Life is full of little mysteries. Why do we run out of conditioner before we’re out of shampoo? Why do we blush, even when we’re not embarrassed? And perhaps most frustratingly for people with chatty co-workers, why can’t we concentrate on work in our noisy, open-plan office when we have no problem focusing in a busy coffee shop?

The first two questions remain a mystery, but The Telegraph reports that researchers may have found an explanation for why your loquacious office peers drive you crazier than a rambling barista or clattering dishes: People trying to focus on a task find work-related conversations to be far more distracting (and annoying) than random, meaningless chitchat.

A team of acoustic scientists, led by Takahiro Tamesue, a professor at Yamaguchi University in Japan, conducted a study that looked at how background noise affects concentration. They asked subjects to perform tasks requiring intense focus while listening to various sounds, including random noises or productive, work-related discussions.

During one test, volunteers had to count how many times a red square flashed across a computer screen over the course of 10 minutes, while listening to both random noise and human speech at different pitches. In a second trial, they were asked to identify and count an infrequently heard noise among a sea of other noises, including background noise, music, and meaningful words. Subjects were asked to rate how annoying the “distracting” sounds were. During both tasks, scientists monitored participants’ brain waves through electrodes placed on the scalp, to gauge whether they were processing the sounds or were tuning them out.

Researchers found “that more meaningful noises, such as music and conversation, had a stronger effect on levels of subjective annoyance than meaningless noises—and led to a greater decline in performance on cognitive tasks involving memory or arithmetic tests,” as they concluded in a news release. Additionally, the participants’ brain waves showed that their selective attention was influenced by how meaningful the noises were.

According to Tamesue, the study’s findings suggests that employees should consider not only sound level, but how meaningful sounds are, while creating a workplace ambiance. “Because it is difficult to soundproof an open office, a way to mask meaningful speech with some other sound would be of great benefit for achieving a comfortable sound environment,” he said.

In short, if you’re going to have a discussion about work with a co-worker, consider opting for the soundproof conference room instead of talking in the middle of the office. Your colleagues will thank you—and end up being way more productive, to boot.

[h/t Telegraph.co.uk]

Q. What do vegan zombies eat?
A. Graaaaaaaaaaaaains. 

If that joke made you groan like the undead, thank your bilateral processing abilities. Researchers studying the neuroscience of puns say that understanding them, even the bad ones, requires cooperation between both sides of the brain. They published their research in the journal Laterality: Asymmetries of Body, Brain and Cognition. 

Humor has a reputation for being transgressive, but all that boundary-pushing is only possible thanks to a system of internal rules. From knock-knock jokes to digs on someone’s mama, each class has its own standardized scaffolding. Some philosophers argue that humor itself depends on a formula: taking something familiar and giving it an unexpected—but not upsetting—twist. 

This “benign violation” setup is also at the heart of the pun. The joke up top takes a reader’s familiarity with the cliché of the lurching, brain-craving zombie, then uses a rhyme to add a surprising shade of meaning. Yes, we know that dissecting jokes isn’t funny. We’re done now.

Neuroscientists at the University of Windsor wondered how our brains would parse the two-step process of understanding puns. They were specifically curious to find out how the work was divvied up between the brain’s left and right hemispheres. 

To find out, they brought volunteers into the lab and sat them down in front of computers, which proceeded to display a series of easy, cheesy puns. (Ex.: “They replaced the baseball with an orange to add some zest to the game.”) Some of the puns showed up on the left side of the screen, where they would be processed first by the right side of the brain. The rest showed up on the right. The participants were timed to see how long it took them to get each joke, such as it was. 

The results showed that participants were quicker on the uptake when their puns appeared on the right side of the screen—that is, starting with the left side of their brains. This makes sense, co-author Lori Buchanan told Scientific American: “The left hemisphere is the linguistic hemisphere, so it’s the one that processes most of the language aspects of the pun, with the right hemisphere kicking in a bit later.” 

Understanding a pun, they found, requires input from both hemispheres. The left side introduces the standard, linguistic part of the sentence or joke—essentially setting up the setup—while the right side analyzes the punchline’s double meaning. 

That’s probably more thought than most puns deserve. 

Jane Austen, chronicler of 18th century social norms, was more receptive to criticism from her loved ones than most. The novelist actually encouraged her friends and family to write her with opinions on her work, and her own notes on those letters are about to go on display at the British Library, The Guardian reports.

