Oh, marital bliss…
If you’ve tied the knot (maybe more than once), you know that it’s never exactly like you thought it would be like AND there are some things about marriage that are just universal.
I’m referring to the bickering, arguing, and disagreements mostly. You know the good stuff!
Are you ready to laugh at some very accurate tweets about marriage that will most likely look pretty familiar? Go ahead and get started now!
1. You’re in HUGE trouble.
I think you need to change your name and leave the country.
Forgot to use a coupon my wife gave me and I’m not sure if I should go home or disappear and start a new life.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 21, 2020
2. Sounds like a blast.
I can’t wait to get married!
Me: *turns on faucet*
Husband: *starts talking*
Me: *turns it off* What?
Husband: *says nothing*
Me: *turns on the garbage disposal*
Husband: *starts talking*
Me: *turns it off* What?
Husband: *says nothing*Repeat forever.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) October 17, 2020
3. You’ll be hearing those sounds for many years.
So make sure you do your homework, okay?
Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing because that's the soundtrack to the rest of your life.
— Lil Bit
(@LizerReal) October 16, 2020
4. This is my work outfit now.
Hey, I’m doing the same thing these days!
Wife: What the hell are you doing?
Me [ironing bathrobe]: getting my work clothes ready— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 20, 2020
5. That was NOT flirting.
I’m sorry if you were confused.
My husband thought I was flirting.
I don’t have the heart to tell him that I was just licking the salsa that had fallen between my fingers
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 20, 2020
6. That’s…not what I meant…
He was talking about a different kind of fan…FYI…
Him: Do you sleep with a fan?
Me: I'd say my wife mostly likes me, but fan is pushing it
— The Dad (@thedad) October 17, 2020
7. He really should not have said that.
And he will be missed…
My husband commenting on my lockdown hair:
“I think you look like a 40 something year old Italian business man..”
I’m 32.
In other news, the funeral of my late husband will be held next week.
— Steve
(@papaneedscoffee) October 23, 2020
8. What does that one mean?
How about that one?!?!
My wife has so many different sighs they should have subtitles.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) October 13, 2020
9. Terrible move, buddy.
You probably shouldn’t do that again.
My wife still brings up the one time in 2013 when I ate bad tacos and complained of stomach cramps while she was in labor
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 22, 2020
10. Here comes the Prime van again!
He knows your house well, doesn’t he?
Everyday is Prime Day when you’re married to my wife.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 13, 2020
11. That sounds impossible to me.
What planet are you from?
My wife can eat one Reese's peanut butter cup, rewrap the other one and save it for later, so I'm clearly married to a supernatural being.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) October 16, 2020
12. We’ll be doing this together.
That sounds fun for him.
I have to fast for 48 hours for my upcoming colonoscopy. My husband is not having a colonoscopy, but he will be fasting for 48 hours as well. He just doesn’t know it yet.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) October 14, 2020
13. He’s a very mature man.
I like his style. Tell him that for me, okay?
My husband makes "vrrom vroom" noises as he watches the map of the @UberEats driver approaching our house.
— Black Lives Matter Betty (@EzMacArt) October 18, 2020
Do those tweets ring true, or what?
Now we want to hear from you!
In the comments, tell us something funny or totally annoying and ridiculous that your partner has done lately.
Please and thank you!
The post Funny and Accurate Tweets About Married Life appeared first on UberFacts.