewhere between good and bad with their spouses and have thus turned into tongue-in-cheek-happy philosophers.

If you don’t understand what I mean, have a look for yourself.

13. If wishing made it so…

Ah, I see what you did there.

12. You’re toast

Why are these things still the most fickle pieces of technology?

11. Work, work, work

We’re all learning brand new things about each other.

10. Sock it to ’em

It’s called the clothes pile and it’s a sacred place.

9. Standard definition

Oh cool so we’re getting a divorce then?

8. The great outdoors

Wow, you’re practically an explorer.

7. On a roll

But did he put it overhand or underhand? Because there is a correct answer.

6. The cold shoulder

Is this dude famous on Twitter JUST for having an annoying marriage?

5. In the mood

We gotta set real expectations for those coming of age.

4. Seek and ye shall find

Solid medical burn right there. Gotta get you to the burn unit.

3. Birds of a feather

I guess we all gotta have a hobby.

2. Shower power

I mean it’s either that or talking about things that bother you.

1. Yes man

Good thing ya’ll are married then, I guess?

I wish you all happy marriages, and happy philosophizing.

What’s your best bit of marriage/relationship advice?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Hilarious Posts for People in a Love/Hate Relationship with Marriage appeared first on UberFacts.

What Could You Do Easily as a Kid but Can’t Do Now? People Shared Their Thoughts.

When you’re young (and dumb), you can do all kinds of crazy things and not even think twice about it.

Sports, exercises, falling down on the street: you could just pop right up again and not think twice about it.

But, as you get older, those old bones start creaking and you hurt a lot more…sometimes just from even getting up in the morning…

AskReddit users talked about what they could do easily as kids but not as adults. Let’s see what they had to say.

1. The dreaded monkey bars.

“My last job we had an event where we went to a big field. There was a park right next to it. There were monkey bars there.

I have not tried monkey bars since I was a kid, so I gave it a go. I could not do anything, it hurt so bad just trying to pull my own weight up.

It really took my by surprise.”

2. Time to get flexible…again.

“I was in gymnastics for awhile as a kid and I was very comfortable doing all kinds of tumbling, but I thought about cartwheels the other day and realized that I wouldn’t even know where to start now.

I’m still fairly fit, but the thought of just launching myself forward and upside down seems completely impossible and it was something that seemed so natural when I was younger. And then I started thinking of all the other things I used to do and the freedom of it all and I got wistful and sad.

As of yesterday I’m recovering from lower abdominal surgery, but as soon as I’m able, I’m starting a flexibility program and installing a pull up bar. Maybe by this time next year it’ll feel a little less impossible.”

3. Digestion issues.

“People always talk about your back and knees hurting when you age. Hardly anyone mentions the f*cked up sh*t that goes down with your digestive tract.

I get the worrrrrst indigestion and gas pains now if I eat gluten, dairy, or anything mildly acidic.”

4. Gotta stay busy.

“Do nothing.

If I don’t do some kind of chore, I feel like the day was absolutely wasted.

So I spend my days off working around the house to keep from feeling guilty.

Then I complain I never get a day where I can do nothing.”

5. Bad sleeper.

“Sleep well.

As a kid I would sleep peacefully in any place, no matter how loud it is or crowded or in what weird position my body was.

As an adult it takes me an eternity to fall asleep and every oh so little sound wakes me up.”

6. Run free.

“Run.

I dream about running.

I would give anything to be able to really run.”

7. Stiff as a board.

“I used to be way more flexible.

I’m literally only 20 and I work out every day, and I’m still feeling stiff as a board.

This getting older thing sucks. I want a refund.”

8. Used to be dreamy.

“Get completely immersed in a movie without thinking about how it’s just a bunch of actors and special effects.”

9. Not so easy these days.

“Be outgoing, charming and slick.

Somehow I lost all these skills growing up.

Now I barely know how to socialize with people, when I used to just be able to walk up to someone as a kid and make friends.”

10. Former martial artist.

“A flying tornado kick.