“Jane Austen Among Family and Friends” celebrates the writer on the 200-year anniversary of her death. It features reviews by Austen’s friends and family on her third novel, Mansfield Park, which was published in 1814, just a few years before her 1817 death. And many of those reviews were not favorable. Austen’s own mother told her the novel wasn’t as good as Pride and Prejudice and called its main character, Fanny Price, “insipid.” Others tended to agree, like her niece, Anna Lefroy, who liked the book but hated the character of Fanny. Another letter writer said it “wanted incident,” and one, according to Austen, thought her first two books were “nonsense,” but hoped the new novel would be better.

Not all the reviews were so bleak. Austen’s sister Cassandra (who drew the sketch of the author above) “thought it quite as clever, tho’ not as brilliant as P. & P.” She was fond of Fanny and found the stupidity of the character Mr. Rushworth delightful.

Regardless of the opinions of those close to her, the novel would sell out within six months of its publication.

The exhibition also includes notebooks of writings by a teenage Austen as well as her writing desk and some of her memorabilia. They will be on display at the British Library from January 10 to February 19, 2017.

[h/t The Guardian]

The global fashion industry has a major pollution problem, thanks to the rise of fast-fashion apparel. Cheap, low quality items can be bought, disposed of, and bought again, but at an environmental cost—large quantities of water that become contaminated with bleaches, dyes, and more during the manufacturing process, for one thing. But one company is trying to make fashion a little more environmentally friendly, as Co.Exist reports. A Pittsburgh-based company called Thread International recycles trash collected from streets and canals in Haiti to create thread and fabric that puts plastic bottles to good use and provides jobs.

The company estimates that its trash-centric manufacturing process reduces water use by 50 percent compared to the manufacture of a cotton shirt. Thread International also prides itself on creating fair wages and safe working conditions for its employees in some of the poorest parts of Haiti and Honduras, motivated by founder Ian Rosenberger’s desire to help Haitians after the country’s 2010 earthquake.

Threat International makes yarn and thread and sells its own fabric. Fashion companies like Timberland and Kenneth Cole are using the company’s materials to make shoes, bags, and clothes. HP is using the recycled plastic to make printer cartridges.

The brands who use Thread’s materials end up paying a little more than they otherwise would, but the process uses 80 percent less energy than making virgin polyester, according to Co.Exist. To some companies, the trade off between ethical manufacturing and cheap goods is worth it, attracting customers who are willing to pay a little more for the peace of mind of buying products that are better for the environment.

[h/t Co.Exist]

Black cats aren’t always considered bad luck. In the English Midlands, brides are given dark-hued felines to bless their marriage, and in Japan, the animals are believed to be auspicious (particularly for single women). Now, the Associated Press reports, the police force in a small Pennsylvania town says a black cat helped them solve a crime.

In late November, the Ephrata Police Department was searching for a 23-year-old man wanted on an outstanding Lancaster County bench warrant (legalese for an arrest warrant that’s issued by a judge or court). Authorities found the man in a local home’s backyard, but he fled the scene, prompting the police to follow him.

Cops searched the surrounding area, but they didn’t spot the fugitive. Thankfully, a witness stood nearby—the black cat. As most pet owners know, there’s often no rhyme or reason to feline behavior, but one officer noted that the kitty’s eyes seemed to be fixed on two sheds in the backyard. One of them was empty—but sure enough, the second shed housed the runaway offender.

The man was taken into police custody, and the Ephrata Police Department later shared news of the crime-fighting feline on Facebook. “The Ephrata PD is thankful for any crime fighting assistance we get, whether human or feline!” they wrote. If the kitty sticks around, we sense a reality show in the works …

[h/t Associated Press]

You could call someone stupid, or you could say he hasn’t the sense to find his rear-end with both hands and a roadmap. “She’s an idiot!” you could proclaim, or, “If her brains were dynamite, she wouldn’t have enough to blow her nose.” Get smart about how to say “stupid” with these nine regional idioms brought to you in our continued partnership with the Dictionary of American Regional English (DARE).

1. NOT ENOUGH SENSE TO COME IN OUT OF THE RAIN

When DARE surveyed readers to complete the sentence “He hasn’t sense enough to,” the phrase “come in out of the rain” got the most responses. It also has a slew of variations, including get in out of the rain, come in out of the wet, and get out of a shower of rain.

2. NOT ENOUGH SENSE TO GREASE A GIMLET

A gimlet, in addition to being a delicious cocktail, is a tool used for boring. So someone who doesn’t think to grease one isn’t the sharpest gimlet in the toolbox. According to DARE, you might hear this put-down in Arkansas, Illinois, Kentucky, and New York.

3. NOT ENOUGH SENSE TO BELL A BUZZARD

Why would anyone want to bell a buzzard, and why would you be considered a numbskull if you didn’t think to do so? Alternates of this saying include bell a bull or cow, which make more sense. But a buzzard? DARE says belling and releasing these birds of prey was an occasional practice, at least according to “scattered 19th- and early 20th-century accounts,” and “that such birds were regarded by some with superstitious fear.” But there’s no explanation as to why “the practice should have been regarded as self-evidently desirable or simple.”

4. NOT ENOUGH SENSE TO POUND SAND DOWN A RATHOLE

The same seems to go for pounding sand down a rathole, something you’ll hear chiefly west of the Mississippi River, according to DARE, and in the North Central region and upstate New York. The idiom pound sand means to waste time or act ineffectively. The Oxford English Dictionary’s earliest citation is from 1857; slang expert Jonathan Green says that it might be a euphemistic shortening of go pound sand up one’s ass. However, like belling a buzzard, why pounding sand down a rathole would be considered basic isn’t clear.

5. NOT ENOUGH SENSE TO POUR PISS OUT OF A BOOT

Or, if you want to get even more colorful, pump piss out of a boot with the directions on the heel. Dumping urine from footwear before putting it on definitely seems smart, but we wonder how the pee got in there in the first place.

6. NOT ENOUGH SENSE TO CARRY GUTS TO A BEAR

This odd expression might be heard in Maine, New Hampshire, Maryland, Virginia, and Louisiana. There’s also he’s not fit to carry guts to a bear, or he’s unable “to do the most menial or simple task.” The idea might come from old-timey bear-baiting days, when carrying innards to the poor beasts was apparently elementary. The OED’s earliest citation is from 1692: “Wee, the Kings Officers, crys the Fellow that carrys Guts to the Bears.”

7. NOT TO KNOW B FROM A BULL’S FOOT

This expression meaning someone “ignorant or illiterate” is chiefly used in the South and Midland regions, perhaps from the idea that “the foot- or track-print of a bull is somewhat like the letter B,” or perhaps simply as a colorful play on not knowing A from B. Varieties include not to know bee from a bull’s foot, not to know beeswax from bull foot, and not to know beef from bull’s foot.

8. NOT TO KNOW SPLIT BEANS FROM COFFEE

In the South Midland and Texas, you might say this of someone who is “very ignorant or stupid.” From a December 2005 issue of the Austin American-Statesman: “Former Rep. Barry Telford of DeKalb [TX], a Democratic leader under Laney, said: ‘Bush didn’t know split beans from coffee about the Legislature when he was first elected.’”

9. NOT TO KNOW SIC ‘EM

You’ll hear this ignoramus phrase in the Inland North, the Pacific Northwest, Rocky Mountains, and Upper Midwest. But what does “sic ’em” mean? William Safire explored this back in 1993 when then Senate Republican Leader Bob Dole told him, “Those guys in the White House just don’t know sic ’em.” Safire put in a call to DARE and found out that at least one reader thought someone who doesn’t know sic ’em is as lazy and shiftless as a dog who shows no “instant reaction to the command ‘sic ’em.’”

It’s hard to imagine a child’s face lighting up at the sight of an empty cardboard box staring back at them from under the Christmas tree. But in 1977, young Jedis-in-training were so hungry for anything Star Wars-related that even an I.O.U. was something to get excited about.

When George Lucas’s intergalactic gamble first hit screens in May 1977, no one knew quite what to expect—especially the film’s toy-making partner, Kenner. Instead of flooding the market with action figures and dolls for a movie that could very well end up being a flop, the company decided not to manufacture any toys right away. Unfortunately, there wasn’t just a demand for Star Wars toys that year; there was an outright fever that took the company completely by surprise. And with Christmas just a few short months away, the ill-prepared Kenner needed to act—fast.

Realizing it would be impossible to get a full line of Star Wars toys manufactured in time to meet the needs of the holiday season, a Kenner executive named Bernard Loomis knew he had to improvise. Instead of simply releasing a proper toyline in 1978 and missing out on the Christmas rush, Loomis came up with what is now known as the “Early Bird Certificate Package” (or more colloquially as the “Empty Box Campaign”) to satisfy this sudden, rabid fan base.

Basically, parents would go to their local toy store and pay $7.99 for a thin cardboard package, about the size of a manila envelope, with painted renderings of the proposed 12-figure Star Wars toyline that Kenner was promising to release in the months ahead. The cardboard kit could be turned into a display diorama for all the figures, which—at that point—only existed in theory. And since the word “diorama” isn’t quite enough to satisfy a kid on Christmas morning, the kit also contained the all-important mail-in certificate promising the recipient would get the company’s first four figures—Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, R2-D2, and Chewbacca—delivered right to their homes between February and June 1978.