I was in Korean martial arts as a child and after 4 years of training I could perform a kick where I front kick twist my body in the air and kick with the other leg. Did not think much of time.

Now I realize that I should have been impressed and that was not something most people can do.”

11. It gets harder.

“Sitting with my legs crossed.

Get up from a chair and immediately run.

Touch my toes.

Sleep more than 5 straight hours.

Write legibly.”

12. Language lessons.

“Learn another language, apparently.

I could communicate in 3 languages when I was 3-4 years old, but quickly forgot it all by the time I was 5-6, having lost my opportunity to use it or practice.

Despite studying again for years and taking multiple classes, I just cannot break through being able to actually understand or speak in those other languages beyond a pretty basic level. It’s super frustrating.”

13. Be careful!

“Roller skating.

Used to be pretty good as a kid then didn’t do it most of my teen years.

I tried again in college and ate pavement.”

14. Those were the days…

“Climbing a tree.

I can’t believe I would just climb so many feet in the air by just using my pure strength.”

What could you do easily as a kid that you can’t do now?

Tell us the painful truth in the comments!

Please and thank you!

The post What Could You Do Easily as a Kid but Can’t Do Now? People Shared Their Thoughts. appeared first on UberFacts.

Check Out 12 of the Little Unspoken Joys of Marriage

Marriage is one of humanity’s oldest institutions and the source of a fair bit of our controversies.

But on a smaller scale, it’s the framework in which you can just get mad at each other for opening cans wrong or whatever.

But don’t take it from me, take it from the actually married couples of Twitter.

12. Sleep tight

I don’t know if you really knee’d me all that much.

11. Shop around

Never shop on an empty stomach.

10. Whose job is it anyway?

Join us tomorrow, same time, same channel!

9. Chew on this

Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.

8. Pack it in

But do you just toss in a couple shirts and pants or do you prepare like you’re going to be staying at that hotel for the next four years?

7. Stay on target

It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

6. Can’t get it back in the tube

These are the kinds of peacekeeping measures our leaders should imitate.

5. Just checking in

Didn’t know if I needed to call the cops or whatever.

4. Well blended

Try to use it to make him something delicious right away, he’ll forget he was mad.

3. This is the way

Ah, alright, I’ll just stop living then.

2. Let them eat cake

Why must we play these games?

1. Spoon feeding

Ok we’ve been joking around a lot but this is serious – some kind of heavy intervention is warranted here.

To all the married folks – here’s to you. Try not to kill each other.

What’s marriage like in your experience?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Check Out 12 of the Little Unspoken Joys of Marriage appeared first on UberFacts.

People Who Have Almost Died Shared What Their “Last Thoughts” Were

This is kind of a scary thought to ponder.

What do you imagine your last thoughts would be if you knew you were going to die.

That’s what the folks you’re about to hear from were faced with…but luckily they all survived…

Let’s see what these AskReddit users had to say.

1. Calm.

“Oh sh*t, my sister had to see me drown.”

I felt pretty calm about it though.”

2. Ouch.

“”Your shoe is untied”

I said that to my dad before promptly falling down a 20 foot cliff into the underbrush. Broken arm, fractured skull, ruptured kidney.

Woke up two weeks later to my dad saying thanks for letting him know his shoe was untied as he could have tripped.”

3. I can understand that.

“As I was getting the Heimlich I remember thinking how embarrassing it would be to die at a Renaissance Fair.”

4. Gonna be messy.

“My heart stopped beating for 7 seconds while I was eating dinner in my hospital bed waiting to be discharged.

I realized I was going to pass out and put my arm across my plate so I wouldn’t fall face-first into it. All I could think of was “this is gonna make a mess.” Glad they took their time with the paperwork.

Ended up walking out of there 7 days later with a pacemaker at the age of 46.”

5. Scary.

“Have you ever had a headache that was so bad? I mean, like call your parents and ask them if you were still on the healthcare plan? Even though you live in Canada and they live in the USA?