Kenner limited the supply of this glorified pre-order campaign to 500,000 kits, none of which were to be sold after December 31, 1977 in order to really manipulate the holiday market.

In an attempt to soften the blow of what was essentially nothing but a bunch of cardboard under the tree, Kenner sweetened the pot by including some stickers and a Star Wars Fan Club membership card. After months of waiting, kids everywhere would come home from school and be greeted by their delayed Christmas gift: four figures, along with foot pegs to fit them into their display stand. Eventually the entire first line of Star Wars toys came out in 1978 and could be purchased in stores, whether you mailed in a certificate or not.

From 1978 to 1985, Kenner never again doubted the power of the Star Wars toy line. In that time, the company released a robust roster of more than 100 different action figures based on the film series, scraping the bottom of the barrel of Lucas lore along the way with obscurities like Dengar and General Madine. The company went from having no toys on the shelf in 1977 to having every side character, prop, and vehicle recreated in plastic in just a few years.

Nowadays, intact Early Bird Kits go for big money on the collector’s market, especially if they still include the original certificate kids were supposed to mail back (prices in the $4000 to $8000 range are pretty standard). But the biggest winner of this whole stunt, as usual, was George Lucas.

When signing on to direct Star Wars at 20th Century Fox, Lucas agreed to work for just $150,000, as opposed to the $500,000 he was set to earn. In exchange for the pay cut, the director asked for two things: The rights to any sequels to the movie and the rights to all the merchandise, including the toys. Believing Star Wars to be just another science fiction movie, Fox happily agreed to the reduced salary. That empty box under countless Christmas trees was the start of what would become Lucas’s $20 billion merchandising empire.

With more than 11 million copies sold, the kooky country Christmas classic that is “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” is a musical gift that keeps on giving—and that can evidently never be returned. It’s the fantastical tale of a tipsy old lady who’s trampled to death by Santa’s sleigh, and the story behind the song is nearly as good.

It begins, like all Christmas fables should, with a blizzard. It was December 1978, and a San Francisco veterinarian named Elmo Shropshire, a.k.a. Dr. Elmo, was booked at the Hyatt in Lake Tahoe with his then-wife, Patsy. The couple had a comedy-bluegrass duo called Elmo & Patsy, and just before taking the stage, they got a visit from one Randy Brooks, a Texas singer-songwriter who’d played the hotel before them and gotten stuck there by the snow.

“I was never what I’d consider to be much of a singer,” Dr. Elmo tells mental_floss from his home in California. “I always sang novelty songs, so it didn’t matter if I could sing or not. At the time, we were doing a lot of funny songs. Randy saw our show and said, ‘I’ve got this song I think would be perfect for you.'”

The song, of course, was “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” which Dr. Elmo deemed “the most original take on Christmas music” he’d ever heard. “I didn’t know how long it would last,” he says. “But I knew it would get people’s attention the first time he sang it.”

Funnily enough, “Grandma” didn’t get much of a reaction from the audience at the Hyatt, where Elmo & Patsy played it with Brooks the night they met. “They thought it was kind of cute,” Dr. Elmo says. “There are some songs that are more in your face than that one. The song has all the trappings of Christmas in it, except for that one thing.”

That one thing—the old woman getting blindsided by St. Nick, plus the indifferent response from her family—made all the difference. In 1979, an early recording by Dr. Elmo found its way to influential San Francisco DJ Gene “The Emperor” Nelson, who made it a local sensation. Then December 26 rolled around, and Dr. Elmo figured the fun was over. Not even close.

“The following year, word spread from radio station to radio station,” says Dr. Elmo, who wisely secured the publishing rights early on. “This wasn’t anything that started out with any big-time radio hype. We weren’t giving DJs cocaine or women or anything. I didn’t have the wherewithal to do all that stuff.”

Dr. Elmo self-released 500 copies on 45 rpm vinyl, and by 1981, as the buzz continued to build, he dared to think bigger. In 1982, a company in Nashville contacted him about pressing up 250,000 copies. Dr. Elmo feared he’d be stuck with a garage full of unwanted product, but the records flew off the shelves like Santa’s caribou. That’s when he decided to sell his veterinary hospital to finance a music video, which he shot for $30,000 at his home. At this point, he still didn’t have a record deal.

“After I made the video, I had what you’d call filmmaker’s remorse,” Dr. Elmo says. “I paid all that money, and nothing was happening. The 250,000 copies was a good sell, but we didn’t make any money—not enough to pay for the video.”

But the investment soon paid off. In November 1983, Dr. Elmo got a call from MTV. The network loved the clip, and it’s easy to see why. Although Grandma lives in the end—a happy ending Dr. Elmo figured was necessary to sell the thing—the video has a vaguely subversive, charmingly low-budget quality that was bound to appeal to teenagers. In the last week of the Christmas season, with the vid in heavy rotation, “Grandma” passed Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” on the Billboard holiday charts.

“My father would’ve rolled over in his grave,” Dr. Elmo says with a laugh. “He thought Bing Crosby was the greatest singer in the world. And so did I.”

As Bing felt the sting of the public’s changing tastes, Dr. Elmo was finally in a position to make some money. In previous years, every record company he’d queried had mailed back his letter with the same message: “Stop sending us this crap.” With his crap now smelling like gingerbread, Dr. Elmo flew to L.A. and signed a deal with Columbia Records. The label reissued the full-length Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer album he’d recorded the previous year, and in December ’84, the LP became the label’s top seller, outpacing Michael Jackson’s Thriller, which was two years old but still plenty popular.

In the 30 or so years since, Dr. Elmo has basically become the Michael Jackson of novelty holiday tunes about hilariously slain matriarchs. Despite the occasional protest from groups like the Gray Panthers, who once gave Dr. Elmo a major publicity boost by labeling the lyrics sexist and ageist, “Grandma” returns each year to leave hoofprints on the popular imagination. The perennial radio favorite has spawned numerous commercial tie-ins, including a 2000 animated TV special and a line of Hallmark musical greeting cards, buttons, and an ornament. This year, fans have their pick of “Grandma” hats at Shopko and dozens upon dozens of apparel options at Walmart.

According to Dr. Elmo, there are even plans for a full-length feature film, so clearly, the franchise still has legs. And so does Dr. Elmo. When he’s not singing his holiday jam, the 80-year-old can be found outrunning the competition at senior track meets and road races. In 2005 at age 69, he finished the New York City Marathon, and in 2013, as a member of Team USA’s 4×400 relay, he won a gold medal at the World Masters Games in Porto Alegre, Brazil. On the day he spoke with mental_floss, he was gearing up for the Florida Senior Games.

Win or lose, he’ll probably be the only participant able to say he’s shared bills with Gwen Stefani and Avril Lavigne and rocked with The Roots on The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon. For a one-hit wonder, Dr. Elmo has had a remarkably fruitful career—one that likely wouldn’t be possible today. As he says, “Grandma” went viral at a time when major labels still mattered and radio stations were the source of new music. With everything moving toward streaming, it’s harder for any single artist or song to really capture the public’s attention.

“Everyone just listens to whatever they want to hear now,” Dr. Elmo says. “That’s the difference. That’s both good and bad. If you’re a person who likes music and likes to listen to what you want to hear, there’s never been a better time.”

As for why people still dig “Grandma,” Dr. Elmo says it continues to fill a void in the holiday music market. “All those hits from the early ’50s were really sweet and wonderful and lovely,” he says. “They liked to play them in shopping malls so people would buy stuff. When this song came along, another generation of people—and even the younger generations now—embraced it because it’s a little dark. It was much more to their sense of humor. It wasn’t too syrupy sweet.”

The song’s darkest moment comes in the second verse, where Grandpa responds to his wife’s death by swilling beer and watching football, like nothing happened. There are two possible ways to read his reaction: Either the old man is coping as best he can, or he’s quietly relishing his newfound freedom. Dr. Elmo is a veterinarian, not a psychologist, but he has a theory.

“He was just kind of tired of the old woman,” he says with a laugh. “Grandpa is old. He likes to drink beer and watch football. That’s it.”

If 2016 has you feeling stressed, Pantone’s new annual color may provide a much-needed dose of relaxation. On the morning of December 8, the color authority announced that PANTONE 15-0343 Greenery will assume the mantle of 2017’s color of the year.

A “fresh and zesty yellow-green shade,” Greenery evokes feelings of wellness, renewal, and communion with nature. Pantone’s video announcing the color is filled with images of vibrant plant life and plates of wholesome food. After the year we’ve just had, it’s not surprising that Pantone also found a way to give their 2017 color selection a political edge. They wrote on their Facebook page, “Greenery symbolizes the re-connection we seek with nature, one another and a larger purpose amid a complex social and political landscape.”

Last year, Pantone chose two annual colors—Rose Quartz and Serenity—instead of one for the first time ever. The surprise of that announcement is hard to follow, but we’re perfectly fine with this year’s color placing an emphasis on simplicity.