Yes, I’ve had this pain, i felt as if my head was goin to implode. I was half right. I had a brain clot. Then bleed.

So a stroke and a aneurysm all at once. My last thought before I regained consciousness weeks later?

I don’t want to die in this sh*tty ground level apartment.”

6. Wow.

“‘Sh*t, wasn’t the car that hit me white?’

As I’m looking down at a car underneath me.

I’d been hit hard enough I bounced up over the car that hit me and had enough air time to clear the second one.

Props to the driver of the third vehicle, he must’ve stood on the d*mned brakes the moment he saw me because he brought the cement truck to a stop before it got to me.

Second time I was hit by a car as a pedestrian. I’m now MUCH more careful crossing streets.. not that it’s helped much, I seem to have a car magnet in my *ss.”

7. No place like home.

“I almost died on a mountain last month.

The thoughts while I was free soloing the cliff were just “I would give anything to be at home safe”.”

8. I feel weird.

““My throat feels weird, my gums are itchy” and blackness like a deep sleep.

Woke up a bit later, found out I was allergic to crab the hard way.”

9. Bad accident.

“I had a guy turn in front of me at a light. My last thought before impact weas, “my bike is only 3 weeks old”.

About 5 minutes later, about 100 feet down the road where I landed, I got into it with the paramedics who wouldn’t let me sit up to check on my bike. Eventually sat up far enough to see her ripped in two. laid back down and shut the f*ck up.”

10. A big jolt.

“I was in the process of being electrocuted, having been working all day atop a scissors lift.

The electricians had left a 277-volt line live and while I was standing and reaching while running the last low-voltage run of the job, I contacted their line. I saw the white light at the end of the tunnel. All I knew was throbbing and 60-cycle noise and the white light.

My last thought was “I wonder if I can tell my knees to unlock?” Obviously they did, since I am here typing this. Severe electrical burns, still here livin ‘ the life!”

11. Bad luck.

“Three times.

Once almost drowning in the deep end of a pool, once trapped under a flipped ATV in a river, and once being shot at by a crazy old man who thought I was a deer.

I thought of my mom crying every time.”

12. Pizza on the brain.

“I thought about how I didn’t buy enough pizzas from my favorite pizza place.

It’s pretty good, but thinking about pizza when you think you’re dying is pretty depressing in retrospect.”

13. Terrifying.

“I was stabbed in the neck by someone robbing my house.

I totally thought I was going to die. I hate myself, but I begged the guy who stabbed me to stay because I didn’t want to die alone. He said “Sorry” and walked away.

That broke my heart. Thankfully he called 911 for me.”

14. This is how it ends?

“”I can’t believe this is how I die.”

Drunk, falling off a 30 foot cliff into about 2 feet of water at Lake Havasu, Arizona on Spring Break.

It just hurt really bad.”

15. Ehhhh…

“Was in a pretty severe car crash in my mid teens – we got tboned by a big Ford van coming home from school one afternoon. I could have swore our light was green but witnesses said my friend went though a red.

I remember looking over and seeing the van and thinking “Eh.” I pretty much resigned immediately to what was about to happen.

I was sitting in the front passenger seat holding onto the little handle above the door – the window blew out and and I had hundreds of little cuts on my arm neck and face it looked like rats had been chewing at me and I had a couple bits of glass in my hand.

The passenger side door crushed in far enough to hit me and left fabric imprint all down my side, completely knocked the wind out of me, and cracked two ribs.

After I caught my breath I had to crawl out of the drivers side, my hand bleeding all over the place, but was so amped up on adrenaline I hardly noticed any pain. The next day I could hardly move I was so sore. Almost my whole right side was bruised. It hurt to breathe too deeply.

My friends mom showed me pictures of the car, it was really surprising I got off as well as I did.”

Have you ever had a near-death experience?

If so, talk to us in the comments and tell us your story.

We’d love to hear from you. Thanks a lot!

The post People Who Have Almost Died Shared What Their “Last Thoughts” Were appeared first on UberFacts.